Hey it’s Daisy!

I wanted to doodle her again! Again I’m glad she’s playable in Mario Wonder 😀

I nitpicked this a bunch because I kept changing the format – it’s my first “LeonieDoodle” after all so I was figuring out what I’m sticking with. I don’t know what I’m doing okay ;P

Also I decided to post this as the first post for this month because it’s mid December already – I can’t wait anymore for other things to align :’) I need to post something and thankfully I already made this doodle on/off since November anyway. Note I have things later in the month(?) but it’s not time yet :0

Why LeonieDoodles?

I got inspired by artists who intentionally limit their colour palette! I felt like doodling and working with limited colours so I can make more off the cuff, quicker doodles & studies! I don’t want to always have to do a full illustration every time I post when I have lots of smaller scale, little things I want to draw too!

Low expectations, keeping it simple and just focus on fun doodling.

I felt I was restricting myself to having to do the whole illustration process every time now and I don’t want to be burdened about creating, experimenting and learning things. I want to allow myself to iterate, doodle without stressing about high standards all the time and fail fast. Also this is another way to allow myself more freedom to share a more variety of things, to be able to share a bit more on a rough monthly schedule and hopefully I’d do more fanart, personal art, study posts, traditional doodles or even little comics again this way.

Hope I can keep it going whenever I feel able to in bursts and perhaps bundle it together with studies. I changed my mind from doing a square layout because I do characters which tend to need more vertical space and dimensions. We’ll just see how I go and evolve it over time.

Maybe this is how I’ll format my studies/study posts too. Should I bundle doodles and studies together or keep them separate and focused? Let’s see how it goes? Though I doubt people will go out of their way to seek my studies on their own ;P

I guess I changed my mind about only posting preview art on twitter – I don’t want to care anymore since it’ll be glazed & somewhat goopy anyway. The real reason I changed my mind is that I don’t have preview art for this piece since I don’t have a youtube video for it! Not that I’m active/interacting there beyond posting and hiding :’)

And no, I’m not bringing back BurpDoodles – I don’t resonate with it anymore :’)

