Fanart / Week of Olivia from Animal Crossing + LeonieUpdate!

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In this little LeonieUpdate:

  • Lots of Olivia during this week!
  • Personal update, Dinosaur LEGO set gift, reflecting about getting more active, The Game Awards, Disney news and more!

Initial sketch!

Here begins my week of Olivia from Animal Crossing!

My stylish, elegant, feline villager! 🕶️💛✨

Ooh it would be interesting if I could wear stylish, tailored outfits and zone out as a well dressed, untouchable statue for a while :0

In a different conversation, she wanted everyone on my island to change, be elegant and stylish and she got told off for it because it wasn’t cool to change people like that ;P

Will be adding more fanart to this blog post throughout this week (: Yes I’ve already made lots of Animal Crossing fanart to get it out of my system ;P

Tuesday / How can you tell? 🐈💔🖤

Everyone has their own flaws, trauma, emotional walls, troubles, “brokenness”, baggage, obstacles, way of functioning and wounds and it’s hard to tell from the outside :’) Generally we’re understandably not comfortable nor safe in sharing our hurt, fears and be vulnerable with our feelings. Still sometimes we have to take the risk and leap of faith with a worthy someone who has naturally earned our trust and let our guard down to genuinely connect and bond with them.

Personally I’m getting better at accepting myself as I am, my current situation and my mixed feelings in the present. Something that one has to keep acknowledging, expressing and managing. It’s not easy and I’m terrible at expressing my own feelings and standing up for myself as they happen in the moment so all I can do is articulate it afterwards if I feel safe to do so :<

And I overthink a lot because I’m not good at reading others either :’)

(Goodness, yesterday/Monday’s heatwave was miserable!!)

Wednesday / No 🐈💗🌸

Respecting boundaries is important!

As you may know I’m not good at speaking up in the moment because I freeze and get overwhelmed. I am getting better at reflecting and expressing myself after the moment, when I’m ready and feel safe to do so though.

I also feel like few people see these extra rambles updated at this blog post so if you’re reading this, I appreciate you!! (:

Thursday / Living your own tune! 🐈💃🎶🎵

Keep doing your own thing! Believe that you can work things out!

For me I’m always striving to do what I can with my own small scope of freedom, opportunities and autonomy; it’s hard when I feel so alone on my own path. Plus there’s always things I need to experiment, work around, tolerate and are out of my control. I don’t fully know where I’m going, there’s times of doubt and anxiety to manage but I’m going to see what happens in little strides :’)

Doing what feels true for me :<

Last one for the Week of Olivia! Yes I only did 4 pieces of her since some sketches didn’t work out :’)

Little LeonieUpdate ramble!

I actually haven’t been doing much art because of a lot of personal and existential reflection, loose planning and posting Animal Crossing fanart on social media and on reddit!

Sidenote: I just switched to the “new” reddit interface, as a reddit newbie! I’m so confused and realised that 8 mysterious people are already following me?! Wow :0 Am I supposed to post to my profile like I do with social media too? I’d rather not ;P

Plus my drawing hand’s thumb has a terrible case of painful and dry eczema, making it difficult to draw for too long without irritation and pain. It’s happened again, making me miserable and started to bleed a bit; hopefully it’s slowly healing up :<

I needed the art break though so I’m feeling keen to get back to art again when I’m ready, when my thumb/hand is healed up and when it’s not so uncomfortably warm! I hope that happens this week :’)

Got tagged by a kind artist last week at instagram stories to draw a snowperson so here’s my rough doodle!

Belated thank you Hipster Whale team of CrossyRoadCastle for this Dinosaur LEGO set gift!

I will start building my Tyrannosaurus rex & Pteranodon soon!! 🦖✨ (Triceratops & the rest goes to my bro ❤️)

It’s a lovely thank you gift for those who helped out on the game~! I need space to put this set too. I picked this LEGO set as my gift because the others were too expensive, fancy or I can’t split the LEGO building with my brother :’)

Updating about it as I progress! ;D

Aw yes! Just finished the Pteranodon! ✨It’s nice & relaxing just putting lego pieces together since forever 🧩🧱

I need to find a good home for this! I feel like people aren’t interested but I don’t care ;P

Reflecting about getting more active!

