Speedpaint process & text commentary!

Very last minute video and art making :’D

So the actual anniversary was the 6th of August whoops

But I did this sketch back in 2021.

The issue was that I was too tired juggling work, life and other things so I could only chip away at this an hour or so at a time and then I got sick with a head cold this week 🙁

I was supposed to post this on Tuesday but it’s not worth rushing it when it’s not ready and I’m not really functioning.

Leonie rambles

• A Deep Dive Into Men And Shoujo (Huss)
  • the feelings, mood, growth, emotional intimacy, mutual support and vulnerability that we seek
  • yeah a lot of us want to be taken care of and held and cared for :’)
• 80% of programmers are NOT happy… why? (Fireship)
  • I don’t know much about this youtuber though
• Dirt Man Song compilation that’s stuck now (first time hearing it at the time)
  • Original person who started it (Carter Vail)
  • Otamatone version (Cheeseburger)
  • Dirt Lady Song (im sad alex)
• So much turning/running around in these two sumo wrestling matches
• British Airways | Safety Video 2024 | May We Haveth One’s Attention
  • as someone who watched some older period romance dramas, I was amused haha
• I’m What the Culture Feeling (The full story of Kendrick Vs. Drake) (FD Signifier)
• I had another realization about the social hierarchy thing, it’s kinda blowing my mind (The Musings of my AuDHD brain)
  • yeah…I guess that’s why I never fit in because I don’t care for social hierarchy and dynamics and more what’s fair and the truth
  • I’m tired of masking, playing the game and not doing good at it because I can’t keep it up
    • I lack the energy, I feel empty and lonely inside
  • indeed I don’t want to look down on people and nor chase clout/social standing in person
  • I don’t want to play the social hierarchy game and it stresses me out managing/dealing with people and I’m no good at that
  • I guess that’s why I’m not a manager/director/leader and it’s for the sake of my mental health :’)
• Should animators and artists be Influencers? (Toniko Pantoja) – not for everyone
  • and not for me! I just want to reach interested peeps when I’m sharing :’)
  • there’s a lot of responsibility when you have a huge or small platform
• Porter Robinson & Madeon – Shelter (Official Video) (Short Film with A-1 Pictures & Crunchyroll)
• Porter Robinson – Everything Goes On (Official Lyric Video) | Star Guardian 2022
• Porter Robinson – Easier to Love You (Official Music Video)
• Chappell Roan: Good Luck, Babe! | The Tonight Show
  • good luck, babe (but from the other girl’s pov) (Brielle Anderson cover)
• FINNEAS – For Cryin’ Out Loud! (Official Music Video)
• Colin Farrell Opens Up About His Son With Angelman Syndrome

The genAI section and youtuber artist drama

• The AI future is here: love, death and the AI takeover in China (aini)
  • scary…in that the ultimate lover is subservient, under your control, perfect and fulfill all your emotional needs
    • (to fill that void, that lack of connection and meaning and to deal with traumas, fears, insecurities too)
    • and preventing healing in the long run
    • being able to deal with both negative and positive emotions and impulses and knowing between “wants” vs “needs” is important and difficult
    • how will they deal and resolve conflicts with other people given how fickle, flawed and complex humans are (more unrealistic expectations of other people and relationships)
    • partners are not supposed to be your therapist/parent/etc
    • loneliness and grief being monetised even more via AI companionship and sharing your personal data with tech/marketing/advertising companies/scammers
    • (also security risk with voice recorders and cameras)
  • they’re not sentient as they’re just programmed to be empathetic; it just handles lots of patterns of data and can’t remember everything
  • will this make it harder to connect with other people…?
  • I can’t say much since I’m already a reclusive hermit :’)
• How to Survive being an Artist in 2024 (AI Art, Layoffs, and No Jobs) (mewTripled on lack of jobs)
  • be online essentially so people know who you are
  • well I don’t know if I’m doing good at that
• How AI is stealing your art (pikat)
• If AI Takes All Of Our Jobs… Who’s Going To Buy Everything? (How Money Works)
  • universal income isn’t really a solution; thought so…
• WARNING ARTISTS: AI speedpaints are here!! (Lola Holliday)
  • yeah it’s a scamming tool
• Karla Ortiz’s thoughts on the artist youtuber drama with Ergojosh and Adam Duff
  • I actually rambled a lot about the whole drama but I didn’t want to keep it
    • striving to move on since I don’t watch either of them nor care anymore for a long time anyway
  • yes to fighting for more regulations for our rights and livelihoods!!
  • all the same, it’s another reminder to not put people on a pedestal and to manage our parasocial connections
  • especially with people who already have platforms and don’t understand nor relate to people who don’t have livelihoods of choice
• how we’re fighting against genAI that is is unethically implemented for art/creative things, profit/scams and for illegal/creepy things at the expense of humanity and the environment – regulations need to be in place!
  • against blatant theft, criminal/creepy deepfakes, scams, other abusive uses, grifting, mass data scraping without consent and privacy violations and more
  • against the creative/art theft machines that violate our consent and artist/labour rights
    • people are faking speedpaints and scamming/pretending they did everything with their art, merch, products, music, writing and commissions too
  • people are horribly demoralised, in huge student debt from art courses, struggling to find work and/or lost their jobs/facing layoffs due to corporations/the tech industry cutting corners for profit
  • many corporations are exploiting, replacing and laying off artists, voice actors, QA, programmers, musicians, workers etc and I don’t want to support nor fund that
    • results in worse quality games, art, media, music, films, products, internet content, bots, etc because engagement, content and profit numbers always have to go up in capitalism
    • why should I care about your product if you don’t care how you make it and its quality???
    • it cheapens the product, makes it generic, fake
  • how it’s benefiting genAI bros and big and tech corporations more since they funded into it
    • some pointed out that companies can use it legally within their own company and not use their artists/workers/creatives anymore since they own the IP…
    • how techbros/corporations want people to use it in creative industry pipelines (like NVIDIA) because otherwise the genAI bubble will pop and their money goes down the drain
    • (which is apparently happening, they’re not really making much money)
• I still don’t want genAI when it’s also causing huge carbon emissions, is terribly power hungry and it’s unsustainable like how NFTs were/are
  • with all the chips, power infrastructure, training data, render farms to keep it going
  • seems like some would use genAI if it was ethically sourced
    • if it was consenting, paid, opt in and ethical with artist/worker/creative rights
    • if the training data was reset and trained on legally/open sourced, consenting data that compensates people for using their work
    • risk of corporations abusing this for their own IP/copyright is a concern though
  • I don’t want to over rely on genAI as a crutch and shortcut when I want the satisfaction of learning it myself
  • for me, no thanks on using genAI as a reference when there’s plenty of other options
• from now on I’ll stop sharing genAi news/updates at my little discord thread at my server
  • I had to delete a mini essay even – I don’t to talk about how I disagree with big name artists :’)
  • it’s just me anyway, it’s making me feel down about it and just want to move on

Anxiety, Apathy, and You(Tube) by The Zatman

• relating to a lot (but not all) of this with
  • managing the overthinking,
  • anxiety, apathy, going in circles,
  • self doubt, existentialism, sadness, loneliness,
  • wanting to vibe than judge all the time,
  • insecurities, never being good enough,
  • being confused/lost, feeling like no one cares,
  • self limiting beliefs
  • the vibing/chilling/zoning out versus caring too much
  • complex feelings and managing mental health
  • feeling I should go outside but…I don’t have anything compelling right now I want to do
  • head empty sometimes
• that’s why I don’t feel compelled to do commentary videos, it’s just so saturated already
  • I don’t have anything I feel compelled to express in edited, voiced video form
  • I’m more comfortable expressing myself in words here at my blog
  • I did try with the podcast/voice over thing and it’s just more work and time just recording and editing
• ultimately you have to enjoy the process and feel energised doing the creative thing
  • and I enjoy learning and making art and blogging about it more than making voiced commentary videos
  • I don’t have to worry about keeping it entertaining and just focus on reflecting and rambling ;P
  • I know I’m “supposed” to do voice over so people can listen while they do things but it just makes me not want to make videos altogether…
• I do like my current lower effort videos I do though haha
  • if it’s highly edited videos, I get lost in there and it’s so time consuming!
  • I am in awe of editors who do this a lot!!
  • and even then it doesn’t feel worth my time doing it when I can’t reach much people and I’m supposed to get mileage after 200 videos; but I want mileage in art making not video making :’)
  • I’d rather spend time doing what I enjoy more
  • I will do it if there’s a compelling reason
• wow I can quit instagram, twitter and I never used tiktok but I’m not ready to quit youtube/twitch/discord haha
  • I’m finding that I’m losing interest in some things and youtube channels too
  • life is too short to watch all of them!
  • because of this video I also started unsubscribing some Youtube channels I don’t watch much anymore
  • a whole bunch don’t even make videos anymore…
  • I need to check discord less overall!!! :0
• appreciated his short reply to my little comment on his video too

Personal update

I don’t even know how I got sick, it felt like post nasal drip in the weekend at first and then it progressed on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday as it got worse with the headaches, fatigue, runny nose, sluggish eyes and feeling faint and sleepy. I feel horrible and achy and was struggling to function a lot.

The classic “having tissues up my nose”. Doing my best to drink water.

And I actually took some sick leave – I don’t think I’ve done that in many years.

Anyhoo! Found out a bit more about my late mother’s cancer type at the time and that I’m luckily just at moderate risk. Now I have to do yearly contrast enhanced mammograms and ultrasound to monitor things (eep and get stabbed by needles too so I’m going to dread it). I have to organise that during next year. And finally got results from my other ultrasound; benign things.

So in terms of cleaning, we took a break in the past week since there were other life things to juggle with and we needed to lessen the workload. I am not sure if I can continue big scale cleaning (due to the mice troubles) this week as I am not feeling great. But I want to be productive….ahhhh so it’s just small scale chipping away at cleaning up more old kitchen things and whatnot.

Just coming into terms (again and again) that things keep getting pushed forwards as I slowly chip away at things :’)

Just winging it day by day. With my rough, flexible plan/list.

Finding I have a lot of planned but I can’t do it all as much as I want to keep doing fanart. I need to do more studies and learning and original work eventually! So much juggling…it continues…

…well when I don’t have this headache anymore. It’s not as bad now though and my nose stopped running! Just phlegm, coughing and congestion at times.

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