Leonie rambles about…

• Why Chinese People Will Choose $5 Over $10 (Aini)
  • yeah as the eldest of siblings, I usually default to yielding if things can’t be split easily
  • sometimes it gets evenly shared/split anyway to compensate that I am the scapegoat that gets sloppy seconds :’)
• Why Women Love Astarion – Fantasy In Real Life
  • yep though the flirty/flattery dialogue in earlier acts is clearly him pretending/acting a seducer role so I’d rather that toned wayyyy down as he does later in the game haha
  • also he is definitely not ready for a sexual relationship after 200 years of emotional and sexual abuse and trauma
• Watched all of Alan Wake 2 and wow!
  • I need time to process the multilayered story and the cheesy rock songs are wonderful
  • I want to watch some story analysis videos eventually
• Watched some of and the ending of Thirsty Suitors game
  • south asian cast of characters
  • a bisexual disaster indian american protagonist who faces all her exes and her family + intergenerational trauma + embracing her past & culture + her terrible, selfish mistakes/character
  • lots of indian recipe cooking! I’m ignorant about the cuisine :0
• Chrome making ad blocking more difficult – well I’ll see how this goes; I primarily use Firefox but I use Youtube/Google too :S
• why are there so many red headed characters in fantasy books? a bookish deep dive, rant, and chat (cari can read)
  • very insightful, historical and on terrible red headed men and red headed women stereotypes
  • they can generate vitamin D without the sun?? Wow
• Meta’s new AI image generator trained on 1.1billion Facebook and Instagram data (whelp please no)
  • I’m frustrated I have to glaze/goopify my work almost everywhere now – I can’t trust platforms
  • fear of deepfakes / more AI generated art/voice acting/music/videos/etc
  • I wonder if Threads will be treated like this too when they try to monetise
• Drop the T – The Deadly Consequences of Gay Respectability Politics (Caelan Conrad & Sarah from TheLeftistCooks)
  • insightful on a lot of historical and tragic things
  • yeah I’m becoming more aware about people who’d rather assimilate and value themselves over other minorities, genders and sexualities and put everyone else under the bus
  • I didn’t know how controversial “LGBTQIA+” was and an alternative is to use “Queer and diverse minorities”?
• Watched someone play Small Saga – it’s a wonderful story and game!! Really great world building!
• I watched the first 5 or so hours of Knuckle Sandwich, then parts of the bosses and true ending (so I don’t have the full picture)
  • it seems really great with the warioware minigames (with a few exceptions apparently), diverse cast of characters you meet along the way and art styles! Lots of game/RPG references and parodies
  • just very unfocused narrative (I am often confused and/or getting lost on where things are going),
  • plot threads left behind, not as character driven,
  • terribly limited/frustrating inventory system/space/management as party members come and go and you’re forced to give up good items and guessing if the items are worth giving up what you’ve got (based on the first 5 hours though)
  • and left the original cannibal burger joint story hook and job finding darker premise behind for the majority of the game
  • I guess the story really did change a lot over the many years in development and I’m not sure if the ending landed well :S
  • It seems like a few characters resonated but there isn’t much room for all the characters to breathe in the story moment/feeling as a lot of things are happening – the ride/journey is a lot of intrigue, twists, artistic surreal/weirdness, adventuring and “what is happening” in a not as serious way
  • They did mention the above points when I was watching or through discussion but ultimately the people who played it enjoyed the game a lot!
• I watched American Arcadia and it’s hilarious and wonderfully good!
  • best played without knowing anything! (except a few annoying sliding puzzles and game crashes)
• The joy of the Maya the Bee Intro performed by Dodger/Dexbonus (here’s the original German TV song of the anime) is stuck in my head haha
  • the writer of the children books who had nothing to do with the anime/song isn’t a great person and his books originally had a nationalistic message in it that got toned down after WWII
  • there was a 3D show and GBA game and movie for Maya the bee too?

We SHOULD Talk About Bruno / why Encanto triggers me

• this movie still triggers me thinking about it and how they deal with intergenerational trauma and scapegoating
• it bothered me how they romanticised and simplified real issues and I hate how hollow it feels (since it’s relevant to my own life)
• people argued Bruno had to apologise for the joke since it made an anxious bride spiral with uncontrollable powers but she just blames him for being malicious??? Huh, he’s your brother though! Stop assuming the worst of him all the time anxious lady :/
• Camilo since he was a kid just sees Bruno as a boogey man
• both Mirabel (possessing no powers/”useless”) and Bruno (giving bad luck predictions/”harmful curses”/observations) are just scapegoats when they’re not even the problem oof
  • childhood abuse and favouritism while the grandma doesn’t even have powers??
• the whole family has issues
• how apparently some real life Abuelas/grandmas watched this movie and insisted that the film’s Abuela did nothing wrong, shouldn’t have apologised at all and it was all Mirabel’s fault
  • (arghhh frustrating and predictable! Of course they’re never wrong! /sarcasm)
  • the film’s Abuela just felt bad she got caught or kind of understood it was wrong – cynically I don’t think she completely changed and she could just go back to old controlling, toxic habits and routines (saving “face”)
  • why is her trauma more important than the trauma she inflicted on everyone else???
• Bruno is a great character and protects his niece upon seeing the house cracking prophecy
  • he just wanted to be accepted and loved and apologies don’t even matter at this point – as much as it’s super unfair and horrible for him to suffer 10 years living in hiding, emotional abuse and shame all this time
  • Curse of Cassandra Greek Myth was brought up by a video commenter – getting blamed for predicting the future
• Isabella was a jerk, antagonistic and made Mirabel feel like a burden and that got brushed away after her song with Mirabel? Why? Things were not addressed
  • are scapegoats expected to just tolerate and move on just like that and then bond with them like nothing happened? I guess Mirabel was the bigger person??
• why no one apologised and talk it out with Bruno…??
  • hugs doesn’t magic 10+ years of trauma away and why does it feel like his story and struggle was more of a joke…
  • same with Mirabel…
• the movie is well animated and designed but I just can’t accept how they dealt with serious issues, especially towards the end

hbomberguy on Plagiarism and You(Tube) note this is 4 hours

• I watched a few of Illuminaughti videos, lost interest and dropped off – I didn’t vibe with her and tone at the time
• gosh with Internet Historian I feel glad I stopped watching for a long while now!! A lot of things bothered me about him but I won’t go into it
• with James Somerton I didn’t really enjoy watching the few (serious/pretentious) informative videos I stumbled upon as I felt like I was condescended to at times…and it turns out he’s a content mill, grifter, misogynist, using his academic cowriter as a shield for plagiarism accusations, stealing the work of smaller queer creators and writers (see Todd in the Shadows fact checking video)
• also still disappointed in the long silence and the latest non apology video from The Completionist on not donating the money for charity for many years, lying in the past year that it was being donated on stream while getting more charity funds, deflecting a lot about golf events/more, his father and brother are more involved, and claiming he’ll sue for being caught by 2 drama content youtubers??
  • he only donated because he got caught out and everything is still not accounted for
  • with the benefit of the doubt, I thought he was better than this but I don’t really trust him anymore as he keeps lying when the people who donated over the years feel betrayed, scammed and lied to
  • I don’t directly watch his stuff anymore for years but I did watch videos via collaborations
• Zaid Tabani’s The AFTERMATH of The HBOMBERGUY Fallout…video
• also I stopped watching a few youtube creators because they were blatantly using AI generated images for a lot of their art and visuals and I couldn’t tolerate it anymore…

Watched Perfect Blue (Satoshi Kon) for the first time (spoilers!!)

• I’m just super disturbed, tense and unsettled from this movie – it’s a super effective psychological thriller and a great animated film
• due to the identity, parasocial themes, horrific murders and uncomfortable/disturbing/gross sexual exploitation & objectification within the industry and from consumers of the industry – I was just anxious throughout
  • it’s too real nowadays – everyone has their own online persona and are watching each other “perform” an image/version of themselves online
  • how Rumi didn’t fit what an idol should look like (fatphobia/lookism/body image issues) and I guess she planted those clothes in the room as murder evidence to blame Mimi
  • how people tend to not see performers/idols as human beings but as sexual and/or idealised objects of desire, heroes/the ideal and projection
  • who are you really as your online identity bleeds into your real life and identity?
  • who takes control and agency on who you are?
  • Who really knows “who” they are when we’re always in the present, fluid and changing?
• watched some video essays mentioning about the use of red in the movie and how it was Rumi’s voice actor was speaking at the end for Mimi’s voice??
• Speculation that the contrasting brightly lit scenes are fantasy and the more dull, realistic lighting are scenes in reality
• I kept being thrown off why the stalker and Rumi (and other gross men who get murdered) have eyes placed too far apart and it feels too blatantly coded as “evil” somehow
• I do like how the world has more variation in character design and levels of “conventionally attractiveness”
  • while for the movie’s actors/singers they are actually conventionally attractively drawn – feels too real once again
• there’s a lot of things you’d notice after later viewings and there’s a lot of intentionally ambiguous things
  • to distinguish Rumi’s room versus Mimi’s rooms you’d need to look out for
  • the fish tank, the idol group’s poster
  • the murders – do we see Rumi (looking like Mimi) after them for some of them??
  • I’m not keen on watching this again any time soon to analyse this though
• the confusing reality versus fantasy/fiction works way better here than in Millennium Actress for me
  • Millennium Actress was meandering, blurry between reality/fiction, a celebration of Japanese film/culture, the “image” of the perfect Japanese woman role model/actress/Madonna and reminiscing her scattered memories and life
  • I feel like I’m one of the few bothered by her “role” of living for her lifelong fruitless search to find and attract this mysterious/fantasy/unattainable man with her beauty, youth, fame, accomplishments, movies and image
• Satoshi Kon and Why Love Is All You Need Ep. 2 – Millennium Actress (BREADSWORD)
  • this video made me appreciate the history and motifs of Japan/war and love for love and Japanese film much more
  • definitely a good movie; I’m still not resonating with forever chasing that always elusive love and hope
  • it definitely gives me hope too :’)
  • the essay says it’s a sister movie to Perfect Blue but is more a positive note? I guess so with the Otaku/director’s admiration/love for the actress?
  • lots of food for thought, motifs, symbolism :0

