๐ŸตTeatime with Hermit Dragon Leonie for my birthday! ๐Ÿฒ

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Youtube subtitled timelapse! And a little timelapse short!

It’s time for tea!! ๐Ÿ˜€

More subtitled commentary at the video!

It’s Hermit Dragon Leonie!

Funnily enough I changed the fringe design a bit since this illustration :’)

I also did one round of emotes and started over with more sketches for emotes but I don’t think that’s the best way to do it when I can’t even use it for any youtube or twitch or discord thing – I don’t have the audience nor meet the requirements to unlock emotes. I don’t think I have the interest for emotes.

It’s better if it’s for youtube video sprites I guess :<

Leonie rambles about…

Wow it’s been a long time on/off on youtube :’D
It didn’t go below 300 at least since I last posted about it haha

Amazing Nintendo Direct!! As posted at the time, I am so excited for

  • Mario & Luigi: Brothership ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ’•
    • I wasn’t expecting this at all!! It’s been 9 years…!!
    • Super happy and excited about this game the most ๐Ÿ˜€
    • the charming 3D animation and the stuff I’m seeing ahhhhh
    • I have my game backlog growing gahhh
  • Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’–
    • yes this toy cute art style is back though everything is super shiny haha
      • the style grew on me but sometimes I wonder how it’ll be if it was a different cute artstyle
      • what if the art style was like the official art for the original Link’s Awakening, that’ll be super nice :0
    • yes feels super wholesome as she’s saving Link and helping out her kingdom and I love that she’s doing her own copy/magic moves!!
    • we can finally play as her yesssss; this is her legend!!
    • someone did point out that they wished that for her first protagonist game that it was a more different, non toybox art style which is fair
  • & the Ace Attorney Investigations Collection!! ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ‘ˆ
    • never played these games but can finally do so eventually yay!
    • I hear these are super great and I’m excited
  • Super happy for Metroid Prime 4 fans finally getting their game next year!
  • And the Marvel vs Capcom collection finally on Switch, PS4 and Steam

GenAi happenings is saddening

Other things of note:

CW Scary health update part 3/3: Am relieved (biopsy and more on breast cancer checks)

Please don’t make this weird, creepy or uncomfortable…I didn’t think I would be talking a lot about this but hey I feel this is very important for others to be also self aware and maybe even help others to check and catch things early before things get terribly dire!!

And not end up like me spiraling and fearing the worst so much in the past two weeks because the ultrasound technician left me in the dark from the beginning when she said “further investigation needed, ask your doctor” every time I asked her – but she probably didn’t know better. It just scared me for a week though and others also assuming the worst – one of which said I was doomed and kept bothering and blaming me which didn’t help :’)

So I had my (expensive oof) biopsy for peace of mind since I was really anxious about it. Originally I thought and feared the worst and that I had to do extreme measures. It really stung when the needle was going in for the biopsy. Got stabbed by a long needle and then got samples taken out (didn’t feel pain for this part) with the help of 3 medical professionals. It was tense on my end and they were all very understanding, kind and patient explaining through the process while I was quietly freezing up and waiting for things to be over. I’m still bruised up where I got stabbed. They were very thorough with their testing the cells too just to give me peace of mind.

Discussed through the results with the specialist doctor/surgeon earlier in the week and without going into details, she was “just as I thought – it’s normal”! No extreme measures needed! The fears, trauma, anxiety got the better of me. So yay!!

I am super grateful and relieved and don’t have to stress/worry about the worse case of struggling, dying and leaving this world in this way (what I vaguely remember what my mother experienced so probably there’s the ongoing and dormant trauma from that). I will stick to my resolution of not reading too much addictive romantic fiction now – as in banned myself from looking at most of them. As much as I want to escape to fictional romance shenanigans to meet my emotional needs and not be productive, I want to make the most of my life :’)

Hope to find out more medical history with my mother’s cancer battle eventually so we can better judge how to best monitor changes (preventative) for my situation.

Also learned about:

  • contrast enhanced mammograms! Where they inject a solution so that the glands don’t get in the way for better accuracy than a normal mammogram
  • cysts are a thing?? Cysts may hurt and swell too?
  • that if you only have one family member who had breast cancer, the risk is only a tiny bit more than normal people
    • one needs genetic investigation to be sure if there’s more extended relatives
  • polyps, pre cancer and cancerous tissues where also being checked
  • how lymph nodes are a huge sign on how much it has spread (if you have it)
  • what biopsies were like! Had my first one and…I’d rather not do it unless I have to
    • I am not keen with needles in the first place haha
  • learned how to look at my own ultrasound scans!
    • Turns out specialists/surgeons could tell it was most likely benign from the ultrasound

I’m going to be more stingy (I’m always stingy haha) since the whole investigation cost me a lot. Specialists aren’t cheap and I had to pay for lifts too :’) Then again many things are much more expensive nowadays. Learning that some taxi drivers are very talkative and jokey haha

I didn’t really talk about this outside of this blog much aside from vaguely saying “health update” or vent a bit at my discord, cara and bluesky since things were still developing and I was anxiously spiraling :’) And I didn’t want to make things worse nor confirm anything when I don’t even know anything for certain. Also I wouldn’t know what to say, to whom it’s appropriate to vent to or I would say tmi stuff so I just tried to keep myself busy by working lots.

