โ๏ธโจ๐ฎAd Fighter & Ad Buster๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ [Crossy Road update]! Boundaries, saying no, adult friendships, why autistic peeps asking questions
Congrats on the Crossy Team for releasing this huge update!
[FAQ for more info on the game & as things adjust/change & there’s a r/CrossyRoad reddit thread for feedback too! I don’t know everything as an artist who hyperfocuses on the art side of things ]
For the Crossy voxel characters, kudos to catshriek at the time (when she was still the HW art boss) for Ad Fighter’s hair fringe, initial draft and art direction and the Crossy team for the overall art direction for both characters.
I did lots of character design iterations and I finalised the voxel art / in-game assets for Ad Fighter and Ad Buster! Originally it was going to be one character plus there were other character designs that didn’t work out RIP.
Art process captioned video for this illustration!
I have some nitpicks now that I look at it but I need to let go!
Watch the video for more commentary – it’s essentially a mini blog in video form.
Hey it’s Ad Fighter (space warrior princess) & Ad Buster (martial artist hero)! [Crossy tweet]
Figured I should do fanart/marketing art for the characters I helped make and flesh them out more!
See my video for more of my thoughts on them! Also their names got changed a bunch so I had to double check how they’re named :’)
Leonie rambles about…
- Wicked: Tiny Desk Concert
- How Reaction Videos Ruined the Internet (CircleToonsHD)
- I am so glad I don’t go on tiktok
- there’s artist drama/engagement farming there, Threads, twitter and everywhere
- it’s too emotionally draining to be part of these conversations
- and I don’t really make shorts/reels unless it’s intentionally for something sort or a little animation
- ‘A Condition Called Love’ and Deconstructing Romance Tropes (Colleen’s Manga Recs)
- on the idea of being in love / hopeless romantic and if they learn and grow from mistakes!
- I don’t believe in love at first sight and I think I relate to the female lead more – making social mistakes in communication and keeping a certain social distance from trust issues haha
- great to know it subverts the trope and both teen leads are just growing and working things out
- it’s nice to have a “things to do together” notebook and growing together as partners!!
- Aw the little romantic things and not the over the top, extreme expressions of lovebombing in lots of romantic fiction (it’s great in fiction though when done intentionally and well for drama – it is subjective!)
Mastering Boundaries: How to Say “No” and Without Being Rude (Cinzia DuBois)
- I think I do the best I can? Probably lots of mistakes though with communicating
- Like saying no to hugs when I’m not comfortable (or just awkwardly stand there and shake my head), saying no to events, saying no to being pressured/obligated to befriend someone and just not talking much if there’s nothing to say
- I don’t exist just to make you comfortable and stress out to meet your unclear/invisible expectations demands
- I have my own things going on too and it has to be earned, mutual interest and goes both ways ;P
- I have my boundaries and if I don’t feel comfortable,
- don’t want to be in crowds,
- if it’s in a badly ventilated space,
- or feel like my time is being intruded on (like impromptu phone calls),
- or people trying to stalk where I go and won’t leave me alone,
- or I’m being guilt tripped for “not being contactable/ always unavailable” when they only use the phone and aren’t contactable, ghosting my when it’s text – our communication methods don’t align
- or expecting me to be available when it’s my personal time,
- or if I feel like I’m being a doormat – I will leave and/or not attend
- or maybe I’m just not in the mood or in the right headspace
- or not interested
- it’s definitely a difficult balancing act between not being a doormat versus not being a jerk
- I have faced guilt tripping, victimising themselves, emotional tallying/abuse, being ordered around and tantrums because they can’t respect me nor accept “no” and because I will not comply to their orders or expectations
How to MAKE FRIENDS…as an ADULT (Caroline Winkler) notes
- true connection is rare
- the struggle is real and friends come and go
- life things happen and people change
- having a shared environment is recommended
- (hermit me don’t have that)
- treat making friends as a job
- it won’t be fun, you’re forcing yourself to do it, you won’t ever feel like doing it
- do it because you have to and not because it’s fun
- yeah I’ve tried this and you’re just miserable and then the rare great social moments happen when you don’t expect it
- but then I clearly don’t want to be there and can’t keep it up and I drop off anyway
- I don’t have many things I want to do outside that is social in nature ;P
- what she does to meet people:
- asking people on walks
- asking to get a
coffee/beverage - join sports leagues?
