Fanart / Buddy & me! Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Rescue Team DX demo thoughts & update

In this SundayLeonieRamble:

  • Pokemon Mystery Dungeon demo thoughts
  • Personal thoughts on covid19
  • Interesting Finds
  • Short ramble on “Is there purpose in life”?
  • Personal ramble on art and business

Buddy & me! (Squirtle & Charmander)

I played the demo a few months back and the sorting interview said I was Charmander! It is fate yay ;D!! I picked Squirtle as my partner for the Rescue shenanigans and it’s a pretty chill game where you can play as the pokemon (:

The game has been out two days ago!! I don’t think I’ll play the full game because I found the dungeon crawling tedious but I am watching someone else play it and a family member will play it eventually :’) Good relaxing music, something to play when you want to turn off your brain. It’s a tad pricey as a remake however :0

Personal ramble section!

Covid19 rambles

Amidst a lot of depressing global covid19 news – reports of infections and deaths, travel bans, cancellations of crowded events, closing down stores/schools/restaurants/institutions/businesses, people not quarantining themselves and limited sanitary and food supplies due to panic buyers, please take care of yourself, wash your hands and stay safe and kind during these coming months/this year!

Seeing a mix of scary and selfish sides of humanity overall and I don’t know how to feel about it. Toilet paper is gone, pasta, rice, sanitiser, milk, oats, let alone face masks. It’s harder to get long-lasting supplies and things must be used sparingly – I’ll have to be more smart with supplies and eat less rice/pasta food and milk? I’m just sad now as I’m already a hermit 🙁

As I understand it, all we can do is hold out and do the best we can until a vaccine is hopefully developed and tested by next year. Some businesses allow working from home, provide leeway with coming to work so people can avoid crowded peak trains/public transport and providing hand sanitisers in more public places. I’m hoping the shortages blows over and goes back to normal. Again, stay safe and kind everyone :<

Random Interesting finds! And updates

I guess I might bring this section back whenever I feel like it ;D

  • Goodness finally there’s an amazing Goro Majima figure (not that I want it)! I had my eye on Posket figures instead but I don’t dare to buy more since I don’t have a stable job and I don’t have room :’)
  • Oh the Universal Studios Japan Sailor Moon ride I missed out on last year :0 I feel weird seeing them the sailor scouts in 3D and I don’t know if it’s working 100% well.
  • I find myself watching youtube videos where people attempt to date and others where they debate on deep topics, knowing that it’ll go on the internet? It just made me appreciate how hard it is to find people compatible with you, everyone has their own preferences when it comes to attraction, values, beliefs and lifestyle and we can’t really build emotional connection during initial conversations and meetings. Then again, they have a camera on them so who knows who they are like in person.
  • watched World of Horror gameplay last month and currently since there’s a lot of story. It’s telling that I’m somewhat desensitised as I wasn’t spooked and instead it’s “oh interesting twist there” when different mysteries and stories are played out.
  • New trailer on new animated movie Connected where I feel like they spoiled the twist here – A Goofy Movie plus The Incredibles plus Robots? I don’t know about the messiness of the story here but the art and animation style looks pretty cool.
  • I liked this essay on Shrek’s soundtrack
  • I don’t like the Artemis Fowl trailer. It’s not the same story anymore. At all. I don’t want to watch it anymore 🙁 The Scoob! trailer looks great, just don’t know about the product placement jokes, it feels like the Sonic movie 😛
  • Bird riding on a mini skateboard haha
  • A buddy was playing Eliza and I’m currently watching a playthrough; super fascinating ethical topics about AI machine learning with therapy. And there’s an ace character too :0
  • I cleaned out someone who was inactive on my email blog mailing list. All the best!
  • Slowly finishing up Wellington Paranormal season 2 this month! It’s a New Zealand silly, charming, comedy, “supernatural thing of the week” series. And I find out there’s a third season upon googling :0!!

There is no purpose in life? Some recent existential thoughts.

Some say life is more about being in the present, appreciating and living. Not sticking yourself in a box due to self pressure because we’re all evolving in some form or another. Push forward, create, let things unravel, try things, make mistakes and keep learning. 

Makes me question: What’s easy, natural and art I want to express? I feel like I enjoy free-styling art in the moment and other times I like to explore deep into the subject matter. But this leads to the next thing:

“I want money to make art, Not make art to make money” – Walt Disney

It’s a problematic catch 22 quote here because personally I do want money to get by and make art. And in order to do that you need to make art to make money.

Or get a day job. This I’d rather not do because I have a history of struggling where I fit in within society and since becoming another sociable/employable person takes up almost all of my emotional energy, I might as well quit doing art as a career. I’d rather not go back to that dark place when I thought art was impossible. If it really gets dire for me, I will suck it up out of necessity and keep art as a side hobby…? That didn’t work for me in the past and art just recedes into nothing though. Don’t worry, I’m still doing okay and still too stubborn right now because I’ve already tried, burnt out and failed at doing normal careers (like high school teaching) :’)

Digressing! Reality is that you need to balance both creativity and business to make it work. And it involves incredibly hard work with a good helping of luck and who you know.

Doing art for money involves a lot of constraints to creativity, expectations of clients/customers, where art is what the client/consumer/mass audience considers as art (it’s not about you), you need to make art people want to pay for, it needs to appeal to them, tends to be safe/formulaic and/or needs to conform to the brand to make the company successful or client look good. This applies more for large corporations and depends on the niche and the target audience too!

I hear experiences of artists saying that usually it’s their personal work *or* projects that are least profitable where it’s most creatively fulfilling. Not all art is worth money and not all work will appeal to people so apparently one must deal with lower pay and fewer customers if you want creativity to lead in your work. They say that artists do not make much money with art, there’s always a ceiling when compared to other more business-centric industries.

Does it really have to be this way? I want to challenge this sad, jaded, discouraging generalisation but I am at a loss to how it can be done. Exceptions are super rare :<

So I guess artists have to do what they enjoy in their own personal time and lack any social life or balance elsewhere? This was what I did when I was a studio artist – I strove to do personal art when I could and I didn’t have much of a social life (more because I was an extreme introvert and enjoyed solitary time the most). And often my creativity gets used up at work and from the social environment, so I spend my off time recovering really. It was frustrating when I felt burnt out from art altogether. I didn’t feel capable of juggling projects because I wanted to do my job the best I could, firstmost. I couldn’t keep burning my candle at both ends like other artists can. At least I was still earning a living which is also super important ;’)

Reaching out to more people?

Some content creators talk about making podcasts in 2020 to reach larger audiences. Reach out to more people through podcasting and/or youtube videos (that is, if you’re teaching and making products from teaching/mentoring others). Then again, they say that while they’re shilling their own products and courses on podcasting too.

Does this blog translate well into being a podcast when there’s visuals and art involved and I’m not trying to promote courses, books or products? Maybe I should make an audio, casual rambly version of my monthly patron-only post? Or make a commentary video over a slideshow of images? I’ve asked this before here with no answers but I’m asking anyway! Hey I’m considering it because it makes it more special for patrons, I don’t know haha

Yes I’ve done youtube and podcasting before on a newbie level but I don’t enjoy doing youtube videos regularly and I feel that people need podcasting to educate or entertain their ears with stories or people to interview. I’m just blogging my personal experiences here but I enjoy writing them :S

Both youtube and podcasting are time consuming and I feel like it’s taking away from art making, blog posting and learning time. Maybe I can do weird asmr drawing videos one day? I don’t know :S

Digressing again! All I can do is believe in my own work and progress and hope I can reach more people by continuing to show up.

This all came to be because of recommended videos on people telling you to blog, podcast, make youtube videos, do affiliate marketing, sell products and so on and it feels terribly overwhelming and that I’m missing out on reaching more people.

I feel like I’m acting out of fear, rather than with intention. I really need to work on my own confidence :’)

Creative doubts too

Some artists insist on making comics and our own stories. Right now I personally don’t know if I have the patience or interest in scripting several times my own stories at the moment when I’m just keen to do the art and design side of things. I’m more of a comic strip/short story/illustration person so I might be leaning towards doing that instead of a long running graphic novel. One day I’ll make my own “grand intellectual property” somehow:’)

Let’s see how I go as I take baby steps!

Don’t mind me, I’m just thinking aloud and not letting my doubts eat away at me. Frustration, ambiguity and mistakes are part of the creative journey after all. I don’t claim to know what’s the best thing to do.

Anyhoo, I’m grateful that I have some kind patron support! I need to continue exploring, learning and doing my best! I feel more better now as always rambling on; thanks for bearing with me with my doubts!

Oh and this was a thing too! Thanks for making my time here alright! ;D

Gah I feel old too :’) I deleted the original tweet because technically it’s not my own art ;P

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Please take care this Sunday and the coming week ahead! Catch you next time! (:

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9 Comments on “Fanart / Buddy & me! Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Rescue Team DX demo thoughts & update

  1. Hrmm. Definitely an interesting introspective this week. Some of it really hit home.

    Passed on the remake of mystery dungeon, but I loved the original! Can’t remember the test well, but I picked Squirtle (My favorite original starter) and Charmander as my partner cause they were the coolest picks lol.

