Subtitled timelapse!

White and blue cat deity smiling and sleeping in a bed of flowers

Sommie Sleeps – my mood

I want to rest and relax but I’m bad at it & get anxious :’)

Hoping this is me
Trying to rest from burn out and figure out myself again and not do any more community art challenges this year ;P

So here’s some reminders and notes on how to manage the “feeling in danger” feeling with the nervous system

• cry and release the tension
• do everything slooooooower, slow down
• humming & use vocals to soothe
• use cold water at the end of a shower…?
  • I don’t want to do that one, I’m already super cold
• interrupt yourself reaching out for your phone/addictive content with something else
  • (I need to do this)
  • at the least use my will power to do the stuff I need to do first before I drift off doing distracting things
  • not let procrastination carry me away
• regulate together with someone you feel safe with
  • discuss about what you’re going through
  • though most people don’t want to listen at length or allow you space to think
  • they end up talking about themselves instead in an attempt to relate and not wanting to go too deep (which I do too)
  • depends if the environment is too noisy and overstimulating for talking about deeper stuff too
• soak in a bathtub
  • not an option for me
• Stomp feet, focus, be present with the body
  • sensory grounding – chew crunchy stuff, hold cold object, touch textured thing, etc
  • get in present moment and get back in your body and out of spiraling
• real and fake laugh to let energy out
  • use entertainment to laugh at
• accept discomfort, emotions pain, even ask for more
  • watch how feeling it and allowing space for it makes it dissipate
  • fighting it keeps it around
• Slow stretching
• Self comfort
  • press hand to chest, self hug around shoulders, soothing pats, touch, body tapping
  • gentle caress like skin strokes on hand and face etc
  • ask someone/partner you feel safe with to do this with each other (nah I don’t have that)
• Take a huge sigh and let it out
  • let all the stress out
• Breathwork practice – double inhale and long, loud exhale
  • mini meditations, drop shoulders, take a breath, repeat often
  • I do this one when I wind down and zone out so I don’t clench when I sleep
• get sunshine into eyeballs in the morning??
  • no it’s too cold outside and I’m a hermit
• connect with nature with no phone
  • no I’m a hermit usually 😛
• comforting nostalgic soundtracks, music, scents, lavender oil
• have a mantra – “I am safe (enough) right now”
  • reassure yourself that you’re not in danger, there’s no need to be super tense and anxious
  • easier said than done
• MOST important – prioritise sleep 7-9 hours of sleep
  • no phone in bed, book before bed, no late eating
  • this one is so hard when I don’t reach 7 hours………
• loosen the jaw when you remember to

Work related

** reminder that these thoughts belong to me and not my employers

Please understand that I have to have this disclaimer just as a precaution if I ever mention work things now.

I would still like to mention and document things…

Crossy Road x Among Us TV show promo animated by Lia

Lia the community manager and marketing assistant made the animated video with this scene!

I helped with all the art assets and made new Crewmate Unihorse, Crewmate Mallard and Impostor Mallard (and I did make Crewmate Chicken at the time too). Made the new Halfling painting and repurposed Among Us and At Home environment assets. Finally that Red Crewmate on the custom TV is my original pitch art for them (not the final version used in Crossy Road).

I don’t know if the show is good but apparently a few say it is?

Anyhoo with work, there was a lot of preparing, questions, processing and reflecting. It’s always a juggle because I get carried away when I get into the creative fun zone and I have to take it easy and slow down again :’D

