Happy New Year’s Eve/Year subtitled art video!

Finished this in October 2023!

Crossy Chicken Party Popper haha [instagram]

I did this because of reasons haha

A new year!! Leonie rambles about…

Reflecting on the year!

What do you think about your art this year? What are you happy with?

It’s alright! I’m not unhappy about it. I’m happy with my slow progress so far as I enjoy finishing things. Or quit it if it’s not working out. There’s so much to juggle ahhhhh

I’m focusing more on composition and colour for some things, am glad that I get some fanart out of my system as usual, that I’m learning MV and not keeping myself in a creative box as much as social media platforms don’t like it.

What kind of things did you learn?

• I’m a MagicaVoxel newbie! I’ll talk more about it when I share a piece!
• tested animating a bit in Clip Studio Paint – my license limits me to 24 frames
  • whelp I’m sticking to Davinci Resolve & a gif converter instead
• learning and sorting out video editing stuff
• trying to recover my files/art and moving to a new workstation/setup was a huge stressful ordeal, learned a lot about computer bits & forcing myself to manually back up things at my own pace…
• I learned how to manage a tiny discord server where people are there for notifications
• moving web hosts wasn’t as terrible as I feared
• applied my learning/studies on some of my illustrations at my slow pace
• slowly trying to do little blog posts more as I want to spend more time arting – but writing helps me process things and feelings too ahh
• learning to look back and be a bit more proud on what I’ve done in the past with Crossy Road, Disney Crossy Road & Crossy Road Castle decorations (this happened when I attempt to talk about it to new people)
  • again I insist I didn’t do anything for Piffle as that’s all cronobreak
  • and I am/was a helper for Castle decorations for 10 towers, I am not the main/lead artist! They seem keen to be kept private so I won’t name them if they won’t talk about it publicly

is there anything you wish you could do? What didn’t work out and why? Anything that you’re disappointed with? What lessons can you take from them? Hopes for next year?

• didn’t do kimo/21 days of study this year but I hope I can make something work next year
  • (for some reason people were checking my 2022 kimo blog posts this year for examples but not during the year I posted it haha)
  • not sure if I’ll do a January challenge hmmm
• I’d like to push myself to do better compositions and poses but for that to happen I need to do more figure and painting studies again – so goal for kimo 2024 during April/May/whenever??
• I will eventually learn modelling and render something nice in Blender in the future…?
  • I’m intimidated and scared. I don’t want to do the animation/rigging, texturing and the more complex stuff
  • I’m already trying to juggle learning and doing personal 2D art/fanart for my own personal time so where do I find the time??
  • *maybe* I’ll learn and do what I can for work if I have downtime
  • I’m not confident on this one since I know it’s another whole career that requires lifelong learning while I’m more of a 2D artist/voxel artist
• I want to keep making cute things and keep figuring it out in other toony/stylised art styles
• I didn’t get to do much character design and I sense I only do it better if I personally resonate with it
  • I’m not really excited about pumping out character designs out of thin air but maybe things will change when I find my path to enjoyment to do it more often when I learn more :S
• hope to learn more from other inspiring artists!!
  • with backgrounds, colour, lighting/rendering, perspective, figures, gestures, character design, etc
• one day I’ll do traditional stuff – I’m juggling learning digital/3D stuff though ahhhhh
  • I’ll just keep saying this then to remind myself ;P
• life things I have yet to practice because I don’t actively need to use it and also I dread it :S
• I’m too much of a quiet, anxious grump to stream right now and I may stick to video instead? No mic streams?
  • perhaps I need to do more longer videos because I’m no live performer
  • I shrivel up from being “perceived” and judged eep
  • but I don’t want to edit videos – so no mic streams if I figure out a stream focus!!
  • anyway I don’t think I’m going to do long videos or regular streams – I just want to document my journey and I don’t feel cut out for being a full on youtuber/streamer
  • I’m an autistic hermit artist who happens to post ;P
• I need to write less notes for videos I watch so eventually I’m going to not do summaries of videos anymore as best I can
• from here I’m going to take a break from cara and threads indefinitely and keeping my cross posting to 7-8 platforms (wow it was 10!!)
  • People keep saying pinterest is great but I’m not sure – I might lump it together if I figure out a scheduling app
  • I am still posting things during my holidays so am I still working…? I don’t know when my one month break from posting would be next year :S
    • I’m considering not pausing my patreon if I do take a month off because there’s been a bunch of intense months with lots of art and posts – I need to even things out across months :’)
    • Patrons can always pause or stop their pledges if they need to!
  • people say to stick to 1-2 platforms but my work does instagram, twitter while I want to do blog, youtube, and cross post other places like linkedin
  • I don’t know about bluesky (since people dismiss it for being small and problematic in its own ways too)
  • maybe one day I’ll only post at my blog, youtube, discord
• yeah again I’m bummed that I didn’t get much done as I would like…

What are the next steps for the next 3 months towards this?

