I recommend what’s released by Shannon Strucci so far on this topic:
Fake Friends Part 1 [20min] and Part 2 [2hr] of eventually 4 parts (?). I watched this at the end of August/start of September. Ooh also check out Lindsay Ellis’ Manufacturing Authenticity video essay too!

Super thought provoking video essays, especially if you spend time consuming media from personalities, personas, celebrities, actors, friends and people! And this is many of us at different points in our lives! As we know, what we see and post on the internet is not 100% authentic…it’s what the content creator/poster wants you and the public to see.

How sincere and honest they are is up to interpretation and based on interactions, history and actions. And this is out of the original creator/poster’s control once their content is out there. It potentially gets out of hand in the mess of internet drama, many interpretations and miscommunication.

Parasocial relationships are not inherently bad or harmful, just something to be managed and to be aware of in healthy ways and moderation. Hey if all parties generally have boundaries, are not abusing the power dynamic, know what to expect and get out of it, then it’s happening out of awareness, respect, goodness and intention! (:

As an artist who posts on the internet…

…these blog posts, comics and art that I do – they are personal parts of me I’m happy to share and express myself for fun, feelings and for learning. And when I’m reflecting upon the positive, negative and neutral sides of things, I’m encouraging and being real with myself too.

But I don’t show everything about my private life. I’m striving to focus more on art, learning and life lessons rather than anything else I’m not comfortable sharing. I don’t really/necessarily know you (the reader) either. You are most likely an internet stranger to me. And I’m sure you are also careful about your private life on social media too. We’re not friends, kind internet peep! Casual online acquaintances and/or friendly brief interactions are fine too! I’m just some silly lady rambling to herself on the internet who’s super grateful you’re reading this.

Psst, thank you for reading and commenting! :0

Mostly yes because I’m expressing my internal dialogue in this blog at the least…and only a rare few read them. With social media I’m more selective in how I respond, I remain positive & curious as my online persona, showing more of my silly kid self but I’m not that smart to completely pretend to be somebody that I’m not for too long – that’s too much to stress about and remember! I forget things!!

Constantly performing through online posts, interacting and sharing heaps about your life online to get social validation, maintaining online friendships, building your audience/community and checking notifications is too exhausting for me. I felt stuck acting out a perfect, positive, generous, popular, engaging, supportive, “in the loop” persona. I get emotionally drained, depressed, that I didn’t give enough, didn’t interact enough, didn’t build a community, didn’t give things of value/quality, didn’t do enough – so I didn’t think I needed help and I felt empty. Constant social media interaction is not for me.

I’ve tried to reply to everything in the past to uphold that personal standard & to get along and support people I come across but it usually ends up me doing another long social media break to recover – it’s a super energy drain for me. I can’t keep up with everything and how people are publicly doing on social media!! Tried things, learned things and now I’m done with that. If you thrive and enjoy social media, I admire you for managing it all! All the same we’re all doing our best within our own personal boundaries :’)

I believe my social media numbers suffer because I don’t really “socialise” like they want me to and I don’t follow much new people anymore (because I’m jaded, it’s too much noise and I don’t check instagram/twitter much anyway). It all feels awfully transactional and conditional at times when you’re on social media with the gamified popularity/fame contest and engagement algorithms. It just leaves me feeling fake, empty, insecure, jaded, confused, disingenuous and joyless at the worst of times. I don’t want to play this online human relations/clout building game :’)

Nowadays I post things and hide. I keep to myself most of the time in person anyway. If I’m not feeling up to interacting online, I take breaks from social media until I am – hence my many breaks in recent years. I will read and reply when I check in again.

At the moment, I don’t really plan or worry what my personal brand is and I don’t like being pigeon holed into something – I’m just learning and trying things out in stride and flow. I agree that I need to figure what my “brand” is when I feel confident with where I’m going one day. Or maybe I won’t figure it out and that’s okay! As much as it frustrates me, uncertainty is the constant!

