Speedpaint process & text commentary!

Took 3 attempts to figure out what I wanted, more about this at the speedpaint :’)

Pikmin are so colourful! I was trying to make the colours work ahhh

It’s me, my pikmin and my space dog Oatchi!

I am keen to play this game!!

Unfortunately I’m still slowly playing Zelda so that needs doing first :’)

---

Rambles for July

Twitter rate limit/forced login shenanigans and more

And it seems like quote retweets do not work. And broken DM settings. And many more (paying twitter creators?) that I’m not bothered to talk about.

And then I ramble about it on Youtube here:

What is happening with Twitter?!

Yeah it has been great to keep tabs on art and things but I’ve been fed up for a long time for many other reasons :’)
Even Japanese/Korean/many artists on twitter are thinking of leaving to less mainstream places.
I’m also sad since I’ve used Twitter for a long time, gamedev & art twitter can be great and my metrics/engagement have been stagnant for years (with some random, rare exceptions if I get lucky).

I feel stuck with twitter and instagram – and now Meta is doing a new social media platform called Threads (in a few days) with the same kind of questionable privacy issues like instagram?
It won’t be available in all countries (as for now as I understand it) because of the privacy issues too.
Then again it’s Meta so :S

There’s already a huge facebook/instagram user base that may transfer over – will this actually compete with twitter? They’ve launched an earlier form of Threads before a few years ago before apparently. Who knows if this is the place people will actually move to.

I’m tired since there’s been so many platforms taking off but their users aren’t active anymore, it’s invite only, only those with huge followings are able to bring more of their audience along and/or it’s super hard work building yourself up from scratch. Everyone is scattered across the internet and I don’t want to be at too many platforms too!

I don’t enjoy posting to instagram and it’s not really growing much but I feel like I have to. I don’t mind it as much nowadays as I try my best to stick to some self boundaries so I’m not obsessing over metrics too much for my mental health.

I don’t know about the upcoming platform Threads…here we go again :S

Anyhoo at the least I’m at my blog and here on youtube haha :’)

Do you still use twitter and/or instagram? What are your experiences or thoughts with them?

Who knows what will happen with Twitter.

It doesn’t help that when I search for things, I get even more political, disturbing tweet results :/

I’m not quitting Twitter yet but I was closer than before. I feel conflicted. I have been clinging to it for too long and technically I have the most followers there but most are not active/engaged. I still do have some reach but it’s just as volatile, fickle and not any better than instagram (it depends!) I get 110 or so impressions at least. If I’m lucky twitter or instagram does really well though. I used to feel like I can just keep doing my best and at least some people can see my stuff! There’s still some people at least (which I super appreciate!) Either way I don’t really check my feeds anymore.

Now I’m not sure if it’s worth it. Twitter as a business doesn’t look good either, things keep changing and lots of lawsuits and terrible decisions happening so I don’t have much faith left.

I don’t even want to log into twitter anymore – I have been stagnant, the number of followers don’t mean anything, I don’t enjoy interacting or consuming the feed over there for years (yes just like instagram) and now with the technical issues, website breaking, even more toxic stuff, everything to do with Musk, and reach being cut off thanks to the login thing and rate limit – I’m just fed up.

Twitter (and mainstream social media platforms) are not catered for artists but we make do with what we have. As lurkers and/or as people who post things :’)

Yes I know I can just login just to post and stay logged out otherwise – I just can’t help but feel empty and sad of the fact that I feel so conflicted when posting on twitter and I feel like I have to. And I used to feel like this more with instagram!!

Eh I’m still using it (for now) until it doesn’t work out anymore. When twitter does function and ignoring the algorithm and the problematic, toxic side, I still enjoy using it to post. Engagement depends on what art/fanart I post and consequently twitter does much better, especially if kind friends/peeps boost and support it (thank youuuu laurclinn & MiyaGalactic and some kind others)!

