In this little LeonieUpdate:

• Process thoughts for this illustrated study
• personal update & interesting finds!

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Kiss of symbiosis 💙 [an illustrated study from this clothes store photo]

Living and existing long-term together. Is it mutual? Parasitic? Dependent? Or independent of each other?

I was existential once again as I was doing this illustration :’) About all the people, activities, essentials and things I depend on and how I’m taking each step in stride. What and who am I relying on? What is emotionally driving me forward and why?

It’s easy for me to answer who and what I’m relying on. Whether they’re positive, negative or neutral – that’s for me to manage the best I can and not let them overwhelm me :’) Try not to worry about the negative possibilities too much.

But in terms of the last question, I don’t know. As mentioned in the past, I don’t have a “huge wondrous dream or project” to achieve. I just want to enjoy, progress, express, experiment and flourish through my work and life in a fulfilling and uplifting way. Not sure if I’m doing this well but I’ll keep at it!

I guess I am just striving to make art & illustration a stable, sustainable living one day as I keep learning, creating and sharing. Many thanks again for my patrons for the kind, supportive help and for reading!! You are my backbone in keeping this going (:

Anyhoo, Aquatic is the August theme for CharlieRed!

Sketch phase! Making this illustration a study too! Originally I got carried away with all the jellyfish haha. I picked out a baggy top as it feels compatible with all the jellyfish shapes.

Lineart phase: where I had to cut down the scope and simplify. Thereupon this concept came to be! Lineart usually takes super long but it’s definitely my meditative comfort zone. I’ll do away with lineart more in the future maybe when I feel ready to expand my art horizons :<

Final illustration: I had to take a break and worked on it some more; I think I like how this came out! :0

Close up O___O; I’m glad I’m doing these CharlieRed art themes as it’s a good way to mix study and illustration. Plus I’m balancing and pushing my comfort zones here haha

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Little LeonieUpdates time!

• lots of rain happening! Super cold when you’re not using heating like me! I’m just glad I have a much cherished electric blanket to go to at the end of the day ^o^
• having people lax about hygiene during a pandemic is giving me anxiety 🙁
• sensing that people are unfollowing me on twitter because I’m not really active in the games industry, not posting things they’re interested in and/or because I’m not following them back. I’m feeling like I’m doing the opposite of progressing my twitter; well it happens Leonie ;P
• Fibre. It’s how we internet now – charming New Zealand internet ad
• Is Dust Mostly Dead Skin? – Veritasium
• The Revealing Frozen 2 Behind the Scenes Documentary by Schaffrillas Productions
  • essentially they’re wonderful, passionate creatives but they had no plan or time to do the story properly because Disney wanted to release it at the optimal time to sell merch
• Indie World Showcase 18th August for the Switch
  • pretty alright! Some games I’m curious to watch at least :0 Watched a bunch of Spiritfarer gameplay for instance! Feels like a chill game with well written dialogue but I can’t catch the whole thing.
• Maybe You Haven’t met the Right Person Yet: An Asexual Video Essay
  • hahaha! Yep I don’t want to meet the right cactus ;D Referring to people as cactus when it comes to doing sexual stuff is pretty apt for me!
  • Allosexual people are great and is the majority so I’m used to it
  • I do find people aesthetically pleasing, romantically and/or physically attractive but no sexual attraction :0
• Why are relationships so difficult? (yet still so important for autistic people)
  • gosh I relate so much with the ghosting, unforeseen compromises and personal issues that rise up. Most people don’t want to deal with the real, vulnerable person when they get closer so they ghost and distance from you (confrontations and upfront honesty is difficult to do)! I’ve had many people who find me weird, lose interest fast and don’t talk to me anymore thereafter. It happens :’)
  • Hey I distance myself too when I’m not interested, thinking things are going too fast, they’re just being superficially friendly and/or I’m not relating to someone.
    • or I’m refraining from being friendly because I don’t want them to think I was flirting with them
    • or I’m keeping my distance because I’m crushing on someone but they don’t have many common interests, interests, values and they seem unavailable. I just can’t see myself sharing a future with them.
    • or I’m just creeped out and sense that there’s unwanted romantic and/or sexual motives (whether my gut feeling is correct, I don’t know)
    • or they seem to be distancing from me also – and I could be misreading it too because I can’t read the internal emotions of others!
    • gah lots of emotional and mental gymnastics for me to understand what’s going on with other humans!!
  • yep I need lots of time and personal space!! I just go for the safe and slow side of things haha
  • I just don’t want to bother when I’m asexual and I don’t even know what romantic love and companionship is.
    • I know what being romantically infatuated with an idealised version of someone is but I’ve experienced nothing beyond that since I’ve never been in a relationship. I enjoy engaging with romantic entertainment but I don’t know I can take the responsibility, compromise, effort and struggles of a real relationship.
  • now for friendships, a lot of it depends if I enjoy mutually each other’s company and have common interests.
    • understanding my need to be an introverted art hermit who needs lots of space and not guilt me to change or into anything (and vice versa with their needs and lifestyle)
    • Plus having boundaries is a must so that it’s not about sacrificing my own mental health for others nor how “beneficial and useful” I am to others (and vice versa).
    • And that’s a super rare but very important thing to have! 😀
  • labeling friendships and acquaintances allows me to know how to act, what to expect, know who I can rely on and not overshare with people.
    • Otherwise I tend to ramble a lot and scare people off :’)
    • If people want something or don’t reply back to me anymore I usually wait and probably move on and forget – until they ever decide to reach out to me so I don’t have to stress too much about rejection
• New Wonder Woman 1984 & Death of the Nile trailers :0 I haven’t watched the first Poirot movie though!

Thank you so much for reading! <3

Goodness it’s the last week of August! May you have a low stress and safe start of your week! (:

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