Unfortunately social media values consistency, branding, a good degree of familiarity/relatability and niches rather than creativity, spontaneity and experimentation. And I tend to do fanart too much so that’s why I’m often stuck, plateauing and struggling to grow since 2011 :’) 

Anyhoo I say “mostly” authentic because I as much as I do desire connection, get annoyed, frustrated, resentful, upset, hurt, sad, emotionally intense and afraid, I don’t want to focus, dwell and intentionally put out negativity into the world when I post things. Instead I acknowledge, manage and embrace my mixed feelings at my blog, at the risk of being too sentimental, emotionally naive and immature. And I don’t talk about things I don’t know about (as best I can) because I need to shut my mouth, learn and listen instead! Most of the time, I just don’t know enough to have an informed opinion in the first place. I’m not perfect and I’m open to learn from others (:

Meanwhile in person, I prefer to be reserved, quiet, learn and listen as an introvert with most people. 

I have many other sides too any other preson – like when I’m grumpy, apathetic or low on energy so I give minimal answers. Or when I’m intense and/or excited and actually talk more than listen. And another side of me where I’m rambly and silly with close peeps on an activity where I don’t mind how long we’ve spending together. It depends on the connection. I don’t think it’s any less authentic. All sides equally valid and real parts of me. We all have different sides and are complex.

Plus I’m always learning!

Still I don’t want to feel uncomfortable or imposed to act more like the rambly Leonie you see in my comics and blog posts. I’m not that rambly and expressive in person because by nature I’m conserving my introverted levels of energy. Especially in groups. Low social stamina over here -.-;

When I’m with people, it feels like I’m playing a role at improv actually. I can say that since I’ve done some improv classes earlier this year! Where I’m learning, mimicking, listening and processing what others’ intentions, micro expressions, posture, eye movements, where they’re facing me, what their feelings and mood are. It gets super intense as I notice or focus on one thing at at time and ignore/overlook everything else. Then I need time to process things and people just move on before I can respond or answer their question.

Even if I’m just listening, it’s draining for me to process and choose one person to focus on out of the group. So naturally I need solitary space to recover, I don’t socialise all the time and I desire human bonding that doesn’t mandate constantly hanging out. A roughly regular basis would be my sweet spot! Just knowing that we’re there for each other at expected time intervals means a lot as it is. Could be every two weeks, several months, yearly, some years? Admittedly my fickle emotions and me being a hermit means I feel left out when I don’t go to things :<

I don’t want to be friends with everyone and probably not right off the bat. I need to slowly build genuine friendships based on common ground, trust, respect, comfort level, time spent together, communication, values, intentions and interests. And that’s a rare thing for me. And I’m sure for most of us too. Not everyone is compatible nor can be friends either.

SLM comics, blogging & my art is how I learn and express myself because I don’t want to ramble people’s ears off about what I’m struggling with or am interested in. It’s a valid fear I have, since it’s happened before ;P It’s my outlet to put it out there, then I move on and forget about it until the next time it comes up again. It’s my internal dialogue for a reason. I’m not expecting responses, interaction or anything but it’s sweet and heart warming when I do!!

In person I would rather be quiet, save energy and listen to others. Hey I might break out of my comfort zone when I feel like it haha

Thanks to my personal comics, a few people attempted to mind read my internal dialogue and assumed things about me with varying results. 

As an artist (content creator? nooo!) it’s also weird when people know a lot about you but you know nothing about them. It’s flattering but also feels super uneven with social dynamics, puts me on the defensive/guard and sometimes very creeped out and uncomfortable. Especially how people assume and know things about my personality and my actions. I’d need some personal space especially when I don’t know much about them in turn.

