Princess Zelda [The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom]!!

Speedpaint art process & text commentary [short]

Okay now my art process and Zelda text commentary is burned into the video instead! Watch it please ;D

As usual the Youtube short is just the extremely fast and simple speedpaint version.

Edit: okay…the short has more views & likes than the video I spent more time, effort and thought on :’) Why

And it’s disheartening learning how I’m not reaching much people on twitter or instagram or youtube or this blog.

I don’t feel as alone knowing that twitter/IG engagement & reach has gotten even worse for normal and artist accounts due to their changes with images and video :’) I’m curious about bluesky but it’s invite only.

I need to reframe it so that I can focus on the small handful of people I can reach. Almost everyone are ghost followers and don’t even see my stuff 🙁 Perhaps the twitter inactive accounts purge will help? It really explains why I get tumbleweeds almost all of the time + I only get a few replies from the few who do care/bother to engage (thank you for the positive encouragement, it really helps!)

I think I shall immediately step away from metrics before I get even more depressed and discouraged, especially since I’m now logged out of most social media and am not checking my feed to avoid game spoilers :<

I blocked myself from the twitter analytics site now. The dislikes on my Youtube short doesn’t help either.

Do I have to do discord? No one new wants my blog newsletter since I don’t have substantial and exclusive value and time to give for this. I don’t feel I’m enough for a mainstream audience anyway.

Ultimately I’m posting because I want to and I’m doing what I can manage, trying to reach and update people.

This is demoralising and exhausting at times and so when it gets bad I just want to stay away from social media :’)

Edit 2: I reached out to Youtube peeps for feedback!!

I guess I will have to do voice over again :0

Tears of the Kingdom waiting time haha

I’m going to actively avoid people talking about this game when it comes out plus I can only start playing it on Sunday! I really need to block it on Twitch!

I won’t really do fanart immediately either given how slow I am and I have a backlog of fanart I want to do already. We’ll wait and see though ;P

So you won’t get spoilers from me anytime soon!

I’ve got designated days when I can actually play it so it won’t consume all of my time haha

Been trying out these fancy Fire Emblem teas that were shared with me & had duplicate bags.

I like the Almyran pine needles one, Albinean Berry Blend & Sweet Apple Blend while Seiros is just black tea :’)
Not feeling much for the rest. I did not like the one mixed in with coffee beans; I’m not a bitter coffee person.
Most of them are nice, simple variants of black tea really! ✨🍵

After trying these, I just wanted simple black tea without the fancy stuff haha

Having the smell of a different food/thing while drinking black tea (the taste does not match to my brain) is jarring for me sometimes. Other times it does work and it complements super well!

Leonie rambles again

Workload with making videos and blog posts

Reassuring and repeating to myself here: I’ve given up doing perfect videos that include scripted voice over and I don’t enjoy making stressful voice overs – I’m trying to accept this as I go against what’s “standard quality” videos :’) I am just doing what I can manage as I struggle to get this done before the game launches ahhhhh

Edit: for the sake of listeners, I will probably do voice over but not too scripted as a compromise! I will keep testing for a middle ground so that it’s not too stressful :<

Looking at what I’ve made in Davinci Resolve, I like what I ended up with! I’m happy I can now do subtitles how I want (mostly), I hope the subtitles are given enough time to read and I hope my video edit changes help! I cut out the blog plug but in the next video, I’ll add text to the end card to highlight about the new blog post…? :0

Most people don’t check the video description so I have to plug it in the video somewhere!

I need to tone down my rambly blog posts and put some text rambles into a video instead, especially so when I’m super tight on time! Well I hope – since I need to manage how much time I spend on rambling and reflecting!! :S

From now on I will just get by with the art and text commentary speedpaint as my current default. When I don’t have much of a blog ramble I will just link it more discreetly? Sometimes I don’t have much to say! Often I ramble though…

I have to refrain from typing too much haha

How to fix “waiting mode” | ADHD Symptom Solutions

Some good suggestions! This is why I have alarms!

I struggle with waiting mode, hyperfixation and time blindness all the time and I really don’t want to go outside or do social things as that just consumes and ruins my day as I get anxious about the one appointment or thing :/

Plus why I don’t remember everything I’ve done and I just cross out tasks in the moment. So it was validating seeing that crossing out tasks is mentioned here too!

Still I don’t think “waiting mode” will ever be “fixed” for me since I’m an anxious, sheltered, sad soul :’)

The Thought Spot’s video on Autistic Shutdowns

Video talks about what people shouldn’t do when people are in a shutdown: don’t ask questions, do physical touch or talk too much with us. It adds to the pressure, anxiety, guilt, shame and stress.

We can’t verbalise things at all and we’re retreating within ourselves because external things got too much. So taking a break outside away from people and taking control and reassuring us helps. After the shutdown, it’s up to autistic peeps to communicate when they’re out of shutdown and talk about things at their own pace again.

I get shutdowns more as I’m trying to not get to the emotional meltdown stage. I’m holding things inside me too! I don’t get as much meltdowns as I strive my best to regulate myself and keep things low key (and minimal/lazy). I don’t want to be emotionally explosive as that’s not great for anyone and also too much work/emotional drain indeed!

Meltdowns is when I lash out under too much pressure and stress. For me I’m not at all physical with anyone or myself, I don’t really want to touch anyone and it’s more verbal and passive aggressive. It’s embarrassing because from the outside it looks like a tantrum. It feels overwhelming, stressful, upsetting and may involve crying. I’m unable to process things properly get non verbal – and if I’m in a safe place (or I just don’t care anymore in the moment) I will let out some loud screams and distressed yells to let some of the feelings and tension out. And other times I just let it out from the get go, say whatever angry gibberish feelings I have or just grumble because I’m fed up – don’t want to suppress/mask/hide myself and keep quiet all the time for the sake of giving face ;P

For shutdowns, often I get to the point where I’m unable to talk, overwhelmed, will probably miss social cues and get hyperfocused on the task when I have to do something out of my comfort zone like go outside to do something. This is due to my sensory issues plus how I have to conserve energy to get through it. It takes days for me to get back to myself.

So in that with light group social things I can only focus on one or two people rather than everyone at best or I just follow everyone and not really have much of a presence.

Sometimes people don’t give you space nor time to process things. And when you retreat, they think you’re doing silent treatment and take it personally – communication is important to mimimise such misunderstandings :<

I do relate that when I shutdown, I withdraw and become dead to world for the sake of energy conservation!

It feels nice to hear that managing and having shutdowns/meltdowns are not something to be ashamed of and that I’m not alone – it’s still hard to talk about (vulnerability and all that) and a constant struggle because some people see it as being anti social, disrespectful, rude, lazy, unfriendly, too aloof and/or as an excuse.

This is why I work remote because I’m always building up with tension, stress, pain and overstimulation being around other people when I was working at an office – I was in shut down mode every work day while I could barely recover my emotional and physical energy on weekends. If it’s a group thing or if the one to one social thing is impromptu and not previously planned/scheduled in advance – I am/was not really interesting/fun/energising to be around since I was being quiet, running on negative energy, drained like a zombie and just pushing myself to get through the day :<

And when I do get to one to one social thing – my energy depletes a lot after an hour so I start losing focus in the conversation the longer it gets – downtime nap is needed maybe?? :’)

I am an antisocial butt and low energy sensitive snowflake I guess ;P

At times I do wish I had more energy and didn’t have sensory issues but I’ll make the most of what I have!

I do want like-minded, compatible and understanding friends but it takes regular and mutual effort, time, trust, respect, understanding and interest and that’s difficult to keep it up in adulthood! I lean towards online only, scheduled in advance shenanigans as a paranoid hermit while most people understandably want in person shenanigans for connecting 🙁

I don’t claim to be good at friendships and I’ve been on both ends where one loses interest/trust/faith/connection in the friendship and just moves on/drifts away/cuts off the other. It feels horrible 🙁

Digressing. Friendships are hard to maintain plus people also change due to life changes :’)

The hidden truth behind our declining attention spans and How stop wasting time online

How the internet/tiktok/social media is really a coping mechanism/escapism for stress, impatience, anxiety, that your mental health is struggling and how you’re avoiding dealing with your negative feelings.

It’s not really all about declining attention spans – the world is just more and more distracting and in your face with their attention hijacking methods. We’re all conditioned to it.

Takeaway from 1st video: deal with stress offline (reading, walking, etc were suggested) and do the thing you’re scared of :0

Well that’s easier said than done haha

Second video is terribly bombastic and overwhelming for me in editing but it has some good advice on putting systems and browser blockers/trackers in place so that your online time is more mindfully spent.

I also tried making a discord server and then gave up since I don’t actually want to manage a community and the stress and time it involves. I don’t have a large, interested audience and I am the “post and hide away” kind of artist because I don’t want social media to consume more of my life. I just wanted to follow a tutorial for the basic technical steps so I don’t know what I’m doing with my half baked server. I guess testing things out haha

What do I do with a server when it’s just only me in it? And only me to manage it? It probably has to be just me posting auto posting updates there?? But that’s not much of a community and not what a server is for. And this is the same for my Patreon – there’s no community at all either since my online home is this blog + I don’t have the social aura, charisma nor energy for it. I’m not there yet? :S

I’ll probably wait until I do get an audience to make a discord but I don’t really expect it given how I’ve been posting art for over a decade…

I continue to feel behind as I struggle to do and juggle all the things and feel sluggish ahhh

And I’ve been feeling some unusual cramps, dull pains and random stabbing pains in the past few days so I’m just monitoring it. Gosh the pains when you get older?? 🙁

Anyhoo, please take care and take things in stride!