Midorifuji – I remember some great matches

Ichiyamamoto / he’s a goof and a wrestler fan of Wakatakakage too

Takayasu! So many close calls from winning the tournaments in the past :<

More sumo wrestler studies of those I like 😀

Hey I might as well post another one right after since currently it’s the last week of this month’s sumo tournament.

After this my sumo wrestler studies will be more spaced out!

Also youtube community tab didn’t care for my sumo wrestler studies so they won’t get my art studies then ;’P

Leonie rambles about…

• Harsh truth about love & relationships I know at 32 that I wish I knew at 20 (lost in admiration)
• Why smart people don’t achieve their goals (Simie Iriarte)
• How creative failure should be viewed (Toniko Pantoja)
  • as learning experiences!!
    • I tend to take it seriously and focus too much on what I need to improve on firstmost
    • and/or I adjust my expectations to be more realistic vs idealistic :’D
  • I do relate to the communication issues with projects
    • how people aren’t clear
      • (or me realising later I wasn’t clear enough)
    • people won’t tell you upfront but with other people instead
    • and it’s frustrating when you’re left in the dark
    • (and depending on the situation this is normal – people are also working things out)
    • it’s on you to ask more questions to clarify and write things down (which I already strive to do)
    • but he did suggest asking more meetings/chats though it doesn’t work all the time and when everyone is working it out and don’t have the time
    • he said to ask to have drawing sessions too?
    • the importance of collaboration and updating people (without tmi??)
  • yet you don’t know what you don’t know :S
  • yeah my self esteem is not great from past career experiences
  • not practicing nor knowing the specifics of asking for support/help and not feeling good enough are insecurities among many that I have to manage
    • the shame and fear from pursuing things
    • I like to do what I can first to figure out stuff on my own before I get/need help
      • or I’m too tight on time so getting help asap is much better
  • or fearing/overthinking and feeling irrelevant, replaceable, invisible, misunderstood because I’m quiet, deadpan, low energy, overstimulated and introverted
    • what do you do when you can’t match the high social energy?
    • And not quick on processing things before you can respond?
    • And defaults to quietly listening or spacing out with thoughts (or just tired brain)? :0
    • am I a sad, energy conserving grump with rejection sensitivity haha
  • with all my projects there’s always things I’m not as happy with but I have to accept it
    • especially when it’s not in my control
  • there are some projects where it’s too painful, sad and conflicting for me to engage/talk about :’)
    • it’s normal though…it’s messy, complicated and not everything’s in my control either
    • just processing, grieving and accepting that things fail and ascertaining how to do better in the future
  • there’s so much career, internal politics, being let go, rejection and social/people things out of my control
    • focusing on what you can do
    • for the times I get let go it really killed my self worth and adds to my anxieties around it further
    • it sucks when most people are not your loyal, compatible, “great to be around” friends outside of a situation, workplace, season, event, life stage, etc as people come, drift apart and change
      • it is better to know early though than to be mislead otherwise
      • aye adult friendships are hard
    • I’m just trying manage my low energy levels
  • ah yes making sure there’s data backups at different places
  • having a target/milestone to finish else you’ll keep going forever
    • (though nothing wrong with just ongoing practice that ramps up or switches things up as you go along)
  • he suggests:
    • build own stories, IP and skills on own things,
    • self reflection for self improvement
    • and make personal projects fast and fun and not about big ambitious/showy things without an end goal/plan/outline
  • avoid generalisations and figure out what’s worth pushing through, worth redeeming and what’s not and have a support network
    • I don’t have much of a support network 🙁
• Ah the Nintendo Switch 2 trailer – I am more keen about the 1st party games! :0
  • I do hope that it’s better hardware now!!
  • I wonder how Mario Kart 9 would be!! Ooh!

Personal update

Anyhoo busy juggling with work, life, chores and changes to come in the months ahead as I keep mentioning. Gosh so much to move and sort in later weeks…and change into a survival lifestyle and on instant foods :’) Gosh I can’t afford much takeout…

Since some keys broke, slowly getting used to a new keyboard (finally it came after some months)!! It took a whole day to set up the mapping so it better be good! I really like this new keyboard with the power I have with how many layouts I can do!! Though I have to remember what additional keys I setup since I don’t have as much keys to allow for every keyboard key. Or sometimes it doesn’t work out with how I actually use the keyboard wah

Trying to process the dread, anxieties, resurfacing mixed/abandonment/hurt/lonely feelings and managing stress and energy levels on a day to day basis and during the times to come. Got to hope for the best for things out of my control. I do get existential and worry about future things sometimes so I keep myself busy with the present :’)

Gosh am I using my time wisely??? How do people juggle all the things in life?? :< What is even a social life?? I like my quiet peace much more but I am open to the rare, occasional low key social thing :’)

Striving to make time to meditate and decompress too though I don’t manage to do it every day and the app keeps pestering me about losing my streak haha.

Also I’m still glad I don’t check bluesky in that I have one less thing to be addicted to :’) I feel bad that I should keep engaging to connect with people but I don’t want to get sucked into another timesink. I may check randomly if I feel up to it but I’m just doing my best with the other things on my plate as mentioned in my last post. Edit: the plugin failed to share my post nooo

I’m still striving to learn lots of different art things but I can’t do them all at once! Yes I am occasionally dabbling at Blender at work if I can get downtime but not sure what the next Blender thing would be :S

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