SuperListenMode 274: Sonder

SuperListenMode: Sonder

As my late mother once said to me, everyone has a lamp lit up.
And within every wonderful light is a rich story.

What I took away from that as a young teen is that everyone has their own life experiences, beliefs and own version of events as memories…that I may never fully comprehend in my lifetime. Not until I’ve lived through them.  

I’m not part of their story and journey but I respect and strive to see things in other people’s shoes whenever I want to understand and empathise better. Probably not intuitively in the moment [because I’m too busy in my own mind] but afterwards, when I overthink, analyse and reflect ;P  

If at a given moment I’m not able to deal with it using calm, open emotional maturity within the boundaries of my limited knowledge, I give myself and people personal space instead. Learn from it later. :’)  

I often get moments of sonder – defined as when you remember everyone else has a complex, conflicted internal life just like you do. To look at the bigger picture and the many shades of grey. That I should not judge others and myself so harshly. I’m super harsh with myself at least :S  

Indeed I’m not the only one overthinking things :’)

Paraphrasing what I’ve read ages ago...

  • we all have suffered disrespect,
  • have egos, possess multi-layered degrees of luck and privilege,
  • wanted to bond with people but couldn’t,
  • desired things we didn’t have [but didn’t really need it],
  • had feelings of loneliness, insecurity and overwhelming stress,
  • felt like a fraud,
  • cared too much about something that everyone else felt indifferent about,
  • felt isolated with friends,
  • felt directionless,
  • was afraid of change,
  • allowed our emotions to get the better of us and consequently hurt those around us,
  • tried to cope and survive with loss, grief and trauma of the past,
  • just trying to get by life in spite of feeling stuck,
  • not having your needs met,
  • expecting too much of yourself and others
  • struggled being firm with boundaries, and so on.

We all possess hopes, dreams and struggles.

There is much going on and things to learn within each individual’s life story.

And somehow that gives me faith in myself and the people around me. You’re not alone when you’re struggling at life.

The year 2018 has been a mixed bag of some good things, along with lots of stress, disappointment, growing pains and hurt. Learning that I shouldn’t be alone with my struggle.

I guess I’m just holding on and protecting that belief that things will get better. Hoping I can heal and manage everything better this year. :’)

PS: I accidentally posted this too early whoops! Shh!


Some social media rambles & housekeeping

I quickly popped by social media last week, just to update my bio to say that I’m on an indefinite social media break and peeps can reach me at this blog or email instead. Apologies, I had to ignore notifications so I don’t fall back into it!

I’m only active at this blog for now :’)

But I responded to a few private messages and told them to continue the conversation through email if they wanted to. Apologies in advance if I miss future messages :’)

And then I irreversibly blocked myself for an arbitary time late into the year. It feels odd not knowing what the latest news or drama is about until someone tells me! I don’t use skype, discord or messenger either because that’s more things for me to check and I don’t want that! haha

Things I learned from people and not the internet: wait, Brock from the Pokemon anime has a girlfriend now?! Some disappointing drama in the games industry again? Jack Black has a youtube gaming channel run and edited by his son?

I do feel slightly bad for “ignoring/ghosting” social media but usually when I do check in the past, it’s mostly likes, a few follows from people and a rare, kind comment or retweet. Hey I do appreciate them all because that’s how my work gets seen in the first place at all!!! I’m just trying to get some distance so I’m not creatively and emotionally driven by them! That said, there isn’t much engagement since I’m very much disengaged and passive on my end with social media anyway.

So calm down with the thinking Leonie, I’m not missing much. I can catch up when I’m ready, if I do decide to return to social media one day. Or not ;P

Feeling great and I have less anxiety about how people are responding on social media! People don’t care that much – though emotionally my brain goes there sometimes, especially when personal work is concerned :0

Aye social media. Out of sight, out of mind! I can probably keep doing this indefinitely because so far I’m focusing much better on learning and life by protecting my inner world and social + emotional energy by not being connected and distracted on social media. On what other people are doing.

At least it feels good not having it part of my life right now.

Again 1 to 1 catch ups, this blog here and email is fine for me!

Let’s see how I go! 😀

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