Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Rough BurpDoodle: Artist Dream Friend Adeleine! / Kirby Star Allies

Rough BurpDoodle: Artist Dream Friend Adeleine! / Kirby Star Allies
One of my favourite Kirby characters got released last Friday! ^o^

Fun fact: I used my fanart of her as my profile picture back when I started posting my horrible art online in 2005/2006. Wow. Always got more to learn :')

First met her when I played Kirby's Dream Land 3 and then Kirby 64 way later.

I don't like how she turned out here though. Sadness. :<

Originally I drew Ribbon as well for some girl power teamwork but it wasn't working for me. I'll do better next time. :')

Indeed I've been doodling fanart to get it out of my system. 
The creative rut, hopelessness, gloominess and frustration is starting to become less stressful, now that I'm taking things in stride better. 

It's still there like a puffy grey cloud over my head. 
Am still stuck.
But I am still learning.

The journey to figure what I'm doing continues.

Monday, July 30, 2018

SuperListenMode: Needle Torture

SuperListenMode: Needle Torture

I super super respect people who get/got tattoos and/or deal with needles regularly to get by. Super respect your tolerance for pain.

Took me many years to tolerate and relax a bit with immunisations as it is.

Thought I could face an armful of needles stabbed into my arm, meant to loosen up my tensed up injured arm muscles. Instead I felt more tense and pain. :')
I refused to do my other arm...it was too much. 

At least I tried with one arm? It's not weird but painful plus moving my fingers made the needles move about deep inside my muscles...eep I could feel it!! I could not look at my arm anymore!

My physio tried making conversation with me and making jokes at my expense but I was too busy trying to survive the pain and making noises...couldn't work or do much afterwards. It hurt so bad.
Had to heal and rest up with ice packs haha

He had some laughs at my suffering though. *shakes fist*

PS: I have slight degrees of tennis elbow in both my arms...it's not painful anymore. But it can come back if I'm not careful! 
I exercise and I need to do stretches often during breaks. :<

Friday, July 27, 2018

BurpDoodle: "IT'S. ME. WA. RI. O" / WarioWare Gold

BurpDoodle: "IT'S. ME. WA. RI. O." / WarioWare Gold

Coming out tomorrow in Australia with loads of great voice acting from the incredible Charles Martinet. Wahaha making games is definitely easy when you don't do any of the work like Wario! 
Just scam people to do the work for you! ;D

Gosh game development commentary haha
I was pressured to try the 3DS demo a few weeks ago and as much as I didn't like the art style when compared to the previous games, it's pretty packed with loads of minigames and silly, light narrative about tricking people to make minigames for free. It's a game when you want to be intensely focused on surviving quirky minigames for as long as you can. It's super fun in short bursts.

The only WarioWare game I played in full was WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgames when it first came out and I had time to spare back then. Now there's a bunch of more characters so I don't know what's going on now, lots of new mini games since then! This one actually has custom dubs too! 

My brother will be getting the game so I might actually play the latest one if I really need a break from everything else. ;)

Favourite quotes from the demo:
"It's pizza time!...No money." - Wario
"Selling like hotcakes!" - TV Presenter about a new game
"Quick Cash! Games...Easy money!" "Type type type!" - Wario

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

SuperListenMode: Nah I'm good

SuperListenMode: Nah I'm good

Usually I want to stay focused & protect my introvert levels of energy - keeping it to chats at or near my desk sometimes. Or you can call that laziness :')

It's emotionally hard at times as I consciously push that fear of missing out to the side. Eventually I'll get better at it :<

Yes, it's been suggested to me by a lovely person yesterday [and I've thought about it] that I should come along to coffee runs. Even though I don't drink coffee. Boost my own morale with cool people. To actually get to know peeps and colleagues better and not be on my own lonely island too much. So far I make myself invisible as the art ghost and game art helper fighting her imposter syndrome as it is. So my habits aren't helping -___-;

That said, I need breaks and walk away from my desk in general [which I am too lazy and tired to do when the time actually comes] so I think I need to do baby steps. 

Before I go into a casual impromptu group social thing that by my nature, drains my energy, I should actually slowly get into the habit of regularly walking away alone and take solo breaks. Get some solitary quiet time and relax to energise. I don't really feel like talking when I'm trying to relax and actually take a break. Away. From. My. Desk. Stop. Being. A. Workaholic. Gah.

So I need to make an effort to do both kind of breaks - social and solo ones. At first I need to make sure I take breaks in the first place because I shamefully slack off from doing it...I need to slowly make it a habit and not criticise myself too harshly when I forget to act on it. I've been there.
I'll ease in with solo breaks first.

I tense up a lot when I'm at work, especially in an open office and I get super sleepy exhausted during late afternoons and after work :/ Drinking tea, meditating for a while is helping a lot with my fatigue, TMJ strain and sleepiness though! But I need to do better, get up and walk! I know this but I don't do it over time during past feeble attempts gahhh. 

This time, I'll focus on doing better and I'll count how many breaks I've done in a day. So in that light I should probably have at least 5 small breaks, 1 lunch break and many mini breaks. Okay broken down, it's now more tangible on how I'm doing!

Well I'll update here how I go with breaks sometime! 
I hope I won't disappoint myself again. I just want to get better. :')

Digress. Getting that balance of connecting with others versus doing your own thing is hard! But gosh I do enjoy 1 to 1 catch ups [and sometimes/maybe very small groups] to hang with! <3 They energise me in a different way.

Super bad at initiating though :<

Because it's so easy to give up and build walls to protect myself from getting hurt and disappointed. Logically I know this comfort zone needs pushing but I want to act and do social things out of genuine interest, not out of desperation for connection. I need to care less .___.

I mean look what improv and dancing classes left me with. I was vaguely interested and I learned that the activities itself weren't compelling enough for me to continue, at least by myself. The people were friendly and cool and I had a few good conversations I wouldn't have otherwise at least! (:

I felt even more different than everybody else and essentially I was acting the whole time. Pretending I enjoyed the company of lots of people at once as a kind fellow introverted person described it exactly. It was exhausting. :(

Still when I can afford and want to, I hope to try other classes and learn other cool things! I want the new skill or activity to be something I enjoy too! So I'm not heavily focused on socialising itself. (:

At the moment I'm too interested in just art, working out of this creative rut and that's typically a solitary thing. :(

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

BurpDoodle: It'll be okay Madeline / Celeste

BurpDoodle: It'll be okay, Madeline / Celeste

Pushing through my sad creative rut continues!
Somehow this feels apt :')

A good reminder to myself and anyone out there:
You're not alone with your struggle. You got this.
Even if you don't believe it yet. <3

Trying to strike a balance between SuperListenMode comics, work, learning and BurpDoodles without pushing myself too hard and burn out. The struggle more lies in my indecisiveness, hesitation and self doubt on what I want to focus on. 

I'm still very much uncertain.
Striving just keep take things in stride, one step in front of the other.
And just make art anyway as I learn. 

Focus on making and learning. 
Stop worrying about everything else.

Stuff that noise! 

Aye. It's hard though :')

It's so cool that the Celeste twitter retweeted the previous fanart! ^o^ 
Gosh I said I was terrible at video games then at the time but I also didn't play Celeste because I'm just not interested to play it through myself...same with most games. 

Instead of playing, here's my little way to support this great game (:

PS Edit: Aahh they kindly retweeted my tweet the day I published this :')
Thank you Celeste team <3

Monday, July 23, 2018

SuperListenMode: Dealing with feels

SuperListenMode: Dealing with feels

Perhaps do all three. 
Talk to somebody you trust too.
Or just distract yourself with learning, rest or escape through entertainment :')
Whatever works.  

Friday, July 20, 2018

BurpDoodle: "Aww, man!!"

BurpDoodle: "Aww, man!!"
Princess Daisy! She was my first princess I saved as Super Mario Land was my personal first Mario game I've played ;) 

Was so elated when I finally beat it after giving up so many times.
You fly away in an aeroplane at the end, it's so cool and satisfying! YES ^o^

Now as a character she's super enthusiastic, bold and loud mouthed which is opposite of me but her attitude is clear as day! Bold and feisty!
Super neat she's in Smash Bros. Ultimate too!

After doing other kinds of art, I did this piece of comfort zone fanart to warm up again.
I'm rusty, pushing through my creative rut around in circles and I have a lot of learning to do. :') 

Wahhh! I hope I get better at art eventually .____.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

SuperListenMode: Creative Flow

SuperListenMode: Creative Flow

There are times that when I see peeps eat meals...then I remember I need to eat too. Whoops!

I don't often do all nighters if there's work the next day but sometimes when it's a Saturday...sleep in ;) 

Yes I'm naturally a night owl...and I get to do that over weekends!
Wait technically I wake up 7am/8am on weekends so...

But I am an early bird on weekdays, waking up at 5am ;D

I end up getting sleep deprived sometimes when I want to exercise for self care and health during mornings and yet I want to do personal art at night, get carried away and work too late. Oh dear.

I usually stick to going to bed early but it's hard when weekend comes around :')

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

BurpDoodle Animation: Sleepy Kirby

BurpDoodle Animation: Sleepy Kirby
Dear Leonie, you need more sleep :')

Doing terrible straight ahead animation for fun & playing with some basic software, I'm not a proper animator ;P

Just wanted to doodle a cute Kirby face.

Animation Ramble [talked about it before]:
Animation to the highest standard in my mind is an incredible feat requiring boundless depths of patience and mastery of movement, acting, performance, staging, flow, rhythm, subtlety, expression/emotion and making sure you're communicating what you want through your moving pictures. 

As you know I've learned basic 2D and 3D animation and its principles before. I'm not experienced to be confident or knowledgeable with it. It's something that needs to be practiced but I haven't done the mileage. 

Meanwhile 3D animation was a nightmare for me as I was never happy with my work and I didn't enjoy nitpicking and moving the rigs of 3D modeled puppets. 

With 2D animation, I enjoyed doing the first pass. Just roughly sketching each frame, add needed inbetweens and additional frames to provide clarity to the movement and then be done with it. The fun for me personally is in the drawing and getting the rough idea out. 

So I'm no animator. 
That said, I am not interested in storyboarding either. 
Which is another incredible skill of communication, storytelling and draughtspersonship to have!

At best I can do simple, wonky, sketchy and silly animation like this before I get bored. Or perhaps animation with only a few frames if we're going for pose to pose animation. I mean I can push myself if it has to be done though.
But you get the idea. ;)

This is why I admire animators so much!! They're incredible! :0

That said, please be kind with your constructive criticism if you have any for this! I might do a few more. Not sure yet. This is just something for fun! :')

Monday, July 16, 2018

SuperListenMode: Creativity!

SuperListenMode: Creativity!

Please protect your creative needs! 
Your creative precious soul!
Set aside some time!

Make things!
Even if you're never going to show it to anybody! 
Have some fun! ^o^

I'm trying to do this via these comics and BurpDoodles...and seeing what happens.
Hopefully without pushing myself too hard and burn myself out :')

Consciously stopped myself from overworking for once last Friday haha
Waah. I've been juggling a lot trying to get back into the swing of things :(

Friday, July 13, 2018

BurpDoodle: Captain Toad Treasure Tracker on the Switch today!

BurpDoodle: Captain Toad Treasure Tracker on the Switch today!
Adventure together!! Doodoodoo! ^o^ 

Fun little cute game, please get it if you haven't already played!
I played it on the WiiU so I'm just happy more people can play it now!

Gosh I remember this game charming me over! <3

Here's a cute cover of the Captain Toad theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rAlRfujA2I

PS: I wasn't happy with the save the damsel story in Chapter 1 but trust me, keep playing. I was told the same and I don't regret playing this wholesome game <3

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

SuperListenMode: "What do you do" Conversations

SuperListenMode: "What do you do" Conversations

Non industry peeps usually look at me confused while I'm too used to talking to people who know what I'm talking about :')

I used to make marketing art...? 
I make art you see in those games?

Shooty Skies? Crossy Road? Disney Crossy Road? Framed 2? 

Uh...some things I can't talk about yet?!

It hurt to say "Candy Crush" as it's my feeble attempt to connect with someone .___.

I don't know how to answer this question on what art I do exactly :(

Maybe I should just say I make comics as that's easier. Niche too.
Plus you're reading them right now.

Then again I don't make comics for a living, admission has been free ;P

I make these comics for myself and my silly feelings.
*puts on sunglasses indoors with tears running down my face*

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Somehow in the 2018 MCVPacific Women In Games List - Huh...What?!

I didn't check social media this morning and then...

What. How. Huh?!

I even posted a comic last month on how I don't feel like part of the games industry and I'm just an art helper.
So any industry lists were out of the question.

I'm not cool. I'm pretty quiet, reserved and introverted.
I don't have much friends.
I make art within my own lonely bubble.
What I do is pretty niche.
I'm pretty much an art ghost when I need to be on social media.
I don't feel like I'm doing big generous things for the industry.
I don't feel like I have any influence.

Got an honourable mention and a nomination for Creative Impact last year to my confusion too.
So I thought that's all I should ever expect!
"That's it for my games career!" I thought. "Just keep doing my best regardless!"

I genuinely gave up expecting anything when it comes to recognition.

It's weird for me...I need some time for this to sink in.
I feel like a super fraud. I don't know why I'm listed. I'm confused. :')
I guess this is a pat on the back for something I don't know I did.

What did I do??? Halp!
I'm going to keep feeling this way every time people are kind to me haha

Self doubt aside, I'm just super grateful and shocked there are kind peeps who like what I do...even though I don't know what I'm doing with my creative rut <3

Super thank you Joel and the incredible, kind industry panel for the gracious honour, support and warm fuzzies ;___;
Thank you Mighty Games Group for being awesome in general too!!
Boundless gratitude to wonderfully kind and supportive friends and peeps I've met along the way and who help keep me going <3

But ignore little me, please check out the other brilliant ladies on the list! <3 They're super kickbutt, cool, generous and brilliant! It's an honour!!
Please support them if you're not already! <3 Warmest congratulations! ^o^

Finally regardless and most importantly: whether you're listed or not, you are still wonderful. ^_^ Let's all keep being inspiring, awesome and do our best! <3

Support *all* the awesome, kickbutt ladies and non binary peeps!

PS: Uhh I don't know what to do now. *flails*
What do you do when you're part of this class? :S
Is the homebody going somewhere? Is there a ritual? :0
I don't think anything changes...I'm still me, hello.
Maybe *this* is it for my games career and I shall fall into oblivion now ;D

Update 11th July 2018:
I'm not planning to go to Sydney's WIG lunch unfortunately.
I did go last year already as a surprise Creative Impact nominee so I figured someone else should take my spot.
My blog post on last year's 2017 WIG Lunch and...
I did a video blog here for 2017 WIG Lunch here.
I felt pretty out of place back then anyway like this gif.
I can't afford to travel to Sydney just for a lunch either.
So please enjoy it if you're going and congrats to everyone! ^o^
Hopefully I meet more people during and around Games Week when it's less intense...just not during late night crowded parties :')

Update 17th July 2018: 
Got featured by MCVPacific, thanks Joel for the lovely feature! Gosh! :')
He did his best copywriting my dot points I've given him:

Update 9th Aug 2018:
Cool feature by Michelle