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Friday, October 7, 2016

Hermit Burp Leonie Wrangles Vector Art 3 + Creative Self Care & Compassion [SEP2016]

Leonie's small blog island says hullo! (:

It's a month alright :0 


And then I ramble and reflect heaps about self compassion & care thanks to an art buddy. Ooh here we go!!

    Let's go crazy! Journal Time.

    This is my life's Venn Diagram at this moment - a snapshot. Feeling grateful right now :D Social life arguably shouldn't be there but I guess it's a special thing for me instead. :0
    Inspired by this Venn Diagram of @kevinjaystanton's musings on life.
    Do try making one and you don't have to show it to anyone - it's an interesting way to visualise what you're juggling at the moment!
    And when I mean design, I mean Character Design & Visual Development and all that :D

    CONTENTS for your READING QUEST:


    Year 3, Month 9 (September)

      Leonie Yue's Sketchbook 

      SuperListenMode: Too slow like a tired blob

      The ultra exciting times of the BurpDoodler haha

       SuperListenMode: Small Steps of Courage
      I rarely do this but when I do, it feels good to get things said and over with (:
      SuperListenMode: Little Pet Peeves 
      Not serious about this one, or am I? ;)

       

      SuperListenMode: Not in Listen Mode all the time

      Sometimes you follow where the “fun action” is but you’re overwhelmed listening to the social stimulation and dynamics around you and don’t get involved. Your mind ends up drifting off into your own thoughts :S
      Other times you just sit in the corner with a “I don’t belong here” mindset or sit at the quieter table. As much as the other table/conversations seem more fun, cool and loud, I wouldn’t be able to join in anyway. :0  It's at the point where I decidedly sit where there's less people.
      Learning to push those kinds of “the grass is greener” thoughts; I’ll have to keep focusing on the kind people who don’t mind my company haha ^o^ Plus I get to actually talk with a small group! :D
      Aye each time is training myself to ignore the “let’s flee!!” gut reaction and get used to social environments. 
      Bear with me, the slow turtle!

       SuperListenMode: Social Dynamics with the BurpDoodler
      Seeing the pattern with odd numbers until it gets too big :0
      I don't think people noticed that I only talked here when there's just one other person and maybe if there's three other people. Otherwise it's listen mode haha
      Ah practice with social/mingling things...someday haha

      SuperListenMode: What is real anymore

      :S
      Are friends real? Are you real? Does it matter?
      The dream itself...I didn't recognise anyone either! Who were they? :0

       SuperListenMode: The Last Time I did a serious Death Glare
      Happened ages ago. Perhaps I misunderstood but at the time I was really creeped out by the continued stalking and direct silent staring at my direction (whenever I glance over) on the way home at night. 

      And he was just standing close right behind me without saying anything and despite me “seeing him approaching and intentionally turning around and ignoring him” so I dashed away to the next few carriages just as the train stopped. It was scary when he somehow got on the same carriage still. :( 

      Glad he got the message finally with my fake horrible angry face.

      Phew .__.

        SuperListenMode: Silently rude I guess
      Respectfully you just do your thing; I just want to breathe :(
      I just come across a lot of people smoking while they walk with the rest of the public and I can't avoid passive smoking sometimes in the city. Plus there's so many smokers in the city! People must be stressed out and addicted D:

      One time a smoking lady actually angrily confronted me for sitting up and walking away as she sat down with her fumes. So I pretended I was checking the time -- she then calmed down. I was scared .___. 

      Likewise I was/am scared of posting this comic on social media (so I didn't) as I know a handful of friends, people, close and distant family members who smoke to de-stress. I can't do anything about it but seeing its toxic & addictive effects on their health and well being in the long run is saddening me. Like how I know I can't stop my dad, let alone anyone else from smoking. :( I respect their life decisions all the same. 
      Ultimately, I just don't know how to avoid the fumes without being rude :S   
       SuperListenMode: Self Haircut time!
      I've been cutting my hair (terribly) over the past 6+ years (money saving!) but I've been slack this year; finally did it over a weekend ^o^ 
      Phew bye bye split ends!
      BurpDoodle: With much anticipation,
      she looked into my eyes and waited
      Messy Mermaid doodle this is D:
      There's the original mermaid doodle :0
         These sketches are old but I forgot about these
        It was back when PokemonGO was a big thing
         When ink is running out and you're afraid that people realise you're drawing them

        BurpDoodle: Alive

        Puzzles with food for thought on morality :0 (Ava & T.O.M.) :0

        I watched it all :U Fanart for The Turing Test Game

        Puzzles are kind of basic apparently? Not as creative as Portal?
        I don't know for sure! I was mostly engaged all the same as I watched it all hehe


        And I don't know what's happening but the devs retweeted this 
        *flails arms in confusion and shock* D:


        BurpDoodle Merry Mid-Autumn Moon Festival!! ^o^ 
        The immortal Chang'e, goddess of the moon; many different legends about her!