All the same both twitter and instagram have their own issues so I’m stuck with them as an online artist, who cares about my conflicted feelings ahhhh

Yeah I’m just reflecting and overthinking here :’)

I caved in to make an account at Threads (not available in EU due to privacy laws)

Been indecisive & conflicted on joining & ultimately I caved. Lots of twitter-like platform accounts I don’t use too!

It’s weird, definitely early days plus especially catered for brands & influencers here.
Perhaps I’ll link this to my Mastodon instead at mastodon.art/@leonieyue if that works one day for the sake of privacy concerns? But then again I already post at Instagram argh :’) (And Mastodon’s kind of dead since it requires a huge commitment).

I won’t be posting here until there’s a desktop version. I’m still at my blog, YouTube, instagram & so on! :0

Before I leave the mobile app until it gets better(?) & gets a web version, do I use this like twitter??
For conversation (or posting to the void), inspiration or for industry connections/obligations? I’m sure ads/brands/businesses are taking over feeds & things will be monetised like instagram…

I don’t follow/check much social media feeds or people & I don’t know how I want to use this, another platform :<

Anyhoo thank you for the small handful of you who are here! (:

What I typed in Threads before I stayed away from the app on 7th July 2023 so you don’t have to go there ;P I appreciate that I have more followers here than at Mastodon at least but I don’t know if it means anything! It does feel nice though and striving to not compare it to other people and artists :0

No I’m not using Threads to post right now. I just made an account until things get better with a desktop/web version. I don’t want to use the app/phone too much – just like how I waited for over a year for instagram to have a desktop version.

I deleted the app too. I don’t expect a huge number of followers.

I’m just observing how things go. It’s a mixed bag over there where:

• people are thriving (well given if they have a huge following from instagram/other platforms!! The majority are posting to the void or to their online friends so I do envy those with the following already),
• people are excited, enjoying the vibes?, testing things and people say that it feels like Tumblr and with friends
• socialising (much much more positive social engagement than twitter, mastodon, bluesky and whatnot apparently)
• the moderation being mixed, the backpedaling and it’s not great right now – I don’t know how toxic or non toxic it actually is
• people loving the image quality and video quality, others not so much?
• people being bombarded by influencers and brands rather than the people they follow (especially if you click away from your feed it recommends you algorithm things instead) – the algorithm is improving or terrible depending who you ask
• not having DMs nor hashtags for searching things (I don’t care for DMs personally or hashtags though and it seems like they don’t intend to do DMs given that Meta have many messaging capabilities in their other products/apps)
• and/or people are struggling with the lack of features; most people are not using threads as much now
• I’m glad there’s no showing who I’m following but who knows if that will change
• the culture discourages “outrage farming” (where someone increases engagement with hateful content which is rampant at twitter) since people mute/block them
• posts disappear into the void within 6 or less hours so you need to post frequently – the content is super fast and fleeting as posts disappear from your feed and into the void (so it’s like twitter)
• it’s conversation centric
• you have to curate your own feed and self moderate
• I do feel conflicted with the privacy and Meta concerns and monopoly concerns
• I don’t know what a monetised Threads will look like when they start doing that? And when/how exactly they will integrate ActivityPub & fediverse
• will have to train the algorithm by muting/blocking too when I do start trying it myself when there is a web version. As it seems like you have to curate and self moderate (and follow at least 100? people) to make it a better and positive experience :0
• it’s more low key, positive and not about engagement – it’s a static version of instagram stories as another artist describes it
• people who do sexual content and work can’t post here however
• some say that people/the consensus don’t want art on threads but they want inside talk and not art, videos, memes??
• they clearly rushed this out early because of twitter’s rate limit/Musk thing and did not want to wait to sort out EU laws

The reach is apparently good now at Threads (if you have the following that is active too) but it’ll probably change and become difficult/impossible/rigged like instagram when the platform gets monetised :S

I quit Facebook many years ago. I didn’t want to use instagram but I felt stuck if I only focused on twitter and how a lot of artists are on instagram.

