SuperLeonieMode 345 / When you’re hand washing with shampoo + timelapse! πŸ˜“πŸ§Ό

Little timelapse! 🧼

SuperLeonieMode: Life of an anxious, inconsistent, lazy germaphobe and the handwashing cycle :’)

Someone’s saving money on hand soap I guess; happened a while ago and thankfully we’ve used it up and we’re back to cheap hand soap :’)

Leonie reflects on how she’s putting self worth = follower numbers again

Feeling sad and demoralised at myself for checking my declining twitter follower numbers whoops. Thanks so much to those of you who are still sticking around!! Gah mental headspace not too great and feeling insecure :’)

I don’t think I’ll ever reach 2k followers; it’s been stagnant and generally declining, some people are drifting away and I’m assuming most game industry people don’t like what I do (indifference) when it’s not game art focused. It definitely gets me existential and frustrated as I struggle to experiment with what rings true to me and still appeals to people. My stuff is *too* niche and it’s both good and bad in different ways :<

I don’t post to instagram, facebook nor artstation anymore so the only mainstream platform I have left is twitter. I am somewhat wary when artists are on instagram and tiktok to reach high numbers of people and yet I’m drawing the line here with social media platforms that are heavily reliant on you being on the phone! I’m already bogged down with other places I’m posting at so I don’t need more exhausting algorithm and formatting hoops to jump through :’)

Ultimately I know being too focused on numbers it’s a terrible mindset to have when I should be focused on my artistic growth and my interests and not what I (or people) think people want. I’ve rambled about this topic countless times because it’s an ongoing emotional thing I have to manage as I put work out there and yet my like/retweet/follower numbers remain roughly the same. Will there be a point in time when I won’t care and feel insecure about numbers? Striving to remind myself to be happy with what I have, even though my numbers are staying the same and/or declining. It’s out of my control after all.

In terms of what I can control, I’ve been mulling over possibilities with my artistic direction in character illustration and I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere with a strong focus. Then again that’s how the art learning journey is a lot of the time. What am I doing with my life :’)

I know I have much room for improvement and learning to do! So as a self reminder: I’m going to focus on these things instead, experiment and trust in the process and my interests that I’ll find my way, however slow, irrelevant, isolated, uncertain and far behind I feel :’)

PS: I’ve also changed from private to public with my instagram account for prosperity but I logged out immediately after. I am surprised that there’s new followers though? Still I’m not going back there ;P