        When I was 11 I had to re-enact a version of this legend with my group for S.O.S.E. I was excited! :D
        So I created a paper emperor hat (coloured with coloured pencils too!)
        My mum sowed chinese robes for me as Chang'e's husband,
        I got a toy big plastic bow and arrows (suckers as ends)
        Paper made & coloured suns
        And the rest of the team provided their own costumes & the "elixir bottle".

        So I got tie up my hair and shoot 9 fake suns with my fake bow & arrow as a pretend heroic archer! :D
        I got presented with the reward of the elixir of immortality by the emperor! 
        Bad things happened (I don't recall how we acted it out) & my wife Chang'e was forced to drink it all on her own.
        And then I called & reached out to my wife with sadness as she flew up to the moon (ie the classroom) haha "Nuuuuuu!"

        Ah fun silly times.
        Anyhoo, enjoy & cherish the company of your family & friends! ^_^

        BirthdayBurpDoodle: I’m serious, wouldn’t have started making comics if it wasn’t for Katie’s idea for #ShootyLoveStory

        Cake glamour time! :D

        (I did this from memory…halp it’s not that accurate D:).

        Anyhoo thank you so much for your supportive & inspiring pushes to “just do eet” Katie! :D Was very happy she liked it even though I couldn't catch up to her hair styles and colours. :0

        BirthdayBurpDoodle: Snow time! 
        Do read Impact Day here! I read and marathon-ed all of Volume 1! :D 
        Anyhoo deeply grateful for Snow's wonderful support! <3 
        Pictured here is a rough Sabrina.



        So this is board games with sweet company, never experienced it like this! :0

        I got out of my shy turtle shell a bit more so I had to capture the rare (perhaps one-off) moment ^o^ It wasn't a planned thing haha



        And I'm actually drawing other people here in my comics aside from my bro! *gasp!*

        Ok I'll go back to hiding now .___.

        With werk peeps Clara, Andy, Andy, Charlie, Scott & Gerald :0


        BurpDoodle: Dress ups
        Some studies. Admiring expensive dresses :0
        One day I'll be bold & bothered enough to dress up for something special haha

        SuperListenMode: What is your motive??

        It's not a new thing. I drew things for primary school classmate(s), my high school teachers & classmates, my mother for mother’s day, even my teaching colleagues I don’t know that well when I left my first teaching job and for most of them I got happy thank yous.  And that makes me happy and warm to the brim. ^o^

        Hey, my homeroom high school teacher remembers fondly what I wrote for him (and I forgot what I said so I just nodded but felt happy all the same haha) 

        And I'm definitely sure that closer friends & family have 10000x better meaningful, useful, heart warming or even more expensive presents and physical company than I could give - I'm not trying to make the so called "best gift". I have given up on that front. With what I do, it's more of a "I want to say that you're an awesome person. And here's a little something with my appreciative thoughts. I hope it makes you smile." 
        If not, then here is my terrible attempt to haha

        So when I get asked these sorts of questions, I didn’t know how to answer as I didn’t have a (calculated?) "reason". 
        Uh wait. Why do I do this? Haven't thought that far.

        Well now I got something to say. 
        What it all comes down to. 

        It’s just because I *want* to. 

        I’m sure you’re asking out of genuine curiosity but I don’t know what motive you’re expecting me to have .____.

        Further ramble: I guess people just want to put you in a box - we all do it to some degree :< 
        And then the second guessing, creative block and self paralysis happens because we feel pressured to have a motive, or a bigger meaning to our actions and feel like we have to have dream goals for everything we do when sometimes...you just want to do what you want to do at our own pace. 

          SuperListenMode: Free Art Requests
        What do you do if someone asks for free art? :0 
        I'd say only do them if you truly don't expect anything in return. Don't feel pressured to do them either just because you were told to.
        Gift art is an entirely different thing as I still have full creative control and it's a personal gift to someone else without expectations. (:
        Plus with giftart, I don’t need anything in return - making the art out of surprise and seeing their reaction is rewarding enough honestly ^o^ 

        Hey, I can’t do BirthdayBurpDoodles every time and if I did, it’s probably not consistent in polish and time...or I won’t get anything else done :’) 

        It can be from rough sketches to a colourful finished thing - coloured ones are rare haha. It’s a kind of “when & if I want to” + “how close we are/how much I know about you/references” + “how much time/what I’m juggling with” + “what fun ideas I can try”. :0 

        I do hope people don’t *demand/pressure* me to do one for them because then I’ll actually have complete interest and intent in doing the opposite. 
        If I was in the first place...well I'm not interested anymore. 
        Because that means there’s explicit expectations for me to spend my time and make something. And even some loose form of a design brief. D: 

        Unless I'm SUPER close with you, it borders on being an art request aka work without pay. Nope. 

        Additional venting: And then you hear about this, this and this happening frequently to other artists. :(

        Arting is how I and many others, earn a living and support ourselves. Just because we enjoy what we do (and tolerate the good, bad and mundane side of it) doesn't mean we are obligated to anyone to work for free. Or even for the vaguely promised "exposure bucks" or profit share. 
        Working artists and creative people altogether are small businesses who provide a service. We continually work hard to practice and skill up in finding, developing and evolving our own voice through our projects, jobs and creative explorations. Our time, effort, experience and skills are of value and ultimately it is up to us - not anyone else - to do what we want with our abilities, time and resources whether it be personal work, commercial or educational purposes. Or even helping out a cause or large scale project we truly believe in.
          
        tl;dr: It is not our absolute duty or obligation to serve you with art just because we love what we do. /vent
        BirthdayBurpDoodle for Meg~!

        Ooh today was a special day for Scott Beca's lovely partner in life! ^_^ <3

        T'was a pleasure doing this commission of her! 
        Wished them a special wonderful week for them both for her birthday!!







        ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


        Learning Illustrator Continues: oh noes why!

        This vector art learning series!! 
        A kind artist was right, I need to keep practicing or I'll forget .___.
        It's going to be an on and off struggle I'm afraid as I juggle with things.

        Anyhoo earlier in September, I was looking for vector art inspiration out of frustration and then my past vector art struggle posts came up in my (turns out it was personalised) google search results D: 



        Not what I'm looking for in terms of vector art halp haha. Why Google! I need to keep reminding myself that I can only trust Google sometimes :') And click on the global search function (I learned this since posting the screenshot thanks to Retronator). 


        Summary of my learnings so far...there's no "secret" but practice & experimentation
        And the fact that I'm avoiding the pen tool. Even though it's apparently the king in making vector art >.<;
        BurpDoodle: Hermit ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ Leonie
        Apparently I'm a fraud if I call myself this without an avatar that matches so hullooooo!
        I don't know what I'm doing in Illustrator still .___.

         BurpDoodle: Hoomin BurpDoodler
        What am I doing in Illustrator D:
        I don’t think I’m using it as intended haha

        Indeed thus far I've been back to avoiding the Pen Tool (I don't like using it still) .____.

        And then I got Encouraging Tips from art buddy Kristy to use the Pen Tool to make random shapes and trace my sketches.

        So I'll keep sticking to it...uh...next time!! >:0

        Haha oh dear. I trust that I will get around to it when able as I have been. 
        The frustration is real though!


            



        Self Care & Compassion: Continuing from last blog post...
        Since the last post, my ultra adventurous and kind art buddy Kristy, was concerned about my harshness towards myself and so she linked me to this video:


        Self Esteem vs Self Compassion Kristin Neff Talk 
        (Here's more videos & Kristin has a book published - the book tends to be autobiographical though and there are resources online you can use instead) 

        And if it helps, here are my notes from the linked video:
        • We are not all special and above average
        • Feeling that we need to be popular, well liked & attractive to feel good about yourself is not coming from a place of stability
        • Embracing yourself - we all have flaws too
        • We all have shared human experiences and this is where we connect
        • Recognise your own suffering, stress and pain with no judgement
        • Stay open to self and be a good friend to yourself with good will
        • This is not about suppressing the pain and feelings but embracing it, comforting and caring for it
        • Allow yourself to be a slow learner and for slow healing  
        • Allowing yourself to break away from work and demands - relax by doing everyday normal things - even tea, walking about and rest 
        My thoughts:
        If you're open to it, let it sit and try it a while and be your own best friend!

