Oh heartbroken Kirby ๐Ÿ’”

ๆ˜Ÿใฎใ‚ซใƒผใƒ“ใ‚ฃ/ Kirby timelapse here! No one is playing Kirby’s Dream Buffet – there’s just CPUs :’)

I feel sad when I played it months after launch and people aren’t in lobbies anymore :’)

Oh Heartbroken Kirby ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”

Also expressing my general, fluctuating life feelings – when I feel abandoned, left behind, overlooked, forgotten, disappointed, hurt, gloomy and lonely. Or utterly tired.

Leonie rambles about making mistakes and Youtube

Had a “live and learn from a mistake/misunderstanding” moment, after getting some emotional distance and striving to understand things with empathy and perspective. Unfortunately I have to indefinitely deal with the passive aggressive, rude, impatient attitude as much as it frustrates and gives me anxiety :’)

Also I spent some time getting my head around OBS, making and chipping away at some art assets and leaving it open to whenever it feels right for me to stream on Youtube and things for next year’s timelapse videos. I’d rather stick to Youtube even though I have a twitch channel where I streamed only once. I don’t know if I can do twitch since you need to stream 2hrs x 3 times a week to get partnered with a consistent audience and I doubt I’ll ever have that kind of audience who is interested in my boring, deadpan, quiet personality. I am getting very, very slow, tiny and fluctuating growth on Youtube and it’s encouraging! Perhaps next year? Given that I manage my performance anxiety better and sort out how I would do it. I’m not rushing myself.

So watch out for my Youtube when the time comes!

Gosh and there’s red flags and concerning issues with Cohost’s Terms of Use from this lengthy tweet thread!

Consequently I deleted most of my posts on Cohost (since fanworks are not allowed and they own all the things they post on cohost apparently) and I won’t post there until things get better where a lawyer goes through the Terms of Service properly. Thank you for following me there if you did!

Edit 9th Nov: They are apparently going to get their lawyer to go over it! Still not sure if I’ll post to cohost though when I have a blog right here.

Or I’m not going to bother going back since I don’t want to post at more places. I feel like I can’t wholly depend on platforms other than my own blog. But most people usually don’t visit blogs! Ah the ongoing “hustle” in order to reach people gets exhausting :0

Reminding myself that I’ll stick to my blog here, youtube and post and hide at other places like instagram and the scary chaos that is twitter.

All I can hope is that people meet me halfway and go where I can manage to post :’)

Just have to keep on rolling as AI art spreads

First see Steven Zapata’s The End of Art: An Argument Against Image AIs for some well articulated food for thought and concerns.

Got to keep hoping for the best. What else can I do as AI art/animation/modeling/acting/etc replace people for the (mid to low skill?) kind of jobs (yet somehow they’re fine working to not breach music copyright and law with their music training data). People are being replaced while others get to create images they couldn’t have afforded otherwise. Is this similar to as getting AI to write a story/article/scripts rather than hiring a writer?

How can humans compete with an AI that can generate zillions of iterations/concepts, mash ups of existing work and increasing ability to make better work?

Some say that this is just like how digital art and photography took over some industries and changed the landscape of traditional art jobs. Some say you can’t really keep AI art as your own intellectual property, especially so if your data is badly/suspiciously sourced without legal permission. Others say that it’s just a novelty tool artists can coexist with and build upon – perhaps it is in some ways (some artists are already incorporating AI generated art just as a starting point and it’s a lot of work trying to get specifically what you want out of it) but I’m not fully sold on that in the long run and on a large scale. Generally it does feel like people directly unaffected or have already “made it” are biased, don’t really care for and may even welcome AI generated art.

It feels like AI art at the moment is great at surrealistic art styles :0 AI is getting better in quality, dependent on the data and the ways it iterates. So who knows how this changes the industry!

I feel like it won’t affect traditional artists (due to scarcity and the human side of physical mediums and storytelling) but more for illustrators and digital artists in terms of generating “fast food”/cheap/exploitative/prototype art, styles and concepts for business profit and results. Will this devalue art, illustrations and the profession even more since anyone (with access) can AI generate art and design? It probably will in some/many ways. Lots of ethical, legal and intellectual property issues too. I don’t know how things will turn out because this is all very new.

I feel cautious, depressed and discouraged about it since we hear about how AI art is abused, used to take advantage of artists, devalue artists (and commissions) and is becoming the thing to use by companies because they can cut corners and costs to meet demand with speed and something that’s “good enough” for the mainstream public.

For visual artists’ work getting used in training data – why is it “opt out” and not “opt in” as the default? Why is that okay?! Where is the consent/permission/authorisation?! This is violating artist rights to not have their art used without permission in AI datasets.

Can people (especially those who are trying to break in, not those who have already made it) still be a professional artist for a living anymore? Is it just a hobby? Is it worth fighting and surviving as an artist in a capitalistic world? This all depends on the person and market demand. Many do art to tell a story/for the result and don’t care for the process of making the actual art (whereas I’m more of the opposite). Others have lost the passion for art because it has become work and is made for others if you don’t have your own IP.

I don’t even think I’ve personally “made it” in the freelance artist side of things because I’m not getting work, I’m not really fast at it and I gave up. Outside of my HW part time job that I am super grateful for having, I don’t have any other sustainable way to survive so my gloomy, autistic self feels hopeless, insecure and anxious :’)

At least pixiv states that you can’t really stop AI art and they don’t know how to best handle the influx/flood of AI art there. Lots of AI generated anime girls popping up there. And now there’s the girl eating noodles like a burger meme. They say they will attempt to separate art made by humans vs AI generated art on the platform by making people mark whether their submission is AI generated or not – I hope people won’t abuse that.

Do we have to work harder to prove that we are human artists now? Show a lot more of ourselves even if some of us are private and need boundaries? I’m just tired, wary and frustrated :’)

I don’t know, I’m not an expert so I’m just rambling.

Digressing. Thank you for coming here, of all places. I appreciate you, reader who I don’t know (:

Watched Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarves and reflecting on body image (spoilers)

(It’s a Korean animated film) and it was pretty annoying when everyone just bends over backwards for Snow’s pretty Red Shoes girl look in this world. Everyone else beyond Snow are shallow, manipulative, detestable creeps until Merlin the punchable, handsome jerkbutt has somewhat of a character arc :’)

The basic, predictable wholesome ending about loving the inside and the outside just as you are is good. But the journey to that point was pretty mixed, meandering and meh; I don’t know if I fully buy the journey :S The catch phrases were forced, I don’t know how the architecture of Snow’s kingdom is feasible, most of the characters are super one dimensional and this is whole thing began because her father was blinded by Regina’s beauty?? Is the voice actor for the mirror the actor for Kronk?

They didn’t delve too deep into the body image issues with what she really looked like versus how she struggled to get help from people without her Red Shoes appearance (and same with the other “dwarves”). They touched lightly on how being conventionally ugly/fat/sexually unattractive really damages your sense of self worth and how you judge, value and stereotype others. How beauty is a double edged sword because you don’t know who has genuine intentions and not manipulating/creeping on you.

This movie is a mash up of fairy tales. The credits were a tad better than the movie ;P

It did make me think about how I see attractive/good looking people vs normal/”ugly” people. I do admire/see/judge people in terms of looks (more so because of first impressions, I’m insecure about my tummy, my weird/meh appearance, I worry about my physical/emotional safety as I instinctively look out for threats and I am also as an artist) but I don’t really set any judgement in stone and I keep things emotionally distant because I don’t know them anyway. Attractiveness and beauty is pretty subjective too! At best people will be vaguely one dimensional to me because all I have to gauge things by is by their physical appearance and their public persona.

I want to know them as people better and how they act if I want to get a better picture. If I ever do get the opportunity, most of the time I find that I’m not really compatible nor interesting with most/many people. Learning moment I suppose! Lasting friendships are hard! It depends if it’s mutual – in wanting regular interactions to keep the friendship going, leaving it irregular, casual, awkward and distant because there’s not much to talk about or just letting it fade because needs, level of interest and effort, paths, values and commonalities are not met or have changed. Yeah :’)

Not that I’m good nor super experienced at friendships as a solitary hermit so please take my word with a grain of salt!

I am taking a posting break every 4-6 weeks and it’s already 6 weeks!

So I’m taking next week off for my mental health! Catch you next time!

There’s so much to learn and much to process/get through as usual so here we go another day!

Also waiting on things and trying to fix my terrible posture. I’m in pain and am super tense :’)

Ahhhhh trying to get all of this physiological stress to loosen up :0

Thank you once again for reading <3