In this little LeonieUpdate:

Illustration process & thoughts!
personal update and ramble about:
- LightBoxExpo 2020 update so far
- notes & thoughts on ghosting
- both animated Mulan (1998) & live-action remake Mulan (2020) rambles
- other interesting thoughts & finds

Illustration steps process

This is for Danielle Pioli’s LightBoxExpo Draw This In Your Style (DTIYS) Challenge [tw]!

I haven’t heard of this artist before this challenge but it’s been fun simply joining in if something interests me! (:

Thank you Danielle for the challenge! I caught up with your Paint With Me stream earlier and did/am doing a magma doodle session! I hope it’s possible for me to catch up with your other talks soon! 🌹✨

Gasp I think doing other artist’s dtiys challenges feels fun :0!!

My MagmaStudio LightBoxExpo 2020 contributions so far

Posted this yesterday! Doodling on the same canvas with other artists is pretty relaxing and fun! Like everyone else attending, I’m overwhelmed! Yesterday I was running on low on sleep (4 hours that time) trying to keep up with things haha 😭😫

Oh here’s the full piece for one of them here!

Personal Leonie rambles!

LightBoxExpo 2020 shenanigans are going at the moment & is finishing up later in the day
- since most things are happening when it’s supposed to be bed time on my end of the world, I’ve been sleep deprived trying to keep up with the live discussion and figuring out what talks aren’t recorded (growing pains) :’)
  - it’s understandable but some artists haven’t used discord, twitch or obs before!
- I avoided downloading zoom for ages due to security concerns but for this event I got it with 2FA enabled at least!
  - there’s some zoom meetings I was in the waiting room for but due to my Australian internet (probably? maybe?) I wasn’t able to get in due to the limited seating so I gave up trying to go for the potentially popular ones. Especially the recruitment or ones that aren’t recorded :0
  - hey I’m happy to experience what I can because I can’t physically attend anyway due to the fact that I’m from Australia <3
- this time I’m running on broken total of <5 hours of sleep so that’s a little better :’) I have a lot of brain fog and am pretty m
- I want to set aside time to actually listen to talks in my own time
  - I’m going to keep going through the talks, streams and panels when my foggy brain is more functional :’)
  - I hope they won’t get taken down :< Apparently the zoom panels at least will be taken down in a few days; I’m not sure? To be safe, I need to put aside the usual things I do & watch and focus eep!
- Goodness guess I’m inspired enough to watch art stream recordings! I’ve followed a bunch of art twitch accounts now :’)
- please note I’m probably not too functional, won’t post the usual stuff this week until I’ve recovered and processed my thoughts
- hey I posted extra Saturday dtiys art over the weekend; I need the break haha
- and goodness hello and thank you new like-minded art peeps for following along for the journey! 😊 I’ve never had an instagram post with over 100 likes so thank you!! 😂
- For those new: I don’t follow many peeps because social media generally is already overwhelming for me but I hope to get to know you better here at the blog comments, on twitter or maybe instagram! 💖
  - I like using twitter more than instagram because it feels more casual and conversational for me
  - as much as instagram is ideal, visual and often used between artists, I just want to keep it small and manageable for me. I’m just going to posting art, lurk & not going to bother fighting against with the algorithm. I need to do things that feels right for me at my own turtle pace :’)
- anyhoo I’m super grateful for this online expo! As much as there’s a lot of growing pains and confusion whenever plans change, I feel like this is the first time an industry event feels especially catered to me among many inspiring, humble and generous artists (: I feel humbled with plenty to learn! Thank you so much for everyone making this happen and being part of it (:

UNDERTALE 5th anniversary concert (at their Youtube channel) on September 16th, 2020 11am JST/12pm AEST!!
- update on Deltarune
Bad Behaviour: Why do people ghost? By Susan Winter notes & thoughts
- I’m writing this to get more perspectives since I’ve been both ghosted and was a meek ghoster. Thanks for bearing with me! I’m trying to be better at all this with my autism in mind, at expectations and boundaries! Please skip if you’re not interested :’)
- she says that ghosting is not okay and you’re not supposed to get comfortable with it (she’s focused on the context of dating but I think this applies with friendships in general too)!
- ghosting = dropping out of communication without warning
  - it means they’re bored, lonely, not clear and direct
  - she says it shows their lack of courage, politeness, communication skills, relationship skills, emotional maturity
  - they’re skipping the step of “goodbye” completely and leaving the other person believing things were okay until they realise what’s happened. Hurt, rejection and being discarded :’)
  - their “true character” is revealed as ghosting shows who they really are and where they stand? (Hm I think it depends on the situation but it’s mostly true?)
- she recommends calling them out with their behaviour
  - make your own resolution and ending
  - dropping out of contact doesn’t close the door and causes the mixed feelings to linger forever (but I believe you can move on from the mixed feelings – until perhaps you see them again)
  - if able, do call it out, say that you’re done, not expect a reply and end it
  - “there’s no reason to move forward if it’s just a one sided thing. I didn’t appreciate how you treated me.”
  - let them go; they’re not worth the time
- makes me think more about communicating in a more emotionally mature way since I know I need to always work on my communication, emotional maturity, assertiveness and courage (and many other things I can’t think of from the top of my head)
  - remember to only keep people who treat you like a human being, who respects and values you (I think only time and actions will tell)
  - being consistently direct with honesty is when you know they actually care
  - learning to communicate better and not just emojis haha hey!
    - Emojis are great and efficient though! Sometimes I can’t express feelings non verbally or articulate it into words when it’s socially expected! :’)
- she recommends setting the standard of honest communication and the importance of truth
  - make it clear to them that you’d rather have the truth and get hurt instead of believing something that is false, find out later and feel even more betrayed
  - “at least we know where we stand” and make it clear, comfortable and a safe place to communicate thoughts and feelings
  - I’ll keep this in mind! I do value honesty, especially if people have earned it and share mutual respect and trust!
  - I grew up with not speaking my mind so there’s also that personal hurdle I have to consciously leap as I warm up and trust people :’)
The Psychology of Ghosting by Ana Psychology notes and thoughts (with differing ways to approach and seeing both sides)
- Why people ghost?
  - due to the fear of conflict (for me it’s with people I don’t know well enough)
    - I relate to this – I have conflicting family relationships (tiger parenting) so I avoid conflicts, don’t feel like I have a voice by default and have low assertiveness most of the time. I’m used to avoiding confrontation and not speaking my feelings until I feel safe and listened to 🙁
    - I guess you can see why I ramble and enjoy blogging so much because I can express myself without worrying too much haha
    - I do ghost when I feel like there’s no point in wasting time with people who won’t understand me, seem flaky already, if I don’t really know them that well to have the honest connection , respect and/or I lack emotional bandwidth
    - I’m always working on my communication and social skills for the kind, understanding, reliable peeps who matter though!
    - I have ghosted before when I felt threatened, uncomfortable, anxious, not know how do deal with them or I sense that they wouldn’t listen and that it’s better to pretend that everything’s okay :’)
      - this is survival at play especially if they’re intentionally toxic/abusive! I’ll just leave and cut them off for my own well being
  - narcissistic people tend to get bored and discard people (and hurt them in the process) to get new narcissistic supply from someone else
    - I don’t think I do this, at least not intentionally and maliciously
    - I feel like if I’ve bonded with someone, that’s it. I’m going to keep the connection going unless one of us or both of us drift away from each other naturally
  - or they’re ghosting because they’re not interested
    - I feel like most people get bored and ignore me after a conversation or so ;P I’ve reached out to people after meeting them before and they just ghost me completely :’)
    - I’ve lost interest too so it’s fine. It’s better to know earlier with my ego a little hurt than later under false pretenses.
    - It’s just a soft way of rejection and sign of incompatibility. People just don’t want to say it outright (too uncomfortable)! That’s understandably how it is, even though it’s hurtful when it builds up :<
  - ghosting because they feel no connection, no obligation with you,
  - you share conflicting expectations between you
  - an unspoken deal breaker was broken for them,
  - they did not want to explain, did not want to be accountable and wanted to get away with it,
  - they have a lack of respect and empathy,
  - they do not care or love for you and your feelings (for people you’ve supposedly bonded with),
  - they underestimate their effect on others – not realising/caring that their silence is causing you misery
  - them not doing anything is an action too
  - ghosting shows poor communication skills, poor assertiveness and confidence
  - they’re not open to the consequence of their actions
