Wednesday, May 30, 2018

SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 4a

SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 4a

Taking turns to proclaim things to everyone :0
I think I got too real in class. Whoops. 

Shoo my slightly watery eyes!

Note I wasn't trying to get sympathy from the class, just a real thing that first came to mind! 

Teacher consequently responded, "You *are* special".

I just said "aww" back with a sad smile and looked at the ground.
Oh, he's being kind :')

I'm just a lonely little individual trying to do my best in this huge world.

Monday, May 28, 2018

SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Blues Dancing

SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Blues Dancing

Was trying out this workshop too - which is a contrast to solo dancing! 

Slow, intimate partnered dancing. 

People were generally friendly, talked to some fellow "follows" and talked a bit with "leads"/partners when we first met at the start but then I just went into focused learning mode ;P It helped me getting over the initial discomfort and nervousness though...as I was nervously going alone!  

Interesting: there's fun playful improv collaborative elements depending on the connection you have with your partner, 
a lot of working with your partner non verbally with movement [otherwise verbal works], 
got comfortable not caring if I gave eye contact or not as it's a "you're in tune with your partner and the music" kind of thing 
and it was a lot of the "lead" creating/inviting/closing space and the "follow" accepting or not accepting it. 

Insightful how there's so many ways people like to dance - sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't work with a partner and that's completely fine. Most people seemed to be enjoying it a lot from people of many backgrounds!

I made mistakes and usually I get the chance and get it right in subsequent attempts...but with every new partner change, it's challenging to figure out what the new person wants to do. Not that comfortable with lots of people breathing down on me and sometimes the height difference means I'm awkwardly hugging a shoulder or trying not to get my face slammed into their upper arm/shoulder - not comfortable. :<

Appreciated partners who smiled with me and went with the flow in the present along with me than those who dominated and kept trying things without much clear anticipated non verbal warning. Consequently we bumped into knees and toes got stepped on as either they went for it or I didn't catch on with their cues...which is fine and normal - you just keep going with the rhythm. There's no "wrong" way to dance as long as both are respectful and having a good time with the music together. 

Still one time I got lifted into a move because of the height difference, they were forcing it and I collided into them...laughed it off but it didn't feel great. :( Difficult to keep in tune with the music later on as I just kept focusing on figuring the next new person, not bumping into people and learning the next new harder move. 

I super appreciated Blues Dancing and learned a lot about partnered dancing. I would prefer private classes with one partner and/or partnered with someone I know whom I don't mind close embrace with in the future. Then I can focus on getting in tune with my body's movements, on the one trusted partner and on the music rather than the chaos of group social dynamics. Not worry about learning and adapting everything again with each new person. 

Or if they're going to force me to move how they move. Eep. :(

Getting *that* physically intimately close with lots of partners who are strangers with different individual motives and rhythms [introvert overload!!], 
and not feeling like I'm in control and stuck in following/mirroring mode [even when you shouldn't be!]. I wasn't really in tune with a lot of people there. 

Let's say I felt mixed afterwards as there were good intimate fleeting moments and uncomfortable awkward or painful ones. Afterwards I didn't feel like I had fun [pretended I did when I was asked as I was still figuring out my thoughts], I didn't get to know anybody and so I felt more isolated and disconnected than ever. I realised that social Blues dancing isn't for me right now. :')

Gosh afterwards I still felt the pressure on my back due to some partners being forceful, dominating and decisive with their direction, pushing/dragging me where they wanted me to go while I struggled to keep up...I won't miss that part! Or my feet starting to blister. :0

But hey. Stressing I learned about and enjoyed the rare moments of just hugging someone you trust, dancing slowly with the sensual music and going with the flow without caring about technique accuracy or other people. It's a magical, special experience when you and your dance partner are on the *same* wavelength. <3

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Solo Jazz/Charleston

SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Solo Jazz/Charleston

Was super nervous at my first dance class several months ago. Usually I was avoiding eye contact when we were doing partnered dancing as I was super focused on learning, remembering all the different new moves, trying out moves and getting my own rhythm instead. Sweet music to get lost into & enjoyed being able to do solo moves, do what I want and own my mistakes without affecting anyone else that much. 

It was a super workout in the end when we finished at music with 200 beats a minute tempo whoa! :0 

I learned to just enjoy dancing by myself, 
dance along with someone else while we have our own respective moves, 
switching partners all the time [it took away the social pressure], 
the joys of wavy flailing arms, 
expressing how I interpret the music 
and letting go of being self conscious about what my body is doing or how silly I may look. :')

Monday, May 21, 2018

SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 3

SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 3

I felt better with newbie scenes...here's some of the silly things I said during class 3. I was really nervous and stumped on what I could say...eep! Was actually considering quitting leading up to it.