Now I’m taking it easy since I worked over time last week – I also tend to work much more when I’m on a roll and in the zone and then make up for it later :’)

Anyhoo from now on (and for anyone who has breasts because I was told that there’s a 1 out of 7 chance of breast cancer/something coming up by a breast surgeon and that it’s more common than you think. There’s a small percentage that men can get it too but please do your own research):

Big relief now that it’s super confirmed that it’s normal! :’)

Anyhoo please take care and cherish the life and time that you have right now. And monitor yourself.

I doubt that this would “engage” with or reach much people as I post it out there and it’s also a serious matter but at least I did what I could! Twitter was abysmal in reach than ever so I should not bother posting there anymore. Edit: yeah I don’t enjoy posting at twitter and to the void – not keen on posting there anymore.

Is it weird that I was thinking that life is too short to worry about streaming when all this was happening? I think I’m talking myself out of it and into it again in a vicious circle haha

Well I’m going to give myself a chance and still stream a bit next month and see if I can get over my anxiety and discomfort after some time. I do want to connect with people better but not sure if this is right for me or if I should only stick to youtube videos. I need to figure out what to study on stream though!

Well let’s see if I find the courage to do it! And it’s okay if it doesn’t become a super regular thing (self reassuring myself haha)

Whelp it’s my birthday: reflecting on this and on legacy

Once again, it’s another year and trying to not feel too existential.

Someone else is having their bday soon and feeling existential and I wrote this comment for them:

Just know you’re not alone with these thoughts, with fearing death, fading memories (things do feel like forever ago the more time passes) and feeling irrelevant, not having accomplished anything compared to peers, forever chasing the next moving target (prestige, accolades, fame, money, adulthood stages you’re “supposed” to reach, the loneliness from friends coming, changing and going) and desperately striving to figure out with trial and error on what you can do to survive and thrive sustainably.
It’s a lot of existential worrying indeed and yet for me I don’t know any other alternative :’)

It’s a lot of managing these complex, conflicted feelings, doubts (the anxiety it means you’re considering and/or doing something risky/out of your comfort zone – as long as it’s not too much/extreme), adapting and sometimes putting your ideal dreams/goals on hold to survive and focusing on what you can control in the present moment.
And accepting/celebrating what you’ve done/achieved so far already. Plus you do still have time ahead!

Making the most of the time you have and people in your life now, doing things at your own pace with your own meandering life journey of learning, obstacles and struggles and doing what is right/exciting/true/meaningful/fulfilling for you.
If that’s leaving a legacy behind then what does that look like in practice for you? What regrets would you have? Would you only enjoy that legacy when you’re gone from this world – what about the present and the people who matter to you? Some questions for thought for me too.

Happy birthday in advance too! ๐Ÿ˜€

It’s me from yesterday and I’m not in my twenties no more haha

I was thinking about this because I was spiraling thinking that I was going to die from the whole health investigation that happened recently and that was documented here :’) I was terrified but I didn’t want to die – I got things to do, learn, play and draw!

I do get existential but again I’m finding that I care less and less about what people think over the years as I’m here on my own island and they’re busy with their own journeys too. And that most people are lucky to have 1-2 close friends in their life they can just talk to in times of need. Well…I got one best buddy at least. Just struggling to build a bigger inner circle when I’m a hermit :<

How am I going this year? Well I’m not as productive with all the learning, art and games as I would have liked but I am still progressing, learning and making mistakes as an artist and person at my own slow pace :’)

I have a lot to improve on always (to the point that sometimes I find something wrong when there isn’t any since I guess I’m used to being the scapegoat) and it’s an ongoing journey! Like to not get carried away, not forget the big picture as I get lost in the weeds often, not get too ambitious, knowing how to communicate/check with others enough, speaking up with trial and error, not doing things the silly hard way and to focus on what’s most important as you pick your battles :’)

Also most people just don’t have the capacity to emotionally connect with you at the same level…even though you try to open up and express about what’s going on. Sometimes all one can do is just listen as someone vents.

And some tradies are unreliable, flakey, frustrating, disrespectful, time wasting liars if you’re not careful. Fixing old things is expensive.

And doctor fees keep increasing to keep running. Gosh I got hit with another medical fee at the time of publishing this ๐Ÿ™

Changes, striving to improve and slow personal growth always continue – it doesn’t matter how old you are!

Do I have regrets?

  • There’s regretting my past teaching career,
  • feeling like I’m always going to be within almost everyone’s outer circle because people don’t have the capacity for me
    • (or I have no interest/capacity for them and their needs – it has to be mutual/both ways!)
  • getting too addicted reading romantic fiction too much that I lost sleep and time
  • hm probably also the loneliness as keeping and finding new friends is difficult :’)

Edit: And as expected, not many people would read my blog posts and this one too – my ego continues to be humbled as I continue to share to the void and the kind small handful of you are kindly here to read it. Thank you!! :’)

Anyhoo I’ll try to treat myself with food and catching up with a bit of gaming this week :0

I’ll take the next few weeks off from posting new art unless something time sensitive comes up!

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