  - they’re passive aggressive
  - they’re dealing with a stranger and they feel unsafe/uncomfortable
  - they don’t know you well enough to give an explanation
  - they find it difficult to communicate wants and needs
  - they don’t feel the same and that’s fine
    - communicating this especially when asked would be ideal though!
  - they just don’t think about you, think about you so little and have no room for you in your life
    - ghost them back forever since you’re not even important to them anyway
- effects of ghosting and breadcrumbing
  - helpless, lonely, confusion, hurt, powerless, discarded, lack of closure and anxiety
  - desperate attempts to avoid abandonment too
  - for me I just don’t want to engage/talk with them again. I don’t appreciate being completely ignored and ghosted when I reach out to somebody :<
- to cope with this
  - accept that it’s not meant to be
  - human connection is about growth and negotiating standards as a team
  - if communication didn’t work, ghost them back
  - let go of my expectations and hurt over time
  - remember to be direct, communicate and work through any issues I have with those who are worth it to me
  - treat people with respect, communicate with empathy and maintain boundaries and expectations (be honest with your personal limits)
- should we call them out? She says it’s better to move on
  - if you do speak up, you’re not letting them get away without accountability and you’re telling them that it’s hurtful so they won’t do it to other people
  - but they get upper hand, they know you care more, they probably won’t change,
  - they might even rope you back in, mistreat and ignore you again (breadcrumbing)
  - there’s more risk in causing you more harm. She says it’s better to not care and move on – ghost them right back
  - live your own best life and make no room for them in your life too (:
- Yeah I need to keep people I feel mutually comfortable around ;P
- I understand both sides of the ghoster and being ghosted (lots of reasons!) It’s still terrible and not okay to ghost someone you’ve connected and bonded with them.
- I agree with not calling out others for ghosting (or any other negative behaviour) with personal attacks or negativity because it just supports the ghoster’s decision to disrespect you and ignore your existence
- all this boils down to having honest communication with feelings and expectations plus mutual respect! It goes a long way and definitely not easy to do :’)
Please watch Accented Cinema’s take on Mulan: A Case of Failed Empowerment. It’s wonderfully expressed and structured; I deeply agree with it
- goodness he goes into the poignant parts of the original poem (how gender between the hares doesn’t matter, defying gender roles) and why the original animated film was so important and incredible towards feeling empowered and representation (including for me when I first saw this as a kid! <3 ) I feel so validated when lots of people feel the same!
  - how Mulan went from amateur to incredible, capable warrior alongside her male friends with hard work, resourcefulness, problem solver and thinking outside of the box, regardless of gender roles
  - super inspirational for equality and empowering both masculinity and femininity too <3
  - how Mulan is just trying to save the emperor as a person
  - the relationship with Mulan and her father developed too <3
  - her sacrifice and selfless decision to take her father’s place was a huge moment too
- how the live action remake upheld outdated, terrible morals :/
  - stop romanticising honour and loyalty to family and country! :/
  - it’s essentially upholding the hierarchy and tradition of keeping gender roles as they are, expecting women to submit to it (i.e. why is Mulan submissive to the hierarchy and becoming the status quo?!)
  - problematic how a woman is only valued if they have hyper-masculine traits (and powers because she apparently isn’t capable without it) according to this movie. That’s why Mulan is valued 🙁
  - I feel so sad for the sister’s role (implying that normal women should be happy to just find a husband and get married). It makes me feel like trash 🙁 Though I genuinely don’t care about marriage or bearing children ;P
  - how Mulan didn’t grow because she’s already superhuman and doing manly things so only she gets to be as empowered as the men :/ Her internal conflict is on whether she should show her powers and true self :S
  - too right, they got the chinese phoenix mixed up with other cultures!
Positive things about the Disney animated Mulan (1998) film
- How Disney’s “Mulan” (1998) Brazenly Challenges Gender and Sexuality
  - stumbled upon this old article! I can’t think of any huge issues with this movie; it’s a wonderful classic and one of my top favourites (at least to me)! Songs, comedy relief, character arcs, wit, action, animation, storytelling, art, side characters are all well done and incredible!
  - well I did find Mushu’s selfishness super annoying especially in the first half but hey (:
  - how expressing femininity is also great, that we shouldn’t be limited to societal and gender roles and how it doesn’t matter (:
- Mulan (1998) The GREATEST Disney Movie Ever Made? (yes, one of the best to me)
  - a nice love letter on what makes Mulan great! (:
More Mulan (2020) videos on how problematic it is (don’t mind me I’m just venting, letting out steam and coming across a lot of review videos recommended to me haha)
- Mulan is the Worst Disney Live-Action Remake So Far by Schaffrillas Productions
  - for a lovely, angry rant about the movie haha
- I Watched Mulan So You Don’t Have to by Dazz Reviews
  - wait cricket is a human, naive soldier in this movie??? What?! Why??
- Mulan – Disney Brutalises Nostalgia – Upper Echelon Gamers
  - this video summarises it and the issues surrounding it’s filming location
- Mulan (2020): An Unwieldy Mix of Chinese Influences – Spoiler Movie Review – podcast by a Taiwanese/Chinese/American couple
  - wardrobe and environments are okay??
    - Costuming wise I don’t know what I’m looking at! I’ve seen much better costumes and backgrounds in the HK and Chinese historical dramas I’ve seen ;P
  - we don’t really know who this movie is for;
    - there is no blood, the words are so simple but it’s not really a movie for kids.
    - It’s a movie about war where Mulan just kills hundreds of people (on both sides) so it should be more gritty and geared towards adults.
  - oh I wouldn’t know this since I didn’t watch it myself – why is Mulan’s family all speaking in different chinese accents?? Hahaha
    - definitely a hodge podge! And yes everyone speaking in English was weird too (but some people don’t like subtitles I guess)
    - I speak broken cantonese so I’m not really an expert here :’)
  - I agree that it could have been a war movie where Mulan is just a warrior throughout but they just had to force the original animated film’s story beats and humour to it – and they fall flat and don’t work. I thought this was going to be its own thing :S
  - the animated movie is definitely from the perspective from Chinese Americans while the live action one tries to cater to China?
    - But they’re not really doing historical and cultural representation well (aside from casting asian actors).
    - They didn’t get asian people in the production team to directly work on this with the costumes, directing, writing, composing etc either. We don’t know who this appeals to
  - Mulan cutting her hair in the animated film wasn’t necessary (it’s a western trope) I agree
    - but in terms of storytelling (for her decision to die for her father and symbolism of sacrificing part of her feminine beauty to become a man) and making things more practical for fighting, it makes sense to me.
    - what doesn’t make sense is when she has her curly hair perfectly down and getting in the way when she’s doing large scale violence in the live action remake
  - yeah I was wondering what chinese era it was :S
    - too right! if Mulan is from a poor town in this movie, then why are they all wearing expensive, terribly colourful clothes that belong to a museum??
  - how Mulan here is pretty ruthless, supernatural and powerful since young already?
    - saying she’s a cold, emotionless “nothing burger” seems apt because there isn’t much to say about her as a character or character development as the only inner conflict she has is hiding her true powers
    - she’s not relatable and is more like a superhero
    - apparently the main female actor is well known for her emotionless, bland acting but I can’t confirm personally
  - the “I fight for my country” felt odd and patriotic too when I thought it was more about fighting for her people and family
  - ah true! The phoenix represents guiding the feminine while the dragon is for the masculine
  - apparently Gong Li was pretty good as the hawk spirit lady :0 She just feels wasted in this role and just died for Mulan without any compelling reason
  - cinematography and action are alright but generally Chinese wuxia films are much better than this movie based on the discussion I’ve seen
  - oh I did not know that Ming-Na Wen (Mulan from the animated movie) has a cameo! The “passing the torch” moment
- everything wrong with mulan 2020 (a review by ModrenGurlz)
- Mulan: The Ultimate Mary Sue by Vito
Why Nintendo “forgot” Super Mario Galaxy 2
- this video doesn’t even answer the question, it just talks about the difficulties in its game development, how burnt out the staff were plus the creative leads were butting heads. So if you find out the real reason, let me know.
- someone brought up a good point that Galaxy 2 has Yoshi where they’ll have to reprogram everything for the player to perform actions with its tongue so alternate control methods, auto-aim mechanics and rethinking are needed. Originally you had to point and move at the same time to control his tongue while in the first Galaxy the mandatory pointer movements were independent from controlling Mario.
- it’s not as easy as the other games to reprogram controls for Yoshi for different modes too (pro controller, portable mode and joycons). That makes complete sense (at least partially) why Galaxy 2 wasn’t included! :0
Ethan Becker’s research based Inktober Plagiarism Scandal: dangelowallace edition
- how terrifying cancel culture is (taking sides), that people need to keep things neutral until sufficient information comes to light and whether originality is really that important
- “cancel the product, counsel the person” is his suggestion
- all I know is that I’m going to avoid using the Inktober hashtag whenever I do traditional art; there’s too much drama surrounding it!
Dune Official Trailer
- intrigued and I haven’t even read the book :0
the internet can be so terrifying
- especially when I hear about how stalkers behave, hurt, threaten (and even worse to) streamers while law enforcement does relatively nothing. It just makes me more guarded and careful with online interactions :<
The Zelda CDi Reanimated Collab
- 200 Animators and Artists with a vast range of styles and animation methods :0

Thank you so much for kindly reading my rambles!

As I said I’m probably too busy today to function and respond to things. I might be able to do quick replies but nothing too taxing on my sleep deprived brain until I recover :’) And there’s so many talks to catch up with; ahhh feeling super overwhelmed too!

I hope my rambles are coherent! I keep proofreading but my brain’s pretty foggy :’) Catch you around soon or at the latest next week! I hope to post another thing this week but I’m not sure if I can manage it yet haha

May you have a wonderful start of your week! I shall leave you with a song that was sent to me while I was staying awake all last night: Tatsuro Yamashita’s Ride on Time (1982) (:

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Illustration / My entry to Danielle Pioli’s Draw this in your style LBX2020 Challenge 🌹✨ + LeonieUpdate!