-->

Monday, July 9, 2018

SuperListenMode: Improv Personal Lesson


SuperListenMode: Improv Personal Lesson

One of the takeaways! I became okay with being last to be picked when it happens. In later lessons I just went ahead and volunteered to get my turn to do a scene because I had to leave early ;P


Overall looking back, I don't know if Improv helped me be more confident? More spontaneous? More bold? Not sure about those! 

Because I know Improv is a safe, fake environment and not really applicable in the real world. It's one thing people do to have fun. Real people around you don't have time nor energy for you to be silly, spontaneous, witty, awkward, make social mistakes or talk like you do in Improv. I don't have that courage to impose and/or assume they do.

As I was discussing with someone on twitter, it's a playground to make up things & pretend to be characters on the spot as a team without consequences or judgement in a safe environment. 

For me, it's constant stress/adrenaline survival mode dealing with social dynamics & making things up :')


Made me realise how different I am to others & how I can't match their extroverted energy levels. That I should learn to care less about it but it's hard. I think I am more comfortable and silly with people I talk to already? But not a substantial change beyond that. It's more intense than role playing as at least that has a designated role for you to get used to :0

Still I am noticeably more happy to just be myself when I feel a genuine mutual connection. 

Maybe I am better at conversations? I don't know :')



And as to why I was doing it? 

Confidence? I don't think that worked.
Frustrated with feeling stuck in life? I'm slightly less stuck...but not because of Improv.
Get out of my mind more? I'm more better at just doing things if I know that I'm going to overthink and self paralyse myself.
Embracing social mistakes? I admit I don't think the world of improv helped too much since it was an imaginary playground in the end. It was a lot of "thinking as your characters" too but I felt drained and tense instead. I allowed myself to be more silly though...but I'm back to my SuperListenMode until I feel like I've warmed up to you as a person.


Silly can definitely be fun but it depends. There's a lot of being random for the sake of random and sometimes it's too much when your feeling empty of ideas and in energy levels. I was tired already by the time the class started...Monday nights :') Plus it became stressful when you want to impress your class peeps and you're not that smart, witty, quick on your feet, bold, fun or knowledgeable in the first place.

Since I find it difficult and exhausting to "improv" made up situations, when I improv, it gets too real...because I default to my feelings and real life things I relate to instead :') I lowered my inhibitions knowing that I won't really see my improv team members outside of class.

And I learned that I'm truly the abnormal one.
I will never belong. :')