I feel uncomfortable and conflicted being dragged back into the Meta ecosystem with my instagram and whatever Threads is doing. I even doubt myself on whether I should have used an artist pseudonym instead for the sake of privacy. But I’ve been doing this for over 14 years so it’s probably too late for me :’)

I don’t think if BlueSky is any better, moderation is not too great either and if anyone can compete with Threads’ reach. I’m not sure if I want to join BlueSky – I only made an account at Threads because I already do instagram…

I’m tired. I’m fatigued from all the social media platforms – I can’t manage it all. I’ll try juggling a bunch of them anyway but I can’t be consistent everywhere – I’m active at this blog and youtube and then everything else is me crossposting.

Apparently tumblr is where artists go but it hasn’t worked for me. But I got convinced/inspired to try tumblr again for a bit :’) Shouldn’t expect an audience since it’s low key and chill – trying to reframe my expectations over there…

I shall slowly schedule in art posts at tumblr so that it’s more up to date with my latest work.

I guess I find social media platforms that require you to regularly “engage” with other accounts exhausting but it’s by design. Yeah I’m not too social and that’s okay ;P

Reaching people on the internet is a time consuming job on its own and trying to figure out my boundaries, energy levels and curation with who I follow stresses me out.

Perhaps I should use threads like a forum or social party where I’m just talking to the void in the corner of the room? So I’d follow artists and people who inspire me and want to keep tabs on – not because I feel obligated to “network/connect” like other platforms? Or I shouldn’t be picky? But then I want my feed to be something I want to see and not something that I dread (then again, I dread my instagram feed so I have muted people who give me anxiety).

I’m not sure how to use Threads – will it be with people I want to interact with and their content? It depends also if it’s mutual with interaction. And I’m just crossposting and may simply post and hide at minimum anyway. I will have to figure it out if/when I use it. And I think the hype to use it and to follow people has slowed down.

Do I even want to use Threads? Can I trust Threads given Meta’s horrible and dodgy history and part in politics and genocide?? The grass seems greener since art communities are starting but I don’t know and I feel weary and uneasy especially with the EU privacy laws not being met. Perhaps I’ll wait until that’s sorted too :S

I don’t trust them enough to put too much of my eggs in this basket.