- become a regular at a bar/cafe
- make platonic friends via instagram DMs
- (that’s assuming people are bothered texting for long ;P )
- go to a tertiary friend event
- start showing up and wonder what’s going to happen / why am I here / I don’t know situation
- organise/attend a book club
- language class
- volunteering / service jobs
- meet ups to hobbies, design, tech etc
- the weird ones are most fruitful (alone to a venue)
- host gatherings
- you need to be meeting people who are in the market for a new friend
- okay that makes sense – most people are in their cliques and I can’t get together with anyone like in industry events ;P
- or I am part of the awkward loner group that is forced to be in each other’s company and not because we necessarily get along well, have the capacity for another friend nor have substantial things and interests in common ;P
- no just because I’m autistic/neurodivergent doesn’t mean I’m friends with everyone who is too – we’re all different outside of this umbrella and I don’t like feeling pressured to ;P
- and/or I’m anti social and avoid social group formations
- where do I find hermit people doing the weird things for connection?? We’re all hermits and more interested in what we’re doing in our own bubbles ;P
- I can’t relate to her examples about connecting with lonely women with boyfriends/husbands looking for friends and within the city when I’m not even close to the city nor do I have a partner haha
- yeah I’m not her audience ;P
- Stop with the limiting narrative as an introvert, anxiety, etc as an excuse to stay isolated
- I don’t think I’m using it as an excuse when I enjoy solitary activities too much and I don’t want to change/mask myself chasing for a friend group dynamic when I want more 1 to 1 friendship time
- I guess I don’t want it bad enough
- or I don’t want to pretend I enjoy group social activities – it feels expected of me and I end up quietly existing anyway
- I do agree that I slowly need to push myself to commit to random, rare social things…
- if I’ll do it much, that’s another matter haha
- I feel like I have to compromise in one way or another :<
- do movie theatres actually have good ventilation?? I mean I do enjoy eating out (after rat testing the people involved)
- not everything is going to work and it’s deflating & exhausting through the trial and error
- why I gave up doing dancing, improv and life drawing classes many years ago – I was burning out, drained, not letting myself rest and I end up showing up like a sleepy zombie who couldn’t decompress “fast enough” anyway
- it’s rare to find that connection
- everyone is busy with their life, not everyone is in the market for friends, people aren’t (always) available for you and that happens, sometimes timing isn’t right, striving to not take it personally
- gosh I definitely feel that it hurts when a good, casual friendship will never go beyond that and won’t ever be close friend level when any space for that is already taken by others
- there’s no interest, space and/or compatibility for that but I accept, appreciate and am grateful for what I do have
- hanging out once a month/bunch of months/year?? is still cool; friendships need time and patience
- just can’t expect mileage (13 meetups?? Few would even want to do this) though since it’s rare, casual catch ups
- there’s value to different levels of friendship, enjoy it for what it is
- there’s nothing wrong with you – that’s hard when you’re used to blaming yourself in your own self talk :’)
- gosh I definitely feel that it hurts when a good, casual friendship will never go beyond that and won’t ever be close friend level when any space for that is already taken by others
- let people enter and leave your life freely / Friendship breakups
- don’t cling and it’s a fact that people change and may come back
- checking in for an understanding and/or reconnection is best – well that’s hard if it’s not mutual anymore
- life lessons and reflecting over things
- indeed you can’t force someone to communicate with you and a lot of miscommunication goes on
- it becomes a mess and more nuanced/grey
- sometimes the interest, time, effort isn’t mutual anymore as people change and change their minds at any time
- you cannot expect loyalty and strong bonds forever, just appreciate what you have in the moment
- it’s sad and bittersweet though
- in the past I’ve been trying for years for this social foundation years ago and sure I definitely gained acquaintances and I found friends where I least expect it
- but I don’t know if I want to suffer through doing things I don’t enjoy just to find those rare connections all over again right now; maybe another time I’ll take baby steps
- most of the time it’s not fruitful
- I guess it is like finding a job, partner, friends, anything important…