    I like the random interesting bits section lol. Had no idea a couple of those things existed. Just found the mailing list the other day. :O

    Boy does it strike home there though. Not gonna fill up your blog with my life story lol, but i’m basically right there beside you. Going through life’s motions to survive, but not really doing what makes me happy. Hell, I’m still trying to figure out exactly who/what WILL make me happy. Certainly not easy for an introvert…Plenty of times my Social Facade doesn’t last through the day.

    Stay Stubborn! I believe in you! Even if worst comes to worst and you’re forced to move art to the side a bit I’ll be more than happy to keep supporting you doing what you love to do. But I’ve got a feeling that won’t be an issue, cause I know you’ve got it in you to make a living doing what you love. Just never give up and always do your best!

    I’d actually really like to hear you do podcasts, audio rambles, or commentary. Your personal experiences and introspectives are super interesting to me and I’d love to hear more of what you think/have to say/feel. But I don’t want to bug you or make you feel pressured/obligated about it.

    Either way though It might help. Hell, I actually found out about you because I just happened to stumble on your Super Listen Mode bomb you dropped on Webtoons (Thanks Insomnia!) and you might end up getting the attention of other people who think you’re pretty cool too.

    Exact opposite situation for me right there at the end though. I love writing, but I have no confidence in my ability….or have the ability to illustrate at all.

    Keep up the positive outlook on self improvement!

    • Hey Perky, thanks so much for reading!!

      Haha in that case I picked other way around to yours! Nice picks! Well Charmander was for me because I was a Pokemon Red person and it was my first Pokemon game. Pokemon Gold was amazing & wonderful too!

      Yay!! Thanks for checking out the interesting finds section, I’ll do it when I do find interesting things haha 😀
      Oh yearly or so I remove people who don’t even open their emails so I clean it up to give myself a more realistic look on who’s still active and I’d rather not spam people (I don’t want my rss feed emails marked as spam either). Was the mailing list easy to find? :0

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts and bits of your struggles. I’m still figuring out and more focused on purpose/meaning, creativity, mastery, connection and sustainability. I know that happiness doesn’t last, isn’t constant and most of the time, we’re just neutral beings going through life :’) The social facade is definitely emotionally exhausting! This society isn’t built for us. Still ultimately for any job you’re getting paid to help out. Kudos to you for doing the best you can! It means you have the freedom to explore possibilities and learn things in your own pace (:

      Thanks so much for the wonderfully kind encouragement, generosity and support! ;___; I deeply appreciate it.

      Ooh thank you so much for the feedback, I might ease into it and test doing a patron-only commentary/podcasty youtube video for this month’s sketchbook post! Let’s see how that goes first! 😀 I still enjoy blogging the most so if things go well the next step might be audio ramble versions of the blog posts (and I have to figure out podcasting again). Will having both the written and audio version of the same blog post work? Hmm! For now I don’t want to commit to too many things yet but just ideas for now :0

      Oh thanks; I did check the stats on my comics at webtoons and there hasn’t been any new views :’) Still it’s there for people to stumble upon as you say :0

      I lack in confidence in many areas too :’) Writing is a lot of doing it anyway; some similarities with doing art too. So do keep it up! :0!!

      • Haha. Yeah, I was a Blue kid so it makes sense. You’re spot on with the Gold pick though!

        Neat! Yeah it was pretty easy to find, but years of ignoring mailing lists on websites made me blind to it at first lol.

        Happiness certainly doesn’t last. Though I think the biggest hurdle to cross is getting over the point where you realize that it’s okay to be unhappy, that it’s okay to be depressed, that it’s okay to be negative.

        It’s a part of life and the constant pressure to always be positive adds far too much stress and anxiety on everyone. It’s how you end up with people snapping from unrealistic expectations being thrust upon them. It’s how you end up with people They’re told that they need to be married and have kids by 30 and work 40 hours a week in a 9 to 5 job and buy a house with a little picket fence. Then when they deviate from those expectations they’re suddenly crushed from the stress of the unknown and unable to process what to do in these new situations. They have nervous breakdowns. They end up hurting themselves or others because of their inability to cope with their negative emotions and just bottle them up till they explode.

        And society sure isn’t built for folks like us, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to carve out my own little piece. A piece that I can share with someone like me like the big romantic idiot I am. It’s just really painful to accept the reality that despite trying to “be myself” and then trying my damnedest to change myself into something other people would want that all I was met with was abuse, lies, and betrayals. The reality that I’ll likely end up alone is terrifying.

        I went to school and graduated with a degree in Psycho-sociology because I thought it would help me better understand myself and others, but the answers are just as confusing as the questions.

        You deserve all the encouragement, generosity and support and then some.

        Well, I can tell you the sketchbook post as an audio bit would certainly be well received! Having both audio and text versions of the blogs would be interesting. They’d likely have their own sort of energy. I know I’d personally be less eloquent in speech! Anxiety and whatnot.