Youtube videos of note

• The Decline of Shoujo Anime: One Year Later
  • Gosh I went in the josei genre hole and I got out because I was addicted, some got too predictable/trashy and it wasted too much of my time away for escapism / fill my romantic needs void
    • I need some of my sleeping time back since it keeps me up until 3/4am in the morning when it’s really addictive in the past
    • I can say this now because I did succeed in quitting for good this time for a few months now – it took at least 3 attempts
  • but digressing I do agree that there’s not as much marketed for women as it’s mostly a mainstream kind of shonen and a cycle of self fulfilment, power fantasies and misogyny in the animation industry 🙁
  • I enjoy and love romantic/silly/trashy entertainment to escape into – I just don’t want to get addicted to them right now haha
• Final Fantasy 16 leaving old fans behind?
  • Good video by Jesse! It’s not turn based for a long while with their latest entries as they try to keep reinventing it and making it more casual. I’m still watching the game so shhhh with spoilers
• How Indie Developers Saved Australia’s Video Game Industry | VideoLab | ABC News
  • Hipster Whale people were interviewed in it!
  • nothing new to me in terms of summarising the industry in the past though
• also watched all three episodes of the Xenosaga games (it’s very long) and I need to process my feelings and watch/read up on things
• Embrace | An Asexuality-Focused Animated Short Film
  • lovely message & thoughtful colour symbolism
  • is this how people find out that they’re asexual when they actually mouth to mouth kiss and/or do sexual things?? Uh I have no experience ;P
  • I’m somewhere on the ace and something-romantic(?) spectrum – I do relate to feeling alienated, uncomfortable/anxious with sexual intentions/tension and have not and am not really keen/sure/inclined with kissing on the mouth in reality
  • I long, wish and fantasise for the romance, being loved, being loving and physical and emotional affection and intimacy…I guess I shy away from the hard work, pressures, compromise, risks, expectations, complexities, growth together, time and effort required for real life versions of that and relationships.
    • Catering for another person’s life, friends, family, struggles, journey and world too feels too overwhelming right now.
    • And I’m not keen/comfortable/sure on doing sexual things/relationships.
  • I don’t like the feeling of being romantically liked when I don’t feel the same but if it’s mutual then it’s nice, exciting and warm
    • but then it makes me anxious/doubtful/scared/tense/conflicted since I would need to get to know someone more and out of my hermit comfort zone? My flight response comes up as I don’t feel emotionally available nor good enough to be with someone – I self sabotage plenty probably :’)
    • I might be single all my life or at least right now in my life since I don’t know what the future would be
  • I’m not really sure if I’m frayromantic/romantic/platonic with my traumas in the mix since I am confused with my silly crushes/squishes on people who inspire me in some ways
    • but it won’t work out/they won’t reciprocate/aren’t compatible/are emotionally unavailable anyway so I don’t have actual relationship/romantic experiences to discover, know and learn from
  • I’m not sure since I’m an overthinking, flawed autistic/neurodivergent person who is managing her trust issues, trauma, flaws, fears, insecurities, inexperience, overthinking and doubts
    • I default to believing that my romantic or platonic feelings aren’t mutual and I second guess myself plenty
    • I just rationalise my way out so that I stay in my comfort zone fortress 🙁
    • I do have a fear of abandonment, disappointment, rejection and that something’s “wrong” with me
    • In this light I guess I am afraid of being loved too 🙁
  • Sometimes I wonder if I just want platonic + romantic affectionate stuff??
    • I wouldn’t know for sure but this feels closest for now
    • Expressing affection and love on a mutual, regular basis – whatever that looks like for me. Seems to be a fantasy for now.
  • platonic, mutual, supportive, communicative, respectful, honest, gentle, affectionate relationships/friendships are be great and fulfilling too if you’re lucky to have and nurture them :’)
  • anyhoo I shall keep working on myself, reflect on things as I go and cherish the people and things in my life

Personal update, Hustle Culture and taking an actual break

Sad my ol’ Nintendo Switch kept overheating so I got help in getting/doing a fan replacement. Couldn’t play Zelda much for a while but it’s fixed now!

Lost my old phone’s app data for lots of things because I didn’t realise I wasn’t charging my phone (wrong cable!) so I factory reset hoping to fix my phone at the time….so whoops! I mourn for my super Crossy Road and Disney Crossy Road data, forever gone :’)

I also want to get a lot of art and learning done but it’s just too intense for my sore arms, strained my arm, sore back and at the expense of my mental and physical health. Currently I’m trying out doing stretching/exercise mini breaks every half hour just to force myself to stop my hyperfocus and not hurt myself even worse working. Figuring out stretches too.

There’s times where I’m just a tired, resting blob and not stretching though or I forget/don’t want to do it since I just space out instead…so I’m not perfect at this. I’m just exhausted and my head goes empty :’)

I hope to do small study sessions fit in somehow?? I got things to learn but…how I fit it in?? Leonie??

Also feeling existential about my art again since I’m not confident in myself…

Ahhhhhh trying to keep and reassure myself from being too gloomy and anxious :’)

And in light of this, the Artist Hustle Culture (Video by Duchess Celestia)

I’m in danger of overworking, burning out further and hustle culture is getting to me.