- I might do it again one day but more on my terms so that I’m not crying, drained, dead inside and upset afterwards :’)
- my ideal social situation – it’s slow, chill, quiet and tiny 2-3 group or 1 to 1 social thing ;P
- if it’s a group thing I’ll just hang around and see if I can separate from the group and do 1 to 1 chats somehow so I am not overstimulated with more people to talk with (managing sensory sensitivities)
- may need to be upfront that I won’t interact as much if there’s more than one person because people tend to take it personally if I don’t explain/communicate why I’m not social/engaging
- I’m not trying to act too cool for people as some have assumed of me
- people are just overstimulating so I default to being passive and quiet instead
- there are times where I’m not interested and feeling pressured too
- or I just want to quietly chill without being pressured to be social if I don’t want to
- the closest bonding thing is to do DMs/chats for a hermit like me but finding people who do are down for that are rare
- most people don’t like nor want to maintain text chats
- ongoing text chats are great when you do have them! Thanks peeps who did manage to do with with me awhile :’)
- yeah…I don’t want to do all the above work right now haha
- yeah I need the why so I don’t have to stress out filling in the blanks with the little information I have when it’s not even straightforward and everyone’s understandings and “common sense” are different
- yeah I’m not asking questions unless I have to
- asking questions is needed so that I can do my tasks properly – especially for work or team work related things!
- when I do I have to, I may add the “small talk/friendly tone” padding
- so people don’t take it offensively and react defensively (the “you should have known” just makes me feel even more incompetent)
- I can’t think and mind read like them
- unless we’re close enough for me to drop it or I just don’t care to keep up with the padding
- my week and/or day is ruined if I know something/phone call/unknown stressful thing is coming
- I also get annoyed and defensive if someone keeps asking me why questions when I am not interested nor comfortable sharing the answers (note: this is a Leonie problem where she fails to speak up, feels guilty and state her boundary in the moment)
- I feel like their curiosity is guilting me to share things I’m not even comfortable in sharing
- whelp I’m probably unintentionally doing the same when I ask “why” questions :’)
- why do you want to know so much when I don’t want to tell you and I’m not even close/comfortable to talk about that with you
- yet I don’t have the social script/reaction ready to say “no” to you in that moment because I’m a slow turtle
- I know you’re just conversing but I’m not keen on playing along in this direction
- again I just struggle/fail to speak up about it since I’m slow to process, reflect, realise, express it ahhh
- so I just give non answers (I don’t remember what I did back then)
- I’m not obligated to answer you as much I can’t help but respond sometimes ahhh
- there’s one time where I got randomly asked if I wanted children and it felt left field and I was being asked because they’re asking for someone else (hmmmm!!)
- why do you assume things and that I’m buddy buddy with someone for instance?? This is probably/essentially me not wanting to outright/honestly say negative/ambivalent stuff, not feeling comfortable/emotionally/mentally ready to say “no, I don’t want to talk about it” and feeling cornered so I’m just venting about it haha
- What if I’m actually distant (or even not talking at all, not comfortable or avoiding each other) and/or not even close and you’re making up all these assumptions?
- Or of all people, you have to mention the person I don’t like and/or who doesn’t like me
- were they testing me??? haha
- Or we’re just not close at all but it somehow looks otherwise? I don’t know
- just because you’re close and comfortable and/or admiring this person doesn’t mean I am
- I felt horrible because it reminded me that I’m not close/knowledgeable with the person mentioned – and highlighting that this is a me/Leonie problem :’)
- I don’t want to correct them either because I don’t want to outright say that we’re not even close nor confirm anything negative about it
- some things should be private and how my connections with other people is ultimately “none of the acquaintance’s business” anyway especially if it’s not positive experiences
- I don’t want to name names or bring up negative/uncomfortable experiences from the past in public or with acquaintances either, it’s not worth the time and my emotional energy ;P
- I’m not comfortable ultimately and struggle to dodge the question(s) haha
- I only talk about it with trusted friends if I need a private ear!
