JULY 2017: Somehow featured in The Guardian, Game industry rambles, loving lunch catchups & being silly continues
Leonie’s small blog island says hullo! (:
>> Edit Nov 2018: All the formatting for this blog post is broken since transferring from Blogspot; apologies.
Woo here goes another month! It’s already August!!
There’s not much this month, compared to others…I think.
I really don’t know anymore and I don’t care how long/short my blog posts are at this point 😉
Let’s go! Journal Time.
Featuring Zodiac Starforce fanart 😉
CONTENTS for your READING QUEST:
Year 4, Month 7 (July)
Leonie Yue’s Sketchbook
Sometimes things escalate/burst and I run out of patience but it’s another one of those things :’) Probably my culture and our vast generational gap plays a part but essentially we have different values.
I’m not in the right either as I don’t do enough chores, let alone the way he wants it.
He makes a big deal out of taking care of the home *his* way but I can only do so much :<
I’m glad this doesn’t happen everyday but it’s quite a regular thing for me at home…too much to bother counting.
But hey…still family right. It’s all we’ve got.
We still look after each other [safety, food, etc] out of obligation
…just not on a substantial emotional level.
But don’t really care *that* deeply about each other.
No family is perfect! :’)
“Leave!!” you may say, “you are your own person!!”
Here I’m saying I am choosing to just tolerate it for now.
It’s what I’m used to and we trust each other enough to be in the same house after all! We’re all set in this routine and we’re “comfortable” as a dysfunctional family haha
Plus I have my bestest friend and younger brother with me all this time and for that I’m very lucky and grateful to have him, to have home/shelter and a wonderful growing art career. ^_^
Just letting off some steam and to say that hey, I have my own struggles too like anybody else.
He doesn’t understand what I do and won’t see this anyway – shhhh 😉
Afterword since I got a few concerned kind people telling me to move out:
Hey kind peeps, thanks so much for your thoughts. <3
I don’t disagree with you at all. From your perspective it’s clearly unhelpful, toxic and abusive as an environment. That I should have moved ages ago.
It’s not the first time people have told me to move; it’s just that this is the first time I’ve put this into comics publicly. And I figured I should not be ashamed of it but just talk about it with an open mind. Even if people disagree with me.
Usually it’s from people who don’t share or experience the same culture however – they don’t fully comprehend the “caring for your parents” aspect into adulthood. Actually I don’t get guilt tripped into staying either, my dad doesn’t want to have responsibilities for other people actually. He’s a lazy old man.
On the other hand, I do not intentionally want to stay and stuck with my dad forever, it’s mostly because I’m lazy and not bothered to move out [plus my brother is cooking more, yum] just to deal with more responsibilities on my own. As enticing freedom and alone time is important to me. Nope to roommates I don’t trust or know. So you can see where part of the resentment comes from :0
The title is as such because that’s what he calls me – not because I believe it. I’m not taking his verbal abuse seriously anymore. I’m used to it – the after effects is that I get really nitpicky with myself.
I am doing the best I can to get by and I’m putting most of the blame on him; I’ve tried making the relationship work years ago but it’s usually a one way street and I got tired of it. I got tired of bowing down to his orders and “his way”. He’s a stubborn man and he’s “never” wrong. One has to argue with him just to get your own way. I probably got his stubbornness from him haha
I fought for the role to help out with few of the chores and bore with the judgement/criticism. The rest I am admittedly too lazy and not bothered to do chores to his taste to fight for me to do and help out. I’ll learn someday! Just without him and without the stress.
I assure you that now that I have a stable job, he’s mostly left me alone. As long as I give him support money every month, keep him in the know and not disturb his routine/sleep schedule and help him out when he really needs it…it’s actually not as bad now. It feels great when I get through several days or a week without abusive words! He’s just happy to do his own thing, cook for us sometimes and drive us around when we need it.
Of course the situation itself is not ideal! He knows I don’t like helping him at a moment’s notice and usually orders me to come when he really can’t do things alone [I grump about it anyway…especially when it turns out that he’s just lazy].
At worst I get scolded at 1-2 a week [or more if I count all the times I’m too slow or making his life apparently worse] but generally he’s a grumpy, tired, stubborn old man who doesn’t trust anybody aside from family [as critical and abusive his mouth is]. His actions still show that he cares somewhat, but in an abusive way. I am not excusing his terrible behaviour. I am just saying it’s happening much, much less. I’m not a hermit freelancer anymore at home. Now I am out of there when I’m at work and away from him.
I will say that this whole experience has taught me to stay kind with people. Don’t be as abusive as my own dad. Treat people with respect like the humans they are. Yes even to my own dad when I can muster it.
Or just keep away if someone disrespects you. One chooses what and who they surround themselves with. If someone is as rude and abusive as my dad, I will not respect them or give them the time of day. I have plenty of experience of that already; I don’t have time for more terrible, rude people!
Stay kind. Stay positive.
Allow yourself to feel sadness too but grow and get stronger…all that mushy stuff.
I am not saying I’m making the right decision; I am just choosing to stay because it is my home, I am not leaving without my brother just alone with him because we’ve always got each other’s backs, I am the only family he’s got nearby [obligation to take care of family kicks in] and most of all, currently I don’t have the energy/courage/gumption to move out and all the scary research, responsibilities and time spent that will come with that. If I did, I would have move ages ago. Moving out feels like more responsibilities than freedom for me. It’s daunting!
For all you know, I’m wrong for staying. I completely understand that.
From the inside, I just hope you respect my decision, for now.
One day I will maybe move out.
I will definitely ask for help if this ever happens because that’s something I’ve never done before…clearly!! :’)
Though ultimately with the exception of one kind soul directly discussing with me about it [thank you <3], people didn’t respond anymore to the above afterword essay haha 😉 I guess they know they can’t change my mind; I’m stubborn like that. I don’t feel like I am punishing myself or have a need for a professional…so what I have a difficult, grumpy old dad in my life?
So what I got upset & broke down one time when he was bullying me at the end of the day because of one little thing I didn’t do? It doesn’t happen often and me and my brother have been proactively minimising friction where possible…we’re trying our best.
I am not intentionally striving to become single and alone and stuck with my parent [the traditional parent caring thing in my culture] until they pass on but if it comes to that so be it. Perhaps I will move out when I feel ready in the coming few years. Who knows!! 😀 These comics are just made because it’s what I’ve been dealing with for my whole life…it’s “normal” at least for me – as much as you would detest that notion.
For now, I’ll focus on what’s important to me. Work, art and learning to be a better person 😉
Gotta cherish all kinds of friends, as long as they add positively to your life (:
I mean I do try to say hello and/or bye to peeps nearby who don’t seem too busy! But sometimes I’m in a hurry, I forget, I’m pretty dead tired, I’m in the middle of something and then it’s whoops – hope I’m not too rude :<
QPCKBT Club rules: We’d just acknowledge each other & appreciate the fact that we exist :’D Yay!!
BurpDoodle: Goro Majima from the game Yakuza 0!
Finished watching this charming, weird, wonderful and cheesy gem of a game a while back (: It’s so sweet and cool to see young Majima and sort of how he became who he is in the majority of the other games.
Looking forward for Yakuza Kiwami!
I watched Yakuza 4 several years ago so I don’t remember too much!
BurpDoodle: Majima being cheesy, sweet and awesome 80’s style [Yakuza 0]
Here’s Majima being charming 😉
I LOVE THIS GAME SO much!! It always leaves me charmed with a terrible smile on my face!! <3 <3 <3
I love this game so don’t mind me!
It has charmed me, made my heart warm up to the brim with joy and keeps me smiling :’)
BurpDoodle: You’re still my beloved 24 hour Cinderella [Shinderera]
Just trying to get Yakuza 0 out of my system with these two.
From the karaoke song, 24 hour Cinderella. I love this song.
That’s all I’ll say because spoilers 😉
BurpDoodle: Whoa, breakin’ ze law! Breakin’ ze WORLD!! Kowase! Kirisake TENDERNESS! [Yakuza 0]
From the karaoke song, JUDGEMENT. Love this song too; I hum it sometimes!
This culture specific, charming, weird, wonderful game (:
BurpDoodle: Makoto & Futaba from Persona 5
SPOILER if you haven’t met Futaba??
I relate to both of them in different aspects:
Makoto for family expectations and pressure, to be the best I can as a student at school and the belief that I should dedicate my life to that rather than anything else.