Leonie personal ramble

• so I’ve been addicted to vertical cdramas (a lot of the period drama ones for their costumes)
  • feeling like I’m self sabotaging myself when I get carried away so striving to manage it
  • I skim through the really tropey dragged out drama, misunderstandings, politics, framing people, gross assault and focus on any romance bits
  • in real life this is all too intense, unrealistic and may involve life and death situations
  • underlying patriarchal world as the default and gender roles (or reversal thereof)
  • sometimes there’s some uneven power dynamics, dubious, creepy and problematic stuff going on
  • there are some “girl boss like a man with no romance” where the lead acts like a conniving, ruthless person rising in power instead – this is not the norm with stories though
  • or there’s some modernised morals, monogamy and values in a period drama to make it more palatable haha
  • or a (very nonsensical with the set up) reverse male harem
  • or working to survive within a harem of consorts and concubines and mistresses and wives with one husband…
    • a time where women were “property”
    • it still unfortunately happens in some places nowadays 🙁
  • or about women surviving in a man’s world, using the power of seduction, becoming a damsel in distress, using her skills/abilities/martial arts/strategy/connections and/or being at the mercy of her possibly abusive family or affected by her traumatic upbringing
    • striving to not get killed, framed, wronged, punished
    • to get revenge after being wronged or betrayed or killed or assaulted
    • depend on powerful people (mostly men or powerful women) to fund and gain power/influence/wealth/business/beauty
    • then ends up being a wife with kids and/or becoming an empress, emperor or boss lady of a business
    • it really is a power fantasy for women feeling stuck in traditional gender roles, expectations and responsibilities or not feeling enough in many aspects in life
    • and the desire to feel taken care of with love, affection, security, family and emotional intimacy
  • it does get repetitive and sometimes things play out weird/differently because they can go in weirder, silly or trashy directions with their middle to lower budget
  • I want some good fictional romance to fill the lonely void :'(
    • I mean I don’t experience it in real life because reality is super complicated and stressful ;’P
    • all the same I get a mixed bag depending on what I get from the stories
    • I wasn’t expecting mind blowing stories though
    • on rare occasion I get emotional with the predictable/trashy story anyway because they execute it with earnest
    • most of the time it’s disappointing
• Watched Mina the hollower for a while and it’s not a game to watch but to play
  • hear lots of praises for it
• Not going to watch the anime Apocalpse hotel…
  • not interested in furry/tanuki human-looking alien refugee family
  • they just look like a japanese family with tanuki ears and tails :/
  • I’m just not interested in it I guess :<
• experiencing how it’s lonely being in groups (because you’re comparing yourself in relation with others) and being reminded that I’m not in any cliques
  • I didn’t bother too much with approaching people as I don’t want to be an extra wheel
    • maybe I need to deal with that….oof
    • I envy people who thrive in social groups with energy, popularity and charisma sometimes
  • I have the “I don’t have energy” repelling aura
  • in the past I end up being a quiet extra listener on the side
    • and when I’m not interested anymore it sucks
    • the art of leaving a social group when you need to move on – it’s hard
    • not wanting to be alone/abandoned but also wanting to be alone to recover
    • the thing is when you leave, they forget and you don’t get included again
    • then again they would prioritise people they’re closer to anyway
  • I focus on 1 to 1 chats so when social group things happen I’m just alone :’)
  • so I do appreciate when 1-2 people who are braver than me – approach me to talk a while
    • how do people regain social energy….
    • I just conserve it because there’s no quiet space to regain it
  • I need to practice eye contact more when I feel able to and connect with people :<
    • I was living in my head a lot
  • I hope to focus on people who don’t need me to pretend to be a social butterfly to feel comfortable around me ;P
    • I need to not overthink and care less about people who don’t even consider me
    • easier said than done but hey self reminding here….
  • hope to focus on mutual friends and people who are still happy to chat with me in my life :’)
    • especially people who are willing to text chat
    • there’s some who are only in person or phone call chatters though but it’s so difficult to make chats happen 🙁
    • I still need to manage my rejection sensitivity when people ghost you
      • it’s a response in itself when they don’t bother even after you follow up with them :<
• Reminded that the original pan pizza crust is fatty and oily
  • need to avoid that in the future
• elastic bands can get so old they break and don’t work…
• why are many shared snacks sweet, where are the savoury ones….
• some people are super selfish, greedy and lying manipulators
  • trying to get money out of rock and want things to work their way!!
• monthly cramps hurts badly right now, feeling sluggish, icky and just UGH
• shopping is addictive – trying to not get carried away
  • needed some winter clothes though
  • need to seek some new runners, boots and flip flops
    • all of mine are over a decade old and are breaking apart 🙁
    • good shoes are not cheap though…sorting this out this month or so I hope
• depressing world news, politics and rampant use/abuse of problematic tech continue
  • it’s disappointing and saddening and makes me feel helpless
  • especially when more and more people I know and companies use genAi
  • trying to focus on what I can control
  • I’m just copium I suppose….
• existential about what I’m doing and lack of personal projects!
  • I need group stuff into little projects…
  • haven’t been productive with art or learning so far because my burn out is taking a while
  • I do plan to focus on making emotes for my discord server next
  • when I don’t feel poop from my monthly pain and period that is
• can I eat without having rice in my life?
  • Yes but I still want to eat rice because I grew up with it haha
• that I have a lot more favourite fruits, pastries and games than just one for each :’)
• I think blog views are going down back to normal over the months…
  • I still don’t know what happened to make it spike
  • art challenge months might have played a part but not in January and February !!

Thank you so much for reading!

I need to exercise my weary body haha

And I need to do something for my birthday week ahead…

Catch you next time or at my discord server ;D

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