• well it keeps changing so I won’t share it anyway
• I’m slow and I don’t have to share it publicly ;P
• I’m conflicted since I’m just letting myself get carried away doing things slowly and I don’t get as much done as I like :’)
• I do hope to get better at art even though I’m just doing what I feel like and am juggling too much
• I hope to keep doing random marketing art for work in between urgent tasks haha

How to Solve Rejection Sensitivity (Hayley Honeyman)

• I think I do have a mild degree of this and the occasional “I don’t give a hoots about what people think of me and face the rejection anyway” depending on the situation
• but I definitely have avoided people because I just don’t want to face them and I was expecting rejection/awkwardness and consequently trying to avoid rejection
  • the anxiety got too much
• ah yes I also try to reframe it away from assuming it’s rejection best I can when people are neutral, feel indifferent and feel like they’re distancing themselves
• oh a memory came up – at high school as a teen I did lash out when I felt cornered and got defensive and emotionally pushed people away oof
• nowadays it’s mostly sadness and anxiety for me (inward) and trying to process that as it comes…
• trying to unmask much more in life is assuming that you’re in the right, supportive environment for it though
• reframing it from others’ perspective makes you more grounded in your thoughts and not spiral as much yeah :’)
• I don’t really care if I’m slow – I embrace it ;P
• exposure therapy shown in this video – she’s doing it for the video and it gives her the accountability to do it in front of the camera – but it’s not in her day to day life soooo ;P
• speaking and taking things slow and steady is more my pace

an Autistic’s take on your ‘aita’ scenarios (Thought Spot) notes

• I’m not used to calling myself an autistic (a noun) but it works
• true there are no “true” villains in most connections – it’s a lot of blundering and figuring out how to best be there for each other as friends/acquaintances/humans
  • assumptions and social norms to fight against, especially if one’s needs/boundaries differ
  • discussing boundaries, needs, giving people opportunities to respect them and consenting over things are important (I didn’t know how to do that with people I don’t feel comfortable with so at times I just avoid people to cope)
  • speak up more about it and be yourself more or you end up being a doormat
  • easier said than done since I’m conflict avoidant normally :’)
• yeah I do wish I was better at communicating my needs so people can (possibly) show up in hindsight but I didn’t feel safe or not interested, had no idea what my needs were nor have I practiced talking about it at all
  • I do cut people off when I don’t feel great, comfortable, safe, respected, interested around them
  • how I would articulate that gut feeling in words back then?? People may get defensive and directly hurt :S
  • people have also turned/manipulated my reasons around to counter and dismiss my agency, needs and boundaries…
• Oh I’ve definitely been asked questions where they’re clearly trying to making me angry
  • I don’t want to do mental work for people who don’t care about me either
  • “Why do you want to know” a commenter suggested to ask this back
  • I think I’m super impatient if people repeatedly ask the same questions over and over
• Set up a compromise to deal with social situations better
  • discuss on how you’re going to show up, your boundaries and be honest about it
  • notes on the example in the video: going to a thing for family vs not wanting to go due to noise, people, sensory issues
    • explain in advance that you’re going to be quiet, stick to someone instead of interacting with everyone, taking solo walks and bathroom breaks
    • it’s because you need recovery time
    • explaining what you’re doing (how and why you’re showing up this way), intentions and your boundaries and not asking for their approval
    • if they’re pushing/forcing you otherwise then one needs to leave entirely because they’re disrespecting you – have clear communication about all this
    • and allow transition time for them to get used to it and make mistakes too
    • well I don’t have the safe connection to do this :’)
  • or make it a goal to just stick to one person the whole time to manage your energy
    • ah that’s a great idea
    • I want to do this but I have nobody I’d want to cling to as my buddy at industry things
    • this year’s GCAP I mostly sat/walked by myself and people came and went :’)
• most people (including me) aren’t great communicators within the moment
  • there’s no point in holding people accountable for invisible expectations either
  • all you can control is your own actions and ourselves
  • explain if you’re not in the right headspace to listen about personal issues and set the boundary
  • I’m getting better saying “sorry I zoned out / I wasn’t listening” when my attention drifted off and I was tired :’)
  • being able to speak up and say no at an earlier/opportune time is hard – especially when you’re slow and spaced out like me at times
  • sometimes you or they can’t show up as needed and all we can do is work and do our best together/separately for our own needs
• When I do feel comfortable, I do enjoy talking about deep, vulnerable things in my attempts to relate or I just talk from the top of my head but some might see/experience it as self centred and trauma dumping or too much info
  • it shuts down any vulnerable moments and room to talk about struggles
  • I just don’t want to talk to someone anymore when they clearly don’t respect me or have the emotional capacity for me
  • that’s fine if it’s not mutual! Better knowing it soon that being led around, finding out much later and getting hurt much more
• mistakes happen with needs/boundaries,
  • people don’t like you,
  • things don’t work out,
  • some people are too caught up with their own world/issues to consider other people’s needs and boundaries
  • people who think they’re close(??) to you when it’s actually one sided and it’s not the case…
    • reading this blog does not mean you know or are close to me for instance / tone down your parasocial stuff ;P
    • I don’t know anyone I watch/read about either – I feel like an observer on social media haha
  • what can you do
  • I definitely do try to see what others’ circumstances are – things be grey and complicated

Also I watched The Godfather for the first time! Lots of plot gaps but really great acting. Lots of things that are problematic with the slurs, the domestic violence, lots of murder, marriage/nudity with a teen?? and some loose ends that were probably addressed in the book? Super intense, low expectations with how they treat female roles and dreading the next horrible thing to happen. Again I feel exhausted from the tension after the movie :’)

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