Little youtube animation! Marketing art & practice for work!

People at work loved this one lots at the time! I also did this during November 2023!

It was lovely, reassuring and encouraging as I was slowly learning, documenting and struggling making this animation work :’D Now I’m afraid I’m rusty again as it’s been a while…

Whoops it should be Crossy Road Castle in the credits but I shall live with this mistake.

Again much kudos to catshriek‘s designs from the game!

Blue, Chicken, Mallard & Unihorse bouncing about

Okay I don’t have Crossy/Castle voxel practice anymore as I had no more work time to learn MagicaVoxel but went onto Blender instead earlier this year (some you’ve seen from past posts). I don’t know if I’d do anymore Crossy/Castle 3D marketing art at this stage and only time will tell with my focus and workload.

At best I do my own self directed Crossy fanart.

Next year (unless it’s marketing art) I should stop doing personal Crossy fanart (not this post, I mean a lot of the 2D illustrations I do outside of work). I should focus on other things like study and learning more…

Let’s see if I can stick to it and not get carried away by the fun and comforts of fanart too much :’D

Yeah I should stop…I think people expect me to do Crossy fanart whenever there’s an update I’m helping with and I’m not sure if I can’t stick with that all the time. I do it because I enjoy and want to but I don’t want to be just known for that. That is indeed the risk I take. I do need to vary things up and I have trouble letting go – hope to work on that next year.

Might be completely “doing no fanart at all” or slowly not do as much – we’ll see.

Leonie rambles about…Pokemon TCG Pocket

What am I doing :0

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— Leonie Yue (@leonieyue.bsky.social) October 31, 2024 at 4:15 PM

Add me if you like; hopefully trading opens up and peeps can trade and expand our card collections!! 😀

My initial favourite card illustrations so far! Learning card battles as a newbie but I'm not strategic with it haha Pokemon TCG pocket friends welcome!

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— Leonie Yue (@leonieyue.bsky.social) October 31, 2024 at 11:24 PM

I am slowly going through the Solo Battle at Pokemon TCG Pocket and trying to play it sparingly haha

I’m at Level 13 and am stuck at the Expert Solo Battle section (thanks to Auto play I got this far) – it’s all overpowered cards with great HP and damage I can’t beat!!! I gave up trying to play it properly when I got to the intermediate modes as I don’t have time to keep brute forcing my way through when my deck of cards aren’t great anyway.

Very time consuming if you let it! It got super frustrating when you keep losing and you can’t make the cards you have work. Grateful that auto play helps me! I’m too afraid to try actual 1 v 1 battles right now haha

I just want to collect cards more casually ;P I welcome card collecting peeps!

Internet finds

• why aren’t romcoms “romantic” anymore? (Mina Le)
• Anime, Blackness, & YOU (basic boi)
• Why are we so scared of real skin? (Bryony Claire)
  • yeah I used to be scared and overthink on what should be seen as normal skin pores :'(
  • I have permanent blackheads it seems as those nose strips don’t work and I don’t want to use a needle to make it worse
  • always striving to focus on the big picture and not stress about my pores or random pimples or eczema scars :’D
• When you aren’t good enough (Toniko Pantoja)
  • yeah grieving and taking the time to process failure and rejection is needed…
  • you do what you can with what you have and hope for the best
  • yeah I wouldn’t know when people are being two faced with me
    • no clue how people feel about me – not in my control
    • though I may sense it…that they’re like this with me and not the other people they know/like more
  • and I am terrible at indirect, subtle communication
  • getting shunned for a mistake for life and then having to walk away? Oof
    • it’s hard when there’s grey areas – what is this mistake? How severe is it?
    • sometimes the mistake is not a one off thing, there’s a history of not caring about others and I don’t want to “fix” or give benefit of the doubt to anyone when it’s not genuinely a mistake anymore
    • or I’ve probably done silly, stubborn, embarrassing, rude, socially unaware things (for whatever reason/struggle/feelings/trust issues/insecurities/discomfort I have) and get shunned in return
  • it’s great to grow and learn, make mistakes, process frustration, reframe and remember the positive things and not blame self and others too harshly
  • avoid generalisations on the industry
    • some people are terrible, others are more complex/flawed/mixed and others are great and figuring out which is which is a headache when you don’t know the full picture…
    • and usually I don’t have the full picture because I’m not in any whisper networks
    • I learn too late that I get mislead by someone for too long
  • yeah I need more time and effort to do things as a slow processing, autistic soul
  • focus on what you can do better next time and what skills to improve (life long learning journey)
    • it’s hard when you don’t know what to improve and you’re outcasted so…how would I know??
      • all I can do is avoid them too so things aren’t uncomfortable and awkward ;/
    • or bad stuff keeps happening behind your back
  • the imposter syndrome rears its head too
    • aye my self confidence isn’t great but I just keep on doing my best with what I know and have :’)
  • the envy that comes in waves when people who start later outperform you and as much as you’re happy for them, you just don’t feel good enough via comparison
    • I’m just not good enough nor “world dominating” as an “social media artist” with big name projects
    • nor am I entitled to anything
    • always reminding myself that I’m lucky and that there are some people who do enjoy my work :’)
    • as much as I feel like a fraud and not enough at times
  • again the fraud/imposter syndrome rises up sometimes at LinkedIn, Cara, Bluesky, youtube, etc :’)
    • I need to be on there less…at least not check during mornings and daytime!!
    • I need to force myself to not check regularly for my mental health!! WAH :<
    • trying to not get carried away and addicted and feel miserable again with social media
    • well at the least I deleted the LinkedIn app and now it’ll autopost certain selected blog posts over there so I don’t have to log into there – I’m sure people are less likely to look at my posts now though…hm
• Junji Ito and the Horror of Oddly Satisfying Things | Video Essay (Accented Cinema)
• SoyoThinkImStupid videos: finding love as a hopeless romantic and social media is killing romance
  • ah the real world, in which I lack as a hermit :’)
  • there are too many expectations to manage and lots of overthinking and self sabotage and red flags
  • it is hard to manage my own negative conditioning and managing past experiences of rejection, being dismissed and neglect
  • the internet is flawed and does not provide the full truth about a person – of course
  • don’t change yourself for someone else indeed
  • stick to your boundaries by taking things slow and boring…though they may lose interest haha
  • true I’m not exciting so I don’t know
  • what community should be good?? Some say discord isn’t the way and is too closed off
    • not great as a knowledge hub – not accessible
  • I’m wary of where I give emotional investment and care
    • if it’s not mutual and I find that I’m losing trust, I slowly move on
  • will I ever experience affectionate, heart warming, deep love…genuine physical + personality attraction….mutual interests & understanding…comforting, playful romance…with a strong, accepting, developing, reliable friendship through the thick, thin and the boring???
  • is it even possible for me??
    • I’m not as young and naive anymore haha
    • I think I’m too guarded, scared, non confrontational and anxious with my feelings all my life :’)
    • also fear of change and not wanting to change my hermit lifestyle is a huge thing admittedly
      • emotionally unavailable??
    • will anyone accept me and vice versa/mutually with all the flaws, emotional baggage and struggles?
      • understandably there are things people can’t stand, myself included
      • I’m not keen on people trying to drastically change me either
    • is it worth me suddenly jumping into the risky unknown…
    • I long for it at times but do I actually want it???
    • it’s a me problem and how I really need to develop trust, respect, interest and friendship firstmost with mutual effort :’)
    • and that’s just going to be super rare and difficult at this rate…
    • I can dream that there’s someone but it’s probably not happening…
    • just appreciate the few, close peeps I have now and hope to find more :’)
  • I don’t want to project too much expectations upon someone…as I tend to do when I care too much
    • and then I overcompensate by acting aloof/nonchalant, “normal” and testy while being anxious as a silly coping mechanism
    • this is when I slow down and things don’t go anywhere or drift apart :0
• Yakuza Cinema and Like a Dragon (Accented Cinema)
  • worth watching for the cinematic history & references!!
• How to Communicate Effectively and Respectfully with Autistic Individuals
  • this feels sound to me…generally
  • there’s always exceptions when everyone is different in how they function/live

