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Wednesday, June 13, 2018

SuperListenMode: Floating in Sadness


SuperListenMode: Floating in Sadness

Acknowledgement. Being understanding to oneself. There is no shame in being unhappy, lost, trapped, lonely, disappointed, confused, stuck and/or frustrated. 

Focusing on the root of the problem rather than seeking escapism and distractions for too long. Then comes the process of healing in whichever healthy methods and support that help you...however long it needs with resilience, gratitude, support and love. 

Of course it's easier said than done and there are no magical answers - you choose, act and forge your own meaning based on what drives you in your core. Hey personally I hope to manage all this, stay focused and become more at peace with the process of being who I am, with feelings.

Staying kind and true to yourself as you learn and grow. <3

Just rambling to myself :')




Yes I haven't been feeling great...since late last year - as you know. Just retreated within myself even more with some ups and downs. Kept away from most social things...aside from being an introvert, I don't want to bring people down with me. ;P

Slightly burned out too. 
Got upset easily at times and consequently I have been making sure I get some quiet, solitary time. Figure out my own inner peace with myself.
Lots of existential dread with art and life. 
Working out my purpose to grow towards. Get excited for.
Trying to figure out ways to work along with how I work and not pressure and stress myself out. Sometimes I find myself stressing myself and clouding my mind with fears instead when I should just let things take time. 
Feeling super lonely and isolated more than usual too.
Just saying no to most things that drain my energy. 
I don't want to "tolerate" things and work against my own mental health unless I feel it's worth doing.

Sometimes I fight by keeping myself busy with art. 
Or by watching gameplay streams.
Or sneak in some comfort food.
Or just let myself cry some. And then move on after releasing feelings.
Or just rant/ramble with somebody. Well...before they don't want to listen anymore.
Or just draw those personal comics.
Or just do some art.
Or figure out what other introverted and/or solitary things I can do.

Allowing myself to take breaks. 
It's been hard as I usually need to be doing something...unless I'm too tired.

Of course I sound repetitive as I say all this. But I'm still fighting this.
I'm sure I'm not alone feeling this. 

Still ultimately alone...within my mind. I'm trying to work with my mind.
It's not something I can switch off. It's going to be a process for me to accept things as I keep living. And not in a "let's pretend I'm not feeling this" way. 


I'm done with pretending I'm okay. But I also strive to not complain or ramble too much about it when in person...it depends if someone's willing to lend an ear really. 


And I do get the "just do what you want because nobody cares" sentiment.
I just don't know what exactly I want. I've been exploring and failing at things in my attempts to figure it out...at least with art all this time.
With life...I have much to learn. 

Feeling helplessly sad, gloomy, confused and tired sometimes. I've lost that excitement and drive. Have been searching inwardly what I want. What's the point of working so hard when on a huge global scale, it's unappreciated, worthless and ignored? What value can I bring to the world when so many people are better in art and in life than me?

I'm getting too existential? 

Is this what being an adult means? 


Is my heart becoming more sensitive to these things as I try to grasp my insignificant place in the world?

Of course there are no answers.

Only hope that I can affect things in small positive ways in my lifetime.
In spite of constantly fighting that feeling of being "not enough" and what "self love" means to me.


Growing pains hurt.


But I hope I'll keep growing stronger.