        It is essentially what I keep reminding myself through these blog posts - but to hear it from other people it reinforces it even more and allows me to see things more objectively than before. (:



        I took its self compassion quiz 
        ...and I got a 3? I thought I would get worse! I guess my blog posts/comics embody my struggle to balance staying real with myself and making sure I feel okay about things and my weaknesses. 

        Analysis from my end definitely and striving to problem solve while putting my emotions aside. 
        So from here it's a lot of remembering and reminding yourself - 


        "Hey it's okay to feel sad and hurt - let's take it easy, let it happen and take time to care of yourself...things will be okay. 
        Hey. I'll say it again. Believe in yourself that things will eventually be okay." 


        Overall, emotional pain is so tricky to handle especially when some degree of upbringing, societal & cultural conditioning needs to be unraveled :S Especially for me, I have been/am living with culturally traditional judgmental and critical upbringing - I need to be more self aware and catch myself when I'm doing the harsh self talk to myself. 

        There is a line between taking responsibility for your life decisions versus trying to control things you have no control over - causing undue stress and decimating your own self worth.

        For me, I'm embracing some: Hey! I am terrible at things but I can keep learning & building my self confidence - with balance and progress in mind (:



        Practice Self Compassion Tips Video (Kristin Neff)
        Here in this video, she talks about being conscious about your self talk and treating yourself kinder. 
        Even try writing letters to yourself.

        Self touch of encouragement, warm hugs & support are a thing. And being there for yourself and soothe yourself. Making sure you're coming from a place of stability in your self worth. Accept the present and look for the future, open up and trust others :0

        And more exercises and meditation audio tracks from her. I have yet to try the audio tracks. But I answer & reflect upon the text based ones as follows:



        How would you treat a friend?
        If I were to answer, I would just listen and be there with no judgement with what they do and encourage them to express their thoughts.

        So with myself, if I was struggling, I would ramble about it with too much analysis! Probably with a problem solving/analysing mindset. 

        It usually ends with "oh let's just let it out, then embrace it, reframe it and move on"

        Perhaps that's already evident from my blog posts haha 



        Criticised, critical and compassionate roles
        When I feel criticised: 
        I am discouraged, sad, scared, helpless and hurt and feeling unsupported. Defensive and annoyed sometimes. 
        Like I'm being singled out. Feeling like I'm to blame for everything at worst.  

        When I'm being the harsh self critic:
        I become rigid, angry, worried, exasperated - as if I was doing nothing that I feel I "should" change but then I don't act like it.  
        Who are the harsh, cold and angry people of my past? Well sometimes my headstrong mother (matriarchy?) but mostly my cursing-a-lot dad - always critical, blaming and judgmental of me even now.  

        When I focus on being a compassionate observer to myself:
        I understand that I am hurting and like anybody else I just want to be accepted for who I am. Strive to soften that critic and stay warm, balanced, relaxed, open and embrace the sense of inner peace. 
        Which is what I sort of did last blog post...it's a lot of rambling!

        Ultimately this exercise in summary is about being patient, strong, forgiving, learning to accept the self, provide kindness that you need, remind yourself that you're not alone, be aware that this is stress/hurting/suffering and that we all struggle in our lives. Things will be okay.

        Life will not be over. 
        There is still hope and wondrous things ahead of you.

        Believe in yourself that things will be okay.
        *repetitive wavy hands*



        Write out what makes you feel inadequate & not good enough, face your critical self, do some journal writing & using kinder ways to motivate self 
        I already did that - see my previous blog post! :0

        Though the journal thing...I can't commit to on a daily basis.
        I don't want to reflect and analyse my life that often. 
        It might not work out for me but perhaps it's useful to you!