Genuine connection takes time, personal space, whether I’m feeling mutually interested and in turn I need to organically learn more about you too. I don’t necessarily want to be overwhelmed with your personal background and stories right at the beginning after all! That’s too intense with social dynamics, almost leaning towards emotional manipulation and I’d feel like I’m pressured, manipulated, obliged to give you what you want :<

What I cannot stand is if people explicitly lie and pretend they don’t know me or read my comics, in order to get close or befriend me or whatever possible intentions they may have. I value honesty highly and I don’t want to find out afterwards that you know a lot about me already through my comics and posts but you’re misleading me otherwise. Ultra creepy, insincere and I cannot trust you anymore. Not the kind of connection or friendship foundation I’d want to have. I’m glad it hasn’t happened yet as I don’t really have a large audience and kind people are usually upfront with me even though most ghost me and don’t really interact and/or read the posts themselves. Or it doesn’t even come up in conversation anyway ;P

Hey I’m already second guessing on whether people in general even read my comics! I usually assume people don’t [aforementioned ghosting and lurking that I’m super sensitive to] and so in person I talk about things I might have already covered in my comics or my rambly blog posts. I may get repetitive and I also don’t want to bore people if they know already. I do get carried away rambling~! 🙁

Digressing. As long as it’s not creepy, disrespectful, weird, manipulative, demanding, hurtful, stalkery, abusive, toxic, malicious and invasive, I won’t worry ;P I have no control over that! It’s cool!

Sometimes people do understand me better thanks to my comics and I’m humbled by it. Thank you. <3

As a consumer of media from internet people myself…

I do feel weirded out sometimes. 

It can get out of hand, scary, manipulative, creepy, unhealthy and exploitative when the branding, business, networking, sponsorships/selling products and marketing pushes the illusion of genuine, intimate, empathetic, emotional connection and relationship to unethical extremes. Is it an online cult? Are patrons/subscribers expecting/hoping for a romantic/sexual connection?

Plus when fans cross boundaries, disrespecting privacy and engaging in scary, invasive, sexual, personal, intense, one sided interactions and harmful/obsessive/malicious behaviour with the real person behind the persona. Or even together/against the fan community.

Or when the public persona cracks because there’s no personal space and privacy to take care of their mental health, loved ones and identity. Consequently the public figure lashes out of their perfectly curated, professional image and reputation and goes to extreme lengths to break out of it (I’m not rewriting too much of this 2018 post but reading this now I don’t know what I meant back then! Apologies!)

Or when the real person behind the persona starts taking advantage and abuse their fans’ affection, admiration and their social power over them in predatory, abusive, sexual, manipulative, dodgy, criminal, scummy, dangerous, traumatic ways. [I’m tired and disappointed that there’s been so many outed internet famous people over the years since I last wrote this post].

It saddens me and makes me more self aware as an artist when people talk about their depression, struggles with privacy, boundaries, health, stress, constantly making content and striving for accolades and numbers like a hamster forever running in their “hustle” wheel and completely losing their sense of identity, privacy, personal space, friendships and other joys in life. How their needs for freedom, fun, self care, experimentation, hobbies and personal expression are not nurtured and pushed aside for the sake of growing their career on social media and the internet.

We need moderation/balance and personal space away from performing, entertaining, engaging and putting out content and even posting about our personal lives in front of an audience. Why do you need to be in front of an online audience in the first place? How much are you sharing? Where we draw the line is up to us. I’m glad and are relieved for them when they (and ourselves) invest in therapy, get emotional support from trusted friends and take care of their mental health and adjust/establish boundaries.

Probably that’s another reason why I’ve stopped being so active on social media (or less on the mainstream ones). It was too exhausting to be an “always present” persona and interact with people in fear that they lose interest. Living in fear that I’ll “lose” followers (and admittedly I still feel this way whenever I use social media, I wish I could hide the number). Those dopamine notifications are so addictive too!

Anyhoo I don’t want to perform and connect with people constantly that way and get too caught up within the social validation cycle. I’m very much the “post something and hide away for a while” and I only check replies remember? ;D I need small amounts of social media and lots of personal space to balance it out! It’s at the point that it’s mostly a few likes now but it makes me cherish people who take the time to respond much more (: