Kirby anniversary Month x Plein Airpril Day 13

Metaknight and his milkshake break

Kirby anniversary Month x Plein Airpril Day 14

Peeping from the clouds

managing stress and juggling continues, stayed up late to write up that blog post too ahhhh

Kirby anniversary Month x Plein Airpril Day 15

Sharing the love for rice with Waddle Doo

keep on juggling ahhhh

Kirby anniversary Month x Plein Airpril Day 16

Volcanic Fire Kirby

don’t eat/drink soy milk/drink non water drinks less than 30mins before or after teeth brushing else teeth gets damaged and weak from abrasive cleaning stuff oof – I was ignorant and later I get so impatient and don’t follow this…it’s over ahhhh!!
So self reminder here to do this more diligently from now on

Kirby anniversary Month x Plein Airpril Day 17

Ice Kirby resting

Spent all day doing chores and cleaning and a small part dealing with my stressful family situation (I am not dealing with the full brunt of it gratefully due to other responsibilities), still got more to juggle today ahhh!!
Also let’s do our best :’)

Kirby anniversary Month x Hatsune Miku x Plein Airpril Day 18

Hiding under cover

having a not great day today; stressful family situation escalating leaving everyone sleep deprived 🙁

I’m torn because I want to keep up dailies but I don’t want to burn out…and then I did….

Right now I have quit plein airpril dailies but I’ll ramble about it for the final plein air update in the next post ;P

Leonie rambles about…

• Why Chinese Pop Music Sucks (Compared to K-pop and J-pop)
• Chinese Music – It’s Not Dead, It’s Misunderstood…
  • gosh I didn’t expect to hear cantonese – it was WHOA I remember that song!! haha
  • yeah it makes sense…it’s sad that there’s nothing iconic with music
• East Asia has a serious Internalized Misogyny issue (personal tmi venting / complicated feelings ahead)
  • oof video pointed out how misogynistic the language is too???
    • that negative words are associated with women within the word itself??? :/
  • I am relating to this so much because of all the direct and indirect/subtle misogyny I get from a lot of family and relatives throughout my life……………………..
    • gender roles, expectations and being compared in all aspects as a put down and never being enough in terms of looks, behaviour, “ladylike”ness, career, relationships, accomplishments, failures, whether you give face to the right people, etc
    • and those who creep me out and make me feel horrible, pressured, manipulated, disrespected and insecure…
    • and then there’s some distant others who are caught, obligated and trapped in the middle
      • who just want to live their own lives separately
      • and figure out their own struggles (myself included)
  • I hate being disrespected, emotionally manipulated, put down/insulted, judged, criticised, interrogated, blamed/scapegoated, get misunderstood or things get twisted about me in a negative way, devalued
    • and get my time, wellbeing, boundaries stomped on and dismissed
    • that I’ve become super guarded, distrustful, drained and anxious
  • I hate having to constantly prove myself and explain and feeling like very few people are on my side and feeling isolated and trapped
    • especially when you know some people are just there to criticise, judge what you lack, put you down and/or tally and hawk on how you aren’t doing enough/correct/right in their eyes
    • quick to jump into negative assumptions about you
      • or jump into projecting things they expect from from you
      • but their expectations wouldn’t be the realistic if they actually cared to understand you
    • when they don’t even see nor understand your perspective, struggles, concerns, issues, other responsibilities, trauma, suffering, experiences and boundaries
      • not that we want to be close anyway…nor mutually see each other’s struggles
    • nor are they actually helping when they’re telling you what you should do
      • they’re actually making things worse because they’re just on the sidelines/outside,
      • don’t see what it’s like
      • and not facing the consequences, struggles and burdens like you are from these decisions
    • they just only care about what they think is best…for their own generation, pushing their values onto everyone and all about giving face – not actually what is best for you
      • and you don’t feel safe with enough rapport, trust and respect to discuss things
      • and because you know it won’t stay private and it’ll spread to others
        • they’re not on your side….
      • usually they just don’t care to ask and/or listen about you
    • sure I’m not perfect and I make mistakes and I’m willing to grow accordingly to my own beliefs
      • but don’t tell me what to do with my life and control how I “should” feel and “should” act
      • I don’t want to be talked at
      • I don’t want people chasing/reaching out to me because they just want something from me
        • they don’t actually care about me
      • I don’t respect people who trample on my privacy and boundaries
        • people are not entitled to my trust, respect and time – we all have our limits and boundaries
      • if only people respected boundaries and my “no”s….
    • isolation also is a way to protect my peace,
      • they’re not worth my time and worry as I remind myself :’)
      • I shut down too because I just can’t deal, manage, communicate, articulate it
        • they like to put you on the spot and pressure you too
      • not that they care that I’m neurodivergent/autistic ;/
• sad the two people I watch for Tomodachi Life are not streaming it these weeks???? Noooo
• watching someone play Pragmata too – saw the end
  • it’s a good game from what I could see about fatherhood but it is a predictable story
• work is super intense and tight
  • I want to get it done properly but I feel rushed ahhhhh
  • just got to do my best with what I have
• life is also stressful, trying keep up morale…
  • trying to keep sane with all these suffocating/demanding pressures, conflicts/friction, confusion, uncertainty, anxiety and struggles in many directions
  • see more below on this
• I didn’t have much sleep this week as I look back…how did I even function 🙁

So I had a family emergency again in the past week that left me even more sleep deprived.

This month so far has been horribly stressful and tense because of this ongoing stressful, frustrating, uncertain family situation that I’m keeping vague in my blog posts because I don’t want to discuss private things here. I did vent with just a few people I trust at least (very grateful for them!!)

Here I don’t want to trauma dump and talk about negative things for the sake of privacy especially when it also involves about other people and not just myself :’)

I hope more answers come to light from the ongoing and very concerning investigations later this week….

I got lots of work things to this week and the next as well!! Focus/lock in mode ahhhh

I’m also in great pain right now with my monthly stabby pain/cramps too arghhhhhh

I feel so poop and grumpy right now

Anyhoo just hanging in there! Let’s keep doing our best!! :’)

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