When you get super frustrated and impatient in your struggle towards being the artist you’d want to be. Yet you don’t have enough skills, health, stamina/energy and resources to do it right now.

But you want to achieve what you want nowwwww.

Control and “certainty” nowwww wahaha!

Jokes aside, wallowing and getting carried away about your desires, fears, jealousy, insecurities isn’t helpful to one’s well being.

Dramatic and childish…it happens when I get frustrated haha

There’s no final destination for me. I don’t really care about ambitious world domination honestly…I just want to get better. I get stuck and annoyed when little progress has been made.

The occasional envy and jealousy is normal.

It just means I’m afraid and insecure that gasp…

I’m a terrible, failing artist after all!! Oh noooo!

It just means that there’s much more to learn and work on.

It humbles me.

Or maybe I need to accept that what I’m doing at the moment is not for me right now and my focus is better spent elsewhere.

Let go of trying to fit into a mold. It’s tempting but keep trying different things. Be freee.

What other artists do are incredible and inspiring, undoubtedly!! It’s just my own feelings of lack, fear and insecurity keep rearing their heads. The downward spiral of negative self comparison. That’s one of many reasons why I don’t keep tabs on too many artists [and just stumble upon artists instead] so I don’t fall into that unhelpful headspace.

So what if I don’t really see substantial improvements in my own art right now! I can’t say I know what I want either. I’m always trying things out.

It’s okay. Just keep figuring it out and rolling. I know that learning and enjoying the process is what drives me. If I’m not learning with purpose and feeling reasonably challenged…it’s not fun and engaging anymore. Plus it’s a balance of not getting myself too stressed out with silly expectations, especially if I’m just learning things.

Gosh it’s hard. On one hand, you want to learn and be challenged. On the other, you don’t want to bother and create things within your happy, comfort zone too ;P

Ultimately, how you deal with the rollercoaster of lifelong learning and embracing mistakes makes you the person you are <3

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