CW: Reflecting on weight, health, body image

For the first time in a decade (so it’s regardless of going outside or being a homebody), I actually lost weight this year during the pandemic. I lost six kilos this year! I’m now in the middle of the “healthy weight range” if BMI is to be roughly believed and I’m not at risk of going over beyond this range anymore. Whoa, I only realised when I finally weighed myself last week :’)

It’s a big deal for me because I’m a hermit for a lot of my life and I’ve been around at the same weight since university until now! It explains why I somehow feel and notice that I’m little bit smaller and I feel more better about myself health-wise (mentally and physically). I’m not comfortable and I don’t want to describe myself physically here; I will say that I feel less like a sore blob and now more a healthy blob ;D

I’m completely stunned because I still have my tummy (that I’ve accepted however insecure about it I am at times), I fast, I eat junk food sometimes and I didn’t do anything too different, aside from refusing to skip a day of exercising during the latter half of the year. Maybe it’s because I am more conscious with how much I eat and making sure that I’m not overeating? Or probably it’s because I started Ring Fit Adventure October last year! It lines up!

Now that I have started Fitness Boxing 2 in the past week, I’m going to be exercising even more alongside Ring Fit Adventure!! :0 Striving to manage my energy levels, reduce having sore, stiff muscles and committing to move my body daily (even though I’m dragging myself to do it on sleepy autopilot during my busy mornings and late afternoons)! I’m not doing strength training though so I still won’t be strong ;P Still I feel quite happy with my slow, relaxed pace and progress and that I have something that I enjoy doing as my exercise!

I’m definitely not the most strong, active, outdoor kind of person so it’s good and reassuring to see that I’m at a more healthy weight and that I’m keeping myself physically active and healthy to balance all the long periods of working at my desk! It wasn’t my primary goal to lose weight so this has been a welcome bonus! It works for me if I stayed around this weight indefinitely too! (:

I hope I keep taking care of myself and I hope you are doing your best too! (:

Stuck in a bad relationship? (This might be why!) by Aspergers from the Inside

  • I think that applies to non-autistic people and with friendships
  • I do relate:
    • how it’s been hard trusting people with my feelings
    • recognising what the red flags are
    • fearing that my trust will be betrayed, abused, dismissed, taken for granted and manipulated
    • adjusting myself to mirror others and not talk lots about what I enjoy (my tunnel vision) because of the fear of rejection
    • knowing who are actually good, compatible, mutual and safe for me to engage with
    • masking myself too much and not getting my emotional needs met
    • I’ve lowered my expectations in people whenever they let me down and don’t care as much as me 🙁
  • I’m more cautious and I sit between judging (trusting my own gut feeling, putting emotional walls up and noticing what traits in people are incompatible with me) versus giving benefit of the doubt, being open minded, understanding other’s perspective and accepting people as they are
  • when I finally let someone in (given that there’s mutual interest and effort), I overthink until I feel the bond and their actions over time are consistent, reliable, safe, respectful and trustworthy
    • it’s slow, earned and takes as much time as it needs when I can actually express, speak aloud and communicate my thoughts and feelings and let my emotional walls down without anxiety in little increments over time (and they can too if they feel comfortable doing so)
    • it’s frustrating when people avoid the deeper topics, ghost me, aren’t transparent and don’t address their own boundaries with me I don’t know if I’m stepping on them or if it’s safe for me to speak up about mine :<
      • I guess it’s a subtle way being rejected
      • accepting and respecting that it’s their agency and I shouldn’t worry too much about what’s not in my control :’)
    • respecting everyone’s agency is important and that we’re allowed to have hurt, mixed feelings! How one manages and acts upon their emotions is a completely different matter
  • good reminder that I do have control over my actions, that I need to respect myself, to communicate and put my own needs first (I struggle this the most) and not put someone else’s interests first in a one sided connection
  • learning to build and manage healthy boundaries is an ongoing thing for me and for a lot of people :’)