Futaba for being a hermit who is socially inept [rather than a skilled mastermind hacker haha]
There were other characters that I found pretty cool like Ryuji and Hifumi I liked as characters too! (:
BurpDoodle: Ruby La Rouge
I played Chapters 1 to 3 of Agent A by Yak & Co earlier this month
I enjoyed being able to intuitively solve the puzzles [didn’t feel too frustrating] but I used a guide whenever I got stuck mwahaha ;P
I did feel smart for the most part and it was fun!
Looking forward to the rest when it releases! 😀
BurpDoodle: Believe in Love Again
I’ll just go back to sketch doodles for a bit and see what sticks :’)
BurpDoodle: Majima Everywhere System
So I didn’t think I would like this character before Yakuza 0. And here I am.
Know when to seek for help too because unfortunately I didn’t…I ended up teaching for the whole year like a stubborn silly soul, faking my way to nowhere. You are not weak for seeking help. You are brave to be vulnerable and to let go of your pride and ego.
You are human with thoughts and feelings.
You are not alone.
PS: Episode #3 and onwards of my old Hermit Burpcast podcast details my old teaching experiences if that’s your kind of thing. This is definitely not new to those who have been around since 2015…I just recently found the resolve to illustrate this particular moment as a comic 😉
I had to hide and bottle everything in because that’s how I was conditioned to be and coped with things. Shame and guilt and feeling worthless!
It is always difficult to confront and overcome; but trusting yourself that you can get back up again…that things will get better is reassuring.
Failure is only failure if you give up completely in what you believe in.
BurpDoodle: Gaston lovin’ Triplets & the Boss Lady
BurpDoodle: Should I give my Love Heart? ❤
*pouts* But my feelings are too precious to me
Just too afraid to look into their eyes ohhh ♪
BurpDoodle: Paraphrased words from a BBC interview
…not sure where it’s from but I saw a gif of this interview 🙁
BurpDoodle: What Sailor Moon Stands For
BurpDoodle: “Don’t you dare die on me, I’ve only got you.” “I got revenge to do!!”
Thank you for reading my current “system”!! ^_^
Let’s just say I’m picky overall no matter the platform and I need to know/met you, be comfortable with you & still interacting with you in recent years ;D
This might probably change…I don’t know. I’m finding that I can’t cut out social media time anymore than this.
BurpDoodle: Send love & strength to my lovely & hard working buddy Kalonica 💖
Thanks so much for the wonderful catch up lunch! ^o^
Train #BurpDoodle: I managed to draw him just a couple of stations before he left gahhhh
BurpDoodle: Brilliant & inspiring buddy Liam is full of heart & dedication!!
Thanks so much for the sweet & lovely catch up lunch today;
I am SO excited for your kick butt adventures ahead!! ^o^
A series of topics: a Still Life question & the Games Industry!
I did get this random question, so I answered it:
Does still life help with concept art?Still art helps with fundamentals of art skill – observation, drawing, painting, perspective, proportion, composition, colour…all that meaty stuff. Still life can also be an exercise used for many purposes – you can do still life studies solely to just focus on composition. Or colour studies. Or objects in perspective. Or lighting on top of certain materials and textures. Or proportions.
Still Life allows a whole range of learning to be had. It’s up to you to focus on what you want to get out of it.
But it’s not for practicing concept art itself as that’s about the design and function for a project. All the same, you need the fundamentals anyway to visually communicate effectively what you want to get made in a project.
There’s a HUGE range of things if you google about “how to learn concept art” or something 😛 It also depends on which studio/kind of project do you want to be part of and work from there. See what other established top artists do!
How did I get into games? [yes not a new topic but I’m dumping my notes/ramble anyway]
I didn’t intentionally set out to be part of the games industry, especially when I’m such a quiet and introverted and reserved person who doesn’t want to go late at night to drink and/or party just to network. That’s the impression and stories I hear about how most people are “getting into the industry”. Many people meet at such an atmosphere. I have too but not much anymore…parties are overwhelming to me so I don’t do it often! They’re still important as one of the many ways to meet new people. It’s very effective for most people!
Just not for me.
Before I set out to become an artist, I was an incompetent newbie Maths and I.T. teacher and I finally felt fed up of forcing myself down the path I did not really want and started again with a career I want to genuinely fight for.
I can’t really say for sure how I got into games, it was more of a really, really, really slow winding journey where I tried things, failed, met a few people if I’m lucky and kept posting art and learning. I just kept doing this, not expecting anything in return. I knew how low chances are in making a substantial living from being an artist. It was discouraging. I was trying to keep my head above the surface of despair. My old blog posts will show the struggles I had back then!
I was and still am most awed by character designers, visual development artists of animated films, video game concept artists and artists of the illustration industries. I didn’t think it was possible and didn’t know where I belonged. Not that I ever did belong anywhere 100%.
I didn’t know where I would end up since I was still learning but I ended up doing a graduate animated film with a team,
- which got into the Melbourne International Animation Festival in 2014 and 7 other small animation festivals
- struggled with freelancing but made the most of my few illustration jobs,
- participated in Game Jams even when I haven’t made games before [since my art apparently suits the indie game scene than illustration],
- made marketing art for an indie game in development called GunBlocks [apparently they’re working on it again…maybe]
- made some character designs and art for a visual novel game in development called Maid with Love,
- started the Hermit Burpcast because being isolated really makes you existential in 2015,
- kept going to some networking things and pushed myself sometimes whenever I can bear it,
- Drew people when I attended talks for fun, learning and when I finally posted them on twitter, people started to know me(?),
- Made videos as I played video games just so that I’m not always focused on art
- Applied to Mighty Games but got rejected in 2015 – I wasn’t expecting anything because it was a Senior Role – I only applied because I was encouraged to do it anyway for the interview experience by a kind lady 😉
- Was determined in just continuing the hard road of learning, freelancing if it ever happens and just posting art
- but then I got offered a job at Mighty in 2016 January to my shock and surprise
- started learning the ropes on voxel art
- attempted to do BurpAvatar/portrait commissions but it didn’t do well or terribly
- Got to do two PAXAus panels as a drawer~!
- Got to keep drawing people at conferences as per usual because essentially it’s a fun project for me!
- Got to do another Game jam
- Got a sudden Kotaku Australia feature
- Got to work on art for Framed 2 this year! :0
- And The Guardian feature…? What is happening…?!
And now I’m here still grateful, humbled and in shock.
I’m not going to expect anything…as usual.
I’ll just keep learning & trying new things.
I don’t know my destination/where I’m going but I’m going to take the journey as it comes!! 😀
Games industry in Australia
Not that I know much! It’s definitely growing though. And the government needs to notice this…it’s slowly getting better! Companies are expanding and hiring! And a lot of new indie games companies are growing too! It’s still an incredibly hard industry to get to. There’s not enough and I mean *not* enough jobs for the many, many thousands of graduates, students, professionals to stay or get into the industry.
This is a reason why people start and grow their own businesses to develop their own games…quite a risky and terrifying thing to do!
There’s also a huge need to have a lot of eggs in different baskets.
Once you’ve mastered one area, you expand.
You need to keep evolving and learning.
This is not really the industry you go for solely for money – there are better industries if you want to make a huge annual income. Tech companies pay better with much better conditions for instance.
It is not glamourous but for those of us who care – we do our best to take care of each other and not let anyone burn out. We do this because we love what we do, we take joy in people experiencing the games we make and it’s a constantly changing industry thanks to all the developments in technology!!
Games can be many more things and I’m looking forward in seeing things grow and evolve!! And then I can play them ;D
What I Love about the industry and community
- I remember the many friendly kind faces I say hello to – I don’t know them well but all the same it’s sweet!! Especially sweet when I was unemployed and a nobody. [I’m still a nobody though ;P] Sure they forget and we’re all distant/aloof again but in that case, one moves on.
- I remember people who were kind to me – even though I believed myself to be a nobody with no experience under my name! Now some of which I am honoured to call them my friends or good acquaintances. Whichever because people come and go…I usually don’t know people enough to be a close, dependable friend anyway. :<
- I see how people are so willing to help each other out, support and share experiences across different companies/projects~! <3
- I see how people have much in common because we all play video games to various extents. Building friendships because of shared interests, not because you want something from somebody. I don’t have many games in common with other people though I have probably watched gameplay of that game you’ve been talking about 😉 Admittedly it was hard for me because I am surrounded by passionate gamers and game developers while I just watch people play video games mostly haha :’)
- When people from players of games, game developers, educators and media all work together to celebrate games in general!