This includes:

• the metrics, likes,
• revenue, how I don’t have side hustles thriving,
• feeling irrelevant and left behind,
• not being in market demand as people stick with established art styles,
• other artists pumping out quality art in 2-3 hours regularly,
• not following all the trends,
• feeling not appreciated and not as popular/charismatic/thriving/community-minded compared to other artists (well I’m a hermit, what do I expect)
• other working artists are also hustling in one or many ways
• feeling that most people in the industry are transactional/conditional with their connections + I’m more jaded now but I understand where people (and myself included) are coming from
  • I do help if I think I am able to manage that and if I don’t feel like I’m being used/taken for granted/made uncomfortable/pressured/manipulated (to my limited awareness, perception and understanding)
• seeing how other online artists are doing and comparing myself to their successes, highlights, journeys and metrics
• feeling guilty that I’m not doing enough productive things
• feeling like I should be doing original IP and do more things out of my comfort zone but I enjoy doing fanart ._____.
• overthinking with social media platforms as you can see from my blog posts

I am a workaholic and I’m getting (a bit??) better at reigning myself in…

Okay still overworking but with more self awareness :’)

I have to be stubborn to fit in exercise and I’m still sore with my back and sometimes my arm…

It can be super self sabotaging if I have to keep posting when I’m trying to finish and juggle other things first. Either way I’m still part of this vicious hustling cycle of suffering to survive like any other artist or any other creative.

The art learning and creating journey is a lifelong marathon so reminder to myself: I’ll still keep going at it at my turtle slow, low energy pace as usual. And juggle in life enjoyment and relaxing activities where I can?? Ahhhhh

And hopefully not stress too much about it all ahem :’)

I want to enjoy creating, experimenting and learning art and protect that joy. I don’t want the hustle culture hamster wheel ruin that completely.

And I want to manage my back pain, sleep, emotional and physical well being and not let my arm get strained too much again. Gosh life, suffering and growing pains…

There’s so many things I could put more time and effort/quality into but I cannot make everything I do at 100% commitment and quality. This is like my youtube videos where I scaled back the time commitment, effort and voice recording needed to make them. I have been considering patron names in the credits one day but I don’t know if it’s really wanted/needed :’)

I have to allow myself grace and compassion – I shall focus on things that bring me more joy and do the best I can.

Ultimately I don’t know if there’s a way to solve away hustle culture as mentioned in her video…oof we’re doomed to compromise, struggle and juggle nooooo :’)

Okay taking a break…I have to

Still overwhelmed with Tears of The Kingdom – I feel so slow at the game and I don’t think I can get it done before Pikmin 4 comes out 🙁

I think I will take at least the month of August off (and pause my patreon) so I can get some game and art done plus some life routine changes happening. Today’s Pikmin illustration was difficult to juggle as it is with late nights!!

I want to play my games and not stress about not doing art things at the moment!!

I’ll come back when Zelda and Pikmin 4 are done – and when I have some art progress to show :0 I don’t know if I need one or two months or so. I don’t know yet.

I need to sort out how I’m juggling everything. Maybe I’ll scale back some things so I don’t have to post at too many places on the internet? But I’m kind of geared towards longer form content like this and then I crosspost at places. Hmm.

I really need to make myself do little posts where it’s just the art and text commentary video. Hmmm…

I think from now on, I won’t take January as the designated month off – I’ll just take a given month off if I really need it. I’ve been super stressed out juggling work, life, art, learning, games and managing my strain/soreness/knots and Zelda has a huge part in fighting and consuming my time too :’) Also life has some changes thrown at me in some ways so there’s some things I have to adapt along the way.

How will I update people if things change? Do I still use twitter? I’ll probably just use this blog (a text post update), youtube and twitter(?).

Do I start using/sharing my empty discord server?? But I don’t have the energy to manage that and I’m just considering this because of pressure. Hmmmm.

We’ll see :S

Oh note that this is my 666th blog post!! Gosh I’ve been doing this for so long!

I will catch you around when I’m back and ready to juggle art posting again! Thank you for understanding!

Take breaks and care for yourself too where you can :’)

---