Making my PNGtuber avatars for my channel [Reflective Speedpaint]!

Speedpaint and text commentary to see them in action [4min]! (Made in Nov/Dec 2022)

I reflect about making these animated self portraits at the video. I didn’t manage to do voice over for this one, I wasn’t feeling up to it 🙁

I made this art last year Nov/Dec and waited until now to submit.

I haven’t been able to get much 2D artwork done due to a whole month of dealing with computer/software troubles/issues and trying to get to a new normal…with too much things to sort. So for now I’m bringing out another video I have made ahead of schedule, before my troubles :’)

Should I keep making more videos with text commentary like this at times?

Voice over feels too much work and stress for me right now :’)

Ah I forgot to mention these tweets because of my computer troubles at the time!

I made this bunny suit Crossy Chicken for Crossy Road and helped out with level/background decorations and some sticker book doodles for the Sandcastle Shores Crossy Road Castle update.

To stream or not to stream. To do youtube videos or not do videos; I keep asking

I think too much about whether I should stream or not UGH

I kept delaying posting this video and my PNGtuber avatars since last year because I’m kind of embarrassed and not sure if I’ll actually commit to streaming due to my fluctuating expectations of myself and my performance anxiety.

I feel like my autistic, overstimulated, anxious mind will leave me non verbal again because I can’t focus on drawing and talking at the same time and I will have to shutdown to some extent to conserve my limited energy.

I’m not naturally good at being a talkative, improv kind of performer – it’s too energy consuming in itself. I essentially become someone else and mask myself to cope. And I have to make art at the same time?? How are art streamers doing this??

Is streaming more time efficient than editing videos? But streams are not edited content.

Video editing gives me more control over what I’m comfortable in showing. I do prefer prerecorded video for the sake of art making since I can take my time on each aspect of it too.

…I’m so torn with all these pros and cons!

Streaming makes me freeze up with performance anxiety so if I were to do it, I won’t talk too much which isn’t really engaging!

But no mic streams exist – where you just get a piece done and then just end the stream – an artist I follow does that and it’s to the point and the art is great! Another just plays music and talks in chat instead – which is more enticing and manageable to me.

I keep thinking…I should stream! Get myself doing some studies (but in reality would be slow and not as productive). Connect with people that way and feel slightly less isolated! Get out of my comfort zone! Cut down on editing time!

I don’t really feel inclined to do it asap due to all the overthinking I do :’) It’s too scary and I feel like a boring person. I’m so indecisive.

Streams are essentially a performance, as much as I’d like to be held accountable and get some study and art done. I don’t know if this will actually work or gel with me when actually done in practice. All this planning and thinking will get me nowhere because I haven’t streamed much at all. Even then, you’re supposed to keep doing it for several months to see if it gets anywhere, get experience and get better at it without expecting much in return.

I am a super grump and I want to just focus on making art and not worry about talking to people. I get non verbal – people don’t feel comfortable around me when I’m not really talking when I’m super overstimulated, pressured, stressed out, shutdown, zoning out or have nothing to say.

I think I can manage getting into focus mode for art and then respond via chat messages instead during breaks since it suits my slower processing pace.

I do want to try it out and probably keep myself muted most/all of the time because I’m a super anxious, sad lonely snowflake :’) And then eventually I’ll feel up to unmuting myself briefly and randomly after a long time of getting used to streaming…? Hopefully!

I know I should expect 0 viewers because I don’t have established connections or collaborations in the art streaming sphere. Collabs are a must given how there’s so many streamers now. I will have to hide my viewer count because it’s super discouraging otherwise!

Also if/when I do stream on Youtube and Twitch, that means I don’t have to worry about making voice over videos as much!! Yes I’m cutting corners on things I don’t enjoy doing ;D

I need to figure out what’s a good time for me to do a 1-2 hour stream (my personal and energy limit).

Gah I need to make art assets for streaming screens/scenes too eventually…

My self doubts speaking: am I supposed to do VtuberDebut, Vtuber, VtuberEN, ENVtuber, VtuberUprising hashtags, tweet/act out some character lore and do character silhouette teasers?? :’)

I don’t have the energy or interest to do it haha

Glad I don’t have to show my face thanks to the avatars :<

With Youtube videos

At least I can now use these avatars in my future speedpainting videos!

I know I’m “supposed” to do voice over to engage with people better.

I just don’t like making Youtube videos if I have to do scripting and voiceover because that’s a whole time consuming thing to plan, research, practice for in itself. I’ve tried and I dread having to do it on a regular basis. I don’t really feel inclined when I feel like I have nothing I want to say – I have a lot to type about instead!

Right now (at least) I don’t have the interest, time and energy to make voice over, research and scripting happen and I do not feel confident in what I’m talking about. I’m just learning about things! I do not want to be an expert or be known for certain topics!

The content/commentary becomes the main thing for the video, not the art! But I want to focus on the art making and not tutorials nor whatever I’ve scripted. And rambling feels more appropriate in a stream context since I process everything in quiet, slow ways.

I already struggle doing last minute/on the day edits to my rambly blog posts already – scripting and presenting things and making it “worth” clicking and viewing stresses me out for each video and I can’t keep that going! Making quality Youtube videos is so much work that I can’t keep it up on a regular basis!! I admire people who manage to make it happen or have teams to help them out :’)

tl;dr: For now I should keep making low effort speedpaints and start streaming on Youtube and Twitch when I feel ready (probably later this year). I won’t tweet about when I’m live but I will show what I’ve done after the fact so subscribe to my Youtube and follow my Twitch instead of depending on Twitter ;P

Or should I cave and tweet about it anyway since I have not much of an engaged audience? Eh people follow the channel directly – twitter is terrible ;P

Figuring out Adobe alternatives and more

Trying to see if Affinity Photo (Photoshop equivalent) and Affinity Designer (Illustrator / art equivalent) are right for me…but I didn’t test it out much in the end. I just don’t want to deal with the learning curve right now.

I do have Affinity Designer v1 for ages but didn’t use it much either. I think I do have to eventually get these programs because I don’t want to fully depend on Adobe products for my own stuff. As much as I have over a decade of experience using Adobe programs.

I get the impression that Affinity v2 programs are great for newcomers but for people upgrading, it doesn’t have everything that was asked for. And there’s definitely a learning curve to struggle with plus it doesn’t match up with all of Adobe‘s features.

In the end I decided not to upgrade to v2 because I don’t need it right now, I can still do what I do with the programs I do have (ClipStudioPaint and Krita and for work purposes, I have been given access to Photoshop 2023) and I went a tad too far with my budget this financial year (especially the new computer + more!! Ouch my wallet!!) so I need to be more careful with spending. I don’t want to buy something I don’t need right now 🙁

Slowly going through OBS and Davinci Resolve tutorials too – doing OBS again because I lost all my setup, layout and plugins.

Well at least I can do more modern video editing things with Davinci Resolve because I couldn’t do subtitles or lots of quality of life stuff in Adobe Premiere CS6! The Premiere I was using was really dated and refused to do vertical resolution and subtitles until I somehow made it work the long way :’)

I am definitely stressed, overwhelmed, grumpy and not happy with the fact that I have to somehow learn these programs when I’m trying to get through art courses as well! I have not made a video with Resolve yet!

So much to learn and do – I need to take things slower and I am just struggling :0

AI did this illustration and this article about people being replaced by AI generators as game illustrators in China get laid off [kotaku]