        The next step here was write out what your imaginary best friend will say to you and keep reflecting and reframing what bad things that have happened to you in a more positive light (I kind of do that too but here's my repetitive additions to myself for this month):

        You are human! You have strengths and weaknesses. 
        Embrace yourself with acceptance, kindness, care for health and happiness. 
        Talk about it and stay real with yourself. Stay mindful, kind, patient, accepting, non judgmental and aware of your painful emotions and insecurities caused by your self judgement and difficult circumstances. 
        I know you're worried and afraid but you're causing pain. Sure you ate a lot of junk food because you need to cheer yourself up from feeling stressed and sad. It might not be the best way to deal with it but it's okay. You need nourishment! Spoiling yourself occasionally is much needed for self care!  
        Take a while to rest up. You got sick - there's nothing you can do about it but get better as best you can. 
        But do not ponder over things that are out of your control with your family history, upbringing and life circumstances. It's not the end of the world if things don't go as planned. Sure other people are doing beautiful and amazing things. But don't compare yourself to them. They're doing what they do best. You do you. Take things at your own pace and celebrate your progress along the way :D 
        You are doing well and remember to encourage yourself with love than out of fear! Do not be tempted by the easy route of acting out of fear! Learn to walk with your fears hand in hand and grow slowly to act out of love when you're ready ^o^




        Okay and then I looked into a range of other talks and here are my notes and thoughts! :D

        School of Life Video on Self Compassion 
        This is an animated take on what Self Compassion is :D

        Do check out the rest of this YouTube Channel, it's pretty neat! I came across this thanks to a colleague.



        Not get stuck in the negatives (Alison Ledgerwood)

        We all tend to get hung over the one negative thing/comment/event despite the many good things in our lives. Or it can be deeper than that from the past burdens of your upbringing, cultural and societal conditioning and your experiences. It's a part of you and who you are and it's up to you to put it into perspective.

        What I got from this talk is to remember to talk about the good things you're grateful for during a given day. Not dwell, complain and rant too long on what went wrong with things out of your control. :0 It's a variation of the gratitude journal!

        Hm for me personally, it might seem like I dwell too long on things I struggle with but this blog is really my outlet to express all the things good, bad and neutral - it helps me articulate my feelings. I usually try to end with a positive note or leave myself room and time to move on and maybe revisit it later. (: 


        Be free of Self-Importance Talk (Polly Young-Eisendrath) 
        My notes:
        • How we tend to focus on the self too much to the point of not liking yourself, we always come up lacking and believing that we have to have "complete" control over our own lives. 
        • If you are content and possess the "state of happiness" as she calls it - things are happening to you and you have no desire to be something else. Embrace how things are.
        • We are terribly self conscious, feeling inferior/superior in relation with others - this is the root of the development of the ego
        • The following are self conscious ways to motivate ourselves to manage everything: 
          • from shame (hide/lie), 
          • from guilt (fixing mistakes & due to self imposed responsibility), 
          • from envy (destroy/attack/diminish others because you lack it) 
          • and jealousy (competing & trying to get what others have because you feel you can get it). 
          • Pride, embarrassment and self pity are others
        • How to live in the moment - to experiment! 
        • Know that you are tiny and the world is boundless - and feel and sense the present - colours, texture and the air of the world
        • Spend a couple of days without mirrors and looking at yourself. Don't focus on yourself every once in a while. 
        • Be engaged with immediate world and environment physically
        My thoughts:
        Oh I don't really look at the mirror much aside from washing my sleepy face in the morning haha

        On a serious note, I definitely have a mix of jealousy, guilt, embarrassment with a touch of pride when it comes to quality/standards at being an artist and person. When other people are doing so well, I feel like I'm not working hard/efficient/good enough to do as well or as popular as they do. 

        "What is my potential anymore?!" kind of thing. I'm just a nobody! ToT

        Ultimately these feelings provide short bursts of motivation and fuel to get going on my own thing but it can lead to me being terribly harsh and self depreciating towards myself. Kind of "hurt myself before someone else can!" Potentially self destructive if I don't nip it in the bud. :0 

        This talk made me more aware about how we motivate ourselves in arguably negative ways (especially if you're not fully aware about them to the point that it gets out of hand)!

        That said, I definitely believe that my biggest motivating force is not the above. 

        I'm more motivated when I can learn and do something meaningful and fun to me especially within an environment where we all know what our roles, boundaries, desires, needs and circles of influence are in pushing and supporting ourselves as a whole. Established expectations and knowing that people will be there for each other and help each other out when things go well or bad makes a huge difference. 

        Feeling that people care for you (and likewise you for them) is my ideal environment to reside in! :D 

        Embracing your current state of being, how you motivate yourself in relation to others, being present and grateful is what I got out of this talk. 



        Being yourself and knowing yourself Talk (Caroline McHugh)
        My Notes:
        • Think about yourself less
        • The previous point is not about belittling yourself
        • Be good at being yourself - what does this even mean? Who do you think you are? How are you acting presently?
        • When you get older, you don't care and are less compromising and become authentic and more adaptable 
        • Most people feel a degree of superiority (so others around you need to be smaller than you) or inferiority (fear of getting found out that you're not good enough compared to others)
        • "interiority" involves no competition at all here
        • "Every one has their own magic." We own our own thing and strength! Someone cannot compare to you and you cannot compare to them. 
        • Four levels of self:
          • Perception - what others think of you - the need to be liked/recognition/approval (happens to non-males more) and mistaking that for your own. Strive to be perception free
          • Persona - what you'd like others to think of you - possibilities and potential. This is your adaptable personality that keeps changing :0
          • Ego - what you think of yourself. You feel the best, joyful and very self congratulatory. Or you feel like nothing. One needs to pull it back with balance between the two on a spectrum so it's useful and helpful to you.
          • Self - this is just you. You feel things and think of things. 
        • Disregard your worries about being the centre of attention. No one cares if you're the centre attention or not - your job is to make them happy. They're the centre of your attention instead.
        • You're not who you feel, or who you love/are loved by, you're not what you do or have, you are not your possessions, occupation, friendships or influence.
        • Believe in: "I'm possible" and become a verb - you can
        • Be the best self you can. Your life is your message to the world. :0

        With Perception for me: 
        There's always a degree of care with what others think, especially people you care about! It's human! I guess a deeper level is to do what you believe in, disregard the rest and consequently believe that the people around you will have your back, just like you would for them. 

        The saying that you should surround yourself with people that support you - not people who are indifferent or are bringing you down. (:

        And there's also the "before I should care too much with what others think, I need to spend considerable time in person for me to get to know, trust, talk to, depend on and admire someone else". Arguably common sense if we're aiming for a mutual connection.

        With Persona for me:
        Um...that I can learn about and do art for people and for myself? :S 
        That I'm not unfriendly even though I'm a quiet, introverted hermit butt who is selective with whom I spend time on and with?

        "Striving to learn to be a better person with people and as an artist" is what I hope people will think of me as :0

        With Ego for me:
        I assume the worst and/or nothing. And that I can't connect with many people over the long term due to my introverted habits. I am learning to embrace this - have low expectations but work to the best of my ability and my own pace. At the least I am confident in my doing the best I can (:

        With Self for me:
        Hullo I'm just a person. haha

        With being the centre of attention:
        Out of my comfort zone! I stay out of it when put on the spot! I tend to do better if I plan for it and with notice. 

        It feels incredibly heart warming to feel included and feeling like I have something to give that's bigger than myself. So that means it goes back to the same thing I said last time - what can I provide that's of value so I can just focus on that?? haha 

        What do I know - it all comes down to comfort zone pushing D:  

        My Thoughts
        For me it's always going to be...what *is* my own magic. D:

        I probably don't have anything *special* (what does that even mean? It's a moving target!) but hey I'm just going to keep trying and learning! :D

        Whelp eternal exploration is required for that!




        The meaning of living - Jim Carrey 
        This is an excerpt of one of his talks on Living out of Fear versus living out of Love. This is the choice you make to find your own way to bring something to the world that's bigger than yourself. 

        A great reminder that money, influence, popularity and fame alone do not fulfill you. If you had these things...what now? What is your purpose now?
        What will you do then? Why can't you do this now instead? 
        This is arguably where real "living" begins.



        Focusing on Positivity
        Here's another motivational talk to not listen to your lizard brain/demon/negative self talk/fears and focus on the positivity in your life.




        Comics I relate to
        Kim showed me this comic that I relate to ;____;

        It's hard to get out of your own head!! Trying to focus on being "entertaining company" usually fails because...that's not me .___.

        I'm just the quiet follower. Or I used to. It depends on the company. 
        Now I just head off, float about and do my own thing. I get my energy drained anyway - whether I actively try to mingle or just passively see who I recognise haha. Aye introvert things.

        Plus all the ultra cool owlturd comics thanks to another fb peep linking it to me - on introverting, on friendships and on rejection
        SO GOOD & relatable.



        On Mindfulness and Relaxation
        I tried this free Mindfulness and Relaxation Hypnosis Session and eventually I wasn't listening to his voice anymore and my brain floated all over the place! Mindfulness! 

        Just going with whatever my brain is thinking about and relaxing - it was cool as I think about it :D I might have fallen asleep? And then I jolted myself awake for some reason - I wasn't exactly comfortable at the time.

        And then I listened to this Relaxation Workshop: Techniques to reduce stress video and got these notes that were useful to me:
        • exercise, sleep, relaxation techniques, meditation for self care
        • breathe via the bottom third of your lungs
        • 3 minutes of deep breathing can really help with the strain of the day
        • and I kind of fell asleep too (I was sick at the time) and didn't listen to the rest haha
        Maybe I should try out the other audio guided meditation exercises when I feel like I need it; I'll give my thoughts when I do (:

        And perhaps I should attend this Relaxation is Hard: Self Care Skills Workshop :0 
        Well if I can figure out how and whether I feel well enough to go :S





        Overall Reflection: grow your own power & magic 
        A whole bunch of self reflection, looking into mediation/relaxation techniques and taking in the above talks :0 Sometimes I just sit there and embrace the frustration haha
        That's completely fine too. Better out than bottled in!

        Pain is something to be felt and used as fuel. Be with it and embrace it and trust in yourself that things will be okay. Don't run away and avoid the pain - embrace it and grow as a person with courage and strength.  

        I guess...have low/no expectations in others, keep treating people the same and let time show you whether they're a good friend or just another cool person doing their own awesome thing. You can do your own awesome thing as per usual! Embrace and expand upon your own power and magic - keep working at it, live and grow from there!

        Grateful that Kristy got me got me started right after last month's blog post by sharing a video...and then this whole section happened because I wanted to explore more! A lot of self awareness, care and forgiveness going on that needs to be revisited time and time again.

        And her sharing this Xandria Ooi video on why people grow to become confident adults because they in summary:
        1. Never get compared (good or bad) to other people
        2. Knowing that no matter what, your parents have your back - no matter what mistakes you make
        3. Parents discourage bad behaviour by explaining, not punishing

        ...just highlighted to me how I've been raised with the opposite being done D:
        Though I would argue that 3) is a difficult one for any parent to do as I think many parents do a mix of both explaining and punishing. 

        All the self awareness over here! :')

        So to reframe these lessons to myself...
        1. Don't compare yourself to others, but compare yourself with your past self (this is terribly hard! So I'll do what I can when I remember)
        2. Surround yourself with people who have your back and feel safe to speak up to - no matter the situation or the mistakes you make. They are real to you and give you the straight talk.
        3. Explain, explore and provide the why for things that don't go as expected. Take responsibility as a team or yourself if applicable with an open and understanding state of mind.


        Sure, this whole thing is just documentation for myself but maybe my rambly notes helps someone else out there. (:






        The past month: suffering & sickness ;___; !
        ୧(╬ఠᗝఠ)૭ A grumpy nuuuuuuu!!
        Getting sick from other people again towards the end of the month .___. 

        I was quite frustrated. 

        (๑-﹏-๑) Sick, in pain, tired, grumpy and bleary.
        Felt miserable with a cold and a light fever for several days.

        I couldn't really focus as I kept losing consciousness, had several naps and felt like doing nothing D: I did do what I could when I felt more alive haha

        Plus I definitely need to speak up when I need help sometimes D:



        I forget to and then realise that my struggle could have been alleviated much earlier. I guess this is my weakness of "hey I can do this! [struggles later] Wait this is actually too much on my plate...but I'm committed to this now. Whoops."

        Ah always need to remind myself to say "no" when I need to :0
        It's very important!! 

        Anyhoo other things that happened or came out:


        Dinosaur Update for Crossy Road came out yay!
        So here comes my Personal DinoBurpDoodles & studies yay!! 

         Tom named him Leonard ^o^
         Looking at possible creatures, flora & Archaeopteryx DinoBurpDoodles

        All the crazy prehistoric creatures
         Pterosaur studies woo!
         I don't know how conversations work
         [all the tiny arm jokes here]
         Lazer pew pew, random dinos & CrossyRoad characters

         More assorted dinosaurs, some of which are CrossyRoad ones
         A Kronosaurus & some CrossyRoad characters
        All the crazy CrossyRoad Dinos I did for fun :D




        Somehow in a Independent Australian Games Exhibition Oct - Nov
        *Disclaimer: I did not make this logo/art banner*
        So there's a month long exhibition called Contours16 
        It's full of Cool Creative Sparkly people plus little quiet me :0 
        Tremendously grateful at the opportunity! 
        I snuck in somehow shhh!! 
        But...how did I get in there haha
        *flails in confusion*
        It's super ineffective.


        Full disclosure: I haven't made any new art exclusively for this exhibition because I don't have the time and I am not paid to do so. It's just a few pieces of mine that will be featured there; am honoured! So I'm not involved beyond that. It seems to be an exhibition to be viewed as a whole and it's a snapshot of the Independent Games Local Indie Scene (my interpretation at least!)

        Kudos to Chad, Pritika and Ben for putting this exhibition together! :D
        Perhaps I'll go to the things but I'm still healing up from sickness at the time of writing this haha



        Snuck into the #Nanojam Panel at PAXAustralia

        Stolen post from Jason hehe: 
        Nanojam 2.0 has been confirmed! 
        On Saturday 5th of November, Nanojam will be returning to PAX Australia to design games and have a lot of fun doing it, all in the space of a 45 minute PAX panel 
        This year, Nanojam is: 
        Art: Leonie Yue 
        Music: Maize Wallin 
        Design: Rami Ismail, Kris Straub, Alayna Cole 
        Host: Jason Imms 
        Audience: YOU <3 
        Where: PAX Australia 2016, Wombat Theatre 
        When: Saturday November 5, 4:30pm 
        Also: The entire event will be streamed to the PAX Aus Twitch account  
        We promise it'll be another irreverent look at how much fun game design can be, with audience participation, live asset creation, and laughs for days.
        See you there!
        It's real!! I'm on the PAXAus Nanojam Panel!! ^o^

        Waving my arms still in nervous excitement and anticipation :D
        I'm a boring Hermit butt but...
        I'll find my silly funny bone somewhere! Hehe :') 

        I've heard that last year's Nanojam was incredible (especially with Scott's incredible cute art last year) so I'm grateful for the fun opportunity to work with and be silly with amazing people - 
        here goes nothing! :0

        Come watch live in the audience or on the PAXAus twitch!




        Speaking of which, what has my art become?!
        As I look over the stuff I've been doing and at the time of figuring out what I should select for the exhibition, it's mostly been comics and doodly stuff. Nothing much in the line of pretty illustration and/or design. :<


        Aye I'm reflecting about this again hehe

        So (in no particular order) what I'd like to do for the future:
        • do more character designs
        • fun little personal projects
        • do more illustrations
        • learning all the things to do with character design & illustration 
        • learning vector art like a turtle
        • more studies, doodles & concept art as they get released
        • fanart when I feel like it
        • traditional art experiments via inktober
        • studies when able
        • more graphic novel/comics actually any kind of narrative driven project with visuals requiring art & design (visual development!). Well one day when I figure out how to tell engaging stories or have someone who can!
        • eventually evolve one of my personal projects and get help from other people to make it bigger - whatever form it may be! The industry is always changing!

        Ultimately I enjoy character design (concepting) and illustrated storytelling the most! ^o^

        I am most driven by stories and projects I connect with and expressing them visually! It could be fun, quirky, whimsy and loosely defined or a deep, meaningful and complex story! 

        Whichever that engages and interests me really! :D Collaborating with people better than me in other areas to create something bigger (than little me) would be fun, amazing and sweet! 

        Hey, you could say that I'm doing this already at Mighty Games right now as a junior artist :D! It still feels wonderful to be able to learn and help out in bigger projects than myself. Terribly grateful and still in disbelief that it's been about 9 months now at Mighty! I stress I'm still a newbie though! :0

        I digress; the above list is a lot of dot points! .__.
        Pretty much a lot of stuff to do at my own pace!
        Learning and seeing where it takes me.
        It's reassuring that I do have a lifetime to keep exploring this :')
        Plus getting better and learning is fun!!

        Admittedly, I'm frequently tempted to just block out the world sometimes because awesome people are distracting and intimidating haha


        PS: It's so coincidental that I had a recent wonderful deep chat about what I'd like to do in the future as well and it got me thinking! Consequently I elaborated the dot points above even more! 





        Thanks! Keep adventuuuring you!

        This is it for September! Phew!

        See you around and pleasure to have your company (it's probably just you who's reading haha)!


        Take care - October is already here! 
        Aw noooo time goes so fast :')

        Have an incredible month!

        Leonie