- at the time/moment all I could do is stay resentfully silent and give non committal answers
- in hindsight I should have outright said that we’re not that close or I don’t know and/or keep it vague
- now I just listen and don’t comment much about it when people who I don’t feel comfortable with are mentioned, celebrated and praised (which happens when I least expect it)
- I feel resentful because I’m not feeling positive about them so I process those conflicted feelings as they come up – but I can’t express it
- I’m sure these celebrated people are selectively positive and great to other people though, I’m just the anomaly and not everyone gets along with everyone after all
- ultimately I just want to move on and not make it a big deal
- I dread being put on the spot and I don’t want to discuss about uncomfortable things (when the connection isn’t strong and trusting in the first place)
- sometimes I’m not great at speaking up about negative things and my hyperfocused thoughts, especially if it’s on the spot
- or I end up being too blunt with my thoughts if I don’t give myself time to reflect and consider other perspectives more
- so it’s best to be quiet because I end up overthinking and not wanting to say the wrong, negative, blunt thing that may be interpreted in unintentional ways
- I mean at this blog I am honest without naming names or negative local things (well attempt to, I don’t claim to be good at it)
- Overthinking mode: a few popular people I don’t even know/well kept avoiding and/or being rude to me several years ago so I’m sure I did something wrong by their friend socially? I probably mentioned it in other ways in the past here because I was hurt
- or because I started avoiding and got uncomfortable with them and so them and their friend(s) I don’t know are doing the same to me?
- It’s probably one of my mistakes
- distancing from people,
- me trying to move on from a crush,
- feelings of abandonment/insecurity/anxiety/discomfort with them,
- me being bad with feelings/subtlety,
- I’m just an overstimulated quiet zombie when I am in social situations (so I’m just boring, awkward and unmemorable)
- me not liking/getting long with someone?
- me creeping people out? Making them uncomfortable?
- and/or was/am a bad communicator so that some people don’t like me
- ah yes not knowing why but what can you do when you get outcasted
- or they just don’t like me. I don’t know
- ah well I don’t feel comfortable around them anymore because I’m left second guessing, insecure, doubtful with trust issues and anxious now ;P
- it really puts me on guard if one of them starts being friendly with me and pretend nothing bad happened when they weren’t before :<
- I am not trying to be liked by everyone because that’s out of my control and that’s too emotionally exhausting
- most people don’t actually support you when it is not convenient for them
- I feel like their curiosity is guilting me to share things I’m not even comfortable in sharing
- digressing!! So this is the other side where asking the “why” questions need some friendly/tone padding where you are not pressuring people to share if they’re not comfortable or if they’re not sure! ;P
- please refrain from assumptions
- personally I make it clear (when I remember to) that I’m just guessing/assuming/observing and trying to understand and I’m happy to be corrected and be wrong
- I don’t want to pressure anyone to talk about things they’re not ready nor want to either
- there are some masterful talkers that deflect and vaguely promise “next time” when they know it won’t happen
- (past me would have taken this literally at face value and as an invitation to ask about it again next time when they actually mean they don’t want to – leaving me second guessing the subtext beyond the white(?) lie)
- a big part of me wished they outright said they wanted to move on and/or are not comfortable with the topic and feeling bummed they can’t be fully honest with me
- but hey we’re just doing our best and we’re not at that friendship/trust level
- again saying no is hard ;’)
- people aren’t obligated to answer me nor am I obligated to answer them either
- we are not entitled to answers/responses
- also rejecting someone is hard too
Hm I don’t know if spreading out my notes and thoughts in shorter chunks across my blog posts work :0
That said I need to arguably write less notes so slowly over next year I won’t write up summaries anymore but more reflective thoughts…let’s see if I can actually do this over the course of next year haha
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โฅ Support my art and learning journey on Patreon or Ko-fi! โฅ
Thanks so much for reading my little blog! Thank you to my patrons for generously supporting what I do & keeping me going! ส โฟหตโขแดฅโขหต ส โก
Stay up to date with my blog by signing up for email updates!
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