Little timelapse / 26 seconds!

I did this in December 2023 ;D I spaced it out quite far haha

So the video itself is old :0

Hey you got this! Happy Spooky Halloween! 👻 You got this!! ⭐

I don’t celebrate it but hey enjoy and stay safe if you do!

I just wanted to draw Toadette and ended up with this :0

Leonie rambles about…

• world news and politics continues and hoping for positive things…
• CJ’s essay on social media email newsletters
  • yeah it makes me have a mix of negative feelings, feel even more lonely and get addicted to the popularity/clout contest
  • plus all the horrible, depressing, dark views/happenings/hot takes going on at certain, toxic platforms
  • they don’t pay you as they exploit you and your posts and engagement
  • indeed it’s their business model to harvest attention as you become the product if you post and use it
  • that’s why I don’t really engage too much as I don’t want to get sucked in too much
    • I keep the majority of my thoughts here / youtube videos
    • just cross post what I actually am posting about my art and this blog
    • it’s hard when there are good parts to social media too :’)
    • interacting can get too much so I’m glad with bluesky I can turn off reposts to make it less stressful keeping up
  • if we’re supposed to do our own websites, newsletters, blogs, emails
    • I already blog since 2011 and it’s still 5-7 peeps on my email newsletter when I last checked…
    • I’ve started to put a “sign up to the blog newsletter” at the footer of blog posts at least…not sure if it’ll work
    • I’ve removed the ability to comment at my blog posts for ages but I welcome emails or messages at my tiny discord instead
    • I’m not trying to rack up engagement and comments at my rambly blog plus I don’t want another thing to moderate
    • should I not post my blog post links at my crossposts in a futile attempt to get people to sign up to my email blog updates?
      • But I would like to give people options…
      • but platforms aren’t as future proof
      • should I have studies and keep it at my blog again….? And not share it at other places??
      • Wahhh my indecisiveness gets the better of me
  • I’m also a tad mixed with platforms = even Cara as it rewards people with huge audiences and likes while it feels like an uphill battle of trying to find things I’m interested in
    • and me expecting to be stagnant as well since I don’t interact and comment regularly…
    • struggle to find the less popular artists I would be interested in
    • people read short posts over long essays
      • though there’s a bunch of personal essays on Cara
    • it’s still more for art and art appreciators and I enjoy it still!
  • wait what do they mean by using social media and then drop them??
    • I dropped a lot of platforms I guess
    • but I still use youtube and crosspost to bluesky, linkedin, cara and discord…
    • I don’t think I can just quit everything when I have a tiny newsletter following in the first place 🙁
    • one day I won’t post my blog links anymore at other places…but not today. People are very attached to the platforms they’re on
  • yeah email is less demanding compared to texts and phone calls and DMs
    • I don’t want to be always available online, I’d rather people take their time and people tend to be busy
    • writing letters is great too, especially if it’s for the individual or a small group
    • I think this is very subjective and depends on the individual’s preferences with managing their communications though
    • I think email is a tad better than texts/DMs where it feels more urgent
• CJ the hex on twitter thoughts and how we get shaped/distorted from using a social media platform
  • don’t have to perform and announce everything you do and think
  • keeping Bluesky as a slow burn as I don’t want to be addicted to it either
  • hmm thoughts sent as texts to close peeps instead? :0
  • platforms are parasites…? Place to gamble away your attention and engagement
  • so keeping conversations off from these platforms and stick to chatting places?
  • quit when you can is essentially the message here
• CJ the hex on Parasociality vs. Performance
  • I also feel confused…I feel like I should build an audience but will it really solve all my struggles with life, career/industry and friendships? No
    • it just keeps you busy from the other struggles
    • it’s encouraging to be supported for what you do though!!
  • indeed I’m just sharing what I enjoy doing or what I’m expressing
  • yeah I don’t really get paid directly for posting at platforms; it’s more about sharing, hoping people enjoy what I already do and reminding people I exist
    • I do have long time supporters at Patreon though; thanks 5 of you!!
  • I also don’t want to offer a parasocial service myself
    • with intimacy, comfort and attachment – it’s not equal in social dynamics at all
    • it is one sided with “personality worship” indeed with no privacy
    • it still exists to a degree so boundaries are important
  • yeah I’m more of an artist who enjoys documenting it through blogging and little youtube timelapse videos ;P
  • even I attempted podcasting twice but I couldn’t do it in the long run
    • it’s too stressful and I accept I don’t have that charismatic personality and energy for it
    • this doubly extends to streaming too (if I’m talking to keep it engaging/entertaining)…I can’t keep that up
    • I guess talking on stream isn’t for me – I can’t even consistently do voice over on videos!
    • I do default to being mute and zoning out or dissociating or observing or calming/slowing myself down
    • I get overwhelmed and drained out of energy :’)
  • I’m really guarded and creeped out when people get all overfamiliar with me and project emotions on me (and it goes a tad too far) when I don’t even know them that well nor am I comfortable with them or trust them enough :’)
    • once again I try to be mindful to minimise emotional expectation/projections upon me
    • and likewise manage my own emotional projections and expectations upon others (especially as a hermit)
    • it’s not really friendship when you don’t know each other that well beyond the online personas, are not active in each other’s lives much and barely interact 1 to 1
    • as much as friendship is rare, bumpy at times and wonderful – need to be more mindful, self aware and communicative as you work things out and grow alongside each other
  • as CJ says, real love and intimacy is from people you actually know and care for in your life (and not for profit) so please make sure you have this support group
    • friendships/relationships shouldn’t be transactional with favours, effort, emotional support and time
    • you shouldn’t need to tally who did what when it’s mutual and genuine and not expecting anything back
    • at the same time I don’t want to be taken advantage of or be pressured/obligated/demanded/expected to do anything I don’t want to do and nor do I want to force/pressure anyone either
    • well…I don’t have a well rounded amount of support/friends…
  • Agreed I want fans because they enjoy my work as I strive to focus more about learning, art and games I enjoy with some personal updates and thoughts on deeper topics
  • wonderful reminder that we can’t control how people interpret and get out of what you publish/perform/create
    • all we can do is control what to care about with our energy and attention
    • and the value, mood and respect you can bring
  • striving for something bigger than yourself and what you’re interested/excited in
• CJ the hex on Against Analytics
  • I’m terrible about trying to not check my metrics eep
  • if I were to follow my metrics, I wouldn’t be doing my youtube videos like this nor blog anymore :’P
    • I don’t have great metrics – I’m still small and maybe it’s a slow burn at a snail’s pace haha
  • advertising is scarily good on platforms
  • I avoid that youtube analytics page!!
    • I don’t see my likes/dislikes or view count at my video list page
    • It doesn’t help with my mental health completely but at least I see it less
  • if only making community posts doesn’t require me to see my subscriber count too…
  • thanks for the reminder to just “create, release, observe, reflect, repeat” :’D
• The Evil Symbolism of Milk (Mina Le)
• The Dating Sim So Bad It Killed The Genre (Punchy)
• learned what lavender marriages are – as I understand it:
  • that it’s a great thing for a long time for safety/blending in for those who are queer and for legal benefits
  • marriage of convenience as a whole is also a thing historically for practical reasons, citizenship and costs of living
  • hmm…I don’t think marriage is a thing for me at this rate
• Mr. Iwata (Masahiro Sakurai) oof I felt emotional
  • Up is Down, and Down is Up [Work Ethic]
  • Masahiro Sakurai on Creating Games: Finale Special
  • what an inspirational, generous, hard working soul
  • gosh I relate to his fluctuating sleeping schedule and working a lot…
• 【MV】Creepy Nuts – オトノケ(Otonoke) official MV trippy whoa
• The COLOURS WITHIN (Movie Trailer ) From Naoko Yamada and Science SARU Music by Kensuke Ushio
• How a Kmart Brand Took Over Australia (Dorainn) I was wondering where Anko came from
• New covid wave is starting and the XEC variant spreads faster & more effectively…:(

