In this MondayLeonieRamble:

• Usagi eating delicious things!
• Personal Update Time
  • mirroring, changing weekly updates to Mondays
  • apparently autistic people are too weird & robotic
  • Jesus Christ Superstar stage show

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Usagi being full with wonderful food!

I’m hungry, okay :’)

Sketch & lineart phase!

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Personal ramble & update time!!

• “Saying that someone else is your everything, it’s pretty much saying that you and your life is nothing. Love does not translate into compatibility. Be someone you love instead.”
  • I don’t know who she is but I appreciate these quotes :’)
  • if you’re just somebody’s option and they don’t consistently show & express how much they care through their actions, don’t let them be your only option as they say. Keep them at a distance, just like they are with you. I guess in other words, mirroring ;P
• I finally ate the hedgehog chocolate and it’s chocolate with bits of biscuit and nuts! Yum!!
• Got help to customise my own AC island theme !
  • I also got really mad at the game for a handful of things that I vented about in my IG stories so I won’t go into it here :<
• making these weekly updates to Monday so I don’t have to check social media over the weekend – so I can take a good break away :’)
  • thanks for understanding! I need a break from social media & interactions and I don’t want to spread it out the whole week :’) I’m treating social media like work (because it usually is) and shall post during weekdays!
• Why do autistic people seem weird – that I’m a weirdo, robotic, stiff, no emotions, uncanny
  • I relate to this as I’ve been physically blocked and ignored from conversation a handful of times, even upon first meeting (and who knows how many times online) because I don’t behave to social norms in life and during industry conferences :< Was very upsetting at the time because I didn’t understand what I did wrong. Not naming names because I don’t blame them and the hurt has mostly subsided and comes in waves. Goodness I’m feeling sad for myself as I write this!
  • I guess I made them uncomfortable with my lack of “adequate” expression and awkwardness – something I don’t want to keep up anymore because it exhausts me :’) Or there’s mysterious rules I didn’t follow. All I know is that I’m not on their “care” radar because they don’t know how to communicate with me.
  • I just pretend they don’t exist to me anymore, keep them at a distance too and I have lost my respect for them. But when they’re super good terms with other peeps that I know, I feel conflicted at times but I don’t have the heart to say anything. Ah well :S Not everyone is your friend, even if they casually call you as such.
  • To be fair, I have personally have physically blocked and ignored people when they make me feel uncomfortable, creep me out or if they’re interrupting an ongoing 1 to 1 conversation I’m having (I’m protective of those because otherwise I lose the deep conversation and become passive when more people join)
  • it definitely gets worse as I get older because I have no time or patience to mask myself and play social games anymore. No drama in my life please, I have enough at home. I care less about fitting in, especially with the wrong people. I’d wear masks out of necessity with strangers & professionally but not when I’m trying to bond and develop friendships <3
  • all these autism videos help me understand that networking conferences isn’t for me because my social mask doesn’t even last beyond an hour or two and I become upset, drained and irritable. It’s not for me. I just feel like I’m driftwood in the oceans, stressed out and trying to find the next kind person to talk to :’) Give me 1 to 1 catch ups, on or offline instead please!
  • being treated like a child who likes cute things and games. And not being taken seriously because of it.
  • also reading on the comments, I relate to studying and checking what “normal” norms are a lot in the past – from clothes, friendships, dating but failing at being normal because it was not me, I’m weird anyway and was too exhausting. So I’m not fussed anymore trying to fit in and will accept a mostly solitary life when it comes to friends and relationships :’) I’m just happy to build & keep the few friendships I do have.
• It’s not on youtube anymore but I watched the Jesus Christ Superstar stage show from 2012? – they’ll be more each Friday 7pm BST and will be up for 48 hours? I mention it on my instagram stories too!
  • gosh they modernised the 1981 movie!! I had to watch it at school 3 times! :0
  • it’s too autotuned so I can’t hear the complete vocal performances when they’re holding notes 🙁
  • I remember the movie songs!! I’m not religious but I appreciate the stage show and its production values
  • Tim Minchin is awesome as Judas, Mel C (Spice Girls) who plays Mary is great, the guy who plays Pilate is incredible and lots of frustrated spit, leader of the Jewish council with the low voice is great. Intense acting and well staged!!

Take care and best wishes for the week ahead!

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