The Game Awards 2020 & investor Disney news notes

The Game Awards is not about popular vote; only 10% is for the public vote category apparently so it feels pointless to vote at all? I used to be able to watch through the ads for some reason in previous years and now I’m too tired and jaded after this one 🙁

I am disappointed with mixed feelings yet expected that the Last of Us Part 2 would win 7 awards – but what do I know? I know there’s lots of people who enjoyed the game and I respect them and I do appreciate how the story, narrative and characters strove to be compelling and with everything (animation, mocap performance, sound design, AI and accessibility) at incredible AAA quality. As for me, I agree with the people who love the games and who can critically see the flaws and issues with the game’s development, production, crunch culture, narrative, storytelling, character arcs and plot holes. Gameplay I’m not sure since I haven’t actually played ;P

Also the show is increasingly more disappointing, corporate with how they don’t spend time showcasing and celebrating all the awards and nominees and focused on the ads and sponsors more. I guess it’s clear and more financially sound that the show is for the consumers, gamers, announcements, sponsors, famous big names more than the developers speaking and being celebrated on stream. There’s sadly some good games that I feel has missed out on winning, I am happy they got nominated though and I stress that this blog is just me rambling about my opinion; I’m not claiming to be right and I understand that running these shows are difficult and expensive.

Overall I felt like I wasted my time watching the show with the Smash announcement the exception (they started the “show” with it too so everything else after was generally downhill for me). Next year I don’t want to watch the Game Awards anymore and would rather get a summary and watch some trailers; I think Cyberpunk 2077 will sweep some awards by then :<

People are right; I’m taking the awards too seriously again when logically I know I shouldn’t and it’s an ad show all along. Why did I do this to myself?! :’)

Striving to focus on the positives from here:

  • AWARDS
    • I wished Hades won more awards and I only watched this game 🙁
      • well deserved wins at Best Action game and Best Indie game all the same!! Carrion and a number of the other games were also good!
      • I’m happy to hear that they didn’t crunch because they seemed to have worked super hard (:
    • Animal Crossing: New Horizons won Best Family, not surprised!
    • No Man’s Sky won Best Ongoing; well deserved from all the improvements they did and took in all the criticism/feedback to improve the game!
    • why is best Simulator and best Strategy in the same category?
    • Doom Eternal didn’t win anything interestingly enough
    • Half-Life: Alyx won Best VR/AR! It’s the best innovative VR experience at the moment, based on what I’ve watched (:
    • all the Best Performance actors did great! (:
    • Ghost of Tsushima won best Art Direction; I’m glad it won something! Oh and Player’s Voice GOTY too! It’s so pretty with a good story, art style and game! Hades winning this would be wonderful too!
    • Among Us won Best Multiplayer & Mobile game even though it released in 2018 and only got popular this year through streaming
      • so I guess it’s not about release date but when it got popular and relevant! They do deserve it and I’m happy for them (and creeped out by the Geoff imposter behind them)!
    • Tell Me Why won Games for Impact; I watched this game. Spoiler: It was compelling, the journey was intriguing, trans representation is great while the mystery and trying to find answers dragged on for too long for me. Admittedly the endings left me bittersweet and unsatisfied with the plot twist.
    • Final Fantasy VII Remake won Best Role Playing Game; it’s a really good game (with a lot of fanservice)! 😀
    • Fall Guys won Best Community support; well deserved!
  • Trailers/Premieres
    • Nier Replicant looks and plays much smoother! Still not sure if I’ll ever have the time to play this.
    • I’ve watched Sea of Solitude and it’s a personal, bittersweet story about depression
    • Wow a spiritual sequel for Left4Dead, Back4Blood! I used to play L4D and I wasn’t good at it :’)
    • I’m intrigued by the story and art for Open Roads
    • Season the game looks interesting and pretty :0
    • Ark 2 Animated has a huge cast of actors! ARK II with Vin Diesel was unexpected.
      • Ark is a really buggy dinosaur game so I don’t know if this sequel is actually good when it’s all cinematics
      • I was posting about my Lego Dinosaur set when this was live haha
    • CheckPoint’s Dr Jennifer Hazel talked a bit! And some wholesome stories about small gamedevs (:
    • streamers were muting the song performances due to DCMA / copyright laws so it was a bit frustrating and sour watching muted trailers; fortunately for me I watched most of the awards directly first
  • Sephiroth in Smash Bros. Ultimate
    • this was my main highlight and I’m not even a Final Fantasy fan but because I know there’s going to be lots of happy fans and the trailer is top notch and hype!! (:
    • I enjoyed watching the FFVII Remake streams and I agree that Sephiroth is getting used a lot and arguably overrated. Still he makes sense as *the* iconic anime villain swordsman
    • watching Max’s childlike joy, disbelief and reaction brightened my day from all the awards! I watched some more happy reaction videos and it’s just heartwarming to watch happy and bewildered people at the reveal 😀
Animation and Disney news

