Y1W43&44 Honing down on my Character Design Mission

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Mission it is. As in the journey and process itself; whether it be a game, interactive story, animated feature or a fun project involving 2D design; there isn’t really a final destination. New challenges always come up and hence more growth!Character Design Mission, I say?
It makes my heart sing.It’s always what I’ve enjoyed the most. Like any artist, there has been incredible amounts of trial and error so far.

Yes visual development and illustrated storytelling is still very important to me.

It’s just that I look back and I realise I don’t have much recent character design work (and illustrations at that) I can show publicly as there are projects I started this year that I cannot show unfortunately.

Like with many artists with things they can’t show, it really bugs me. Especially upon seeing so many artists doing wonderful things out there. I need to do much more out of fun from now on!

I have been redefining my focus in recent weeks and here is my current mind map for the next couple of years (or five, ten years) ahead.

My full colour coded mind map! I did it a month ago and let it sit awhile. The firstmost thing I aim to focus on is still character design and fun character based illustration hence the vibrant, red colours. Must keep working at it. I guess visual development also involves concept art.

Feel free to make your own! 
Mine probably does not suit everyone’s area of focus, whatever field you’re in. I’ve made countless (yet too detailed) mind maps in past years but this might be the best and easiest to digest for me thus far!

In terms of art making, it’s going to be a long while for me to do something consistent and fun so bear with me. (:

The past 2 weeks: Am I off the radar now?

Rhetorical question; though I just feel like I am compared to those who post daily or even every several hours.

But that doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.

Weird that after a whole week, I was feeling more Post PAX depressed compared to the time during my last post! Delayed sad feelings?

Ah probably because I’m adjusting back to hermit life.

Perhaps it’s also because I’ve decided to make this a biweekly thing and I have yet to adapt being technically off the online blogging radar for 2 weeks at a time. Two weeks feels like a long time; I need some time to adjust!

The world will continue on with or without you (ie no one cares, everyone is too busy with their own lives and burdens, myself included to put it bluntly) and so the feeling and trap that you should be doing and showing cool things with cool people in cool photos and making hundreds of cool friends doesn’t completely go away even though you’re completely aware that they’re just amazing life highlights being posted.

Perhaps it’s just the isolated Hermit Derp speaking. What do I know.

An article on social anxiety was brought to my attention…
And I had a long think about it. Lots of food for thought.

I do have some social anxiety and shyness but it’s more because I’m really introverted – it’s the way I respond to social things and stimulation. I’m not too afraid of social judgement (there’s always some of it there for all of us) as although I’m definitely not perfect, I am usually happy with who I am. I take however much time I need to get to know someone and small talk is usually my weakness. I usually don’t engage unless I feel like have a purpose, task at hand, am actually being spontaneous (not often!) or when I have something of value to contribute (given that someone is not creepy, disrespectful or being a jerk to me).

Common experience I’m sure: meeting new people is a struggle and when I do, I find that many people aren’t on the same page in terms of conversation. It seems more difficult for me because my life is mostly about arting itself and that doesn’t lend itself much to lasting conversations. Hermit Derp is at it again!

As much as I love listening to the stories of others and learning from what they have to say, I am terrible at small talking/mingling and bringing attention to myself. I do tend to underestimate the quality of friendships as I don’t have many people I feel I can talk to, am the opposite of the social butterfly and I tend build boundaries around me and minimise social interactions when I get too uncomfortable or when my social stimulation quota has exploded (and I’ve probably made countless amounts of social mistakes and missed possibilities like a horrible rude person by doing that). I do my best pushing against this where possible – hopefully am improving with my developing social skills!

I stress that I truly appreciate and am grateful for the few friends I have right now. It’s hard in light of social media but I keep reminding myself that it’s okay to not have that many friends.

Just acknowledging and recognising my nature to stay invisible at the sidelines. In terms of social skills, I’m aware that it’s a matter of getting more experience and living in the moment!

Social media can get really overwhelming…
and full of voices calling for attention and interest if you’re not carefully selective. Which is why I’m amazed and fascinated at how people can manage hundreds and thousands of voices, friends, followers, groups, etc in their feed! Whoa!

To demonstrate how out of the loop I am, I don’t even check much of my social media feeds and I just focus on tagging, emails, notifications, comments and messages (given that it’s not abused of course).

Current strategy in posting: Throw something out there. Respond. Retreat. Then repeat.

Aye. Can’t shake the feeling that seems easier to just shut out social media completely sometimes. I play with the idea of hiding away like people who do martial arts training and face the elements on their own sometimes. I need a considerable amount of alone time yet I tend to go overboard with this; I don’t want to shut myself off completely! Collaborations are wonderful too!
Ah Hermit Derp.

I digress again. Will keep pushing this comfort zone.

Making mistakes and struggling as I go, with socialising.
Hopefully I will reach a point where I’m comfortable with the discomfort like many inspiring others who have learned to do so.

And it’s going to take some time. As much time as it needs. (:

Hey! There are wondrous possibilities out there
Whatever stage of life you’re in, there’s a new challenge and opportunity ahead. Sometimes values get challenged and tested, you fight for your beliefs and then you grow as a person.

True, opportunities favours the prepared but how can you be prepared if you’re not prepared to try and fail in the first place? And learn, try and fail again?
Rack up some experience? Punch that “I’m a fraud” feeling in the face!

Go do that thing you wanted to do but was too afraid to!

Let me end with this:

I had a sudden power outage and the morning didn’t start off that well so I made this thing to counter it. Stubborn Derp face. Don’t give up!

Digressing again: I’m terribly grateful so thanks to the small handful of people for reading! You survived to the end of this post!
You earned yourself a virtual medal!

See you in 2 weeks!
Keep adventuuuring you!  (: