Little timelapse; she faces the lights with a smile

Lorelai; I did studies on 2 ice skater performers together as one character

I did this over a year ago! I am getting super low on an art buffer eep!

I usually do positive art because I enjoy it but of course I’m not always feeling the same as the characters I draw.

I’m more neutral with a mix of tired, anxious, sad, lonely, existential and/or gloomy :’) I guess it’s a self reminder to just do my best and a way for me to uplift myself. And being creative and learning is what I enjoy doing!

Just figuring out what on earth I’m doing and the lack of a compelling drive for a personal project right now is what stumps me…

Leonie rambles about…

• Oof memory flashback on using Creative Writer as a kid and making printouts and doing assignments with it
  • remembering the clipart, wordart and purple man mascot McZee
• some coworker peeps have been super encouraging and supportive with the work I’m doing – I am super grateful 🥹
  • I focus on what I need to improve on more so it’s great to be reminded on what I should keep doing :’)
    • and I freeze and am very awkward and quiet with compliments – I do appreciate them!!!!
    • I just can’t articulate on the spot with the same niceties back…
  • we’re just doing our best with what time, resources, understanding, wellbeing, struggles, etc we are juggling with so we give each other grace :’D
    • awareness, communication, feedback loops are super important
  • Crashy Cart mode was an exciting update but it was intense with the time we had!!
  • I’m always somewhat insecure and anxious like a fraud at times but all I can do is do my best
    • always keeping myself on my toes…like a quiet turtle haha
  • other artists are inspiring and are great at what they do!! I don’t know the sorcery they do :0
    • same for other coworkers – I can’t do what they do!!
• I feel defeated and invisible when it comes to marketing myself :’)
  • I enjoy sharing my journey online though
  • hey I paid for this pricey webhost for this long running blog after all!!
  • I’m a hermit with limited energy to do outside things
  • am I too niche in what I enjoy…who am I?? What am I?? What am I doing with my life?? WHY
• I was second guessing myself on using the word “shenanigans” at work
  • I use it so much for “silly, chaotic activities/happenings” and not the other meanings ;P
  • yes there’s plenty more shenanigans at my little discord server where I share more things haha
• been slowly going through tutorials without doing them because they’re more theory haha
  • I know it never ends…the juggling never ends…
  • I do plan to do the more practical tutorials and share my progress here when it happens
    • just simple blender animation things? And maybe other things?
    • I don’t want to be a high poly modeler as I lose interest with complex 3D
    • I don’t know if I want to tackle grease pencil as that’s another beast
      • I feel like I need to know how a 2D animation project is done to see if it’s my thing
    • I want to learn 2D stuff too but that’s been put on hold
  • the bad side of tutorials is that usually it only teaches you how to do what they show you
    • but when it comes to your own thing it’s harder to apply
  • it’s good to try though because it makes it more interesting for yourself
    • …but it’s SO SO SO time consuming!!
    • so in that light, I can’t do them all!!
  • I feel like I need to plan what I want to learn in general before I go too deep in the void of further tutorials
    • beyond the ones I planned to skim through…
• artist drama happening with egocentric parasocial artist gurus, course hustlers, clickbaity art youtubers, people grifting with genAI and faking timelapses to prove their alleged innocence…yikes
  • I feel like I’m more wary and selective with art youtube channels because I don’t want to consume more things – I have a never ending resource backlog already!!
  • It has to be super compelling and inspiring enough for me to stay in the long run
• what a weird all over the place Summer weather in Melbourne
  • hot and cold and switching up clothes wah

I can’t believe it’s December and 2025 is ending soon…

In the next blog post, I need to reflect about the year and to figure out what to focus on next year…it feels daunting!! It has to be flexible else I will just end up with overpromising myself things and disappointment 🙁

I keep being too optimistic and when the actual time comes – it’s too much self pressure. I feel like I’m resistant to my own plans sometimes and I want to be able to choose what to hyperfocus on in the moment from a prepared todo list depending on my headspace in that moment. And then I can switch gears when I need a break from it…

Planning is so hard because future me can be fickle when the projects/things are self directed.

It’s also a wonderful time to get existential trying to figure this out! :<

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