        I think it might have worked better if you dropped the comics over a longer period of time. Webtoons seems to have a habit of filtering things by date and there’s a chance that the constant flood of comics are pushing yours back. Ofcourse I’m a weirdo who went and read them all so who knows?

        Thanks for the encouragement! It’s much appreciated! 😀

        • Haha yeah fair enough; it’s rare to actually want to sign up to a mailing list so thank you! 😀

          Definitely true with happiness – humans have a wide range of emotions and it’s definitely okay to not feel happy. I think most of the time I’m neutral, other times I’m sad/glum, anxious, mind in the clouds, stressed or silly. It’s best to be honest with our emotions. I did explode and breakdown years ago when I kept bottling it up, feeling trapped in my old career so I’ve been there :<
          I think to the extremes they call it toxic positivity? Having standardised “normal adulthood” expectations?
          For social media platforms, they’re for quick entertaining/inspirational/educational escapism or quick life updates most of the time :0 It’s an idealised version of people’s lives (usually). Even youtube too and whatnot as there’s a public, professional image to uphold. It’s not great comparing ourselves to social media posts but terribly hard not to :<

          It’s definitely the dream to carve out our own piece in life. I hope you find someone special in life!
          Personally I hope so too! Still I’m not as afraid of ending up alone; I used to be but it causes me stress and unwanted pressure to become another person so I slowly chose acceptance instead. I’ll let things happen naturally for me.

          Goodness if you’re still confused with the answers you found through your degree, then it just shows how complex the human condition is :<

          Aw thank you!! Yeah I definitely will be less articulate with speaking so beware!! :’) I might just keep it as blog and audio versions; we’ll see!

          I agree it would have worked better. I just didn’t have the patience to drop it over a longer period of time as 300+ old comics is too much. I don’t mind, it’s in the past now (:

          You got this! (:

          • I completely agree on social media. I want to avoid the Social Media Black Hole so I don’t touch anything but twitter really and even then only a handful of people are actually followed, but it’s still hard not to compare them to myself.

            Yeah, I learned my lesson about pushing myself beyond who I am for other people’s acceptance. I’m happy being an introverted hermit and I think I’d like someone like me who understands me to share my cave with. It’s just not exactly that easy for people like that to find each other >_>. Of-course should it happen I’d do absolutely everything in my power to make sure it worked out for both of us.Curse and Blessing of being a Romantic. Hope you find someone too, cause you deserve it!

            I could go on for DAYS about Psycho-Sociology. About social constructs and the human psyche. About human thought patterns and their impact on the development of society…and the reverse. I find peace in cold logic so learning “How” and “Why” people are like they are and act like they act really appeals to me.

            Would it be alright if I picked your mind sometime? I feel like we could have some interesting conversations regarding deeper topics or more lighthearted things like games or shows. You’ve got some pretty good taste in those. As long as it’s not a bother to you of-course.

            I understand you’ve got some social interaction limits (I have them too) so don’t feel pressured or obligated into talking if you don’t want to.I won’t be insulted if you’re not interested or are sporadic with responses. If you don’t have the energy then you don’t have the energy I know it’s nothing personal and I’ll try my best to keep it at a comfortable distance.

            • Definitely not easy because to find other hermits; they’re probably online and also go where it isn’t super social nor crowded? I don’t have a clue :’) Thanks and all the best to you!
              The how and the why is definitely interesting! Just applying it to actual people in your life tends to make it even more confusing :S
              I’m not sure if I have anything to pick from my brain but that’s just me! I don’t think I’m comfortable with something like voice call if that’s what you mean, my apologies.
              Yeah I’m at my social interaction limit and in the future I might delay checking long form comments until I get enough time and energy to think and respond. Thanks for asking kindly and for being understanding about it! (: Also same goes for you too, no pressure to respond asap either!
              I do appreciate these comment conversations though as I’m feeling listened to and engaged with, thank you! (:

  2. Oh no. Not like voice (I’m a bit too anxious with stuff like that with people I don’t know that well. >_<) I probably should have worded it better.

    Just wanted to know if it’s ok if I messaged you occasionally on whatever you’re comfortable with. You’re a genuinely interesting person and I’d like to get to know you a little. If that’s ok and not too personal.

    I’ll definitely be cutting down the long posts lol. Nervousness when meeting new people causing that. :X

    It makes me really happy to know you appreciate it. So Thank You and you’re welcome! 🙂

    • Ah phew! I’m too anxious about calls too! Okay we’re on the same page :’)
      Let’s keep it to blog comments/replies for now as it feels too personal for me at this stage. Thanks for understanding! 😀
      It’s all good and do take care!

      • No worries. What’s important is that you’re comfortable.
        Takes care!