- Games that are made just for the fun of it, different from the usual commercial kind of games and given out for free are amazing too! Personal, heartfelt, narrative driven games!
- I agree with this post about the ickyness of networking; I’d rather find people I’m comfortable learning from and be friends with them instead…if they want to that is :<
It’s wonderful when I see beauty and warmness glowing from the kindness and generosity from the industry and community. (:
What I don’t love about the industry and community
- Most people don’t succeed in making games but the more popular, famous developers [who have succeeded] have survivor bias. As a result, they get the most attention for their perceived wealth, fame, growth and good game for their target audience. It’s not as glamourous as it seems. It’s full of hard work, dedication, luck, strategy, failure and being practical. In the end, it’s just like any business and you’re making a product for your target consumer.
- People who use and take what they can get and discard and ignore your existence once they’ve got or can’t get what they want. Social climbers, people call them? People who see people as collectables – to increase their social currency rather than respect them as human beings. Hey many of us have been taught to do this but I find it pointless, shallow and the pressure to follow/friend back is strong and suffocating. It’s the icky side of “networking”. I don’t want to follow/friend back just because I want more people I don’t know in my friends list. It’s meaningless to me :<
- People who insist that drinking and going to networking parties is the *only* way to connect with people as friends – there’s still so much emphasis on such parties and I don’t go to them because I find it too noisy, crowded and too dark to draw anything. I feel so alone too…perhaps having a buddy would help but I don’t know! I don’t want to strain to raise my quiet voice either. It definitely works for most people though! It’s fun for them but not me. I’m more at peace with this – if I’m not having fun then it’s not really a good environment for me to meet new people anyway.
- Crunch time is not the norm. People should not be abused, driven to burn out and consequently be quitting the industry altogether 🙁
- People outside of the industry who look down on people in the games industry – games are not all about shooting and killing!! There are games about love, story, weird silly fun things, rhythm, making friends, building things, collaboration, exploring, personal stories, making choices that change the narrative, beautiful worlds to experience, playing with your friends, cooking, farming, managing a hospital, all the many possibilities!
- People who bully and disrespect others for their own agenda and want to prop themselves up as an expert in games. And I must add that I am not an expert in games…know what I’m saying is just my perspective 😉
- I fear being too public online because of the fear of scrutiny and harrassment = so far no one has been mean to me online since I joined the industry – I hope this doesn’t change~!! :<
- No creeps please…I sort of block them out when I feel brave enough to do so.
- People who don’t value what you’re worth and try to get you to work for free or just for profit share or just try to squeeze as much information and time out of you solely for their own gain. That’s another level of selfish and disregard for other people who are trying to help out, survive and not burn out!
- The downsides of awards and recognition in games for those who are left under the radar – it’s usually the same loud, bold, amazing, outspoken, extroverted, active, famous, popular people who are visible and make things happen. It’s hard to get people who are unknown recognised. Which is why I’m surprised I get anything at all. I am lucky to have kind peeps who are better than me 😉 I’m sure there’s more unknown and more awesome people than me out there! That said, it definitely feels sweet when people appreciate you and your work…which explains my amounts of emojis and outbursts of gratitude. Cherishing it as if these kind things won’t happen for me again :’) Then again, most of us don’t do this for fame and recognition…we just enjoy our jobs! 😀
- Another downside of awards and recognition is that once you get it, you want more of it as you grow and develop yourself and your projects. I avoid this by focusing on the present, forget it and moving on. Just keep learning at your own pace and enjoy the process. I am doing this because I enjoy learning and art…not because I want fame/awards/what not. I mean as long as I’m working on being good at what I do and get known for that I’m happy!! But that’s a long way away! (:
- One day ageism [on top of all else to do with my heritage, gender, etc] might come into play and things may be worse for me, who really knows?
