Leave me and my mugs alone 💐Hermit Dragon Leonie voxel art compilation, parts 1 to 13 ♡

Finally this project I started last year has ended!! I think I have one extra render I like that I might call a bonus ;P

I haven’t touched MagicaVoxel since last year. Not sure if I’ll do personal art in voxels after this since I do voxel art plenty at work and I need some separation between them.

I just spaced this multi part project out really far out when posting because life happens and I work in intense bursts anyway. And then I need lots of recovery time :’D

Again I’m running low on an art buffer as I don’t want to burn out mentally on art and I was procrastinating and was sick for 2.5 – 3 weeks thanks to covid…

I don’t have symptoms anymore aside from the really, really rare dry cough (thanks asthma). Generally it’s just slow for me to heal from sickness. I get stressed and frustrated when I feel guilty and like I’m letting myself and others down :’) Always learning to give myself grace but also aware that I got lazy a lot too…

Oof the cycle continues and self awareness is just the starting point. Slowly trying to focus on what I’m interested in exploring and learning while not making art a chore in itself. Striving to not let myself procrastinate by making sure I do the things I need to do first for the day before I allow myself to decompress and get more distracted by other things…

On the other hand sometimes you have to compromise and learn what you’re not interested in haha

One approach I hear it’s one “obligatory” session and one session for my interests – a 1 to 1 ratio. Or even with posting your work too – one obligatory and one for fun. I don’t really stick to that strictly though.

I’m more of a “try to make the thing you’re learning/making interesting to you” person. And it’s a struggle sometimes. Learning can be a frustrating journey. And sometimes you realise something isn’t really for you and you have to consider if it’s really worth your time to compromise. Then you get existential ;P

Feeling small in an overwhelming world…uh oh

Voxel illustration of a tiny dragon lady Leonie looking down at the deep abyss of a gigantic hand print amidst a dense field of flowers. Who could have made this hand print?? She feels small and insignificant and afraid.

Just learning again that I should manage my expectations/assumptions with some people and not feel as disappointed/discouraged/alienated/hurt/sad next time. It is what it is!
– what I posted at my discord a while ago

I do feel waves of helplessness, isolation, disconnectedness, frustration, lack of direction/clarity from others and myself, abandonment issues, anxiety, disillusionment, disappointment, gloom, loneliness and hurt. Especially so in the past weeks or so.

Or you can say I’m just a grumpy hermit ;P

And I had to keep intrusive negative memories at bay in recent weeks,

• trying to not obsess over people who don’t care for me,
• overthinking about my insecure and anxious reactions/actions when pushing people in the past away,
• managing feelings of being hurt, conflicted and being ignored/ghosted
  • (thanks my rejection sensitivity)
• just not having the energy to keep up with overstimulating group social things
  • (I just go quiet and nod along and then I don’t feel like I fit in nor feeling involved)
  • maybe I need to reframe it as just observing/learning about other people instead :<
• what if I’m all alone
• what if I can’t survive financially
  • (wow doom and gloom with your fears, Leonie)

Am I overthinking like this because of the games week that ended and I feel like I’m outside looking in? Yeah in some ways. I was swatting away past negative/sad memories of games week too ;’) I don’t have trusted friends to cling chat to when I need someone to rely on and go back to for company at social events :<

Not sure how I can change my situation without compromising myself too much. Or I just haven’t found enough of the right people to be around with. And focusing too much on people who I can’t be friends with and don’t feel comfortable, compatible and relaxed with.

People tend to hang with other people not me when other people are around ;P

I have “leave me alone” aura probably.

Cherishing my 1 to 1 chats!! It’s hard to juggle/arrange too and sometimes I wish it was more regular with a few peeps but it’s possible :’) Other times I don’t want it to be too regular because life is a hard juggle and sometimes there’s isn’t enough to say. Plus I don’t want to push it because I don’t want to obsess/stress over it…

Slowly processing these conflicted, mixed feelings and moving forward. Gah trying to not feel down whenever games week comes around.

I don’t know if I’ll go to games week next year and which event. I’m not cool enough for exclusive party invitations but what’s nice and low key for someone who’s autistic/neurodivergent and a non drinker like me??

If I do go to a low key event I will still wear ear plugs to help with the noise and overstimulation somewhat. Grateful for the reminder that they can be used like this!

Leonie rambles about…

• watched the first playthrough of Silent Hill f
  • wow you need to play it through multiple times for new story cutscenes, endings and for more things to be explained so I’m not done yet
  • definitely japanese gorey psychological horror
• Should you draw everyday (NO) video by pikat
  • I think I can’t draw/create everyday and I do feel guilty for it occasionally
  • It’s possible but it’s not sustainable mentally
  • like she said, it’s a mix of relaxing/mileage study vs intense focused learning
    • (which I can’t do for long periods of time either) :’)
  • I would like to draw more often though, haven’t figured out how as I’m usually creatively pooped after work…
  • if I’m doing something creative almost daily then I’m happy with my slow progress
• I finally updated my Patreon creator page a little and am grateful for the sudden, rare new patron <3
  • I do have a discord role for patrons (if they link discord in their patreon settings) but I’ve archived the patron only channel since I have a tiny audience
  • I don’t want too many quiet channels to manage
• once again hearing how youtube sucks for creators (same with my channel) makes me feel less alone
  • the genAi slop videos (and whatever youtube are doing) are just making videos difficult to reach people
  • the burn out is real
  • they used to say youtube is the way to reach new peeps but I don’t know anymore
  • I mean I am just posting whatever I want at my youtube channel so it’s not really consistent
    • it depends if I manage to make a timelapse video or not
  • no I don’t want to do podcasts either, I’ve tried that years ago
    • few people care for what I talk about
  • all I have now is my blog and discord :’D
    • I prefer writing in text as you can tell by now haha
  • cara is a bonus and bluesky and youtube feels like posting to the void most of the time

And I just added voice channels to my small discord server today to keep it open for peeps!!

• Not sure if I’ll use them yet so no promises!!
• If I do get brave enough I’ll probably stick to the no mic/quiet room because I’m anxious ;P
• posting random things at my tiny server too! I’m figuring it out along the way

Anyhoo I don’t know how I can build my art buffer again because I am juggling things and some art pieces take long!! I need to do more shorter studies too to keep the art learning mileage up!!

This is where I internally struggle to keep my anxieties and worries at bay and just focus on doing what I can :’D

Okay take care and catch you around! I keep getting carried away with things (like writing and proofreading this blog post) that I lose track of time again…

As usual I hope this rambly blog post makes sense haha

---