Personal update – life, newsletter and gratitude

Trying to figure out how/what I can manage with possible slight life changes (temporary/testing) early next year…ongoing process of trying to not stress too much about the things to juggle. Still thinking and hope to figure it out.

Also from now on my email newsletter is a monthly email blog digest (every 28th of each month). Weekly emails were too frequent. Not that anyone would tell me as I lose email subscribers. Though not that I had many to begin with ;P

Deepest appreciation & thanks my 5-6 long time newsletter subscribers 💜

11 Discord peeps on my server 💙

& 5, now 4 generous long time supporters on Patreon 🥹💖 Thanks so much to all 5 all the same since it’s been 5 for the longest time until now, thank you for your support & generous help! Understandable if people can’t continue their generous support – times are hard. As much as I’m grateful I can’t survive on Patreon funding alone anyway…it’s not a feasible, realistic thing to hope for. I don’t have the substantial audience :’)

Thanks so much past and present patrons!!

With my patreon now I think I make enough for roughly one meal each month…? :0 It does help towards my pricey website hosting bill – thank youuuu for keeping things going! I do wish I can autopost my blog to Patreon and ko-fi because they seem so dead there…but it doesn’t work that way.

Thanks also to those following my YouTube!! ❤️ Considered quitting making videos a lot…will have to be more selective with what videos to make! Timelapses aren’t entertaining so I don’t know.

Thanks so much if you’re here/around & still following my art & life journey! 🙇🏻‍♀️💕

Mental health & juggling things

Oof trying to manage the overthinking, with metrics, with art challenges and just moving on if it just doesn’t feel right for me. I considered Huevember but nah…

I do feel envious when others hit milestones so fast. Don’t know if I should quit youtube videos but it’s slowly steady and small? Sometimes I just feel down, depressed, irrelevant, frustrated about my own metrics and how most people don’t care about what I do. Humbling! Reminding myself it’s better having a small amount of engaged peeps than huge follower numbers/peeps who don’t care :0

And happy to know there is a small handful who are great and supportive – thank you :’) <3

Gosh I’m sappy and trying to gratefully accept what I have and not let disappointment, envy, hurt, rejection and sadness consume me. Negative feelings is normal too though so I won’t completely dismiss them either. It’s just my underlying insecurities, anxieties and loneliness coming up and making me spiral and doubt myself.

Well let’s say I’ll never be a famous artist person on the internet and that means less stress! I just have move on from some people/artists who are way out of my league and who only acknowledge people on their level (which is fair!) :’) Yes there’s always someone doing much better or worse and I don’t want to always stress about it – I need to focus on and juggle my own things! We all are juggling our own plates after all.

I am genuinely happy when there are some people here who support, keep tabs and read my work; thank you!

Now I’m just trying to figure out how to juggle learning, art and life better…as usual. It always feels like I’m just winging it and not getting enough done and the cycle continues 🙁

Well I am doing what I can and am slowly chipping away at things…but are they the right things? What do I want to create???? I’m indecisive when it comes to original projects ughhh

Wah.

Please take care, take things slow and stay safe during these uncertain, anxious, scary, stressful times.

Meanwhile self reminder – I need to have some social media checking limits and keep away during the daytime/mornings…I need to remember tomorrow onwards!! :’)

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