-->

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

SuperListenMode: Realisation & Acceptance



SuperListenMode: Realisation & Acceptance

More self aware why I'm boring, quiet and zone out with people. 
And why I have few friends and feel like my own island sometimes.

All the action is going on in my mind haha

Happy to tag along, especially if I have something I want to do or focus on. Probably just one person to talk to at a time ;) 
Otherwise I'm simply tired and conserving my introvert levels of energy.
Usually in Super Listen Mode.
I'm still listening to you!

It's still hard when the loneliness and not feeling like I connect or truly get along with anyone gets to me :') It hurts sometimes.



"All work and no play makes you a boring soul" - that’s me a lot of the time! Taking breaks more between intense work periods though ;D

I'm not smart and am ignorant so I opt to listen instead. I'm pretty much not exciting to hang around with. As you know usually I have a deadpad stoic face - the downside is that I’m not approachable and inside I'm picky with whom I trust, spend time and my energy with, bond with and let my walls down for. 

It has to be gradual, earned and mutual 1 to 1 before we talk about deeper, personal and silly things ;P 

I do have a perceived, generalised version of what I think people expect of me but I'm not consumed by the desire to please individual people who haven't earned it yet.


Even though I made this comic a few months ago, Lexa insightfully tweeted recently too that it's okay to not have many people in your life that you genuinely get along with, echoing my personal struggles with it. It feels relieving to hear that I'm not alone having little social energy/stamina, not getting along with the majority of people and consequently feeling terrible, lonely, guilty and sad about it. 

Good reminders for myself and it's taking its time for me to admittedly fully accept as you can see from these comics. Because I feel sad, isolated and disheartened whenever things don't work out with the majority of people...but that's what happens. Logically I know it's not meant to be and I understand the lessons being learned but emotionally I can't pretend I'm okay and not feeling sad. So here we are. Embracing it, learning how to deal with it better and taking care of myself this way. 

I have few good friends and just one close, true friend...that's all the energy and time I can muster at the moment. I don't want to care anymore about having lots of friends wherever I go...something I don't truly want or have or need in the first place. I'm not fully there yet but getting better at accepting this.

I'm super grateful and will cherish what I do have in my deeper friendships <3


Finally I'm more at peace at my low energy levels when I'm around more than one person. Finally. Not feel guilty and grumpy about it if I can help it. 

Just accepting that I'm just drained and at worst disinterested around lots of people ;P 

Just go on with the flow best I can. :')