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Wednesday, September 26, 2018

SuperListenMode: But who are you though?!


SuperListenMode: But who are you though?!
"So how are things going with you blah blah..." 
Um...I still don’t know who you are...incredibly uncomfortable now!! Let me out of this situation!!
"...You still don’t know who I am?"
"...no"
"…"

Times when I stumble upon high school classmates I haven't seen way back since graduating. Over a decade ago! So when I first see them, I could barely recognise who they are. They're all expensively and stylishly dressed up, with make up, looking like adults with corporate careers, well travelled, with partners and/or their own family and meanwhile I'm a deer in headlights.

I feel like a kid next to them. In love, life and in career.

I wasn't close to most of them in the first place so it was hard to get a conversation going. I don't think I really opened up to them because I was so caught up with self preservation [like the introverted, reserved butt I am], feeling exhausted around them, not feeling I have much in common with them and coping with not getting emotionally hurt at home.  
I'm still working on that ;P

What hurts most was when they can still recognise *me*. 
Because I haven't changed. 
Probably because I'm still in baggy clothes, I don't speak up and I make myself invisible and plain. I feel small standing next to them :( 

Note I've caught up with a few high school classmates in the past and it was nice to remember "back in those days". And then become distant again since our paths are so different - which is fine. (:

In the comic, it was a high school classmate who I didn't talk to that much or know at all, even as students. I think she told me her name but that didn't ring any bells either. 

I still don't remember or have a clue who she is!
In the end, she gave up and moved on and I kept feeling confused, guilty and weirded out :') Whoops.

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