Little timelapse

Miku doesn’t know who you are

Portrait of Miku looking unimpressed and wary / who are you again??
I did this illustration last year and spaced things out :0

I held onto this illustration for quite a while and then it was Miku’s birthday so why not :0

Trying to keep up an art buffer is hard…!!

TrueRefDT007 Oneka

Sometimes I feel bad for not drawing every day…
But then I don’t want to force it, sacrifice more sleep and burn out mentally with art. So far I’m doing what I can & pushing myself when I’m able :’)

Figure drawing and painting of a lady being wary in a yellow bikini, her hand on on hip and another holding the tie of her bikini bottom. Also chibi explorations of her.

Trying to do what I can wahh

It feels like studies and personal art are not for bluesky 🙁 At least it has to be in colour?? :/

I can’t do daily illustrations off the bat – I need a plan to make art and studies regular/weekly without burning out…

I’m not quite there yet since I want to do art over studies…

Leonie rambles about…

• The unforgivable sin of Ms Rachel / Lindsay Ellis
  • important video about empathy, history and on some of the current global issues

So I’m currently:

• playing Donkey Kong Bonanza (at the 5th layer cold place, keeping it vague)
  • enjoying smashing things, exploring well enough and not expecting to get all the bananas D:
  • turns out I can use the banana coin exchange to get more bananas and unlock more of the skill tree whoops!!
• busy with work and needing to slow down since I worked overtime for a flexible deadline :’D
• gloomy about the state of work + the art and gaming industry
  • getting existential and sad about how tough, harsh and desperate it is for everyone
  • it’s been difficult for artists – I’ve always struggled with freelance and not getting consistent work so 🙁
  • hearing about people keeping art as a hobby
  • again I feel like what I’m doing here is a “hobby” as it’s definitely not something I can survive from 🙁
    • social media and youtube are not strengths of mine
    • I’m not an educator, nor an entertainer
  • hearing a lot of big artists not doing well with social media and youtube as well
    • some artists just selling courses to other desperate artists…it feels icky/manipulative in some ways if the value isn’t substantial
    • some people sell art courses to survive and (ideally) to help others – to even more artists who want to do art for a living in an extremely difficult and volatile industry
    • a lot of artists doing courses and it’s also saturated (at least to me)
      • does it become a cycle of artists teaching artists and then those artists teach more artists and the job is more about teaching than doing art for clients/projects
      • nothing wrong with this as we’re just surviving but it’s good to be aware
      • you can’t invest into every art course out there…
      • some are veterans and some are just starting out and teaching newbies
    • not everyone wants to be a teacher on youtube and/or make courses
      • making quality courses, videos, structure, etc is hard
    • it’s great to pay it forward but not too much at your own expense and you become a doormat…
  • the fact that a lot of artists are sticking with their local scene/community/conventions instead, newsletters etc
    • I have this blog but most readers are fleeting
    • a small special kind handful (3-5?) of people stick around at least 🥹
  • I don’t have “Plan B, C, etc” when it’s generally just tough to know “what’s in demand” before everyone else starts doing it and then it becomes saturated in a niche/field
    • it all comes down to if it’s actually genuinely of my own interest to do it and to keep doing it…
• I’m feeling the burden and anxious😔
• I’m glad some work went to someone who needs it!!
  • striving make it clear that business emails is the best way to reach me and not bluesky DMs
  • I missed a message – can’t be helped
  • I don’t really check my social feeds and only log into there if I’m posting something
• felt a tad depressed at my social ineptitude, conflict avoidance, distancing myself off from people, low energy, insecurities, deadpan demeanor and bluntness sometimes
  • striving to make things work with 1 to 1s but it’s not easy to arrange when people want casual group social things more
  • don’t want to hang around when I can’t chat 1 to 1 with much people and minimise the overstimulation…
    • it has to be mutual interest too most importantly! I don’t want to guilt people or people to guilt me into chatting :<
  • like mentioned, some people have faded/distanced themselves away too
    • better to not force it as much as it’s sad and a tad hurtful
  • I do wonder if people misunderstand me and my quietness when I’m just listening or zoning out
  • it does feel alienating when you can’t connect to much people in groups with 3 people and over
    • I shut down and go quiet usually and then I don’t really get to know anyone well…
  • I am flawed, make selfish mistakes and don’t communicate well especially when I feel anxious and don’t feel secure/comfortable about someone…
• that said, I do appreciate when 1 to 1 catch ups manage to happen 😭
  • just ramble, vent, ask or say whatever’s of interest
  • or just chill together without expectations to fill the dead air
  • feels less lonely that way…
  • I would like to connect with more people but I don’t know who…
• trying to get a low poly character done and did the modeling phase
  • I promised to do one with a video even though it’s not really something I want to keep doing regularly
  • I’m just impatient and modeling takes a while + you need to build a foundation to work from
    • the more detailed it is, the more frustrating it is to make it look right
    • I’m not animating it nor rigging it so that cuts down on work
    • also it’s hard to tell if the model is working until you texture paint/add colour and so on
  • I procrastinated a lot with it as I know it will be time consuming with the texture painting next…
  • I decided not to do the original character I was working on
    • decided to do a low poly fanart of a character instead
  • next need to figure out how to texture paint this…
• I’ll have to go back to my Okonomiyaki character design/illustration after this
  • and then my discord emotes
  • and then actually do studies (I keep saying this but again doing art entices me more…)!!
• I am not going to GCAP but I am hoping to go to a MIGW/games week event when there’s confirmation
  • not going to Parallels as that’s not strongly my thing as much as it’s inspiring to see wonderful personal game projects
    • it’s super popular among artists/creative people too
    • it gets cliquey (friendship groups after all) when you don’t belong to or know any of them
  • it’s going to be difficult for me with transport so I’m only making one or so exceptions…if it works out :S
  • I’ll be working during games week too – I’m not taking leave nor doing night events
    • I need to decompress and rest!!
    • online events don’t exist anymore
  • I doubt anyone wants to catch up anyway
    • I did ask one year into the social media void and I got crickets 😛
    • I feel people want to organically meet at events
    • meanwhile I’m just a quiet, overwhelmed, drained zombie at these things :/
  • my last experience with GCAP felt like I was being hunted by job hunters sometimes
    • I feel helpless for their situation (how do I even pay it forward???) while being uncomfortable and felt being used in some ways :<
      • they’re not around because they want to connect with me but because of my situation – especially when doesn’t go/grow beyond this superficial level
      • they drop off contact right after so that clarifies things too
    • I have been there so I understand and have much conflicting feelings
    • finding work is terribly hard and I often hear about making your own indie projects on the side
  • all these mixed feelings resurface every time games week pops up ughhh
    • am I a terrible person…

Well more juggling ahead with life, work, art, recreation, sleep and hopefully learning ahhhh

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