The Game Awards…oof

It was once again the Geoff’s Game Ads + trying to be like Hollywood. Why are some these famous people here. One didn’t really try to do anything interesting beyond saying the award too.

It’s just even more disrespectful and rude to developers this year – when they cut speeches to 30 seconds and kept rushing people with music!! While Kojima can get as much time as he needs to talk about his experimental game/movie. Yes I see the memes about this :/

I always end up glazing over with exhaustion from trailers blurring with each other after watching the game awards :’)

It’s unfortunate that Sven of Larian Studios had to do a twitter thread to actually do his thank you speech in full.

I did like the Alan Wake 2 performance (bias) and seeing devs trying to make the best of things.

Threads and social media

• Threads is now open to the EU and just posting things leaves me with tumbleweeds (my experience) and you’re expected to socialise/interact online to thrive
• I don’t know if I should cross post there when I keep dropping off and feeling burnt out and haven’t been posting the latest thing there (always hesitant and wary with IG/meta/social media apps)
• I’ll juggle what I can though since big artists are moving to bluesky and/or threads ahhhh some artists like Threads more so :’)
• I definitely dwell and overthink on this repeatedly but this is how chronically online hermit Leonie reaches people :’)
• I’m relieved I’m not alone feeling burnt out/jaded juggling all these platforms (I see some artists bringing it up too)
• are people using twitter and/or instagram much anymore? It’s definitely rigged so that you pay them for (apparently) “more” reach and you have to interact for the algorithm to let you reach people. It doesn’t feel worth too much time (it’s a marketing job in itself)
• Unfortunately I get more engagement at the bird site over other platforms but when compared to its reach in the past it’s gotten much worse (and instagram too) argh more posting to the void!!! :’) [my original posts]
• with Threads/Bluesky I don’t know if people are interested in my art/blog when I don’t interact much & I don’t really have a huge following. People also avoid links in general (or at least with Threads).
• Also threads will change for the worse when they monetise with ads and the algorithm changes – that’s why I keep mentioning my blog & its newsletter firstmost then discord and youtube (to the void haha). I’m (and a lot of us) are trying to not depend on one platform (with our livelihoods), especially if we don’t have any control over it :’)
• shall continue to share my little art journey and cross post at these competitive attention seeking places even though it feels hopeless, exhausting, lacking in conversations/”community” and is a whole job in itself…
• I’ve already researched, tested & juggled for a long time & I continue to be exhausted/wary. Feels like this is the new normal as potential places need a lot more iterations/development time. Hoping for a central place so that enough people actually move off twitter/meta.
• Excluding my blog I currently cross post at 7-9 places with glazed work and quit a lot of others as many have shared the using only 1-2 platforms advice to focus one’s time and energy better
  • I’d stress out choosing what to cut out beyond this because I don’t have a substantial foothold anywhere & I am not often interacting when it’s crowded/saturated & usually quiet anyway. One day I hope to feel more certain and cut out more crossposting places!

Anyhoo, let’s strive to do our best! Gosh everyone is in holiday mode while I’m still working, juggling between trying to be productive and recreation ahhh :’) I’m stressed out and dreading something impromptu and invasive – noooo holidays are not supposed to be about stress!!

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