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Friday, September 2, 2016

Hermit Bear Leonie Wrestles Vector Art II [AUG2016]

Leonie's small blog island says hullo! (:

More Vector art learning in the past month :0 


    Let's go crazy! Journal Time.

    BurpDoodle: For Love and Justice!
    It was International Sailor Moon Day during the first Friday of August so...I'm late D:
    Dedicated to Lauren and all the peeps who like this series! :0

    I grew up with and was really into Sailor Moon (among many other things) during primary school; did terrible fanart for it for a while then. I just decided to give her a large poofy dress this time ;)

    A different approach with this one in Illustrator. Making my own wall patterns and tackling with the colouring :S Still need to do heaps of practice before I feel any good at this program because I struggled here more than the Love & Fun Machine piece :0

    CONTENTS for your READING QUEST:
    Feeling of Lack/Internet Culture: working towards happiness VS happiness with what you have
    (feeling insecure about SuperListenMode comics & social media sharing)


    Year 3, Month 9 (August)

      Leonie Yue's Sketchbook 

      SuperListenMode: It happens often

      When people's nerd or pop culture levels are beyond reach. It easily happens. :0

       Ooh other things I came up with:

      • Someone mentioned Snapchat - me too!
      • Things to do with iphones and its apps/games? As I've only had android & not used much. Used to have itunes a bit via desktop
      • popular/cool novels and some famous/classic movies/entertainment award ceremonies .___.
      • probably a lot about mainstream entertainment? Reality TV? Music?
      • And loads more to learn about history/science/cooking/traveling/sport/ the world/everything...Gosh all that rambling about my ignorance makes me feel even more boring haha
      BUT hey, I know there's always more cool things to learn! :D The world is amazing! And for anything that comes up, I'll just skim through summaries/wiki pages so I'm not completely clueless hehe learning!!

      SuperListenMode: Did I say something wrong?

      Or there's just nothing further to say or ask really; a deadend.

      Shall never know whenever this happens. :0

      What do you do in this situation; a conversational deadend?

      SuperListenMode: Social Overwhelm

      What happens at social things when I don’t have caffeine & so if I stay still and comfy for long periods of time…I fall asleep as my energy runs out fast. Embarrassing! :'(

      Mind you, I don't drink coffee or tea at all (only if I need it) so I forget about it at social (super energy draining) things :0 Turns out I do need tea in my life and a bit of coffee for emergencies since making this comic haha

      SuperListenMode: Halp 

      or I'll unintentionally fall asleep like last episode D:

      Seems like tea is my reality now D: And coffee for emergencies... >.<

      SuperListenMode: Sometimes it’s like trying to fit into school again

      Other times, I just go & do my own thing
      The thing is, I didn’t bother during actual high school and hung around/followed people who studied :S Still not sure where I fit among cliques and established friendships  - perhaps I am embracing being the neutral sheep haha

      It's not simply a matter of social media numbers but everything to do with the struggle to fit in/to belong as a whole. And how sometimes I feel I don't belong anywhere (and so I attempt & struggle to without being disingenuous) and other times I don't bother and am tired from this "sense of lack" I feel and do my own thing.

      It's always been a struggle to belong within a clique/friendship group on/offline for the long term for me. But it's okay...I'm aware and learning.
       SuperListenMode: Comfort zone pushing
      Fighting the urge to go home. Feeling conflicted and fed up. 

      I mean sometimes I might meet one cool person and make a new friend out of it, right?


      And rationally I know no one really notices, also too busy with themselves or no one cares so all this is silly~! All the same it’s something that needs to be faced with practice…when I feel up to it. :0

      Also check this game that inspired this comic by chalkinrain:
       SuperListenMode: My truth on Gameplay Videos
      *cough cough* .___.

      People seem to be more open to the notion that people watch instead of play video games based on the feedback I got :0 !! Haha
      BurpDoodle: Training & Pure Strength
      Here’s a little extra PokemonGo fanart to boost your mood ^o^
      Rhythm Heaven fanart BurpDoodle
      I just happened to stumble upon this lady of intensity





      Birthday/Boost BurpDoodles from the past months

      Did these little gift doodles for kind people on a whim; figured that I wanted to document them here :D

      HUGSSSS! 
      I'm hoping that this encourages other people and believe in themselves too...maybe? :S
      But yes, a lot of embarrassing gift BirthdayBurpdoodles were made D:



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      Vector Art learning Part 2: here we go!

      The slow struggle continues...

      I'm finding it difficult to source out tutorials I can recommend...a lot of it was slowly looking through "top illustrator tutorials", vague Youtube videos and picking/testing out good things out of them. So I used google thus far! And checking out Scott/Cronobreaker's sweet vector art among many others


      There were other workflows where it's just not for me as well...so loads of arghbarghbleh frustration, trial and error haha

      Yes, mostly below it's just me exploring and trying to make art with it :0 
      Not completely used to the tools still :S

      As I said last time, I'm no professional graphic designer haha

      Much respect and appreciation to graphic designers out there each time I struggle :0 
      WhatamIdoinganymore .___.

      But a few kind graphic designers/vector artists of the internet offered help if I needed it (yay!) and one recommended something potentially useful. I'll talk about it once I've gotten it & tried it! (:




      With the tools...
      It really feels like some tools are not as precise and/or flexible as I would like :0

      The Pen tool really is the way to go if you want ultimate precise design decision with every vertex you place. But yes I'm still figuring out possibilities for Illustrator...shapes? Lined artwork? Patterns? What else I don't mind making? 


      Let's say I'm trying to bridge the gap; how Illustrator is not an alien I don't understand. 

      That I need to figure out its strengths (for me) by experimenting.  

      And I need to practice doing more complex and curvy vector paths and artwork :S


      Hopefully a bit more progress ahead! :0   


      But right now, a lot of:

      "whatdoIdowiththisprogram" and "what if I do this?" haha 


      Whelp I'm going to keep going at it!


      BurpDoodle: Vector Self Portrait
      Learning with Illustrator and then drawing over it hehe
      I am very slow at this software .___.
       

      BurpDoodle: Love & Fun Machine

      I did my take on Mighty Games’ Arcade Machine mascot (& encouraged by the incredible Artist/Designer/Master of Vector Art Scott/@cronobreak to try this program)
      Why is this so hard?! So many ways to do things and I had to hunt many places to get my head around different workflows; I felt paralyzed! Not confident at this program even now D:
      But phew, it’s done. And I learned a lot! :D
      Plus a lot of people including Scott himself was very encouraging upon seeing this too! :D
      To you: Thank you for being my friend ❤
      …even though I’m a quiet little awkward artist :0
      Just expressing gratitude for the sweet support ^o^
      Other notes: More Illustrator learning shenanigans. Rarghhhhhhh D:
      BurpDoodle: You Got This!
      I feel like Mimikyu at Illustrator .___. 
      Okay, make that everything with life D:

      For friends who are feeling poopy about themselves (like me)...
      Let's do our best. Don't give up.

      I believe in you. ❤



      Sense of lack/Internet culture: always chasing for happiness/success vs being happy with what you have

      aka the human condition.

      So skip this if you're tired about this topic from me haha 

      For those new to my blog, I've been reflecting on this a lot and I am always learning to embrace it. 

      Generally like most people I suppose! :0

      The struggle to balance between the sense of lack/dissatisfaction of life and being grateful for the present and what you have right now. 


      Of course the grass seems greener on the other side. 

      Of course people seem to be doing better with their lives than you are. 

      But are they? 

      Of course it feels like your worth is wholly determined by your social circles, what you've achieved, what you can do for others and reach.

      Of course you fear that other people will take over once people realise you're not "good enough". 
      Or hard working enough. 
      Or "passionate" enough. 
      Or valuable enough. 

      Admittedly, I have this fear myself.

      Whether these fears are substantial or not - ultimately it seems to be a perspective, mindset and attitude thing. 

      And who do you surround yourself with: 
      whether they have your back, 
      are doing nothing/are apathetic 
      or even bringing you down.

      Makes me take a moment to think about my social media shenanigans (that's what I have as the default haha) and cherish the kind support I have now (:




      Internet/Ego Culture of feeling lack/Fear of Missing out (FOMO)
      Before I go further, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone; you do and share what you want to do on the internet! 
      I'm not judging here! 

      I'm also part of this too! :0


      Hey, my regular SuperListenMode comics lately are usually about one of my personal weaknesses: the struggle with social things. That I want to get better at it because of how isolating it feels at the worse of times. 

      Yet at the same time, I want to avoid and not bother because I've been fatigued & sleepy lately as it is (hence me asking how to stay energised/awake without caffeine...and then realising I do need tea in my life). And the fact that I don't want to come home late at night as a regular thing...I have a bedtime haha :0

      From my perspective, I do these comics to communicate and articulate things I don't really talk about - to social media peeps - since I listen and conserve energy most of the time. I don't want countless real life friends - that's hard to manage! Still I'm figuring out how many small changes I can make in my life while still staying true to myself. Ah friendships. I want them but I don't want to force them...and I'm terribly slow at building trust and bonding with a given person as it is haha

      It's my little outlet and allows me to open up more in a visual way (I already open up here at the blog haha). To talk about my FOMO (fear of missing out - only learned about this term recently), feeling that I lack skills/experiences/friendships/interesting things to share and struggling to find where I fit in. 


      Undoubtedly I've been second guessing each time I post one comic out there. 
      I then strive to reset & keep my expectations low in terms of feedback .____.


