Monday, June 18, 2018

SuperListenMode: Getting Emotionally Ready for Social Situations

SuperListenMode: Getting Emotionally Ready for Social Situations

I have that deadpan tired quiet "I don't care anymore" face when I'm over the limits of my energy. Then I look forward to and embrace that wonderful recovery solitary time haha

Usually I argue that it's not worth going if it's just an hour - I need to stay longer to make the most of the whole thing and transport time or not go at all. On the other hand, I do need some morsels of social time or I risk feeling disconnected, excluded and not valuable to people in general. Bonding with loneliness as a friend for too long isn't great. I've been there countless times.

Definitely a balance of making sure I get naps, breaks, social time, the fact that I can leave and say no if I'm not feeling up to it and trust that kind people will understand. :')

Saturday, June 16, 2018

BurpStickers 2018: CatBlobs and more Collection! Reflecting on the journey

Leonie's small blog island says hullo! (:

It's been a while hey?

    Just some of the Sticker Designs I made for this project! 
    Well the ones I have left to give out anyway...the rest are below ;)

    Oh if you're keen on purchasing these BurpStickers & supporting my work, head over to my RedBubble!
    Though it's not much and I don't expect sales honestly.

    The Social Media Shenanigans [if you missed it]
    LiaSae & AussieBen cats
    MrChad's Aslan the cat
    kindofstrange's Harley the cat
    VerbVirus' Pnin the cat
    TinManNeil's cat
    Gaohmee & Emre's Tank the cat
    Kath's cats & BWHolland's cat
    Polycount, ohyoufox, Pepper cats
    Lucy's cat, Ryan's dog, Ben Bunny
    Scott's, Mel's and Liam's cats
    Scottish fold & Hamster
    Switch Cat, Mighty Games Cat, Hipster Whale Cat [tributes]
    Colours of the Rainbow Cats
    Pride Panda Cat & Love Cat
    Gift Cats for Liam, Kalonica, Kristy and Lauren
    BearCat Me?
    VectorBurpQuest through cats: the Refection!

    Wednesday, June 13, 2018

    SuperListenMode: Floating in Sadness

    SuperListenMode: Floating in Sadness

    Acknowledgement. Being understanding to oneself. There is no shame in being unhappy, lost, trapped, lonely, disappointed, confused, stuck and/or frustrated. 

    Focusing on the root of the problem rather than seeking escapism and distractions for too long. Then comes the process of healing in whichever healthy methods and support that help you...however long it needs with resilience, gratitude, support and love. 

    Of course it's easier said than done and there are no magical answers - you choose, act and forge your own meaning based on what drives you in your core. Hey personally I hope to manage all this, stay focused and become more at peace with the process of being who I am, with feelings.

    Staying kind and true to yourself as you learn and grow. <3

    Just rambling to myself :')

    Monday, June 11, 2018

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 5b

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 5b

    Going off on terrible stereotypes and misconceptions on neuroscience & medication - my apologies for those & my attempt at character improv! It does highlight to me how ignorant I am and how there's so much for me to learn. 

    And then my most embarrassing second role where I couldn't talk in that fake voice any longer and choked talked into a spit fountain in front of the class...

    The teacher reassured me and wiped the floor but gosh I was half stuck standing there and half in shame as the exercise ended there. 
    We pretended that nothing happened. :')

    Acting in voices is really hard. Improv is really hard when it gets deep into becoming people/things you're not, you have no prior knowledge on and you say the most ignorant, silly things which may end up being funny or weird. 

    Yes, it shouldn't matter. Improv is meant to be non judgemental if you're genuinely just being open minded and just doing the best with what you have. But I feel like I'm expressing more silly unhelpful things into the world :')

    I don't know if it's adrenaline, stress or my survival instincts helping me get through these lessons haha    

    Wednesday, June 6, 2018

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 5a

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 5a

    I was terrible at acting but it felt real in my imagination ;)

    Had NO idea what an arrogant barista is like when I know that they're just any other person :0 Had to actively stop being self conscious while other people were embracing it. Then there was making up accusations and responding to them...pretending things I'm not! D: 

    A lot of stopping myself from judging myself & overthinking as usual in this imaginary silly playground of Improv.

    Oh...someone knew I used to be a sad teacher and gave someone else that role to perform. I knew you were put on the spot [I understand] but I know what you did! Hurts as it felt too real. Seeing how someone else would pretend to be an "awkward teacher". It's probably how my own students back then saw me...incompetent and incoherent :')

    Monday, June 4, 2018

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 4b

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 4b

    Taking care not to talk over my scene partner and making sure I take some improv responsibility too! Pretending I know something I don't and blabbing about it is the complete OPPOSITE of me! 

    Apparently I have a sealed and preserved 1930's tram track that caused the crash of 1976 ;P We have a problem hoho

    Both of us are learning to not overthink and just do it and we managed okay - teamwork!! :')

    I was brave enough to ask lots of questions for other people's scenes on possum mating, teleportation, snails and tornadoes. Feeling less inhibited now...warming up to the class generally as a whole a little bit more in that I'll just do my own thing. At least for this lesson. 

