SuperLeonieMode / Carnival pizza time [CrossyRoadCastle Spooky Tower update] + LeonieUpdate!
In this little LeonieUpdate:
- SuperLeonieMode Comic on the CrossyRoadCastle update I helped with!
- LeonieUpdate and ramble about:
- cat vs dog people,
- how to lose friends and alienate yourself as an aspie
- and other interesting finds!
Huh? I’m just eating my pizzahhh; go away!!
I helped out with concepting background decorations for the levels and some initial art decoration voxel assets for CrossyRoadCastle’s Spooky Tower update (Tower 3)!
So I did a SuperLeonieMode comic where I feature some of the pumpkins I concepted and included the playable witch and vampire characters (credits to Ashleigh’s characters)! ;D
I guess these spooky peeps were imaginary after all? Maybe they’re out to steal my slice of pizza?! Why and how am I even there in the first place; don’t even celebrate Halloween :0!! Still I just want to be left alone with my pizza haha 🍕✨
Their cool trailer! 😀
- just trying to build a little art buffer since I won’t have much time in the coming handful of weeks! I’m struggling a bit :’)
- I got forced to stop working for two nights :’)
- redid my two factor authentication across most things with a different app (Authy instead of the Google one) because internet security is important!
- forced to redo facebook security too! It feels weird to use now!
- I did a reminder post to say that I quit facebook already because a few have forgotten :’)
- started to take small afternoon power naps and allowing my mind wander and rest for the latter half of the day
- it’s helping me with energy recovery but we’ll see if it’s good in the long run (:
- lockdown is slowly lifting bit by bit and I hope we slowly recover without rushing the process and eventually we’ll safely get to the other side <3
- whoa thanks to those of you who subscribed to my little youtube channel!
- I hope to do more recordings for everyone when I feel able though I’ll be keeping most of my little reflective rambles (and sketches, studies, behind the scene stuff) for my kind patrons (:
- these points in the video are huge generalisations since a lot of people are a mix of both
- I’m more like a cat personality than dog since I’m such a low energy, introverted loner who needs boundaries. I’m selective, slow and cautious with whom I hang around with and prefer people who are independent and don’t need emotional support and validation all the time (respectful and reasonable amounts of emotional support is appreciated and cherished though)
- expectations and boundaries are super important so that all parties feel heard, listened to, cared for and understood
- if people still fade away, distance themselves, are not consistent anymore and aren’t communicative about it, it’s time to let go :’)
- I am indeed more wary of people who love, like and/or are affectionate with many people and friends because I don’t really feel special around them and I’m just one of many
- I do not want to feel like I’m just an option and NPC for them (and I end up feeling super boring, hurt and poopy around them)
- whereas for me, I don’t keep in contact with many people because I’m selective about it (hey, keeping genuine friendships involves spending valuable effort and time!)
- so I tend to get careful and nitpicky with who I invest my time and effort with depending on how much time, respect, thought, care, communication, honesty and effort they put in too. If it’s not mutual I let it go.
- there’s a lot of first impressions involved and whether we vibe and feel comfortable in each other’s company. It also takes considerable time, months, years (however much time needed) for people to trust and open up to each other
- I think I scare super talkative, vibrant and extroverted people when I’m quiet and deadpan (internally I’m just zoning out and low energy)
- if someone seems flirty or super friendly, I wait to see if this stays consistent with other people and with consequent interactions haha
- chances are is that they’re probably and friendly with everyone (or they’re a player) ;P
- if boundaries and expectations aren’t discussed and agreed upon yet, most of the time communication is casual and sporadic; we’re not each other’s priority so I let them go, put them at an arm’s distance and/or not take things personally (since they are doing so too)
- in terms of pets, I’m generally indifferent and would rather not worry and stress about taking care of another living being. I’m already doing what I can with my current situation :’)
- Someone summarised his tips:
- not be abrasive and let others live in denial
- and if you appear too fake then be genuine instead??
- it feels weird but I think I do the first dot point whenever I keep quiet and then I can slowly see if I can open up and trust somebody :’)
- yeah I feel like when I’m honest with my feelings and not putting on a mask – most people don’t like it, feel uncomfortable and awkward
- also when I mirror them and mask myself they might feel uncomfortable and it feels inauthentic. And emotions leak too! I don’t know how to best juggle it :<
- I do my best to read the room with tact, sensitivity and respect if it’s too much and give people space and time
- if they’re not respecting me anymore, letting me down, not responsive and not putting in the effort to be empathetic and communicate with me too, I’ll just walk away
- I’ll talk about it upfront if it feels worth it for me and if it’s the first time bringing it up
- but I’d rather not pressure anyone with anxiety 🙁
- nor put myself in a position where I’m anxious about being rejected and ghosted; I’ll need to move on emotionally :’)
- I’d want be around people who want to mutually hang out and talk without pressure after all ;P
- I do try to be honest with how bad I am at expressing myself and feelings in the moment; I hope people let me know if I’m being offensive or insensitive :’)
- generally I am sensitive to people backing away and me getting hurt, disrespected and rejected :’)
- all the same I would rather have honesty with me and I will respect them if they’re not feeling on the same page
- I lose more trust and respect if they keep disrespectfully ghosting, keeping silent, procrastinating, dodging, avoiding the topic and/or deny things
- I am not trying to guilt trip or manipulate anyone by just expressing my feelings though! People don’t control my feelings ;’)
- it just means I need to move on, give space and distance myself
- I just want mutual empathy, acceptance, patience, communication and understanding for each other and our shortcomings in my friendships :’)
- good peeps appreciate me as who I am (and I will do my best to the same for them too), not the ones with expecting me to be what I cannot be
- I need to feel safe to share how I’m feeling to actually be myself so I end up being mostly quiet until that happens
- I don’t think I’m always good at recognising when people are distancing themselves from me and don’t actually like me
- however hurt, disappointed and sad things might feel, I’ll let go and move on if need be though. It’s better that way.
- how does one balance between masking (not making people uncomfortable) and being honest with my feelings??
- I need to be two-faced?? This feels draining. Social dynamics for everyone is hard.
- for me it’s better to arrange 1 to 1 time to talk things over and skip the pleasantries and small talk. But that assumes that there’s a genuine friendship and that I can be myself around them
- I guess I’m good at alienating myself and losing friends ;P
- the positive side to this is that I can see who’s really compatible with me as potential, long term friends? And accept and appreciate what I have
- I don’t like “How to win friends and influence people” as it feels too fake to carry out.
- trying to be a chameleon all the time around people burns me out and is frustrating
- some people keep “score” with “give and take” and treat friendships like they were transactional; I refuse to play that game
- I do try to give and/or give back when it feels genuine for me and I want to express my gratitude and appreciation
- it gets messy when friendships and professional connections mix too
- rather speak and receive the truth. Be respected than be liked
- I do have low tolerance with people who aren’t honest and open with reality and their feelings (and create the safe space to do so)
- with social extroverts, ambiverts and introverts; I don’t enjoy hanging out if I become an extra and bored follower whenever new people with more energy and attention join in and take over conversations
- it just means I need to find and maintain the rare friendships who won’t ditch, ghost and will enjoy 1 to 1 catch ups too; they’re more likely to be keepers for me (:
- sometimes people fade away into casual friends too; it happens :’)
- I need open, consistent and honest conversation and if it’s not there anymore I lose interest
- this video just shows how the “magic solution” doesn’t exist :’)
- The Problem With Auto-Tune
- The Best Bad Anime | Chargeman Ken (1974)
- Dynamite in the Brain – so an old guy with a bomb in his head happened in this anime!
- If Moebius Made Anime | The Beautiful Art of Dragon’s Heaven (1988)
- Japan’s First Superhero | The History of Golden Bat (the Anime Skeleton)
- The Manga had Better Voices that was terrible dubbing and script :’)
- “It wasn’t a person dad, it was a woman!”
- Coco’s Feel-Good Oppression
- thoughtful essay on real world implications and how social systems, border control, poverty, injustice, discrimination and inequality just stay the same 🙁
- Crayon Shin-chan And Nostalgia | Video Essay by Accented Cinema
- goodness I feel so melancholic and this is quite thought provoking
- nostalgia is toxic indeed when used as a way to escape the present, the future and your responsibilities
- “nostalgia is not memories” is what I took away from it
- memories have all the good, bad and mundane sides while nostalgia is a lie by insisting the past is better and clouds your perspective of your reality and experiences of the present and future
- I didn’t really get into the series as I thought it was perverted at the time and I didn’t know about this movie!
- this video also hit me on a personal level because loneliness is a thing throughout my life and throughout my upbringing :’)
- Japanese Things Even Japanese Hate
- goodness I’m not a fan of raw fish and sushi too; it tastes like nothing to me :’) I feel validated!
Alla lot of Foreigners Leave Japan
- the comment section was a good read too
- So you’re creative, are you a narcissist?
- Narcissism test: wow I scored a 0/40 for Narcissistic traits haha
- I guess that’s why I’m bad at selling myself :p
- medium levels of egotism is the way to go to be “successful” apparently but I don’t have much ego :<
- How being around narcissists makes you inefficient
- I feel this so so much; I’m too busy doing mental gymnastics around such people and so I waste emotional and mental energy :’)
- Wolfwalkers animated film (one day I’ll watch this movie!)
Thank you so much for reading! Music time:
- The hit song by Toshiyuki Tachikawa: 大事マンブラザーズ「それが大事」高音質 (and the Cantopop version I grew up with here 紅日 – 李克勤／譚詠麟 1992 (原曲：それが大事／立川俊之))
- Wii Shop Theme (insaneintherainmusic feat. 8BitBrigadier & Kenny Stern)
- the Nintendo Wii – Mii Channel Theme (insaneintherainmusic feat. Gabe N. & Chris A.) to end this post!
Thank you again and please take care of your mental health and yourselves this week! Another busy Monday for me haha (: