SuperLeonieMode 329 / Thanks for visiting Mum! (Mother’s Day comic) ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I don’t expect you to believe me.

All I know is that I stared at the bowl’s initial and final positions for quite a while in disbelief.

For me the bowl did move and spin silently across the table. As if my mum came by to visit me before her soul departed for whatever’s next.

I’m an agnostic atheist I guess? I don’t believe in a religion and I don’t claim to know gods/deities/unknown things don’t exist as a fact. Sometimes there’s things beyond scientific explanation and life is weird. I don’t know :<

I wasn’t afraid about ghosts/formless souls existing; instead it was reassuring to me that things would be okay, however anxious and isolated about the future I was (and still am). Since then I wondered if I’ll ever get around to expressing this moment in art form, because I haven’t really talked about it with anybody aside from one person.

I don’t think people would believe me :’) And here we are! I finally feel ready over a decade later. I’m not sure how people will react and/or whether they’d call me delusional so I’m kind of anxious. Or people will skim past and dismiss it; who knows. It doesn’t matter.

Oh don’t worry it’s been ages and I’m at peace with her passing. I’m just trying to focus on the good memories as resentment and conflicted feelings resurface; this comic happened to be a melancholic yet reassuring one.

I’m glad I can finally get around to expressing this, even though I’m a newbie with making longer comics and exploring my style. On the art side of things I’m not sure nor satisfied about it; I want to experiment more. It was more time consuming that I would have liked as I struggled to compose it. I don’t often do short comics this long where I dwell longer on my internal thoughts and feelings :<

Anyhoo, please cherish and take care of your loved ones regularly (whether you celebrate these parental Mother/Father days or not)! For those who don’t already know, I lost my mother to breast cancer a long time ago. So as annoying and/or difficult as things may be, please check yourself on a monthly basis and get health check ups too! And take care of your loved ones!

Thank you for reading and have a wholesome rest of the week with good company!

~ from a Leonie with lots of mixed feelings

PS: I’ve adjusted and simplified my patreon.

I’ll keep evolving it so that it’s more clear and up to date. Especially since little to no people read my blog posts at its worst and time is finite. Rather than getting carried away with comprehensive rambles, I’ll reign myself in and strive to do small updates with my art and learning journey instead as I become more depressed, frustrated, hopeless and discouraged with my focus, my own art and life direction. Feeling an internal, existential crisis and much growing pains, yes.

PS #2: This twitter thread highlights why I feel so jaded, isolated, conflicted, depressed & lonely with twitter.

These are some reasons why I don’t really follow much strangers/acquaintances/peeps on twitter because at my lowest, it gives me a false sense of parasocial “deeper friendship/connection” plus anxiety, unspoken social expectations, negativity and blurred boundaries :’)

I ninja follow people instead so I don’t take the online connection, performative public interactions/engagement and apathy/indifference too seriously (emotional distancing out of self protection and personal boundaries). I’m on twitter just to post art and lurk :<

At least with LinkedIn I’m just collecting professional industry/artist people I vaguely know without expectations since I don’t really engage with it ;P

PS #3: Worthikids/Ian’s Captain Yajima stop motion short is brilliant

PS #4: I finally updated my blog’s look!

I hope it looks good!! Let me know if anything’s broken if they arise and feedback is appreciated.

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