Hurt & forgotten portrait sketch
Hurt & forgotten
When you realise you got left behind.
Overlooked. Outside, looking inside.
It’s been a mixed bag of good, alright and sad times this week. Felt a bit more dead, alone and disconnect inside when hit with huge, hurtful, depressing growing pains. It’s not a big deal to most so I kept it to myself but for me, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Allowed myself time to cry and sit with these mixed feelings, disappointment and personal lessons.
Some self doubts and fears seem to be confirmed. Maybe I am too distant, introverted and quiet to connect to people. It probably doesn’t matter if I’m around or not.
It hurts though when you thought you mattered to some degree but people didn’t even think or consider you in the first place. Well I guess that’s fair since I’m a homebody reserved soul. They shouldn’t matter too much to me either. I’m projecting too much into one basket, given that I don’t have many friends or people to talk to. I feel like retreating from everything.
I want to step back, figure out my own mindset and grow some emotional independence again.
Hopefully and eventually these hurt feelings will not bother me as much. I hope to grow to not worry about little signs of rejection, hopelessness and being let down. I don’t want to be the only one silently suffering. I am learning to speak up when it’s super important to me and if I feel like it will be acted upon. But I won’t if I don’t feel it’s helpful, if I need to adapt and when I need to let something go for my own well-being. Lessons being learned. In this case, I don’t want to waste time on this anymore. I’ll keep doing my best and focus on the bigger positives.
That said, along the lines of being forgotten and invisible – I am annoyed by people who say “…but they’re quiet.” As if it’s a bad, rude thing. It’s been told to me on school report cards and imposing relatives. Stuff you, don’t tell me to change. Don’t guilt trip me.
I understand why because they’d like conversation. We’re just not on the same wavelength and that’s fine.
There are many reasons why we’re quiet. It’s not necessarily all about them, we don’t want to pretend to like them, we get exhausted and drained or we haven’t warmed up to them yet. So just get rid of the “but” thank you very much.
Hurting and cried again but actively transforming it into positive energy and staying kind. Holding onto hope and making sure I do self care, self respect, boundaries, creating and focusing on good, kind people who matter and lovely vibes instead. Still believe and trust in the good in most people. Or that’s what I’m telling myself right now anyway.
Oh hey I’m rusty and made lots of mistakes but here’s some attempt at a portrait :’) I had to throw out the blotting orange pen away as it was making my life difficult and I had to redo everything.
And yes I am leaving “BurpDoodle” behind. It’s lost any resemblance of meaning since it started honestly.
PS: Also someone put a small colourful cardboard print out with “100% real human” in my bag :’) I have no idea how it got there. I guess I’m a pretend human ;P
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