  • as soulless and built off from stolen artwork as it is, getting AI to do all the concept art work and texturing because they want “good enough” and get it cheaper/cut costs
    • it’ll be more common in the industry in years to come…
  • Shift Up (a Korean art studio/company) used AI for character designs and promo materials
  • many people canceling commissions from artists since they use Midjourney instead
  • apparently UK publishers are meeting up to incorporate AI?
  • some junior jobs/entry level roles are already taken by AI so how can people get experience??
  • how many people promoting and being excited about AI tech don’t really care about artists losing their jobs
  • big tech and social media seem to work against artists
    • boycotting won’t work when the majority don’t care
    • waiting for regulation and for transparency because it’ll change many industries over time
    • I don’t know if regulators/governments will actually change the big companies with the most influence though
  • on mainstream generic vs unique art styles
    • it’ll always be a goose chase of trying to make new things and then getting copied from (like with anything)
  • really pushes for people to do traditional work now
  • doesn’t help when twitter is doing AI stuff with a lot of GPUs and changed Japan’s Terms of Service – with text based tweets?? Or art? We don’t know what Twitter/X corp is doing.
  • the protest keeps going on Artstation!
  • Artists being told “get a different job” – makes my heart sink
    • how you have to keep “proving your worth” to live (this goes with many industries)
    • I probably won’t find a different career that allows me to work remotely and be able to afford things anyway…I don’t want to become a soulless zombie, struggling to survive, function and fit into a career/job/society/community again 🙁
  • I keep hearing that illustration is dead as a career and the despairing thoughts of many artists

This is depressing, discouraging, stumped and I’m not ready nor sure how I can survive or adapt.

How else does one find a job as a hermit?? 🙁

And Mewtripled’s video on Protecting yourself from AI art! Notes:

  • how there will be less jobs over time (it’s already a thing and taking over entry level roles)
  • how art can still remain as a form of enjoyment and as a hobby (if it’s not a career anymore, that’s the worse case scenario…nooooo)
  • how AI is both a beneficial tool and how it’s abused by people and corporations 🙁
  • there’s Glaze, a program that protects your art from some methods of AI image scraping. I’m not doing it yet since it’s too early in development and it takes 11GB to make it work :S
    • I’ll wait until it’s further along or when version 1 is established
  • a bunch of legal information and resources are in this video too! And there’s discussion in the video’s comments! I did not read those though since I don’t want to stress myself further :’)
  • her advice is to keep on learning with projects and become a generalist to adapt??
    • that’s exhausting and overwhelming :’)
    • games, comics, social media/YT are what she juggles with
    • I definitely went into panic/anxiety mode because I don’t know what other income baskets to stick with – all I have is Patreon and Ko-fi which act as tip jars and I’m not super business minded :<
    • I also refuse to do some things that I’m not good at and I don’t enjoy
    • I’ll have to figure out what I should do because I enjoy doing fanart the most and that’s not something I can actually sell
Trying out more sites because times are scary ahhh!! :'(
Just joined
& I’ve had
I’m not sure if I’ll use them much since I post & hide at instagram, post at youtube and as always, my blog :’)
Just joined

Just joined Cara and Artgram but not sure what to do with it since it’s so artist specific.

Non artists won’t really go here. So I don’t think it’ll ever be mainstream but perhaps it’s better for purposes of getting industry connections and artist friends? Even then it’ll be hard to make friends…I don’t know if and when things are taking off.

Though I like Cara more as Artgram feels focused on portfolio and professional level stuff. My fanart don’t seem to fit.

Also I deleted my RedBubble account because they introduced ridiculous fees – I wasn’t getting sales for years anyway. And the quality of their stuff is terrible.

Yeah today’s blog post is a lot about my artist worries as I figure things out. Ongoing journey.

Been struggling since I procrastinate and then don’t give myself enough time to relax because of it.

And then I always fall behind on my self directed deadlines. And currently trying to get through a lot of work with my part time job and did overtime figuring it out and feeling like I’m taking too much time problem solving on a thing as usual whoops :’)

I’ve also limited myself from webnovel/comic places because they tend to consume all my time away if I get too invested, addicted and procrastinate too much!! It’s dangerous for me!!

Disappointed with myself with not keeping up with my self directed deadlines – I’m more of a “get what I can manage done” and then the rest keeps getting moved forward as I focus on a few things at a time :’)

This is another reason why I’m not rushing to stream – I’ve got other things on my plate and headspace. I want to be actually into it and in the right headspace when I stream!

I don’t feel like I’m on top of things but I’ll keep taking things in stride :’)