figure studies from Mochu

I didn’t post these either at the time because I thought I was going to do more

but turns out I was too burnt out back then 🙁

Portrait study I did last year I forgot to post

Silly side face that could be better but ah well

Leonie trying to not ramble too much

Because it’s mostly 1 kind person or so reads this blog and anything more are just lucky one offs >;P

Yeah it’s discouraging when things are declining again. Why did I get my silly hopes up haha

It’s hard to predict and I know that’s how it is, blogs are not entertaining 🙁

• Not “ADHD Enough”, But Still Struggling (What Actually Helps)
  • I think this is me
  • having time blindless and I get carried away
  • good to know that I need transition buffer time between modes/tasks because I cannot context/mode switch on the spot
    • have a transition alarm 15 minutes beforehand – reminders!!
    • I don’t like interruptions but you can’t always avoid those
  • quest log with 3 tasks a day?
  • when facing a bigger hard task, do a physical warm up
    • a brain dump in a notepad or take a walk
  • if your mind is drifting be more aware and interrupt it with something else less distracting
    • I’m trying to be more aware whenever I’m distracting myself out of loneliness and anxiety and it’s a constant struggle 🙁
  • inventory spot with your physical stuff – to offload working memory
    • tendency for “out of sight is out of mind” here
• This Is Why Autistic Fatigue Is Nothing Like Regular Tiredness
• decided to not get Rhythm Heaven Groove after a lot of deliberation 🙁
  • it’s super fun and charming and wonderful and adorable!!
  • I’m just not great at it and don’t have the patience right now to play it and put in time to get good
  • so I’m just watching a streamer play it instead (still watching)
• finished watching Road to Empress 2 and there’s some more history and other streams from other people I may watch
  • there’s some liberties taken and apparently historians aren’t happy with the games
  • it’s not most of it but there’s unfortunately some undisclosed genAI 2d/3d sequences in here during random narration/story text moments
  • I really liked the side story with Li Tai because it’s not about fighting for the throne and he’s also good looking and silly too ;P
  • hey the emperor is good looking but he has his harem and he’s also a political rival with a lot of trust issues, drama, ruthlessness, manipulation and schemes and I don’t care for that
• since I was avoiding addictive manga/manwha/manhua sites,
  • I am now also avoiding most youtube summaries – it’s usually the first 10-30 chapters
    • usually it’s not the whole story anyway
    • sometimes someone actually puts effort in their recaps though….
  • but wow a lot of trash out there in general as usual
    • and increasingly more genAi videos too UGH
    • especially it’s not as obvious when it’s just the script
    • I miss the internet when I didn’t have to second guess everything to this degree…
    • sometimes you give the benefit of the doubt too :<
  • trying to manage and be more aware what and how much romance story drama slop and compilations I consume
    • because it’s also a huge distracting timesink
    • a lot of trying to stop myself from procrastinating too which is hard…
    • this is my form of escapism that I’m trying to be more conscious about
    • yes I enjoy romance stories with female leads shush ;P
• work is busy and I need to work longer this week to make up for a time consuming doc appointment wahhh
  • I need to prep too so I don’t stuff up…
• having uneasy tummy discomfort and aches
  • so making sure I get some fibre and need to watch what I eat better…
• suffering from my period and cramps too ahhhh
  • a much longer period this month oof
• ignoring this year’s art fight, chroma corps, concept core challenge, composition challenge and the many art challenges out there…
  • I don’t want to be told what to do on their schedule in my own time when I’m already doing that with work
  • want to be more picky, have more clarity and not as indecisive which is hard
• I was considering returning to instagram for a while as a private account due to fear of missing out (artists/mainstream people are still there running events/things) but noped out of there again
  • just feel poop and sad being there
  • I don’t feel great at bluesky at times either because it also gives me the same sad, isolated feelings I have with social media as a whole
• learning about how a lot of kids and young people are depending on genAI companions is understandable because there’s no restrictions / care for privacy with their vulnerabilities and emotional insecurities, dependencies and it’s super scary
  • someone called it emotional AI grooming by companies especially since there’s kids involved…
  • and they’d rather stick to artificial partners than people with agency indefinitely
    • it’s safe in that there’s no risk taking, there’s no need to socialise, it’s another addictive form of entertainment, very one sided as it’s all about keeping the person using it
    • it’s another form of escapism
    • it’s essentially a relationship with a whole company because they own and run it
  • real companions and friends are not people you control, change, customise, delete to your whims
  • as a hermit I’m glad I didn’t have this when I was a kid
• I don’t like genAi for its countless issues, people depend on it too much, how it harms/mushes up/steals creative work, loss of work, devaluation of work and terrible environmental impacts but I can’t control how people use it so I’m trying to not stress about it
  • it’s exhausting when you can’t avoid it completely and you’re chronically online…
• OH someone I won’t name was trying to do 4D mind chess manipulation tactics / scummy lying to get what they selfishly want and luckily we questioned and dodged it
  • am conflicted and feeling tired of this ongoing thing
• did my taxes and noting the ongoing expenses and taxes oof
• I felt so sad and discouraged when I only got 3-5 views on my latest youtube video – what’s the point anymore
  • at least it’s better than my last blog post which was 1 view apparently oof
  • I really feel like I should quit making youtube videos indefinitely
  • again I have one more I made last year but I’ll post that next month and say goodbye then
  • I’m not quitting blogging because I paid for hosting this and I still do enjoy rambling in writing haha

Anyhoooo I’m slowly trying to do minimum 10-30 minutes of study a day since yesterday! Let’s see if I can stick to it by keeping my expectations low…

I hope to do discord emotes in the coming weeks instead as I’m not feeling well right now (and have work to do).

Okay if one person is left reading, thank youuuuuuuuuu for your kind support! <3!!

Trying to encourage myself too and not feel negative, paralysed and existential about myself…

Striving to keep it short and not take my blog too seriously because people sadly don’t really care and I should see it as a form of freedom. Again it won’t be every week but striving for 2 – 3 blog posts a month at least! I’m reminding and reassuring myself here too.

Catch you next time or at my discord!!

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