Just me learning about drawing characters, people and experiencing how people stylise art more so watch out for more studies from me! Ambitious perhaps, but I want to keep expanding my range of art styles, get better at my fundamentals and sense of design.
Plus I’m not good at drawing men or people or posing [ok I don’t know anything, I’m an artist who feels like an insecure sad fraud okay? Gahhhh!] so this was a challenge!!So here’s Disney’s Hercules since he’s a buff, lovable and dorky gentleman striving to find his way to belong :’) Everything needs fixing in these studies… :S
All the swirlies!! :’DI need to watch this movie again someday.

PS: no I haven’t forgotten about learning vector art, I’m doing self studies at work where possible ;D

Been watching & having life existential questions :’)

Gasp! She trying to be a game developer! ;D
Stay strong and kind to each otherAaah Thimbleweed Park devs saw this!! ^o^

Embrace or slowly take small steps to change it, is what I tell myself.Get fired up and love, create, build and make things even at the risk of getting it destroyed, hurt, rejected…is a bold approach to take.

I’m not good at it because all I’m focusing on is on creating and building my own way to make art and be a better person :S

I want to do good even if people may think I have ulterior selfish motives. It’s essentially why I make disclaimers preemptively when I do something like video diaries and personal projects. Hey I am selfish! Because I am doing this for myself to cope and not deal with worrying about what others think of me. Because I enjoy it and don’t mind the labour of narrating, editing, creating, arting and processing. And then put it out there (and hide like a coward before checking responses haha).

I know people won’t do much in return because they don’t care about a nobody like me and it’s pretty clear that I am not demanding or asking for anything back. At best they might actually respond or even share it and at worst I get apathy. I genuinely enjoy it regardless of any rejection or apathy I may face.

I don’t really mind after the fact as I’m not doing it *for* them; I’m doing it for me! I get value from it personally in the experience and not solely from results – because results are out of my control and at best gives me warm fuzzies and super encouraging support! I don’t expect anyone to do things for me because I’m content as it is…the fact that I did it is enough.

Social validation and kind heart warming encouragement is a plus [I’m just grateful people still look at what I do ;___;] and I feel like I’ve shared the experience and/or art with others but those moments fade and in reality I don’t really get anything tangible from it, just kind people being kind for a given special moment and then they move on and forget ;D Yes there’s warm fuzzy feelings for a while at least! It does give me the boost to keep going to be fair!

On the other hand, if I didn’t get much responses at all then I would start reconsidering spending so much time on something that people aren’t interested in. I would change it up a bit or be more selective with what and who I do it for to make the process enjoyable & exciting for me [it’s not always 100% fun!] rather than focus on whether people liked it or not. There are certainly elements of “do I want to draw/film this event or person?” and “is this feeling special & novel to me?” and “do I have the time to?”

I don’t necessarily get more money or jobs or fame. Anyhoo these are bonuses to me and they don’t interest or motivate me on their own anyway.

I’m more of a cycle of:
Do something I’m proud of!
Then celebrate the progress.
Then forget about it and revert to starting the next thing
Feel that I’m not enough (sad but true) and try evolving again.

I digress again! We all have different issues and difficulties we deal with on a daily basis just to survive and keep going…it takes courage to still have hope and keep going. Life is not easy but to remain grateful for what we have, cherish the support network beside us and what we can do about the things we can control helps.

To keep making things and to have a positive presence to leave behind after we’re gone is something worth striving for.

The fact that I’ve placed social media restrictions upon myself allows me to focus on the time I *do* have on social media and be really picky with how I spend my time limit!

I have muted and unfollowed feeds that are unhelpful or makes me compare myself in a negative way! I don’t want to waste time feeling insecure and compare myself to cool acquaintances [hey only a few of them actually keep tabs on you anyhoo]…I’d rather focus on people and things I care about.

Stuff that silly desire to please, impress & belong to the industry, the industry people and hope people like me…I’ve got some arting and learning to do!! I mean it feels nice when it does happen but they don’t last and I won’t chase for them. The people I work with and interact with on a regular basis matter the most to me really <3

My plan is to just be present with those who interact with my posts as well as just keep tabs on a bunch of uplifting posts from a handful of people. That’s enough…

Gosh it feels lonely and isolating when I say it like that…

…well it is. I’m just tired of feeling like I have to be friends with everyone when as you know, I’m more of a:

• let’s earn each other’s mutual respect, trust and friendship over a long period of time
• experience each others’ strengths and weaknesses in action
• appreciate people for who they are and not just the flashy stuff that they’ve done and post online
• the slow burn in developing a connection sort of boring person

And social media alone doesn’t cut it to develop this.

On social & personal stuff again
I’m too much of a shy coward when it comes to relationships and friendships. I’m not proud of it but I won’t beat about the bush about that. Yes I am slow with needing a slow development of mutual trust and respect for friendship or any connection to be earned over a long period of time…I let it happen organically as that’s the best and meaningful kind.

But I keep to myself so much and assume people don’t want to or have a need to talk to me so I just usually find myself on the sidelines, seeing conversations happen without me ;D I do trust that people have good intentions until they prove otherwise.

GOSH I’m boring and a coward. Or rather this belief that I’m boring is hindering me. I need to learn to pretend that I find myself interesting in person. And then learn to believe that it’s true from there.

It’s hard when it’s ingrained in your upbringing and sometimes even now that I’m useless and usually the scapegoat for things gone wrong at home. And I don’t find myself interesting because I know myself already ;D

It’s just that when people act so friendly as if they’ve known you for a long time is weird in that it feels unearned…and when you attempt to return the favour it feels awkward and too much. Then disconnection happens as a result. Then the friendliness stops there and I’m invisible to them again. It’s not mutual from the beginning…looking back! :0

Sometimes it does work out because you’re just being friendly without it being a deep connection…it’s a weird sort of shallow that can develop either way. I’m mostly confused about this song and dance of trial and error but I hang onto the hope anyway when people are suddenly kind and friendly to me. I react like a deer in headlights because of the shock that whoa…I’m suddenly not invisible to them. WHOA you want to talk to me? Okay um…how do I do this conversation thing and do my part?

I probably fixate on my insecurities TOO much and hide behind them as an excuse to be lazy about this. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy, don’t want to engage, lost interest or have turned into a workaholic blob like it’s a shield haha

But hey…I don’t know how friendships and love happen ;D I’ve been single all my life (as I get older, increasingly I get more and more ashamed of this so I guess this is my little dark sad confession). I know that I need to focus on friendships first and staying honest and true with myself with the few that I have.

I do sometimes envy the *idea* of having lots of friends…but knowing that each person is an investment of attention, time and care…it really takes plenty of time and experiences for me to genuinely become somebody’s friend.

Hey I’m over a year with Mighty now and only now I feel I have warmed up slightly a bit more to a few people ;’) Maybe we’re friends now? Or not that well. I don’t know but I’m feeling more optimistic that I can be myself a bit more now. (:

I even had a skim of this Office Politics article and realise I still don’t know where I fit in with confidence yet. I’m an art grunt? I mean I have <2 years of experience after all. It talks about influencers, authority, respect, mentoring, strategies, cliques, friendships and so on and it seems like there is a lot of guessing/observation going on? So based on this article, I’m already sort of the neutral party of my own (I don’t have a clique haha), I listen almost most of the time because I’m focused on work rather than conversation and I use a lot of emojis?

I’m not a fan of befriending people just to “expand my network” but having it based on mutual trust, integrity and respect? I’m on board with that when it does happen!! 😀

The article says I need to participate in politics else you won’t get a say on what happens??! I guess that’s why I’ve never dealt too much with politics. I sort of don’t really give my say to things because I know how little I know about things. I’m less experienced so I’m not really putting my say in or I don’t think I should have a say anyway…I have much to learn. I’m the kind of person who needs time to think, learn, research and formulate my thoughts first :S

Anyhoo…acquaintances come and go but those who stick around and still care and ask about you matter more. :’)

I realise how empty facebook is to me to the point that I don’t worry anymore of the fact that I’m just checking once a week. It’s a weird feeling knowing how fragile online connections are. It can just go POOF just like that if I decided to quit facebook one day :<

I digress the 3rd time! Back on creating
I just want to create things I’m proud of and engage and connect with people through them :’) I want to keep doing what I do. Whatever I’m doing and learning at the moment.

I’m going to take a break from regular BurpDoodles so I can figure myself out. I’m in the “I want to study and learn” stage and I want to focus on this even more. I want to take a break from the hamster wheel of posting regular art so to speak. Be more scarce from social media for now and do some creative soul searching.

I hoped to eventually post on a daily basis but hahah! Nah. Realistically I’m just aiming to do what I can without exhausting myself! Plus daily isn’t possible since I have full time work too. Probably a weekly basis.

Gosh there was that time early this month when I found myself sleeping for 10 hours as my supposed “nap”. I was so tired around Daylight Savings Time! It was alarm bells telling me I need to take care of myself. :S

Admittedly I do feel sad that SuperListenMode’s twitter sorta died a bit on its own but I’m still hanging onto the hope that it’ll push through! Somehow D: I still emphasise that I just don’t want to be known for that art style… :< But I’m getting the impression that I’m stuck…ah well for now!! :’)

There’s so much things I want to do and learn. It gets overwhelming but I’m striving to not worry and not allow my competitive/comparative part of me take over. I shall not concern myself with what others are doing and what I’m missing out on. It makes me anxious and feel unhappy with myself with my own progress…the “not enough” silly feeling again. Oh silly insecurities! Stop wasting my time!! At least I’m more self conscious about it and actively I stop myself now. Plus the fact that social media is a dangerous beast with your information, attention and time.

I’ll focus on doing my own thing the best way I can. That’s partially why I’m taking breaks and blocking myself from social media; so much freedom away from it haha!! It’s time for me to be in learning mode.

I’m scared, sad, frustrated, confused, hopeful & excited.
As usual, hey? 😀

Let’s just embrace this journey ;D We got this!
Keep finding things to be excited about! :0

Mighty Games Shenanigans: Learning & Charming Runes comic Process

Charming Runes Launch Comic 😀

CHARMING RUNES launched!! 😀
I don’t have anything to do with this project but woo congrats to the Mighty peeps who made this happen! The game reminds me of Wizorb aside from Breakout [and BBtan] :0  Here’s the final with all the logos and marketing stuff on top 😀

Gosh thanks for peeping at my first comic for this game! <3
And although I wasn’t personally working on this project, on behalf of Mighty, thanks to those of you who tried Charming Runes out! ^_^

Much kudos and thanks to:

• Tim Best for the foundation of ideas and for brainstorming with me along the way! He wrote the words of the comic!
• The encouraging feedback I got from Mighty peeps especially for Matt Ditton for bringing up the confusing flow of the comic!
• Super thanks to my brother for giving me great suggestions on clearing up most of the confusion!
• And lastly Scott Barlett’s/cronobreak’s art style [all the game art is created by him], designs and kind feedback too [and bearing with my own nitpicking haha]!

Really happy and got warm fuzzies when Mighty peeps ended up loving it! Phew! Haha I think that’s what matters to me really :’)

Phew!! I don’t know if anyone was interested but there you go!
A snapshot!

I’m starting to see that there’s a pattern here…I’m trying to push myself to make silly but fleshed out illustrated comics ;D Just so that there’s more storytelling packed in and play with the art style, colours, stumbling with visual storytelling/sequential art and give it a sense of a silly and colourful world :0

It took me under 5 work days to do this because a lot of nitpicking changes happen along the way. But I added the Mighty “M” as an easter egg! Surely you can find it by now…it’s exposed more than ever in the above process stages!

Whelp still learning…! :’)

Lilo & Stitch Personal Studies

These are all for personal learning (not in anyway official so that’s why they’re only here) I can’t show them on social media (well I’m just being safe)!!

So I actually did these…ages ago for myself so I could do the Lilo and Stitch Disney Crossy Road update. I did all that character and environment voxel art :’)

Wavelength Art Exhibition 2017 [alongside the Play by Play International Games Festival in New Zealand]

Sneaky tiny glimpse (thanks @passcod) of the @shootyskies Destination Mars Poster at the @playbyplayfest Wavelength art exhibition 😱🚀🌌 https://t.co/bSwnry8haf

— 💖Leonieʕ•ᴥ•ʔ🎨 (@leonieyue) April 21, 2017

This cosy Art Exhibit celebrates in their words “female and non-binary game artist talent from Australia and New Zealand.”

I wasn’t actually going to submit anything because a lot of what I do is not at a printable resolution and I don’t think I belong there because I do so much terrible fanart than pretty & marketable game art…?? It was only until a few kind ladies gave me the nudge at the last minute that I decided to just try and submit something and then forget about it (Jennifer Scheurle & another whom shall not be named out of respect, thank you for telling me to submit something!)

Luckily after some searching, I did make some Shooty comics that are A3 sized!! Yay! Phew so close to not having anything to submit! I had some personal art but it’s not really game art :0

I didn’t go to New Zealand for the Festival but I heard lots of wonderful things from people who went…so do go to next year’s one if that’s your kind of thing 😀

And now that the exhibition has ended with success they were so kind as to send the prints over as keepsakes without charge! ^o^ I was so surprised! Usually people charge for these sorts of things or keep the prints for themselves! Mighty were happy to have them as part of the office else I would have just put them at home in a dark storage cupboard and hide them from the world ;D

I didn’t take anything seriously because only the early & first Valentine’s Shooty comics got printed thanks to Scott! But now that two more Shooty comics from last year are actually printed it feels official :0 !!

And I’m not even an art prints or merchandise collecting person; just someone who appreciates them when someone else has them. Feels weird each time when your own work is printed; feels bizarre :’D

The past month: Miraculously I went to Sydney for the 1st time because I’m a Creative Impact finalist in the MCV Pacific 2017 Women in Games Awards?!
So here is a documentation of the silly reactions and posts I did as this little thing unfolded…

My immediate reaction twitter thread in the morning:

So I’m still in shock & am flailing so I’ll just melt into a confused puddle of warm fuzzies, gratitude & excitement 😱😭💦 Um thank you!! 💖 https://t.co/sz0smyAsER

— 💖Leonieʕ•ᴥ•ʔ🎨 (@leonieyue) April 20, 2017

My facebook post later in the day:
Somehow I’m one of the finalists of incredible people for The 2017 Women In Games Awards for um Creative Impact? How what huh? :0

http://www.mcvpacific.com/news/read/the-2017-women-in-games-awards-presented-by-xbox-finalists-revealed/0181484

I was honestly resigned to my fate of being under the radar…at least for many many years because I don’t know so many things. Just focus on doing art and being terrible and struggling at making lots of friends and good conversation so…whuh?? What happened?

I am terribly grateful and surprised that I got nominated at all by kind gracious mysterious people (and 2 of which I became aware of and have thanked individually – you know you are…you are magically wonderful to me) ^o^; 💕

Gosh I was flustered and in shock and confused at work haha 
Mighty Games are SO incredibly supportive 💖

I have a tiny feeling that my dad doesn’t want me to go but I’ll deal with that. 
So I guess I’m going to Sydney for a day…never been ahhh :’D

My brother sent me this song in response: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMH49ieL4es

GOSH I am just confused and grateful :’D I thought I needed more years of experience and do lots of selfless giving to the community or something :0

I’m going to treat this as the one, only and last opportunity I’ll have to get to do this (because I want more fresh people and faces to be finalists and get the spotlight – I’m not special)! I’m assuming that I’ll go back to the mysterious ether, shrink away and be invisible again after this; I’ll pretend that there’s no spotlight in the meantime. 

I’ll be making a LeonieTalks video diary too just to document my first experiences at Sydney and the awards ;D 

I’ve always thought I’m the opposite of what people “should” be as I do my own thing so I keep asking why/how I got here when I didn’t even expect to because I thought other more prominent, cool, experienced and visible people would get it. But that’s my self doubt talking. :S

Anyhoo I’m treating this as a strike of luck and kindness thanks to others, be happy and humbled that I have the opportunity to go to Sydney to be surrounded by amazing people for several hours and make the absolute most of it :’D

@leonieyue beautiful and illusive artist extraordinaire #WIGLunch @MCVPacific @XboxAustralia @ID_Xbox pic.twitter.com/xNUuIHHZjX

— Michelle @ Microsoft (@msandfor) May 2, 2017

The Women In Games Award winners with pretty & professional top photos by Izzy Gramp:
http://www.mcvpacific.com/news/read/in-photos-2017-mcv-pacific-women-in-games-lunch-presented-by-xbox-australia/0181998

My belated WIGLunch BurpDoodles!
Pretty sad I didn’t draw as much as I wanted…I sat in a spot where people got in the way of the podium, I was up at the far wall and the lighting wasn’t that great [everything was backlit]. Gah my fault :S

MCVPacific featured my BurpDoodles! :O!
http://www.mcvpacific.com/news/read/special-feature-leonie-yue-s-women-in-games-lunch-burp-doodle-series/0182075
What a surprise and shock it was!! I wasn’t expecting this at all as at best I’ll have a few kind people responding to my BurpDoodles?! Then Joel suddenly approached me and asked if he could publish my BurpDoodles too so I wrote the following for his feature article [linked above].

But I have the original emojis below haha!

I was asked what was my motivation for doing my BurpDoodles:

Oh I’ve been drawing my BurpDoodles (officially known as such) since at GCAP2015 where I drew Game Dev speakers at talks I attended! A fellow game dev said I should just post them up on twitter individually and only then it began to get any attention.
But drawing people started earlier than that whenever I’m at a talk or event really and I used to draw people on the train for a while. Drawing people is fun to me!! ^o^

I just enjoy learning art and drawing people and writing up my own notes as I listen! ^_^

I like to capture portraits of people while they’re talking and sharing their experiences or when they’re just doing what they do! I feel extremely happy when I feel like I’ve done the best I can drawing them in a way that shows their personality. It’s a bonus heart warming feeling when people respond and like them!

My LeonieTalks Video Diaries on the whole thing at this Youtube Playlist!

See my full journey and thoughts on the whole trip as it gets updated and published on this Youtube Playlist or LeonieTalks auto twitter! Keep tabs on them or my social media channels!

Below is the first video I made before the trip happened because I wanted to express gratitude and how carefully excited I was:

The following is a list of people I mention in the videos for this event [also in the video description] in case you’d like to check them out:

The above Pre Trip Ramble Video

• Kalonica Quigley – kalonica.com http://twitter.com/Kalonica_
• Rhiannon: https://twitter.com/mighty_rhiannon
• Scott/cronobreak: http://twitter.com/cronobreak
• Mighty Games: http://mightygamesgroup.com
• Ben Britten: https://twitter.com/benbritten
• Matt Ditton: https://twitter.com/polymonkey
• Luis: https://twitter.com/luisvsm

Day One Video:  First time in Sydney & MCVPacific Women in Games 2017 Lunch

Mentions and/or thanks for saying hi:

• • Kalonica Quigley – http://twitter.com/Kalonica_

• • Joel – https://twitter.com/JVDMCV

• • Laura Voss – http://twitter.com/LCVoss

• • Izzy Gramp – http://twitter.com/Shrubbette

• • Tony Reed – http://twitter.com/TreveReed

• • Brooke Maggs – http://twitter.com/Brooke_Maggs

• • Clara Reeves – http://twitter.com/cla_rar

• • Megan Summers – http://twitter.com/MissMeggss

• • Nicole Stark – http://twitter.com/ColeStark

• • Wren Brier – http://twitter.com/Wrenegadey

• • Tim Dawson – http://twitter.com/ironicaccount

• • Emma Siu – http://twitter.com/MissKalika

• • Emilie Poissenot – http://twitter.com/aheila_ 

• • Annie Tyson – https://twitter.com/Tali_Katt

• • Fiona Murray – http://twitter.com/TheCantorDust

• • Jenny Scheurle – https://twitter.com/Gaohmee

• • Dr Helen Stuckey – www.mcvpacific.com/news/read/mcv-pacific-women-in…helen-stuckey/0148415

• • Giselle Rosman – http://twitter.com/jazzrozz

• • Jennifer Hazel – http://twitter.com/Rx_Pixel

• • Lisy Kane – http://twitter.com/lisyk

• • Emilia Chignola – https://twitter.com/EmiliaChignola

• • Leena Van Devener – https://twitter.com/LeenaVanD

• • Jane Cocks – https://twitter.com/jatosha

• • Michelle Sandford – https://twitter.com/msandfor

• Rae Johnston – http://twitter.com/raejohnston

Day Two Video: LeonieTalks: Art Museum Adventures with Kalonica! 

• Kalonica Quigley – http://twitter.com/Kalonica_
• Rhiannon: https://twitter.com/mighty_rhiannon
• Mighty Games: http://mightygamesgroup.com

APRIL SNAPSHOT AHOY

In terms of dot points:

• did Mighty work, comics & UI newbie attempts
• took a break from vector art…I need to get back to it D:
• had so much fun and laughs so far in the first 6 chapters of watching Yakuza 0 gameplay; INCREDIBLE game :’D
• learning how to draw
• the whole Sydney trip

Thanks for reading! Keep adventuuuring you!

Gosh I thought April and the start of May was going to be a quiet month for me.

I was wrong. As somehow Sydney happened.

Digress! I leave you with this:

Consciousness… pain, joy… sadness, anger… shame, loneliness. The future. Life. – NieR novella

It’s a quote from the NieR novella that stood out to me.
And it got me inspired to ramble the following:

These things are what it means to be alive.
As a being of thought and feelings.
The fact that you have a present and future,
that you are breathing and feeling and thinking,
that you are able to do something positive for the world around you,
that a few people do deeply care about your very existence and your well being,
that despite the things life may throw in your way – you know that you are not the only one suffering,
it leaves one with much hope, awe, strength and gratitude.
Be your own best friend and supporter.
Deep down it is absolutely okay to believe in yourself.
You can keep going. Do what you believe in.
You are braver and more powerful than you think you are.
Resolve to enjoy being and evolving who you are and keep shining your light.

Perhaps I can make this into a SuperListenMode comic later this year ;D
Watch out for it hehe!

PHEW! This blog is done!!
See you in next month! (: