Playing around with my drinks and they’re just pouring out of my 3 mugs!! One of which is over my monitor!!

And my office chair is missing huh ;D

Maybe it rolled off the slippery rainbow path and it’s gone into the abyss…

When you don’t want to look at the screen anymore and want to space out into the void…

Just want to chill and let the mind wander

Featuring the 3 actual mugs I own and my workstation :0!!

Playing around with voxels; it is an ongoing Hermit Dragon series that I did last year and am spacing them posts out.

Went too ham on the texture here haha

Leonie rambles about…

• 【Ado】エルフ an Ado song with storytelling
• Lucy Dacus – Ankles (Official Music Video)
• David Lynch on Suffering
• Chinese New Year: From Tradition to Controversy (aini)
  • whelp I’ll stick to talking about zodiac animals or call it Spring Festival ? Hm
  • Ah the lunisolar calendar – that’s what it’s called!
  • lumping lots of cultures together really loses all the different cultural customs and identities indeed

Personal update; it’s summer alright

Hot days – not a fan of them as I don’t get much stuff done as a vampire hermit. Just stinky hot summer times. Sometimes sleep isn’t great. And my eczema flares up the worst, especially on my hands – especially now 🙁

I know more sociable, outdoors peeps love it though and I respect that. I just need several days to adapt if I am forced to – I’ve done so when I had to in hotter places.

In another light, it means I should take it slow and just do my best :’)

Also always nerve wracking to do scary conversations – striving to learn, clarifying processes and being better (braver) at communication, expectations and collaboration :’D Personally I need structure because I don’t want conflicting, unspoken expectations, stress, surprises and confusion.

How do people do this. Or they make it look effortless…

I am set with my evolving life routines (always juggling) and my way of thinking/understanding/interpretation/expectations (just like everyone else has their own). But beyond my initial feelings and reactions, I’m always open to perspectives/feedback, to process/learn from that (given that I’m made aware) and see what’s actionable and right for the project and team (and what I can manage).

Later I blame myself a lot and overthink because I fear and I do get misunderstood, especially if I’m not mindful or if I struggle to articulate things. Sometimes I need to be less harsh with nitpicking myself…I am a flawed, neurodivergent, silly, anxious being with feelings and not a robot after all. As much as my deadpan expression doesn’t help with this.

And self reminder that not everything is in my control and responsibility for a project and its surrounding interactions – it’s a team effort towards being communicative and clear with expectations too.

Generally in life I get judged, backseated and scapegoated in the worst way possible even when I am quiet. Negative things are projected onto me so that’s something I have to tolerate/manage from my upbringing and life :’) I don’t have the mental capacity nor patience to play manipulative mind games either – I’m just trying to juggle the present moment as it is ;P

All I can do is over-communicate (while trying to be not too blunt) whether I get politely shut down, get encouraged/acknowledged, get skimmed over or redirected (it’s normal as everyone has priorities/boundaries).

I definitely overthink and spend a lot of emotional/mental energy if I have to speak up about something I find scary, intimidating or I don’t know people well enough to be braver and talk about the more confrontational/difficult things.

If people at work actually (doubt though) read this; an awkward hello! I’m a hermit always figuring this out :’)

Don’t mind me, just reflecting and am very sleepy! Not sure if this is coherent either. Ongoing learning journey!

I need to work so I need to sleep asap ahhh

---