Was a bit more expressive, silly and learning to not care too much.
But I was still scared about volunteering too early and ended up not participating that much - oh inhibitions. And didn't really socialise that much during the break...but it wasn't as exhausting as the previous class!

Noted that when you're doing this, you should embrace the mindset of having fun and let go of anxiety and dread. To think about other people you're engaging with instead, outside of your own mind. Also one should not do one liner jokes otherwise teammates get stranded in what to do next in a scene.

Had to remind myself that I was doing this for self confidence, character building in terms of being able to pretend to be all sorts of things, to be silly, to converse/talk without judgement and overthinking...not sure if I'm there yet at the time :< But I didn't feel as terrible afterwards.

And my glasses is the thing that people recognise me by...hm!!
But they're not my glasses anymore ;D

PS: Oh thank you so much for the encouraging support! It's pretty much me flailing at life and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 
Just note that these are comics documenting my experiences from 2-3 months ago :') I realised I'm not that passionate to keep going and investing intense classes on Monday nights.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 2

SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 2

Where I realise it's getting harder. We actually have to make up lines, conversations and scenes and imaginary gifts!! Our brains melted from making up things :') I drank SO much water gosh! There were topics I noted like politics and sexually explicit things I was avoiding too :S

The listed games are not in any order or rank - it's just games that came to mind ;P It was here where I just knew I don't want to be an actor...I'm too attached to reacting as Leonie, not as spontaneous character Number 345! I'm stumped on this! Not that I was learning this to act! 

My comfort zone is definitely getting pushed haha 

As much as I dreaded redoing a scene from the start, people were positive, understanding and supportive! We're all doing our best :')

Afterthoughts: This is where aside from the intensity, I felt like I insulted people or felt uncomfortable with some topics :') I guess this is why I'm quiet or I ramble too much about things people don't care about ;P

Monday, May 14, 2018

SuperListenMode: My 1st Improv Class

SuperListenMode: My 1st Improv Class 

I started classes in February for several weeks because I wanted to meet more people & get out of my mind more,
embrace social mistakes/failures, 
not overthink about possibilities 
and making things up on the spot. 

Just get better at facing the fears rather than avoid it. 
It's like Primary School but with Adults ;D
Except there were a few things like eye contact and personal space I have inhibitions with...I did these comics right after the lessons actually :')

Yes that's my fetal position pose that represents me for one of those "get to know you" icebreaker games. Most people made themselves bigger and awesome for their alliteration names so I just expressed how I felt inside...I felt small, embarrassed and out of my comfort zone :<

But hey, everyone in the class had to do it too with me mwahaha

Friday, May 11, 2018

BurpDoodle// Super Mario Odyssey! Best Boi Luigi!

Super Mario Odyssey BurpDoodle: Best Boi Luigi!
With a fancy Bowtie! It's this guy's fault my younger brother calls me "Bro!"
It's weird because he sees me as Mario, the more popular one. I don't think I am since I'm more of a meek tortoise when it comes to friendships compared to him. Plus he was the one who got me into video games in the first place when we were kids ;P

Anyway if you're not a fan of Luigi then...oh. Shoo ;)
Still haven't played it but watched it ;D
He's such a sweet adorable dude <3

PS: Steam Gardens' Theme is the grooviest
☆゚.*・。゚ ♫ ✿ ♪ ʕ๑・ε ・๑ʔ

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

SuperListenMode: Creating things anyway

SuperListenMode: Creating things anyway

Grateful. But not take encouragement and validation too much to heart.
Especially negative unhelpful feedback.
Feedback can be a mixed bag! I mean I judge myself the most already!
Got to believe in yourself firstmost! <3
Yes...I'm working on it ;)

It really helps to ask for honest feedback from trusted friends who have your best interests at heart and who understands you. ^_^

...something I'm not always great at :')

Monday, May 7, 2018

SuperListenMode: Programmer Appreciation!

SuperListenMode: Programmer Appreciation!

The real Programmer Day is on the 13th September...but this is my comic.
I work with programmers and have a tester brother and have suffered learning programming myself so I'm totally not biased ;P

Just super appreciating all of you for being amazing at what you do! :D <3

They're super intelligent problem solvers.

Meanwhile I'm looking like this:  O.O;;;

Friday, May 4, 2018

BurpDoodles and Studies for NieR:Automata

BurpDoodles for NieR:Automata: 2B
"Roger that...N..."
She's so fun to draw and my favourite character while sweet boy 9S is a close second. Emil is the best! All of the characters are great.
This. Fanart. Cannot Continue. 
But I hope to go back and draw her again <3

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

SuperListenMode: It's OK to not feel OK

SuperListenMode: It's OK to not feel OK

It's all part of learning to be a better human being. Growing pains. 
Be kind to yourself and your feelings. <3
Yes I'm reminding myself too; Queen of mushy talk ;)

Love and Kindness in everything you do.