The go-to donut tutorial by Blender Guru!

Sidenote: He apparently/allergedly did NFTs when it was booming (for charity?), had some questionable political conversations tweets that are now deleted, said ableist words in the past and encouraged people to get problematic words/slurs out of their system (video clip was shared years ago and a whole twitter thread was focused on Blender Guru alternatives because of it too). I’m not sure beyond this and don’t watch his stuff. Maybe he’s changed or different, I wouldn’t know :S

Digressing. I stopped at Part 1 of the donut tutorial and came back to finishing it later so I can understand things better as a complete newbie! The donut one…I forgot after part 1 with how to do things and it was overwhelming. I can’t remember things and there’s too much info and shortcuts mentioned too.

Well it’s different now as I look back (I did this course/tutorial during April/May).

Documented my journey here + the final animation!

• Saw Pro tutorials you’ve never seen if you use Blender and How YOU should learn Blender in 2024
  • I’m not interested in realistic stuff or sculpting though :’)
  • sculpting semi and realistic characters is difficult and frustrating for me
• skimmed through Blender 3D Materials Explained Beginner to Pro
  • Adding Materials in Blender the Basics
• I do appreciate that you can do 2D animation stuff in Blender though I’m not up to learning that yet
• I’m learning Blender mostly for work reasons while I don’t get much time learning my personal stuff :’)
• also I bought a small Blender course but I don’t think I’ll get to apply it…whoops 🙁

Leonie rambles about hundreds of mice droppings

After all the accumulated mice droppings from the past month, we got around to dealing with the worst of it since there’s not much mice activity indoors now and we blocked it where we thought they’re coming in. Not sure but they’re probably in the walls, roof, somewhere outside still. Pest control is just putting up more traps really and waiting…

Last week I picked up hundreds of mice droppings in the living room and I was sore all over – my shoulders, back, legs, feet, knees. I was absolutely tired, sore and weak for another two days. That was the worst of it. Also some weird splintered plywood bits I picked up among the poop – don’t know where they came from.

There’s still some more poop out of reach & they’re still somewhere but I was so done. I’m sure I’ll have to deal with more of it. Have to figure out sanitising, mopping, wiping, throwing more stuff/dishes/etc, clothes washing/sorting/throwing and all that eventually too. Will need to rework the kitchen too. Cleaning/fixing/sorting decades of things is going to take a looong time doing this with a family member so bear with me as I vent about it here. It’s “Leonie’s ongoing mice/cleaning troubles” tag now.

Since late June I can’t see rats or mice in a positive manner anymore – I’m conflicted about them since picking up hundreds of mice droppings. I see random black bits and second guess on whether they’re mice poop :’) They poop so much, put me so much on edge with noises (that may or may not be them), I am cleaning/sorting through things bit by bit and I don’t like them right now.

I just want them to go away 🙁

Keep noticing cute pet mice/rat photos or memes and I’m just reminded of my mice troubles and being frustrated about it. Logically I know those in the photos are not the same mice/rats that are giving me grief but emotionally it gives me an intrusive bad reminder of my situation :<

Slowly cleaning things up and making slowwww progress via teamwork was a very delayed kind of satisfying at least.

Life Without Men: The 4B Movement (Elliot Sang)

• I was going to mention this movement earlier in the year but decided against it since I don’t know enough
• a dash of South Korean history in here too
• I think there’s also the 6B movement where they added 2 more Bs but I don’t remember what they were
• how the original 4B movement is homophobic, ableist, transphobic and have terfs…so the 4B movement itself isn’t great
  • interconnected oppressed, diverse groups ideally should support each other but it’s not the case here
• I also am not interested in having kids, not for me for a whole lot of reasons
• I am tired having everything in society revolving around men
  • I kind of have to resist and navigate that at home already
• marriage
  • the expensive dress up for glamorous/elegant/fancy photos, silly activities and yummy food with good company seem fun but it doesn’t need to be taken too seriously
  • one has to enjoy living their life with someone and be their partner’s ongoing, best, supportive, affectionate friend and lover first!
  • marriage is more about the celebration with a special someone and the next chapter together
    • it doesn’t have to be big and overstimulating
    • ah it’ll be cool if you can roleplay together – dress up in different cosplay as seen some viral wedding photos and not just the usual formal wedding attire
  • digressing! I don’t even have a partner so it’s not even in consideration when I’m just focused on living my own life
• I was not aware about the men vs bear discourse and the colonisation/dominance/intersectionality implications
  • yeah I definitely don’t want to be trapped with a man I don’t know well
  • then again there’s always a degree of unease, doubt, distrust when I don’t know nor fully trust someone’s intentions
  • I’ve been traumatised by sexual harassment and being taken advantage of/scammed/misled in general so I’m always on guard to a degree
• do I want to give up on men?
  • Well emotionally and in general I don’t, I have masc/male friends and acquaintances!
    • they’re cool – within my limited knowledge and how much I know them as complex, flawed people ;P
    • I’m not putting anyone on some perfect pedestal (and am reminding myself)
  • romantically, I’m just doing my own thing
    • as much as I romanticise the idea of it, I’m not actively trying to find someone
      • even if I was, I wouldn’t be sharing details about it here – privacy!! ;P
    • reality is a different, exhausting and scary thing, full of trial and error,
    • also I’m a hermit – how do I meet new peeps??
    • I really, really have to be close friends before I can fully trust someone, get deeper feelings and go beyond that anyway
    • maybe in that light I’ve given up
    • I want to focus on what I do have and am juggling with :’)

