Video eventually one day!

It’s animated but I don’t have nor can I afford huge web data so no gifs here ;P

See movement at my youtube community post or cara :0

Just chilling on my mug :0

Leonie rambles about…

• does anyone else feel like they’ll never be happy (chronic depression by D’Angelo) CW: dark thoughts and depression
  • you win everyday for being there day by day and as you are
  • I struggle with happiness in some ways too so I just tackle each day at a time too like many people
    • it’s hard to recognise happiness sometimes too when you’re swept away by thoughts (or dissociate/no thoughts) and focus on the things that bother you that give you anxiety instead (me)
    • now I just see it as being grateful and enjoying the small things :’D
  • I don’t think I have depression but I do relate in some ways during the dark, hopeless, lonely waves and times of despair and wondering why I exist and how my efforts feel futile
• how do I calm down my eye pressure….it was too high 🙁
  • initially I thought it’s caused by my intense bouts overworking and lacking in sleep and stressed out (all true) so I need to stop…?
  • Turns out a big part is how tight I have my eye mask on and it’s been pressuring my eyes? :0
  • need my eye health check again soon when it’s not high pressure wah
  • Nope my eye pressure is still too high; I now need to see an eye specialist to check instead :<
  • I hope things are alright with my eyes…and it’s going to be expensive since it’s a specialist and surgeon 🙁
• just finished watching someone play Famicom Detective Club: Emio the Smiling Man
  • it’s horribly dark at the very end especially
  • I like these characters and the compelling detective/crime/drama story; a visual novel worth playing!!
  • I don’t like a certain character
    • SPOILER on ending with a character, please don’t read: Kuze whose ending felt rushed and I’m not sure if she faced consequences
    • she risked other people’s lives and used a kid’s suicide and reframed it as murder for her own personal search, tried to kill the protagonist and couldn’t and then she ended up married to her detective partner???
    • Her version of atonement to rehab and care for her brother is what she would be doing anyway regardless of her crimes…how is that consequences?? She just quit the force and that’s it??
  • another was teacher guy
    • was pretty much over the top putting Ayumi on a pedestal
    • I don’t know how to feel about him pushing his favourite coffee place to get Ayumi alone and talk around things she actually wants answers to
    • he’s both over the top and insecure so that’s why I’m on the fence
    • I get where he’s coming from but he becomes a weirdo when it’s about Ayumi
  • there are pacing issues but the story was compelling enough for me to not mind too much
  • and this game is about how not everything is a happy ending…like real life
    • It’s usually a complex mess of good, bad and mundane
  • I haven’t seen the previous two games but yeah this is an amazing visual novel series
• striving to walk more each day now with steps goals!! Too early to say if there’s a difference yet
• I had to pull out all my keyboard keys for the first time to clean it out
  • (and to see I can make a few keys work/respond properly again)
  • it’s super yucky – it took me some hours wow
  • it’s much more responsive and I don’t have to slam it anymore…for now

Lots of old things to replace and ongoing and big expenses…oof. I feel poorer each time.

For instance my old phone hasn’t been supported for 2 years…it’s quite old and I need to get a new one but I’ve been holding onto it. And phones are expensive…!! I don’t need all the fancy features!! I don’t want another full computer in my pocket!!

But I still want a quality phone that will last me a long time :<

And my monitor has started to die thanks to this vertical red line that appeared some time ago and won’t go away!!

To be fair it was a hand me down monitor I didn’t choose for myself and it’s held on for many years (ASUS)

Depicted in fetal position as unexpected expenses on top of other expenses keep coming up. Oooof.

I went into a rabbit hole and did crash course learning how monitors are right now as I struggled to find a replacement monitor. It was stressful, overwhelming and too much new things I don’t know about!!

• How OLEDs / WOLEDs are a thing and I don’t want that since pixels burn into the screen for static/productivity usage
  • LG and Samsung are the ones making this tech and other companies are using this tech from them
• how apple display monitors is the best for artists / colour accuracy but I don’t think I can use it nor afford it
  • it’s frustrating when artists get recommended this one but alternatives are a mixed bag of compromise
• I don’t want wide screen as it distorts the image depending on viewing angle
• I don’t have the wide screen/large screen space anyway
• next best thing is IPS display but the colour range is always not as good as OLEDs
  • things are over/under saturated
  • blacks are not deep
• HDR – there’s a lot of fake HDR going on, a lot of tech jargon to cover spec checkboxes and for ignorant consumers to not realise it’s fake
• that “mid range” monitors are super expensive for me already but high range are in the thousands of dollars in cost!!
• watched a bunch of monitor review videos and it was overwhelming and it was going over my head until I just kept reading and just barely figuring bits and pieces
  • I don’t know most things as they’re testing things I don’t fully understand
  • so many comparison charts with specs
• Gigabyte, LG, ASUS, MSI get recommended
• Samsung has bloatware with their monitors too apparently
• Lots of “gamer” spec focused reviews so I had to look at artist ones for more perspectives…but it’s rare and/or out of date :<
• how monitors all have cons and it’s just which ones you can deal, live with and minimise…wow

The monitor research took my time and plans away and ruined that weekend night when it happened :’)

At the least I finally get a better monitor of my own now!! It won’t be the best monitor compared to OLEDs but hey compromises to be made…

Anyhoo pretty much intense working so far in the past week and the start of this week. Now taking a rest from being on a roll.

Lots of life things, art things to juggle and learning I’m way behind on!! Juggling continues ahhhhh

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