    And then there was a time where we all pretended to be fearful chickens.
    And another when I talked about how yoghurt is awesome.
    But that's something else ;)

    Friday, June 1, 2018

    Quick BurpDoodle: O____O at PokemonQuest

    BurpDoodle: O____O #PokemonQuest
    I don't know, I was told it seems like old Pokemon Rumble? Ah well if you enjoy it, have fun! I'm just someone who used to love Pokemon as a kid, I don't play them anymore :')
    Since I do a lot of voxel art for work, I just see where they're being sneaky with the art style ;P

    Wednesday, May 30, 2018

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 4a

    SuperListenMode: Improv Class Episode 4a

    Taking turns to proclaim things to everyone :0
    I think I got too real in class. Whoops. 

    Shoo my slightly watery eyes!

    Note I wasn't trying to get sympathy from the class, just a real thing that first came to mind! 

    Teacher consequently responded, "You *are* special".

    I just said "aww" back with a sad smile and looked at the ground.
    Oh, he's being kind :')

    I'm just a lonely little individual trying to do my best in this huge world.

    Monday, May 28, 2018

    SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Blues Dancing

    SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Blues Dancing

    Was trying out this workshop too - which is a contrast to solo dancing! 

    Slow, intimate partnered dancing. 

    People were generally friendly, talked to some fellow "follows" and talked a bit with "leads"/partners when we first met at the start but then I just went into focused learning mode ;P It helped me getting over the initial discomfort and nervousness though...as I was nervously going alone!  

    Interesting: there's fun playful improv collaborative elements depending on the connection you have with your partner, 
    a lot of working with your partner non verbally with movement [otherwise verbal works], 
    got comfortable not caring if I gave eye contact or not as it's a "you're in tune with your partner and the music" kind of thing 
    and it was a lot of the "lead" creating/inviting/closing space and the "follow" accepting or not accepting it. 

    Insightful how there's so many ways people like to dance - sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't work with a partner and that's completely fine. Most people seemed to be enjoying it a lot from people of many backgrounds!

    I made mistakes and usually I get the chance and get it right in subsequent attempts...but with every new partner change, it's challenging to figure out what the new person wants to do. Not that comfortable with lots of people breathing down on me and sometimes the height difference means I'm awkwardly hugging a shoulder or trying not to get my face slammed into their upper arm/shoulder - not comfortable. :<

    Appreciated partners who smiled with me and went with the flow in the present along with me than those who dominated and kept trying things without much clear anticipated non verbal warning. Consequently we bumped into knees and toes got stepped on as either they went for it or I didn't catch on with their cues...which is fine and normal - you just keep going with the rhythm. There's no "wrong" way to dance as long as both are respectful and having a good time with the music together. 

    Still one time I got lifted into a move because of the height difference, they were forcing it and I collided into them...laughed it off but it didn't feel great. :( Difficult to keep in tune with the music later on as I just kept focusing on figuring the next new person, not bumping into people and learning the next new harder move. 

    I super appreciated Blues Dancing and learned a lot about partnered dancing. I would prefer private classes with one partner and/or partnered with someone I know whom I don't mind close embrace with in the future. Then I can focus on getting in tune with my body's movements, on the one trusted partner and on the music rather than the chaos of group social dynamics. Not worry about learning and adapting everything again with each new person. 

    Or if they're going to force me to move how they move. Eep. :(

    Getting *that* physically intimately close with lots of partners who are strangers with different individual motives and rhythms [introvert overload!!], 
    and not feeling like I'm in control and stuck in following/mirroring mode [even when you shouldn't be!]. I wasn't really in tune with a lot of people there. 

    Let's say I felt mixed afterwards as there were good intimate fleeting moments and uncomfortable awkward or painful ones. Afterwards I didn't feel like I had fun [pretended I did when I was asked as I was still figuring out my thoughts], I didn't get to know anybody and so I felt more isolated and disconnected than ever. I realised that social Blues dancing isn't for me right now. :')

    Gosh afterwards I still felt the pressure on my back due to some partners being forceful, dominating and decisive with their direction, pushing/dragging me where they wanted me to go while I struggled to keep up...I won't miss that part! Or my feet starting to blister. :0

    But hey. Stressing I learned about and enjoyed the rare moments of just hugging someone you trust, dancing slowly with the sensual music and going with the flow without caring about technique accuracy or other people. It's a magical, special experience when you and your dance partner are on the *same* wavelength. <3

    Wednesday, May 23, 2018

    SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Solo Jazz/Charleston

    SuperListenMode: 1st time learning Solo Jazz/Charleston

    Was super nervous at my first dance class several months ago. Usually I was avoiding eye contact when we were doing partnered dancing as I was super focused on learning, remembering all the different new moves, trying out moves and getting my own rhythm instead. Sweet music to get lost into & enjoyed being able to do solo moves, do what I want and own my mistakes without affecting anyone else that much. 

    It was a super workout in the end when we finished at music with 200 beats a minute tempo whoa! :0 

    I learned to just enjoy dancing by myself, 
    dance along with someone else while we have our own respective moves, 
    switching partners all the time [it took away the social pressure], 
    the joys of wavy flailing arms, 
    expressing how I interpret the music 
    and letting go of being self conscious about what my body is doing or how silly I may look. :')