Internet finds

• stop hiring awkwafina and bring back real voice actors (modernGurlz)
  • yeah…I don’t like the roles she plays in animated films
    • the ones I did see her in didn’t really impress me
    • I only enjoyed her roles in The Farewell and she’s ok in Crazy Rich Asians
    • when she was calling out the asian accent about something (don’t remember as it’s been a long while) she got called out for her black accent in her early days as a comedian and she just stopped using twitter and got her manager in charge rather than addressing it which was disappointing
  • how some famous people don’t put the character they play as the focus
  • instead it’s more them acting as themselves
• the chronically online state of asexual discourse (Rowan Ellis)
  • yeah I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum and also feel a range of demiromantic, intellectual, aesthetic and physical, platonic attraction so I don’t know if I fit under queer
  • nor do I know or understand further than this when I don’t have the experience of a relationship :S
  • interesting to know about the discourse
  • yeah the medical discrimination…finding a lot of assumptions get made and I have to correct itaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  • that there’s a lot that can’t be defined under terminology
• emotional connections as a person with autism (jms)
  • gosh some food for thought and things I relate with being anti social/asocial and tending to enjoy being around people who are more similar with me (in terms of energy? I don’t really know)
    • but differences are needed too
  • I don’t want a clone of myself either
    • that’s like seeing my flaws and negative traits stabbing/staring back at me
  • it’s weird wanting a clone of yourself when you’d want to grow as a person when being around someone (but not too extreme!)
  • I don’t like it when people pigeonhole you by saying “just befriend other autistic people” as the solution to all the difficulties in connecting with others
    • people are more complex and different beyond that
  • I’m annoyed when people assume things that aren’t actually true
    • especially when they assume that people are close to me because of one or two rare catch ups when they’re not and more of a casual friend/acquaintance I haven’t talked to in a (long) while
    • which is almost everyone
    • I guess it reminds me how I lack human connections and thus my annoyance ;P
    • it’s sad to admit that I’m lonelier than people think haha
• EUPHORIA by Kendrick Lamar | Dance Visual (Nick Joseph’s team)
• Marques and Mr. Beast get caught up in the AI data wars (Brad Colbow)
  • yeah…it feels less lonely in how genAI is spreading and badly affecting lives and people’s work
  • where good data is fought over / protected now…
  • I don’t want to be training data!!
  • but I’m a hermit and I enjoy sharing my stuff online 🙁
• How to LIVE Forever | Ordinary Guide
  • I don’t know how to feel about this documentary
  • more stress, spiraling, trying to “not die” and existentialism :’)
  • insightful and showing the scary extremes of trying to not die and the grifters
• Japan raises the age of sexual consent to 16 from 13, which was among the world’s lowest (PBS)
  • oof they’re really behind in their efforts to protect children and women and vulnerable people :/
  • always feel uneasy and more on guard whenever I learn about sexual and violent crimes anywhere
• Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Cosmos the Movie Trailer
• got sucked in watching a bunch of Chubbyemu videos again which makes me more anxious about food :’D
  • I learn how fermented corn and fermented coconut stored/prepared badly is deadly
  • leftovers can be deadly too if stored badly
  • mercury is also toxic and frightening
• I share a lot more genAI news at a designated thread at my discord server since I don’t want to talk about it at length here; it’s more about keeping tabs with what’s going on and how companies/people still use it unfortunately
  • I’ll link things here if I feel it’s worth it or when I feel like it though
  • also more music, creatures and things at my server too
• Paris 2024 Olympic pictograms – what happened? (Linus Boman)
  • yeah…they’re really hard to read
  • I don’t understand the Paris logo with the lips, I feel like I am missing something

Taxes & often finding myself tired and running on 5ish hours sleep isn’t enough…

I was trying to do a nap because I couldn’t stay awake and then I ended up sleeping all the way through last night whoops

I paid my taxes for the past financial year and the rest of my remaining huge, scary university debt finally after 11 to 18 years…(I hope it goes through to the ATO!) I had to because inflation each year kept increasing my debt and the compulsory repayments are always smaller amounts than the inflation/interest!!

So the frightening, big debt (from a double university degree in mathematics, secondary teaching and a bit in computer science, half a year of UX/multimedia units and a 1.5 year tertiary course in animation/VFX) is always increasing year by year anyway!!

I thought I can finally manage to pay it off after all these years of ignoring it or slowly chipping away at paying some of it.

Oof I feel very much poorer and sadder. And a bit empty.

Yet I am glad that I don’t have increasing debt anymore! It’s over! I don’t have to worry about it!!

What a mix of feelings and trying to not to stress and insecure about money and career…

I still feel people who can afford vacations as inspirational and out of reach for me as the default. But I don’t feel bothered to do it since everything you do outside or when traveling costs so much and makes me anxious and stressed trying to plan and organise things :’) But one has to save up and do things that feel worth it! I have trouble deciding since I don’t have anything super compelling I must do, go or travel. I don’t know :S

So vacations for me are more “staycations” for me to learn and make art and play games haha

Ah yes classic hermit Leonie ;P

Anyhoo! I shall continue to be a stingy, frugal, careful hermit. Especially when everything gets expensive as you try to survive and attempt to make things better :’)

…I’ll still treat myself with food (not daily and within moderation) and try not to stress eat too much haha :’)

Whelp the juggling continues! Trying to manage energy and stress levels! Let’s go!

---