I’m usually out of the loop in animation & industry news but Disney had an investor meeting at the same time as the game awards so I was curious!

Other thoughts, notes & interesting finds

  • Watched parts of Cyberpunk 2077 out of curiosity
    • lots of problematic, disappointing things surrounding this game and its development that I’m not going to go into here :<
    • watched parts of the character creator
      • it wasn’t as comprehensive, diverse with body types and deep with sliders as I thought. I guess the character creator was too hyped up to me
    • after watching parts of the game, I get the idea that it’s meant to be uncomfortable, chaotic and casually violent, discriminatory, objectifying and sexualised everywhere without actual, deeper purpose, meaning or message through the side or main stories
      • this is based on some reviews so I’ll be happy to be wrong if they were actually nuanced with sensitive topics and themes
      • it’s giving me GTA vibes as streamers muck about and do silly things
    • it’s incredibly deep, open and immersive with worldbuilding, different storylines and side quests; too big for me to keep track of everything plus I’m just popping in and out of streams without context so I get bored, emotionally detached and confused from watching it
    • there were two character models of the same body type T posing at the beginning and unconscious bodies clipping through things; this game is jank haha
    • someone summarised that after experiencing the main story, it was a sexual and power fantasy game that allowed them to completely escape into its dystopian world and feel super sexual, smart, powerful and heroic; I do see why people play this to experience different storylines and playthroughs
    • yeah this game isn’t for me from the very beginning but I was/am curious on whether the story and/or side stories are any good with depth, diversity and nuance
  • The Secret to Learning Any Skill Faster (Thomas Frank) notes
    • practice with a specific goal in mind (and not only do what’s comfy, natural and easy for you)
    • identify the most important sub-skills (deliberate practice)
    • imitate, assimilate, innovate
  • Why are adult friendships so hard? (Alex Meyers)
    • it’s hard to even maintain friendships as a kid for me because they were so shallow, situational, disappointing and not compatible as friends with me :’)
    • plus I don’t often have the opportunity to have 1 to 1 quality times with someone :< Most people start mingling and meeting new people in groups after all and I’m a quiet, overwhelmed zombie in those circumstances
    • adults tend to overthink a lot more due to bad experiences, myself included
    • “Not friends, not enemies, just strangers with memories” as someone in the comments said :’)
    • when people say they’ll get back to you or catch up soon but they don’t ever again. Ouch :'(
    • I think deeper, lasting friendships need something deeper than one or two things in common and it’s not easy to build, let alone find as you weather through the changes and struggles of life together
    • cherish your current friendships!! 💓
  • cutest Kirby at the beach animation~
  • Why your ego is (slowly) ruining your life – good reminder!
  • Onion Games announces production of new sandbox RPG – wishing them luck!
  • Watched Gypsy the Musical (2015) with Imelda Staunton, Lara Pulver, Gemma Sutton, Peter Davison and more
    • Imelda as Rose is wonderful (plus the cast) and they won a lot of deserving awards for this show
    • the relatable themes of being forced to live the dreams of your parents, oof!! I remember that suffocating, invalidating life of being told what to do as I was growing up :’)

Phew! Thank you so much for reading!

Take care and have a wonderful, wholesome week ahead!

Look out for more Olivia this week as I update extra rambles at this blog post too ;D

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