- The downsides for industry friendships and cliques that form – people who are new and fresh feel excluded and left out! Don’t stick too much with your own group of friends when it’s an industry social thing…meet some new people! On the other hand, the entitlement people may feel in wanting someone else’s valuable time is also a thing. Treat them for lunch or afternoon tea if you’d like to talk and pick someone’s brain! Don’t demand or expect someone’s friendship and/or time! They are just like anybody else…this takes time to build in an organic and genuine way. How can you help them? And I’m terrible at this because my energy levels drain so quickly at social things with so much stimulation :<
- People who feel a diversity agenda as a bad thing. One time, I was not impressed when someone told me that I have these good opportunities only “because I’m a girl”. I was annoyed but kept being polite. Sure it might be part of the reason but definitely not the only reason! There are a lot of diverse creatives who are working at it and forming their own voices but are definitely under the radar and unheard in a competitive industry. There are also many people in the industry [regardless who they are] who are really good with people but not quite there with skill and are admirably learning and succeeding anyway. So what! We need to have a more variety of experiences in the games we make, more diverse role models and together we can make fun and wonderful games! It’s more about encouraging more voices and experiences to be part of the games industry and at the moment, the statistics are improving but it’s still not that great and a huge struggle. It’s not about preventing people from making games, it’s about changing the impression that only white cis males are welcomed, encouraged & succeed in making them.
- As for me, I do have my own skills and my own voice I bring to the table. I am always learning too which keeps me going! 😀 I don’t know for sure what that is yet but hey, we’re always growing!
- When people think i’m only here because I’m a non dude, of asian heritage and generalise my gender :< No it’s my own fault/ability/perspective, not because of those other things! :<
Mighty Games Shenanigans: Just being silly?
And here’s a series of things I did at Mighty during July…
I sneakily polished my old :sadleonie: emoji
with a transparent background on Slack 😉 :'<
BurpDoodle Fanart for Scott/@cronobreak’s Life Art as seen here:
I just really liked what he doodled so I made some silly quick rushed happy fanart today ^_^ Gosh the resolution is bad and the pink is blinding so I changed it here! D:
Quick BurpDoodle: Mighty Games Shenanigans
Shooty Skies Blooper Heroes Update: What’s New!
I helped out with composing Ryan’s characters for this What’s New image! ;D Go play! I did more Shooty Skies UI mock ups too! Then some icons! :0 Then helped with other things I can’t talk much about 😉 All the learning!
Shooty Skies new Achievements Screen
I helped out the amazing Shooty Team with mocking up the Achievements Screen [and Daily Missions Screens a while back] & they gave me great feedback & implemented it wonderfully [all the learning!]
And that’s all I can show…for now! 😀
The past month: Recap July ahoy!
After waiting ~8 months my Kickstarter Planar busts from 3dtotal finally came! ^o^
Didn’t get the figures; this is what I can afford/need :’)
It’s expensive to get these things over here.
I need to clean up and reorganise my art supplies to make room;
can’t help but get art stuff sometimes 😉
My alien spaceship control room workstation!!
But pretty on brand with @Mighty_Games 😉
My home workstation is the same but much less room, messy & only one monitor and no plushies .__.
Aw thanks for peeping at my Mighty workspace!! It’s been like this for ages but I only got brave to show it now :’D I’m too ashamed to show my terrible home one; it’s a mess and I used old cardboard boxes to prop things up haha
Yes I have a split keyboard 😛
Posted this [+more photos] at http://instagram.com/leonieyueart/
but I finally got home safe before it started raining
[there’s train line failures everywhere at the time]
I hope everyone in Melbourne gets home safely too! ^_^
I thought I was going to be stuck in the city the whole night! :<
I didn’t think I could afford a taxi straight from the city to home either!
Glad it slowly sorted itself out (:
SuperListenMode: Please help!
A) What are good ADSL providers I can use while my Cable is indefinitely dead?
B) Good NBN providers so I can leave Optus?
Apparently there are other people who have been waiting since April and still have no internet, even though NBN is installed in their area 🙁
Please email or twitter your responses as I am intentionally blocked on FB .___.
Anyway…I shall keep scheduling my art here because I look forward to returning to your few but lovely comments and all that <3
But goodbye for now, not forever Facebook peeps! :’)
More internet drama ensued because they cut our internet twice overall and it was torture hearing family complaining about Optus, including myself the second time around. Gosh I need the internet so much to do things :’)
But now we *don’t* have NBN so it was all a lie. Lies.
We’re still on cable that can be taken away from us one day when NBN finally comes. Gosh this is a mess.
Bonus #SuperListenMode Got Passport photos today!
Thanks! Keep adventuuuring you!
Gosh! I’ve been sharing some personal stuff this month but that’s normal, right? 😉
Okay you take care and do your best at the cool things you’re doing!
See you next month,