-->

Friday, November 7, 2014

Y1W41&42 The Misadventuuures of Hermit Derp #GCAP14 #PAXAus

Hey it's been a while.
Leonie's small blog island says hullo! (:

Super Combo Recap meal of a post! 
Brace yourself for two weeks of pushing comfort zones.

    Let's go crazy! Journal Time.

    I hear Derp is very short.
    Maybe this counts as a passable Derp portrait? Perhaps.


    Year 1, Weeks 41 & 42 (22nd Oct to 4th Nov)


      • Projects: finished some character and environment sheets; maybe I can show them someday.
      • Arm, back and shoulder strain self reminder - from my backpack this time!



      • People Drawing, Derp Doodles, Learning: not much unfortunately! 
      Woo accuracy out the window! I drew with my stubby finger and loads of struggle to get it working
      There's a rumour going around that we're all skin, flesh and bones underneath.
      Scribbled bodies based on reference; almost forgot the inbuilt bubbles entirely





      GCAP 2014 Recap


      Where I try to push beyond my hermit-ness. 


      A) Brief catch ups with acquaintances 
      B) Seeing vaguely familar faces
      C) This socialising thing / Wandering & lost 
      Haha you get the idea!

      • Sometimes tagged along with kind, cool folks during interesting talks
      • Played Love Letter (I won a game! What!? Unheard of!)
      • Fancy luncheons and learning
      • To my surprise I met a few new kind friends and people - I didn't want to expect anything so I am grateful (:


      My second GCAP! 

      Ah my mini comic above. Mixed feelings resulted as I struggled with putting myself out there on my own, people coming and going off, being okay with discomfort/awkwardness and getting used to talking about myself. 

      But I'm really glad I did do it on my own. In hindsight, I wouldn't be pushing my comfort zone or do much otherwise. Usually once 3 or more people are in the conversation and unless I do have something purposeful to say, I become engaged as a socially quiet listener and I tend to stay that way or I find myself drifting away so to not become the third wheel. Won't deny I don't have that infamous fraud syndrome hovering and playing a role too.

      I won't claim to be good at it because contrary to most, I don't have plenty of social experience under my belt and each time I want to do something about it, I have to fight/argue for the opportunity to do it but I digress! 
      Let's keep learning. (:

      In the end, the lasting impression I get is that the Australian game development community are inspiring, fierce, resilient fighters and collaborators (as with many others in the creative and entrepreneurial fields). Like last year, I have yet to find out how I fit in but I'm left with a realistic but somewhat hopeful outlook on our industry here. 

      Although it's not new, the resounding message I get is to just keep failing, improving, be kind, stay open minded and respectful. 

      Like any greatly sought after industry, it's saturated and it's terribly tough out there. Forge your own way. One step at a time. You'd eventually get somewhere though it might not be where you'd expect it to be. If you find your true purpose elsewhere that's fine too, as long as you fight for something you believe in. 

      Ultimately the game and the player's experience itself is the most important thing (game design and/or narrative) while art, animation, sound design and mechanics must reinforce and revolve around it.

      As usual, it's a reminder that is both hard, scary and exciting! 



      PAX Australia 2014 Recap


      My second year! Didn't see any panels or theatre events though.

      A) Brief attempt at cosplay
      B) Held up & made signs / Helped people / Tape and lots of tape / Tired arms
      C) Played my first ever game of Magic the Gathering (and got too much help!)
      A) "Stealing" to look up some vidya games (it's what PAX is about!)
      B) People are tall and many / Getting used to socialising part 2
      C) Sneaked in a public gallery visit to rest up and got a slow carousel ride

      • I have a growing collection of lanyards
      • Loads of walking and soreness
      • Felt real good helping out at PAX, more than last year
      • I got cool company when I was exploring sometimes 
      • Familiar faces
      • Wandering continues 
      • Glad creepy things didn't escalate
      • This is all about games themselves really so I played...
        • Armello twice - I died three times even with wonderful help & company!
        • Boy goes to Space - calming game
        • Splatoon! - last place out of all the 8 people there!
        • Super Smash bros WiiU - last place again...I don't train myself at video games!
        • Died in Majestic Nights 
        • Crawl: Just wanted to mention it
        • One More Line - kept going and reached 24 pts
        • Didn't know how to control Wave Wave until later I realised it's not controlled by fast tapping alone; whoops
        • Ninja Pizza Girl
        • Gave up doing 3DS Streetpasses
        • Witch House Game and died fast (I'm good at dying a lot)
        • Swordy 
      • Recovery via resting on the floor or chair - I need loads of quiet alone time to recharge! Emphasizing that it probably takes a lot of my time unlike the impression I'm giving from the highlights I've listed here
      • I didn't get the infamous paxpox this time! YES!

      I feel strange now that this crazy week has ended. I must admit I don't feel the strong "Post PAX depression" like I did after last year's PAXAus 2013. A little sad perhaps!


      I'm landing back to my own isolated blog island for recovery and trying to fit in back to "normal life" and somehow I'm left with a neutral state of mind. Am I feeling part of this community more or am I more distant from it? I can't tell as it feels like a mixture of both in various areas! 

      I do want to belong with great company and support network as I pave my own path. Of course this needs to be organic and takes time, however long it takes. At the moment, I'm never sure where I fit in. Or I can't seem to I fit in. Or do I want to fit in? I do believe it is getting better as a whole however and though it's not many, I truly appreciate the inspiring kind people I've crossed paths with and met thus far in my life. (:

      Aye I digress. Time will tell. 



      Other Adventures: 

      • Games (watching bits or all of it): 
        • Phoenix Wright - Samurai Turnabout and Turnabout Goodbyes
        • Hyrule Warriors 
        • D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die 
        • Alien: Isolation
        • Fatal Frame
        • The Evil Within
        • The Sims 4
        • Rule of Rose
        • The Vanishing of Ethan Carter - SPACE! And cult murders.
        • Dandelion: Wishes brought to you and some endings
        • Dreamfall Chapters Book 1
        • Five Nights at Freddies
        • Super Smash Bros. for Wii U: 50 Must-See Things Trailer; ohhh Mewtwo DLC - I hear so many people wanting him in it and now it is happening after all these years. I'm personally indifferent but I'm happy for people who finally got the character they wanted.
        • White Day
        • Phobia
        • Michigan Report From Hell - erm
        • Luigi's Mansion
        • Galaxy Fight / Waku Waku 7
        • This War of Mine
        • Among the Sleep
        • Clock Tower: The First Fear
        • The Forest
        • Darkwatch
        • Kraven Manor
        • Ju-On The Grudge
        • Ghosthunter
        • Neverending Nightmares
        • Terrordrome / Darkstalkers
        • Splatterhouse


      • Workstation Approach: makeshift standing "desk" report! Weeks 8 & 9! Slow and steady...I actually had swollen, tender feet from standing too long so take caution.
      • Doctor Who Series 8 Episode 8 Mummy on the Orient Express: Enjoyed this one. And the Clara lying thing continues.
      • Doctor Who Season 8, Episode 9: Flatline: Great ride for Doctor Clara and loads of foreshadowing on manipulative commanders 
      • Planning of all kinds
      • ISTJ type? Apparently this is what I am? As much as labels and categories help clarify who we are at the moment, it shouldn't be the definition of our future selves...?
      • Accidental Self injury: sore muscles more than ever due to some grunt work and had to use a mixture of heat and ice to relieve it for a while



      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


      In closing: Let this be biweekly


      After a long think over, I have decided to make my blog updates biweekly from now on as the default. 

      I might post something else every other week but it will be just for brief announcements and short things instead. 

      On one hand, I'll probably become more invisible to the public eye as I'm not that out there on social media/in person as it is, things won't be as immediate anymore, plus my posts will be longer to cater for two weeks of updates at a time (and that tends to scare people seeking quick updates)! I'll probably feel even more isolated and off the radar than before.

      Yet on the other hand, I feel like I need more time for myself. This blog is my internet home and I'm retreating a bit into its turtle shell so to speak. I think biweekly suits me just fine as I keep going at this journey. Here is where the real, infamously introspective action happens!

      I did do my first live tweeting thing though. 
      To me (excluding my blog feed social media posts), tweeting is like throwing things out there you're interested in into the public internet void; maybe someone is catching it. Facebook posts are potentially more close knit and personal with people you know and so I won't post much unless the need arises or I just want to throw something out there to my small pool of friends. 

      That said, I might tweet more but no guarantees. (:




      Reflection for the weeks

      Everything has been focused on learning and doing new things for myself, especially this socialising thing, failing/coming to terms with that and learning more about myself so overall, it's been a good learning experience. 
      Will I do it again? Yes.

      I must in spite of how I struggle and how overwhelming it is sometimes. Since I've pushed my social quota so far, I'm pretty tired and I'm now gathering my bearings back at my isolated hermit cave. Will go at it again when I'm ready!

      Thanks for coming along for the ride thus far!
       



      Sidenote: I actually got "told off" (in a kind, encouraging way) for still assuming people aren't looking at this blog by default. Please excuse my displays of pleasant surprise! Let's say I enjoy rambling to myself here at my blog more than on social media while people are free to listen in. So finding people telling me that they read my blog without being creepy about it - it still and always is a sweet bonus to me. 

      Right now you're here at my quiet, safe, isolated blog island and it's cool whether you want to comment, lurk, skim or hang around or not. 


      See you in two weeks and keep adventuuuring you!  (:


      Leonie