Personal update

Saddening and frustrating that someone close to me is suffering from a toxic workplace for a long time. I dearly hope they get out of there smoothly and not let despair, low self esteem, loneliness and their dark thoughts take over. I am a tad anxious and not sure how to best support them but I just listen, try to make things easier with life things and give positive encouragement in hopes they find a better workplace 🙁

First time using an inhaler since childhood…after lots of procrastination. It’s another thing to commit, clean and add to my routine after all. Ugh not pleasant and have to slowly get used to breathing it in properly. I usually ignore my coughing fits since they go away eventually – just this time the random coughing fits won’t go away (since July’s cold). I am impressed that there’s a counter that tells me how many puffs are left – I don’t remember this being a thing when I was a kid! I think I am slowly having less coughing fits and now it’s just random coughs for a bit.

Also I don’t know if I’ll be facing some routine changes or not – do I have to go to the restroom for my quiet safe space to decompress, un-tense/relax myself and calm down more often? I’m trying to figure out what I can manage with stress, comfort zones, overstimulation/sensory overload and being perceived/hawked on :S I’m figuring out what I can commit or try out and trying to not stress about it…

I might test out the Pokemon TCG Pocket mobile game but it seems boring to start and the card game itself is blocked until level 3…I’ll update about it with friend code on bluesky if I do :S

Do newsletters work?? Will people sign up because I stop sharing blog links?? Hm doubtful since I don’t believe that much people are interested based on past experiences and how it’s hard to anyone to care about an online hermit like me who can be easily skimmed past on the screen :’) Why would much people care?? I’m super niche.

Anyhoo it’s quite a week so far…I have a bunch of cleaning, tasks and errands I’m procrastinating too. I’m chipping away at it veryyy slowly :’)

And there’s huge expenses and changes happening too! I’m not bothered trying to get another piece of exercise equipment right now either given that the previous was expensive and broke down. Ugh…

I need to eat cheaply here and there – just bread? Cereal? More instant noodles? It reminds me when I was much poorer :’) I mean I’m a part timer so I’m getting by okay but that’s because I’m a frugal, neurodivergent hermit and I don’t do much fancy, active, vacationy or outside things (which costs more money) :0

The juggling continues; let’s do our best with our hearts, minds and physical forms :’0

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