      A kind understanding artist friend Kim was right in that I'm careful, protective and afraid...especially when I start seeing people I know, interact with the comics less and less and I don't know what to make of it :( 

      Am I putting my insecurities out there too much? 
      Too honest or even repetitive about things that mean a lot to me? :S

      At the time of making a comic - I am definitely making it for myself and by the time it's out there 1-2 months later (since I space posting it out) I need to push my anticipation and nervousness aside and recall the state of mind I was in back then. I keep reminding myself that comics are not made for other people and I need to be ok with it if people are not interested or are apathetic. It just means they don't connect with it, nothing personal.

      It's out of my control.

      Hey I am truly grateful that there are a small handful of kind friends who still read my comics and support me! Undoubtedly feels validating, ego boosting and supportive. (:

      Consequently through this, I'm showcasing my sense of lack! Plus I also posting art for people to see - just so I can get feedback, encouragement and see what people lean towards more. So I am part of the "internet sharing" group of people - but not everything.



      Sharing in moderation (my opinion)
      I think most people do this accordingly to their own principles and values. (:
      But I reflect and ask myself about it sometimes as follows:


      Why are you sharing? 
      I believe as long as you're sharing with a clear purpose in mind, it's all good.

      As you know for me, I share because I confess: don't really have much social get togethers so this is my default way of connecting with friends and acquaintances .___. 

      Aye it's a mix of my introverted nature, being discontent with my art* and neglecting social life almost all the time. My comfort zone decisions really. 

      Haha hello self loathing (reminding self that I'm not perfect), self inflicted pressure and starting to use tea/coffee sometimes whoaaaa 

      Ah I do strive to stay honest with myself - it feels quite amazing and scary to face fear in the face when able (:

      *Hey every time I finish a piece I am definitely happy with the progress so far and then it resets to zero and forget about it! I focus on improving and on the next thing haha


      How frequent are you sharing?
      Share lots, share sparingly, share sometimes, share photos, share media, share your jokes - whatever works for you. Don't feel like you have to share everything and don't feel like you have to share less either. Again, whatever that works for you. 

      For me: I try to post at least weekly, I share personal things sometimes and I limit how much time I spend on social media. I try to not let the number of comments/likes/followers/friends dictate what I do too much and not see it as a measure of self worth. It's just a number of people connecting with your post (if they saw your post, that is!) in the end. 

      I think whenever I feel like I'm checking social media too much, I pull myself away. .___. Stahp! 


      Is sharing your work actually helping you do better? 
      That's something I frequently ask myself. Sometimes! And sometimes it's just comfort zone art :0 The downside is that sometimes I do too much comfort zone art because people liked the ones in the past. 

      Aye...the temptations of instant gratification and encouragement :(

      But sometimes you need a support boost when you're feeling down.
      So don't guilt yourself like I tend to do haha



      Do you have to share everything? 
      No. So I share the most of it here at my blog because people skim through these if they bothered to look and read haha
      This is my online homeeeee *sings*


      Is what you're sharing actually bringing value to your friends/followers? 
      Sometimes? Maybe? I like to make warm fuzzy art sometimes haha

      In the end, you're sharing something about you. (:


      Are you only talking about yourself or are you also talking/signal boosting others in your posts? 
      I'm selfish so yeah mostly about myself because in person...I don't really do that D: I don't talk about myself. I definitely do "like" other people's posts though. A lot. :D

      It gets conflicting when you want to get better when you see others doing so well (inspiring) but when you get too distracted and feeling bad about yourself in comparison...you know you need to focus on & appreciate what you have firstmost. :0 


      Bash the implied feeling that you're "not enough" when on social media & in person
      As much as I push the feeling aside, it's still there! So turning it into fuel to keep doing my own thing, appreciate the things I have or change things up is what I strive for. I even express that I have this feeling in my comics and in past blog posts because I'm sure others feel the same sometimes. 

      It's always going to be there so I'm not going to pretend that it's "dealt with".

      Plus I deal with it by reframing that everyone else is on a different path than I am and simply copying/chasing what they're doing and blindly pandering to others is pointless. Keep finding lessons to learn from their experiences as well as my own. 

      I keep reminding myself to stop wishing for others to like me and just focus on liking and encouraging myself better (and consequently others) instead. I definitely do want to give up on the desire for validation and instant gratification :S But hey, I'm human who wants to connect with others through her art. 

      Either way, it's all part of the journey of growth and life. 

      Even if there is self doubt and fear. 
      Appreciating the present, self care and being kind to yourself as your own friend. 
      Hah I'm repetitive but I'm trying to remind myself each time. I'm writing this for myself so I'm selfish yo ;)

      I'm definitely one of those artists who pressure themselves...sometimes too much.

      Aye.

      My gut knows that doing the best you can at the time is the way to go.

      Let's keep doing what you believe in! (:

      Let's do this!!




      Side topic...do I have a mission/purpose? 

      What kind of person and artist I'd want to be? What am I right now?

      I don't actually have a specific destination, goal or target - I just want to get better at making characters & visual storytelling. Keep being part of something bigger than myself and be proud of it! Progress! :D


      I'm not even close because I know this is a moving target; everyone else are/have the potential to be better artists than me and are pushing the standards of the industry. I'm not special. There are so many wonderful and better artists out there :0

      Hey when I was a teen, I wished to work for Disney/Pixar/big animation studio like any other starry eyed kid but now I know that it's not a "perfect" place to work in (like any other workplace). Small and close knit teams with creative & business control is what I'm currently leaning to! Currently I'm just keen to keep doing my thing and go with the flow - as long as I'm learning (:

      I'd rather not put a binary win/failure condition if I could help it. There's so many things to learn and I feel behind on things as it is already haha 

      Ultimately it's about what I enjoy doing with a mix of experimentation as I keep learning, evolving and running on this hamster wheel D:

      And then I remember & remind myself the three words I've committed myself to in principle...
      progress, grit and having fun with it is what I'm going for! 

      I want to keep going at it, keep learning, be a better person and do cool things! :D

      Nothing new (as I've rambled about this a bijillion times) but it's wonderful to remind myself in the face of my insecurities really. Each time I do this, I'm more at peace with the present. (:






      The past month: rabblerabble!

      Random Confession: when the hashtag #PokemonGO first started, I saw it all lowercase so I thought it was "poke-mongo" haha

      Anyhoo: I've been pondering about the above and figuring out how to be a better person overall...as usual. I probably wonder too much and should just keep doing the best I can like everyone else is. 

      And I'm restless...what am I doing as an artist?! 

      There was a handful of:


      Newbie Unity GUI Development Learning

      Unity makes it relatively easy for basics: I made panels and different font formats! Buttons, layers and sliders! :0
      Very unique NPC there haha; Speech bubbles and buttons everywhere D:
      UI based TicTacToe
      I mostly copied/pasted the code (I vaguely knew which goes where because I still have bits of Computer Science structure/classes/functions knowledge) so I don't claim credit for making the code/gameplay/look. I did this just so that I could follow along the official Unity tutorial, see the process and get used to how things are positioned. A lot of planning is involved if I were to do it from scratch D:

      It just reminded me why I didn't want to do Computer Science as a career; I studied it as a side subject stream over a span of 2 years :') So much functional, logical, comprehensive, technical problem solving skills are required and it usually goes over my head - I got by through being stubborn, making silly mistakes, copying code from tutorials/help/documentation and repetition until I understood the theory & practice of coding. Simply did the best I could. :0 

      I believed it was possible. And it was because I got generally 80%-90% and later 70-90% for my CompSci & JavaScript units - it's just not fun or easy for me. I didn't really enjoy it as I was forcing myself to learn and as you know, I was doing what I was "expected" at the time - "a secure career" (which I won't go into, as I've done that in my HermitBurpcast of old haha). 
      "Let's try if I could do rough & basic UI art assets!" I thought :(
      Yeah I was hungry for pizza .___.
      Unity GUI Development learning is slow and a huge struggle for me; tutorials helped but had to read/watch it over several times and I still don't 100% get it. :0 It didn't help that some of the tutorials were quite monotonous. Uh...don't ask me to do GUI coding >.<;

      I just wanted to see what's possible in terms of UI art assets :S
      And it seems like it's pretty straightforward with Unity.


      Do I want to make games all by myself? 

      Not really; I'd rather collaborate with others who know what they're doing :D! 
      I'd like to experiment though with ideas! 


      Does this mean I'm not doing anymore Unity tutorials? 
      At least for now; a huge majority of them is focused on coding/structuring/making things in Unity whereas I'm just focused on making art assets.

      I'm leaning too much towards technical coding from here...so I'm stepping away D:

      It's all coming down to making sure I know how to make UI/art assets :0


      How to do that? Well practice continues with Illustrator I suppose! Oh noes!


      Here goes more exploration, frustration and playing around oh dear...!




      Thanks! Keep adventuuuring you!

      That's all for August! Phew :0

      Thanks for your kind company and enjoy a wonderful busy September! :D

      Keep on being awesome too.

      I'm just going to curl into a ball now.
      And focus on the potential positives ahead and take on experiences and challenges as they come (:

      Have this before you go:


      Upgraded "quiet-workaholic-who-forgets-her-surroundings" sign 
      ...at work today hehe 

      It used to be texta scribbled on A5 Maths paper :0
      *waves awkwardly to you*

      Leonie